Diana the Valkyrie

Diana the Valkyrie's Newsletter - May 1999

A hard man is good to beat

April

April is the month that the trees put on their petticoats, and we all think about Spring. We had a blizzard on April 13th. The bluebells looked quite blue about it, but then the sun came out and all was forgiven.

Listen with Diana the Valkyrie

The big news this month, is Listen with Diana the Valkyrie. This consists of stories read out loud to you by a sexy Valkyrie; the effect is pretty much as if she was lying in bed next to you murmuring in your ear. All you have to do, is click on the story and close your eyes.

I've put the stories up using RealAudio (which is the best way, I think), but also as MP3 (this is all the rage for music, so a lot of people might have players). And for people who don't have anything else, I've put them up as MPG files, so if you can play movies, you'll be able to play these. WebTVers can play too!

You can try out the sound snippets to check that your system can play them, and to see the quality of the sound (and the sexiness of the Valkyrie reading to you). Once you're satisfied that it's all working, send me an email, and I'll upgrade your membership to include Audio (it costs an extra $5/month).

All the same stories are still available for free in the Library, and you can read them yourself. This means that you can choose which stories to listen to, although that extra $5/month gives you unlimited access to all the stories that are in Listen with Diana the Valkyrie. When you think about people paying a few dollars per minute to call voice phone lines, $5/month sounds rather good!

At first, I'll have all the Audio in one place. Later, I'll sort things out according to author, so the audio versions of the stories will appear in the author's Bookshelves.

If you're an author and your stories aren't being included in this, then email me and I'll start adding them to the list (but don't expect them all at once, because there's a limitation on how many stories one can read per day).

I've not heard of anyone else doing anything like this on the internet; if you do know of anything similar, let me know, and I'll start doing links.

New and updated Galleries

The Library

I finally gave myself my own bookshelf. This is because I re-organised things somewhat on account of the new Listen with Diana the Valkyrie.

The Movie Theatre

This is a complete list of all the video clips available on the web site that were posted in the last thirty days. This index is recreated daily. In the small hours of the morning (while you're tucked up nice and safe in your bed) a Valkyrie looks at every movie on the web site and lists them. Of course, any alteration to a file will change its date, so some of them might be re-uploads of an old clip.

The files are sorted with the most recent at the top.

DescriptionTypeWidth Heightmin:secfpsSoundKBDate
Janet Marchi pulling against an airplane mpg35228803:0025Yes 2310129/Apr/99
Reggie Bennett vs Lady X, part 5 mpg35224000:5030Yes 612829/Apr/99
Betty Biceps avi32024000:0512No 25728/Apr/99
Lisa Legs avi32024000:0412No 8028/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 15 mpg35228801:0025Yes 764128/Apr/99
Paloma wrestling, part 8 mpg17614404:5725Yes 1407328/Apr/99
Bodybuilder, posing mpg35228801:3425Yes 1136028/Apr/99
From tape 17. Bodybuilder Christy with the huge biceps lifting Mark, Jessae lifting Jeff mpg17613201:0025Yes 360927/Apr/99
Janet Marchi bends an iron bar mpg35228801:1525Yes 970226/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 8 mpg35228801:0025Yes 763926/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 14 mpg35228801:0025Yes 774525/Apr/99
Team America 1 vs Team America 2, part 4 mpg35224001:0030Yes 722825/Apr/99
Bodybuilder, posing mpg35228801:0025Yes 722525/Apr/99
From tape 17. Bodybuilder Christy with the huge biceps lifting Mark, Jessae lifting Jeff mpg17613201:0025Yes 360924/Apr/99
Nicole Bass in the 13th Century, part 17 mpg35228801:0025Yes 723224/Apr/99
Armwrestling mpg35228800:4825Yes 622123/Apr/99
Super butt mpg35224000:0830Yes 126123/Apr/99
Sheila V, Naked In A Graveyard, long version mpg35224002:3230Yes 1980622/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 7 mpg35228801:0025Yes 763722/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 13 mpg35228801:0025Yes 764122/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 7 mpg35228800:0125Yes 382822/Apr/99
Reggie Bennett vs Lady X, part 4 mpg35224001:0030Yes 723222/Apr/99
Muscle Beach, part 5 mpg35224000:5625Yes 727622/Apr/99
Fitness competitor mpg35228801:0525Yes 790422/Apr/99
From tape 17. Bodybuilder Christy with the huge biceps lifting Mark, Jessae lifting Jeff mpg17613201:0025Yes 360921/Apr/99
Paloma wrestling, part 7 mpg17614404:5825Yes 1407321/Apr/99
Armwrestling mpg35228800:4625Yes 956620/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 12 mpg35228801:0025Yes 768519/Apr/99
Fitness competitor mpg35228800:4925Yes 590019/Apr/99
Muscle growth mpg32024000:0130No 13218/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 6 mpg35228801:0025Yes 779918/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 6 mpg35228800:0125Yes 166318/Apr/99
From tape 17. Bodybuilder Christy with the huge biceps lifting Mark, Jessae lifting Jeff mpg17613201:0025Yes 360918/Apr/99
Team America 1 vs Team America 2, part 3 mpg35224001:0030Yes 722718/Apr/99
Weightlifting mpg35228800:4625Yes 599017/Apr/99
Nicole Bass in the 13th Century, part 16 mpg35228801:0025Yes 723117/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 11 mpg35228801:0025Yes 768316/Apr/99
Maria Calo mpg35228800:5725Yes 692616/Apr/99
Tallgoddess crushing a man's head mpg35228800:5425Yes 695815/Apr/99
From tape 16. Jeff is lifted and carried by each of two women mpg17613201:0925Yes 418515/Apr/99
Reggie Bennett vs Lady X, part 3 mpg35224001:0030Yes 723215/Apr/99
Weightlifting mpg35228800:5625Yes 717614/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 5 mpg35228801:0025Yes 775314/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 5 mpg35228800:0125Yes 119614/Apr/99
Paloma wrestling, part 6 mpg17614404:5825Yes 1410014/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 10 mpg35228801:0025Yes 764713/Apr/99
Amelia Hernandes mpg35228800:2425Yes 292513/Apr/99
From tape 16. Jeff is lifted and carried by each of two women mpg17613201:0025Yes 360912/Apr/99
Weightlifting mpg35228800:1025Yes 135611/Apr/99
She carries him mpg35228800:0425Yes 78411/Apr/99
Team America 1 vs Team America 2, part 2 mpg35224001:0030Yes 722811/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 4 mpg35228801:0025Yes 763910/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 9 mpg35228801:0025Yes 780910/Apr/99
Office Politics; Tina vs Dawn, part 1 mpg17614407:2625Yes 2210710/Apr/99
Office Politics; Tina vs Dawn, part 2 mpg17614407:2325Yes 2197310/Apr/99
Office Politics; Tina vs Dawn, part 3 mpg17614407:2925Yes 2208710/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 4 mpg35228800:0125Yes 127810/Apr/99
Nicole Bass in the 13th Century, part 15 mpg35228801:0025Yes 723210/Apr/99
Fitness competitor, posing mpg35228800:4525Yes 544110/Apr/99
From tape 16. Jeff is lifted and carried by each of two women mpg17613201:0025Yes 361509/Apr/99
Lift-and-carry mpg35228800:1325Yes 168608/Apr/99
She carries him mpg35228800:0825Yes 135208/Apr/99
She carries him mpg35228800:1325Yes 220008/Apr/99
Reggie Bennett vs Lady X, part 2 mpg35224001:0030Yes 723208/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 8 mpg35228801:0025Yes 779707/Apr/99
Paloma wrestling, part 5 mpg17614404:5825Yes 1407307/Apr/99
Jazzmon Radford mpg35228801:2025Yes 973107/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 3 mpg35228801:0025Yes 767706/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 3 mpg35228800:0125Yes 162106/Apr/99
She carries him mpg35228800:1925Yes 320406/Apr/99
From tape 16. Jeff is lifted and carried by each of two women mpg17613201:0025Yes 361506/Apr/99
Misty Blue Simms and Heidi Lee Morgan vs The Glamour Girls, part 10 mpg35224001:0030Yes 723206/Apr/99
Muscle Beach, part 4 mpg35224001:0225Yes 801306/Apr/99
Lift-and-carry mpg35228800:5925Yes 763705/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 7 mpg35228801:0025Yes 768504/Apr/99
Team America 1 vs Team America 2, part 1 mpg35224001:0030Yes 722804/Apr/99
Joy Adams mpg35228800:2525Yes 307004/Apr/99
From tape 16. Jeff is lifted and carried by each of two women mpg17613201:0025Yes 361503/Apr/99
Heidi Lee Morgan vs Susan Sexton, part 9 mpg35224000:3030Yes 340803/Apr/99
Nicole Bass in the 13th Century, part 14 mpg35228801:0025Yes 723203/Apr/99
Lift-and-carry mpg35228801:0025Yes 774502/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 2 mpg35228801:0025Yes 775902/Apr/99
Thea Bennington, part 2 mpg35228800:0125Yes 173602/Apr/99
Walkertown girls mpg32024000:1130Yes 168101/Apr/99
Sheila training, part 6 mpg35228801:0025Yes 779701/Apr/99
Reggie Bennett vs Lady X, part 1 mpg35224001:0030Yes 723201/Apr/99
Lynne mpg35228800:3925Yes 476101/Apr/99
Walkertown girls mpg32024000:1230Yes 180631/Mar/99
Paloma posing and wrestling, part 4 mpg17614405:0125Yes 1420731/Mar/99

A total of 89 movies

Newsgroups - NewsThumbs

Hurrah! I finally got Mary into action, taking over from Greta. Mary has over 100 gigabytes of space, and by the end of April, there was already 836,000 pictures built up over the past. It'll be a million soon!

The Shopping Mall

The Clubhouse

Violet has a Message Board "It's all in the mind". And there's a message board for discussions about the new Audio area; questions, answers, suggestions and ideas.

I've also made Diana the Valkyrie's Chess Cafe, a place you can go to play chess, while everyone else kibitzes. This was in response to a game of chess that had already started on Violet's Message Board, and a cry for help because people couldn't find their chess board.

With this, each move is recorded by the server, and after you've input your move, your opponent is emailed to tell her that it's her turn.

Everyone else can kibitz, but only the two players can actually move the pieces, of course.

In the Chatroom

Lots of new faces this month; AbGrrl, Violet and Fitness Girl and a vast number of others. Warning - what follows was written by Tex; he's also responsible for the explosion of font sizes, colours and styles.

COFFEE LOUNGE TATTLER

May 1999

Spring...renewal...explosions of green...growth...life awakens after long winter slumbers...Spring brought transformation to Diana's Coffee Lounge (DCL)...New chatters burst onto the scene with a cacophony of new voices and a plethora of new ideas...nic2800...Gomez Addams...Scan...MeLuvStrongwomen...Jim...Denny K...David...George Bush, Jr...Brand new concepts sprouted and took wing...tax-relief for schmoos...refurbishing the DCL to make it CHAT-ORDER BRIDE CENTRAL... but the most significant April DCL event was the...

INVASION OF THE DISTAFF CHATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right! The once male-dominated DCL has been blessed with the soft, sensual, compassionate ways of the so-called weaker sex...Athena, JK, Cyrstal, Fitness Girl, AbGrrl, Violet, Red Vicky, MizL, herHugeness..and more have graced us with their presence!! Though FBBs looking for "bidness" have visited the DCL for some time, never in this schmoo-reporter's experience has there been so many lovely lasses talkin' wit da schmoos! And ladies draw men to our little cyber-haven like "stink on sh*t!" Let the engorging begin!

Being "the new kid on the block" is not always easy. Case in point: Fitness Girl burst into the DCL this month, but her appearance was not without controversy. Fortunately, the DCL has a first line of defense against imposters--the one and only Fistman! Our budding attorney, striving for truth and justice, used a series of incisive questions to raise a reasonable doubt that Fitness Girl was the one and only Big Girl. Using his keen legally-trained intellect, Fistman concluded further that Fitness Girl and Big Girl were lesbian lovers! (4-5-99,1:45PM, ClepsyTime). Perry Mason eat yer heart out! But other veteran chatters believe the "Fistman-Maginot Line" may not be necessary:

wb270 - let's face it, about half the new women are cons

TomNine - There is a difference between being conned and playing along. (4-5-99, 11:50PM ClepsyTime)

As any woman will tell ya, sometimes it's hard for men to fully understand and respect a woman--unless, of course, she kicks his ass! Case in point: One of our new male chatters, who has the distinct pleasure of having a fit, muscular significant other, refers to his lady as "your bitchness". Other than inferences of royal blood, this moniker usually connotes disrespect, though this reporter acknowledges that lover's pet names can be vicious without malicious intent. However, TomNine' and Scan's response to this situation mirrors mine:

Chatter X: Tom: He sometimes calls me your bitchness, no big deal....

TomNine - CX has an acceptible context for being called a bitch? What a woman!

Scan - Call a woman a bitch and she'll prove you right...(4-21-99, 11:45PM ClepsyTime) Oh well, growing pains...

Regardless of the difficulties encountered by ladies in the DCL, in general new and old chatters alike are ecstatic that "da ladies" have joined in on the fun--including yours truly. Let's face it, DCL chatters are drawn there by a discrete fascination regarding the ladies of their dreams. We enjoy the witty reparte, the intellectual discussions, and general fellowship and comraderie, but being able to verbally snuggle up to a lady you've dreamed about for years is the pentultimate attraction to the DCL. And we want to know everything about them. Height, weight, muscle size, weights lifted, etc.--we can't get enough! Case in point: this sometimes-overly-enthusiastic Texan loves to inquire about scuffles ladies of strength have been a part of in the past. So, when I saw AbGrrl in the DCL one early morning, I just hadta ask: AbGrrl - Well Tex, I don't wrestle (tough luck, boyo) but I did once get involved in - well, I guess you could call it a bar brawl. Me and some friends were drinking (I must confess to the occasional cider when I'm not training too hard) and a hen night staggered into the pub... I really don't know what started things off, but the first thing I knew was a huge noise behind me. I turned, there was a table upside down and a sea of legs... then someone grabbed my leg. AbGrrl, she doesn't like that, so she kicked... and it all got kinda silly! This was last August; I still have the bite-marks! (4-22-99, 7:30AM, ClepsyTime)

YAHOOOOOOOOO! Is my enthusiasm intrusive, crass, insensitive? Lemme know via email at TexBB@aol.com. I'll discuss the responses in the next installment of the TATTLER...

Speaking of ladies who visit the DCL, her some words from the Goddess' mouth...

Thus Spake Athena

Coming to Diana's is like slipping on a pair of your oldest blue jeans. Finally a place where bigness, strength and athleticism are rewarded! Not just rewarded but worshipped!!! Speaking of femuscle worship schmoos here can be a trifle overwhelming, especially to new women. Here's some schmoo advice: when new gals get to the chatroom GIVE THEM A BREAK! Unless they're a FBB 'o course! Askin' for stats, weights, etc. in the chatroom and launching a blitzkreig of pm's could run a big, muscular girl off! Give 'em a chance to know ya: for to know ya is to love ya. I know I certainly love and appreciate everyone here…well almost…:)

ATHENA

Before I move on to other fun 'n' games in the chatroom, I would like to share this quote from our esteemed, benevolent despot regarding the influx of distaff chatters:

Diana the Valkyrie - It's the honeypot theory. Put down a honeypot, and pretty soon you'll find there's bears swarming around.

Diana the Valkyrie - This is one of the few chatrooms on the internet where people mostly behave like people (4-25-99, 11AM ClepsyTime)

Schmoos=Winnie the Poohs? Well, at least we're people....:-0

PIMPIN' SENSUAL TAX SHELTERS

Though it has been difficult in the DCL to see anything other than female beauty, April is a muy importante month for Americans.IRS...taxes...deductions...extensions... The fourth month means time to pay "Uncle Sam" his annual tribute. It is also the time that planning and good use of loopholes created by the powers-at-be come to fruition. In attempt to develop a schmoo-specific tax benefit, Grog, Richard, and good ol' Tex came up with the following draft:

A licensed mental health worker conducts a "session" with a FBB and his schmoo-client in order to address psychopathology. An appropriate diagnosis is given to the client and the insurance robber-barons will remiburse the licensed mental worker for the service rendered. Further, the schmoo-client gets to deduct the expense, given he has submitted to a sufficent therapy regimen to itemize. The shrink gets paid, the FBB gets paid, and the schmoo-client gets a tax deduction. Perfect. :-)(4-11-99, 10:20AM ClepsyTime)

Given the fact that George Bush, Jr., odds-on-favorite to win the American Presidential elections in 2000, paid the DCL a visit (4-23-99, 7:53AM ClepsyTime), perhaps this tax shelter can become a reality!

Apart from tax reform, DCL chatters have developed a new revenue source for our mighty benevolent capitalist despot. It all started when for a brief moment JoanneK, the gorgeous-but-hard veteran chatter, became unengaged to her soulmate, Joanne Fan (4-11-99, 5:15PM ClepsyTime). Within seconds, horny male chatters bombarded the lovely Ms. K with matrimonial proposals. The lusty wave of Schmoo-Grooms-to-be was so overwhelming Diana was forced to set up a database capable of handling 100,000 entries. With a rush of capitalistic spirit, your truly decided to try and assist the grieving yet beautiful hardbody... Divorced Tex - JK, can I help you devise a screening process for your suitors?... Unengaged Joanne - Sure, Tex. What do you suggest?... Divorced Tex - Let's see...money, genital length and girth... Unengaged Joanne - LOL, Tex!!!! Diana the Valkyrie - And diameter Divorced Tex - Sexual experience, love for femuscle... Divorced Tex - Brains are optional... Unengaged Joanne - Rich does not equal happiness... Diana the Valkyrie - Brains are crucial if you want to survive... Diana the Valkyrie - Actually, I meant brains in the man are crucial Divorced Tex - I thought we covered brains in the "genital length and diameter" category....

Presto! CyberSchmoo-Order-Brides @ Diana the Valkyrie.com WHERE ARE THEY NOW? A wise philosopher suggested I utilize my "connections" to draw a bead on chatters who have seemingly disappeared from the DCL. Since all those Greek-type thankers 'as usually got thar sh*t together, I thot I'd dooit!...

SHHHH! Rumor has it RagingBullwinkle shared his 'roids with Natasha...the beefed up N-girl kicked Boris out of her life for good and shacked up with RB...they especially enjoy shaving each other while Fearless Leader watches...Rumor has it Natasha flogged off half the 'roids on the Ukrainian black market. They ended up in the hands of Dennis from Dnepropetrovsk. Then somehow they ended up in his girlfriend's borsch and the relationship has blossomed...

SHHHH! Rumor has it that Boomer was permanently disabled by Lisa Houston in only his second session...When he expressed his disappointment at her lack of muscularity she got one her real wrasslers to take care of the Boom-Man...The next day he learned Katie Couric had come by his house while he was "in session"...Further rumor says Boomer was arrested for trying to get new celeb Monica Lewinsky to flex for a picture (his lawyer (Mr F.Man) brought up a point of law on the definition of "flex")...

SHHHH! Rumor has it WarriorPoet is creating a website to swallow Diana the Valkyrie.com whole...He's recruiting ostracized Goth-nerds as consultants...They relate well, but the Goth-boys make WP put his underwear on when he sits at the computer...

Let's hope they all return to the fold soon. Any news of these or other ex chat room identities can be forwarded to the editor.

CHATTERS HALL OF FAME

The following chatroom regulars have gone on to cyber-greatness....They went from mere DCL regulars to CYBER-MOGULS!!!!!!!Check out their websites...

Winsock Venus: Beauty of Femuscle

Armfan armfans picture page - armwrestling, celebs, ...

Fistman Oriole99 Tre' Welcome To Femsport Magazine

In closing, let me give y'all a heads up on a project Dr. Sigmund Biceps is workin' on. He's developing an instrument to help unravel the mysteries of schmoo-origins...Is it genetic...environmental...blind luck? Look for it soon at the ultimate cyber-land=Diana the Valkyrie!!!!!!!!!If you have ideas, theories, etc that may further Dr. Biceps' work, send them to me @TexBB@aol.com

Adios 'til June,

Texas B. Biceps

Colette's back, and so is Remi, so I've re-opened their boards. But I took down the boxing board, there hadn't been any posts for several weeks, so I counted it out.

Other news from the Message Boards

ThighGuy and Youlysses are proposing a database of video reviews; I'm supporting this with a message board, and I'll put up a form for people to fill in, and ultimately host the database.

Scooby has started up the hunt for another video; "Schoolgirls beat and rape men", a gem from Japan.

Mavis keeps a running total of who are the most frequent posters, and which message boards are most used. This figure is reset to zero each month, and you can see past figures in the web site newsletter.

She only keeps tabs on members. Non-members posts are also welcomed, of course, but since Mavis doesn't know who is posting, she can't include them in the tally.

Message board of the month       

Board

Posts

scooby142
lift83
tvmovies73
tomnine67
biceps60
violet58
fistman55
burgess49
videos42
diana37
Scooby takes the dog-biscuit once more!

Message poster of the month

Member

Posts

steamer70
Diana the Valkyrie57
mookster55
TomNine47
remi45
scooby44
Youlysses42
steve66642
big20035
mike196533
Steamer is the winner here, with no-one else even close.

Sponsorships

There's been some discussion on the sponsorship area, on the question of should I drop the part that says that sponsors mustn't be taking any illegal drugs. I find it hard to sympathise with the case for dropping that requirement.

Back Page

This month I put a lot of effort into the Audio area, which you can now see. I'm hoping that, if it's popular, it'll grow, and I'll get more people offering to read stories.

I checked the site statistics. that Sandra counts up each night. At the end of April 1999, there were about 158,000 pictures (7.1 gigabytes), 9.8 gigabytes of video, 2900 text files (mostly stories) and a total of about seventeen gigabytes. In addition, there's NewsThumbs, which is another 836,000 pictures in 66 gigabytes and 1,167,000 text files, a total of 70 gigabytes.

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