How I became Sapphic  # 33 
By Viac



© 2004

The one question which seems to keep coming up when people find out I'm a
Lesbian, is -- --

"How did you ever get into that?"

I am, 32, 5' 11", 6' 1" in heels, and about 140 pounds - blonde, have pale
green eyes, and a body shaped by years of hard Martial Arts.

(Okay for you guys - only - 36 - 30 - 34 - Martial Arts does develop your
upper body.)

Attractive?

I guess - from the way guys come on to me, not knowing my life's status -

In a bikini, - I have been told I am drop dead beautiful.

I have a college degree, and work as a computer management specialist. - I am
an executive, of a small firm, now.

My answer is not for the whole, GLBC, it is my own personal journey - and
experience. Most of the GLBC - (Gay - Lesbian - Bi - Community) that I have
spoken to over the years have had a similar story and experience. For those of
you with whom I have spoken - here is your voice.

Thank you for letting me speak for you!

For the rest of society - listen to me - I am not a monster.

I am not some sex crazed whore - nor am I something to be pitied!

My feelings come out of your stupid societal views.... on sex, reproduction,
and your ideas -

This is my life - as I have to live it - not as you wish me to - as I choose
to, as a woman!

Stop your preaching - I loathe your paternalistic, monotheistic, degrading way
you treat women!

As a young girl of 12, I started my period, and puberty - like any other girl
- scared - confused - my first mess - and nobody, even mom, wouldn't say, or
do much to help me.

It was too personal of an issue for most mom's to even talk about - outside of
the most broad terms. They just figured that nobody had a chat with them about
personal hygene, and they figured it out, and so will you!

Sorry, but that leads to us girls talking.

Misinformation, a lot of hoo doo - and God knows what else the young think of
- all went into the "lore of the rag".

Pads!

I hated pads. -

Leaks - smell - mess - all right there, everytime I had to pee.

I hated being a woman at this stage of my life.

Psychologists call this stage of a girls life "Penis Envy".

It might start a bit earlier - and pass, but when you first start into puberty
- you really wish you were a guy, and didn't have to put up with this!

You put up with it, and with the stupid health classes - which gave no real
solid information, and then about the age of 14, I discovered tampons.

That hurt like hell when I first inserted the thing into me - but - from what
my girls friends were saying - it would be cleaner.

It was.

I had ruptured my hymen when I used it for the first time - too young I guess
- but by then, I just didn't care - I just wanted the mess in my panties to
stop.

About this time, your body starts to really develop - breasts, which up to
now, were small and growing, and a bit of an embarassement - now are coming to
full flower, and you have finally found a way to deal with your friend's
visit.

(For you guys - Cher's and mine are both about 2" + - "B"'s - Okay? Don't
write and ask me - MEN!!!)

You finally stop being a child, and are now a young woman.

The body adds fat to the right places giving you the curves which show off
your "charms" and all the rest.

This brings unwanted attention from boys, who are now well into their final
stages of puberty, and have become men.

Well sort of -

Their hormones are pushing them for their ultimate reason for being - bringing
new life into the world, by spreading their genes, through a woman.

Society does not want young women to bear at this stage of their life for a
good reason.

The growth and development of their bodies is not complete, and the bones have
not set - the biggest one - the pelvis is not large enough at this stage to
punch a baby out through the vaginal opening, through the pubic bones. Her
"ring" is not large enough. A lot of teens end up having a "C" section to get
the child out because of this - or - it's a long struggle.

This is why so many women died in child birth -

Medicine was not advanced enough to perform "C" sections, ages ago, and she
died trying to blow the plug of a child out of an opening which was too small.
Post partum bleeding was another problem - complicated by the lack of
information about the whole process, of expelling the placenta after giving
birth.

Sometimes she bled to death.

As a mid teen, you do become aware of your body, and start to show it off.
This is just nature - and you enjoy it, and unfortunately so do boys.

Boys, on their part, need a good talking to.

That first tentitive grope of a woman - it sets off things within them which
they do not understand.

Girls, now find that if they want a boy friend, have to "give" something to
keep him - it's a bad choice and a trade off.

About this time, in High School, things are heating up in that explosive
mixture at school.

Hormones and femerones are flowing through the air.

Boys are responding to the hidden signals girls give off that they are
receptive - when in fact they are not - but sex, and it's natural drive, and
scents say other wise.

Boys are pushing to become MEN - and men do one thing which BOYS do not - have
sex with a woman.

This leads to the problem of teen pregnancy. Big time.

The Girls are scared - and frightened - both by the parents over the baby
issue - and the fact that abstaining from sex is their only recourse, because,
if they, the parents, say or do anything else - it might send a signal to the
girl, that sex is okay.

Both sides of the equation need information - badly - but boys are only taught
what they need to know - and girls are scared to death - from the information
they get.

Society has to stop this push at boys, that it is all right to be a man, and
conquer a woman.

Sex has consequences, which is not taught to them, and girls are taught all
consequences if they do it.

The MEDIA has a lot to do with this - we are not "Ho's and Bitches" for them
to rape - kill - or otherwise subdue.

We are not splatter targets for them to gain points in some game.

Having said all that - I hope I'm not too preachy - anyways -

Girls should have an IUD put in as soon as possible - about the age of 14, and
be told that it is not all right to go out and have sex.

There is still the problem of a sexually transmitted disease, and this is only
a stop gap, so she can decide when she wants to reproduce, and carry a child
to term, and not some boys' choice, of where, and when to squirt his sperm.

This prevents a lot of teen pregnancies - you still get carried away by the
moment -

I know I did - that dreamy feeling - so warm, and natural - it just gets you
going.

You don't have time to think - you just go with the flow.

It also gives her a shot at not getting pregnant if she is forced - and a lot
of girls I know were forced by some boy who was deep in his own thing - and
couldn't be stopped.

It also gives you a fighting chance if you are forcably raped by some goon.

The difference?

Societial mind control - "The girls were asking for it - dressing
provacatively, letting the boy go too far, getting into this mess in the first
place.."

So it goes as an unreported rape - which it is, but if you want to be popular
- and girls crave being popular - you do it anyway.

JUST BECAUSE!.

YOU do want the boy? Don't you?

Rape - is the unwanted forced sex by somebody, who well, just forces you -
whether you know them or not.

The difference is YOU WANT THE BOY TO LIKE YOU!

So you "give" to please him, and retain the friendship - or relationship you
think you have.

Now THAT I have let my mind go - and you know where I am coming from - here's
the rest of my story.

About the age of 14, when I started to use a Tampax, my periods were cleaner -
and I was more inclined to wash my vagina deeper - no more yucky things down
there. I hit something which gave me an electric feeling in my belly - I
didn't know what that was, and I sure wasn't going to talk to mom - she blew
up every time we tried to talk about sex.

So what was it?

Laying in bed, one night - I started to play with myself, feeling, just what
was all that I had, latent, deep within my vagina?

I had hit the pink bead of the clit - and found great pleasure in just rubbing
it, and letting myself go.

Waves of pleasure flowed over me.

Not knowing what I was doing, I just enjoyed it.

Then came boys.

Well, I wanted to be popular - I wanted a boy to like me, badly, I didn't know
why - but I did. Society again.

So I put up with his groping of my small breasts - it felt good - something
deep within me, felt a pull towards this - I wanted more.. but I was scared of
the whole thing.

Bravely, I put up with it to keep the relationship - or whatever we had -
going.

Then came the night he wanted to "pet me deeply" - I tried to fight this off
for a few dates, but he was persistant - and finally after a lot of badgering
on his part - I felt I just had to, if I wanted this relationship to go on,
and for some stupid reason I did.

School is a cruel world of relationships, friends, and being with it - or part
of some invisable "In Crowd" - you want to fit in - you want to be a part of
all of it - and not like the "other girls" who didn't get dates - or have boy
friends - you know - "the outsiders" - some of them, who were too inhibited to
even relate to other girls..

Parents again - stop preaching at your kids - LISTEN to them - work out
problems WITH them - help them!

Stop taking your fustrations and fears out on them.

AND YOU wonder why they turn to drugs and gangs?

PLEASE!

Break the cycle - don't pass on your own prejudices and hates.

Let them form their own opinions about the world, and people!

I never knew what came of most of them from High School, I guess they
developed late - and found their happiness as adults - or never did.

Anyhow - this relationship with Brad - my boy friend went along for awhile, He
was satisfied with just "petting" and I was glad he was. I wasn't ready for
the next stage.

As a woman, let me tell you - petting is not all that much fun for the girl.

Your breasts become sensitive, and that part feels gooey.

I love having my breasts caressed to this day - but into the panties - ummm
that's another story.

Boys, like most girls do not know what we have down there - all they know is
there is this "thing" - an extra hole - where - umm - ya.

And that is their target.

Being fingered is not all that much fun.

Their hands are rough, and they just jab your bottom, getting off on the
"feel" of your fem parts.

Little do they know what you are experiencing. It hurts. Plain and simple.

There is no joy in the panties, when you just grab and "finger fuck" me.
Sorry! -

Clit? He never heard of it!

And as the relationship grew deeper - his sex attention grew stronger - now
biting the nipples - GAD that hurt - really pulling me hard in my vagina -
that hurts like hell.

But if you want this boy to stay with you, you feel pressured to go along with
it - -

I wish boys would realize that the human, girl, now a woman, laying on your
lap, so soft, warm, sweet scented, smiling up at you - in a car - or on a sofa
or floor - is a real live human being - gentle, caring, she has feelings, and
deep ones, which you are now toying with.

She has a mind, and a spirit within - deep inner secrets which she will never
share with you!

Please, I am not your sex toy! -

I will give, only because I feel I have to, to keep your love or whatever it
is, and you with me.

I am lonely, scared and frightened too.

I want somebody to hold me, to make me feel good - and - - to LOVE me - as a
teen - what the hell is love?

How can society feel that as a teen they would ever know the full depth and
breath of what love really is?

They are way too young to ever know it!

There comes a day in every girls life - when - the boy finally makes his move
to being a MAN - and in some fashion, talks you into the ultimate sex act.

Brad had been bugging me for the better part of a month now, about "going all
the way" and I kept pushing him off - with one excuse or another why I
wouldn't or couldn't - and at last - won't do it.

At 17 I felt I wasn't just ready for this big step - and I guess I can tell
the secret - my mom did give into me when I was 15, and I had the IUD put in.

I just wasn't ready for a baby -

I just wasn' t ready for the whole thing - but I did think it through - and
decided that for what ever reason -

I wanted it, and mom went along with it too - but we never told dad.

Finally Junior Prom came up - and Brad invited me - although there was an
undercurrent - running through teen society - this is "Your Big Coming Out
Party" - and sex was part of it - a big part as it turned out.

Prom - is - expensive - the School tickets - the tux, and formal - dinner -
and post prom are all costly.

This is kind of your "graduation" into adulthood - right!

So I played my part - went down to Victoria's Secret - bought a special pair
of panties - for the evening - my gown, an old brides' maid dress from Good
Will - mom started me on that one!

Did I expect to be fucked? Done? GO ALL THE WAY?

I didn't know - but what ever was coming, I was going to be prepared - and
make a memory for somebody - and that somebody was Brad -

I wanted him soo badly now, I wanted a man - a real man to love, and live with
the rest of my life!

Prom night - was dreamy to say the least! -

Brad was a real gent - the whole evening we spent dancing, dining, and being
seen.

After prom, we went to a motel, for post prom.

This is where it got smokey.

Prom, from what I hear from the guys is - get drunk - fuck your date, throw up
on your date - then go home! - YUK!

Brad got drunk - and then went for me.

He wasn't the gent of the evening - now some raging monster - who saw me as
the meat of the day - and went for me.

"Helping" me out of my dress - more like ripping it off - pawing me like some
pagan ritual - like he had never been tender before?

I told him pain wasn't part of loving me!

What the hell happened?

Then he ripped my expensive panties off my bottom, I was expecting a soft,
gentle removal - loving and tender - not having them coldly ripped away like
some rag.

Mumbling something about "I love you Vi" - he worked me back and onto the bed
-

Didn't ask - just forced my legs open - and I helped just a bit - by pulling
my knees up - to present for him, to prevent any further damage to my delicate
fem parts -

He had already scratched my mons, I had shaved my bikini area totally just for
him! -

I just wanted to have him experience me - all of me! -

Without the wad of fur, which I had before....

Then he ripped my panites off - it didn't help.

Drunk, he belched in my face laying there - on top of me...

He in some part of the process, had managed to get his pants off - - never
mind a condom . .

Now thrusting into my waiting vaginal opening - missed - hit the labia - GAD
that hurt - but I smiled anyway -

I had reached down and centered him, he continued to ram into me, sometimes
getting into my opening, sometimes not.

I finally had enough of his torture - so I flipped him back, and skewered his
penis, and drove him deeply inside my vagina.

Safe as last from his thrusts.

Now working him deeply wihtin me -

I felt the soft glow of sex, for the first time as a woman.

MMmm - his penis working my inner fem parts - GAD I was in dreamland! - Gooey
-

I felt a small climax come over me -

My breath coming in mewing pants - which he completely - missed !

Then the jerk exploded.

I felt my insides being filled with his goo - which then ran down his manhood
-

GAD what a smell!

And like that he was done.

I was just devastated.

My body craved more - I wanted more sex now - I wanted to become a woman, and
really climax!

I felt something pulling deep inside me - but Brad was too drunk to continue.

We slept away the remaining night - and in the morning I found my ripped up
panties -pissed, I just tossed them - and my dress was salvageable - so the
jerk took me home - -

"Good Morning Viac! - That was super! - Thanks for coming to the prom with
me." - Brad said -

I wanted to say -" Thanks for the rape goon! - "

But I said - "My pleasure - and thanks for asking me."

After that things went along so - so with Brad - sex was now a sometimes thing
-

IF I was in the mood and he was good, I'd let him "do me" - in a car was a
mess - at the beach at least I could go into the water and clean up - but the
final straw and I guess the end of our relationship was the blow up at Brads
after homecoming.

I was 18 my senior year - and Homecoming in all High Schools is a big deal -
so I dressed in school colors to show spirit - and I went with Brad - after
the dance he wanted me to go home with him I know I shouldn't have - but - I
still had this stupid idea I wanted a boy - so I did.

The dark house should have given me a clue - and his parents not being home
should have sent red flags - but I was young, and still in some kind of love,
with Brad - if teens can know what love is - so I was a good Jane - and went
in with him.

After prom, we did have sex a few times like I said - so - no big deal.

I was keeping my man, and if this is what it took - then, as a woman this is
what I had to do.

At least that is the signals that society sends to a young woman.

We were deep into this -

I was finally finding ways to get some pleasure out of his penis working my
vagina - when his parents walked in and caught us.

I suppose I was out of line, and we really shouldn't have done it there - but
did she have to call me a SLUT?

And a WHORE?

And I trapped her precious little boy in my panties to get him?

That was out of line.

Brad had pressured me into sex, not the other way around - sorry!

They called my parents, and I got yelled at by them - twice in one night! -
for the same act! -

The next day I was still grounded - and steamed at my parents for not
understanding how it all went down.

I was low. So I called Cherylyn, my best girl friend and we met at the mall.

** ** ** **

Cher, who was more experienced at sex than I ever was at that time - had come
on to me after I was done by Brad at Junior Prom.

This was new to me.

My body wanted more of the sexual feelings which Brad had started - but I
couldn't get from him.

Cher on the other hand - worked easy into me.

My body responding like it did to Brad - but there was a difference -

Cher was warm, gentle, - soft, and easy.

Her love making was what I wanted - not the hard - ram it home which Brad did.

Her kisses were dry - more open mouthed - not wet like Brad's - and she
frenched - easy, not deep into my mouth - but gently playing with my tongue
-outside my teeth - a gentle blow to the eyes - it tickled -

I was being loved - really loved - my body responding to her, like I thought
it should to a lover.

I let her go on, and she worked down into my vagina -

OH GOD! -

What a difference!

A gentle touch - played with my pink bead - like she knew what it was there
for - a gentle fingering of my vaginal opening - not a hard thrust like Brad
did.

AND of all things - she knew about the special places on my belly which gave
me a thrill at her touch!

This was dreamy! -

This is what my body craved! -

This is what it meant to me - to be a woman.

To be loved like a woman.

I guess we were a bit drunk by the time she got out the vibrating dildo - what
ever was coming now - my body craved it!

She had released the fire within me - what more could I get from this woman
who was so caring and gentle in her love play?

Her sure hand, working my vaginal opening - softly, gently, the dildo
caressing my inner fem parts -

I was getting that glow from this that I had gotten when I was on top of Brad
- and now I knew this wouldn't EXPLODE, and be done with.

She worked my body - I was just in heaven - new feelings, waves of pleasure
flowed over my body - THIS IS WHAT I WANTED - from sex.

Then I exploded.

I never had a major climax before - - seeing stars, the hard pull of my belly,
the rush and flush of heat, what ever just happened -

I knew I wanted more - and in my mind - knew it wasn't going to come from no
boy.

Cher didn't know what I had just done, but I could see she wanted the same
feelings, and she instructed me as to how to work her -

As it turned out we both were a bit green at sex - but we had found what our
bodies wanted - and our minds needed - the full release of sexual pleasure.

We found it in each other.

This was clean, neat, and as far as we both were concerned - safe - NO BABY!

One thing lead to another - and in time Cher and I were too deep into each
other to think about going anywhere else for our sexual needs - we had them
right here - in ourselves.

Now, many years later - do I have any regrets?

No, not really -

I don't miss the thrust of a man's penis into my vagina -

Cher can do that with the strap on - do I miss a male touch?

Like I want to be pawed - rammed hard - and end up with a belly full of
sticky, smelly, goo?

Sorry! -

But a Sapphic love, turns out to be true love - I know what that is now -

To sacrifice yourself for your mate - without thought of the consequences - or
thought of rewards.

Cher has turned out to be everything I ever thought a mate could be - soft,
caring, gentle, and most important - supportive.

AND best of all - after all these years - and all the miles - the trials and
tribulations, Cherylyn Williams - is still my best friend.

Through the good times and bad, difficult situations and hardships - facing
death, and enjoying each other's elations.. together!

Can you say the same thing?

Don't ask why I became a Lesbian . .

Understand why I am Sapphic - which is more than a Lesbian - it is being Mated
to the most wonderful woman in the world -

My Cher...

For you my Cher - with all my love -

By - Viac am Malacar

© 2004

* September 7th - Remember our dear Sappho - it's her birthdate!

Post Script -

Okay - you can write to me, through my contact - ONLY! -

Hate mail will be shredded, and discarded -

Cher and I will try to respond if we don't get a ton of mail..

Viac am Malacar

% Northwestern

PO Box 505

Waukesha, Wi 53187-0505, USA

** If you want to experience the full emotional pull of my work, put on
something by Andre Rieu - pour yourself a small glass of wine, and have a good
cry, it will clear your spirit. During most of this, I had on Andre Rieu -
"Fiesta!" Phillips # 314-543-059-2 - - Enjoy! Thanks! Viac andCher... **