Crawfish Johnny Meets the LadyFlex Express By Forrest Curran This is the original, un-edited version of the poem that appeared in a recent "All-Amazon" issue of L-H Art. It tells the tale of what can happen when you get involved with a most-muscular Lady Basketball Team. The Lady Barbara had a nerve to march into his office; Heck, he was once a player for the Cincinnati Crawfish! But a bulging bustline caught his eye, & legs to build a dream on. "Think you're good, pal? How 'bout a chance, a deal to bet a team on?" The winner gets the money, the world will call them heroes!" And then she flashed a contract--the prize was full of zeros! Next day, around noontime, the Greyhound hit the brakes! She marched towards them, big as life. He did twenty double-takes! The lady was a giant, the biggest ever seen. With muscles huge and rippling (like in his secret magazines!) "Rhonda, this is Johnny. He's the big boss of the team... ...Rhonda's eyes bore down upon him with a look as hot as steam... Stripping off her sweater there came quiet exclamations... "Her breasts are monumental. Those muscles could rule nations!" "My name's Rhonda, baby." She took his hand in hers. "But I'm gonna call you 'lover boy'--no john's or jay's or sir's." She nearly broke his hand, but all he saw were her striations. Her musculature inflated, full of veiny complications. The ladies were gigantic, but all business to be sure. He offered them a compulsory gymniastic tour. But they invaded all their sweat-works, and pumped iron 'til they bled. Male teammates watched in silence, 'til one piped, "I think we're dead!" When they arrived at her hotel, she quick-stripped off her coat swept him up with massive arms, and jammed her tongue straight down his throat! "When I decide to fuck a guy, I like to use seduction Though more than once I have relied on raping and abduction! You dig my bod, of that I'm sure, tonight you are in luck. You don't pack much but I don't care. Tonight I'll muscle-fuck you! First she made him kiss and lick all her body's secret places and when her cunt inhaled his dick, he made zombie-sex-trance faces... LadyMuscle make you swoonish? or weak, or shy, or dumb? It would, my friend, if you, like he, were on your seventh cum! Her massive beauty rule the night; the world would not believe how she made that man her living slave.... ....'til she said "I think I'll leave now." A lady's work is never done, though he's passed her standard sex test. ...A cum-stained Midnight Flex-and-Pose and next day... ....Another contest!!! It wasn't much a challenge these girls do what they please to and what their muscle could not do they simply turned their knees to! The game played on but nothing changed; the women gave no quarter. Gigantic biceps made men turn to lambs led straight to slaughter! For the ladies played a spike-heel game of muscle, boob, and bully. By halftime, Crawfish pride was gone; male egos deflate fully! The crowd came 'round, began to cheer this Amazonian faction. They loved the Domination Plays, and vicious hard-punch action! Fat wives noticed husbands grin, at home they'd scold and fuss. For hubby had a secret love -- MuscleGirls victorious! One-oh-four to zero didn't really tell the score... for the men could not imagine how they'd get up off the floor! The LadyFlexers burned them, they'd taken every dime. They carried Barbara to the lockers-- 'cause now it's Naked Time! Fortune and men's minds 'oft turn to thoughts of cash and power. But oh! What deeds do you suppose take place in ladies' showers? "Who was nude? And who'd do what?" They'd think and they would query But the answers did not satisfy. Mental images were bleary! The drunken orgy was demonic--a scene from William Peter Blatty: Standing watch--and very quiet--were those boys from Cincinnatti. Defeated eyes were unbelieving-- "Oh, those flexing, sexing, boozers!" One hardbod ma'amoiselle looked up and said, "Hello, you little losers!" 'Did your mammas never tell you back when you were choirboys that it's not nice to ogle ladies like some dirty voyeur, boys?" 'Round they came and kicked the door down--taking out the point guard, too-- "Let's see those cocks, now, like good lads. We're sex-domesticatin' you! Just by chance you'll one day hear how sweet 'tis pussy soaked in beer; And a lick upon a calve of steel can make a tasty muscle meal! And so the girls amused themselves on flesh of boy and girl to humiliate and dominate, be they king or queen or earl. Touched what they want, and make it squirt, like pirate queen's a'plunder. Their bodies' awesome architecture roared like silent thunder. Her name was Ann-Marie-- she barely wore her dress. "Let's go upstairs," she told a guy, "and I'll wear even less." "Say, Ann-Marie, oh, golly gee," her fellow told her true. "I've been waiting all my life for a big strong girl like you." Barbara did a tango full of smoke and sweat and flex with Big Maria Silversteel with whom she'd soon have sex. "Patience, patience, ladies," Abby moaned amidst the hue. "There's cunt for one, and tits for two; soon I'll be fucking you!" Jean & Jen had made their choice; five men that they would borrow. Jen used rope and threats and dope; Jean was named for Harlow. That Jen was tough, her touch so rough one man just sobbed in sorrow. Jean said, "If these fellas aren't schmos, they will be by tomorrow!" And so the ladies have their fun, and bestow some carnal glory. Tomorrow morn, with jokes and scorn, they'd tell their friends the story! MuscleWorship must come first. One fellows knees a'buckled; One guy got spayed, another prayed, two others gently suckled. Rhonda came to bed a-pumped, full of steroid, sneer and sex; and made her muscles extra-big with a super-ultra flex. "No love just yet," she told her beau, "this dildo's Weapon X. I make my Queendom quite secure with frequent asshole-checks!" By morn the lovers part until a later date. Rhonda takes him in her arms; her kiss is hard as hate. "I'll be back, but just for now, it's men and sex and sports. There's money to be taken upon those roundball courts. 'Say your prayers," his heartthrob tells, "and don't you stay out late... Here's a naked picture of me flexing for you to masturbate." By season's end the LadyFlexers had joined the very rich. But brawny, horny, Rhonda Crumb had become one lovesick bitch! To the Dark Side Church of Chains and Smoke she took her crew is tow to see the Bonding of Her Muscle to her faithful sex-slave schmo. "Promise thou to worship, and attend her every twitch?" "Sure he does," a bridesmaid said, sitting there in just a stitch. "Then take him, rape him, let your big bod dominate him; show him who's the boss in bed. For you're Queen and Toy, not girl and boy, and now, dear friends, you're wed!" The Rules of Rhonda's Household really aren't very hard Her husband does the housework. Hey, she's the sister of a God! And to the laundry he must see, and clean the bed spread covers and wash the stains that Rhonda makes when pleasuring her lovers. She can make his day with a big hot flex and a momentary flirt, then bade him clean the carpets in a micro-miniskirt! But he does not balk, does not complain, it isn't worth the tussle. For waiting in his bed each night's 8 feet of she-hunk muscle! We leave the tale right where we should --looks like he's in distress-- for Rhonda makes him earn his evening's fun of "Sex-'n-Flex." Tonight she sips a Mai-Tai as he licks and genuflects, her huge physique's a gilded prize he meekly will inspect. Fade to black, we're growing tired of rhyming things with "X"; That's the Day that Crawfish Johnny Met the LadyFlex Express! The End