The Weapon - Lex - part 12
By Diana the Valkyrie
Sparring with Cattermole
Update: 27/10/2003 to valkyrie05


Back at the hotel, Wendy asked me to explain what that was all about. "It's
like, you know when two dogs first meet, they snarl and growl at each other a
bit? That was the snarling and growling." "The judge was nice," she commented.
I blushed. "Herbie, you're blushing!" I blushed some more. "Herbie, you've got
a thing for the judge!" "Stop it, Wendy." "You have, you have! Herbie loves
the judgie, Herbie loves the judgie!"

I closed my eyes, maybe if I couldn't see her, she'd disappear. It didn't
work. At least, it didn't work completely. She didn't go away, but she did
stop teasing me, and when I opened my eyes again, she'd changed back into her
Guardian outfit. "Things to do, Herbie, there's always another kitten in
another tree," and she vanished.

I don't know where she got to. I suppose she could have been anywhere in the
world. Or quite a lot of places not on this world. I had dinner alone, in the
hotel restaurant, then I went back upstairs for an early night. It's the best
way to deal with jet-lag.

. . .

She joined me for breakfast again the next day. "So what's on the menu today?"
she asked, and she wasn't asking about food. "Discovery," I explained. "They
ask for the moon, and ... " " ... and we give it to them," said Wendy. "No,
Wendy, we haggle ..." "We give them the moon," said Wendy, "Herbie, think
about this. If we give them the moon, where will they put it?" I made a
puzzled face, "?". "They want information, but what I'll give them is data.
It'll be like trying to drink from a fire hose."

Wendy wore her white-and-gold, she said "There's no point in trying to look
conservative, looking like this I'll just intimidate the hell out of them." We
met them at the offices of Roberts and Williams. It was the usual plush
lawyers office, designed to raise their clients expectations of fees to a
level that would get them ready for the sort of wallet-lightening that makes
your eyes water. We were shown into a conference room; my nemesis Cattermole
was already there, plus some skinny, nerdy young guy I hadn't seen before.
Cattermole glared at me, and wrinkled her upper lip at Wendy. The guy she had
there didn't even look at me, he was gazing at Wendy with a look of total
adoration. "Templeton," said Cattermole, "stop drooling and start
downloading."

I put my mobile on the table. The idea was to network it to theirs, and they'd
blue me the data I'd asked for. When that was done, Templeton cleared off his
mobile, and looked at Wendy. "OK," he said, "start blueing." "OK, done," said
Wendy. "That's three months of archives?" queried Ms Cattermole. "No," said
Wendy, "less than a tenth of a second, but your thing there is full now."

Cattermole looked irritated. "Templeton, you're supposed to be blueing it down
to the main systems." "I am, I am," he said, "but there's a limit to how fast
I can do this." "Well, hurry up," she said, "I haven't got all day.

A couple of minutes later, he looked up. "OK, we got the first eight
terabytes, ready for the next lot." Wendy smiled, and made a slight popping
noise with her lips. "You got it," she said. Templeton bent over his mobile,
sending the second batch up to their main systems. Cattermole looked bored,
looked at her watch, and said "I've got things to do, how much longer will
this take." Templeton looked up. "Um." Then he looked at Wendy. "How much have
I got now?" "We're nearly at the end of the first second," she said. He
thought for a moment, then fiddled with his mobile. Then he stared at the
result. "Well?" prompted Cattermole. "About twenty five years. But we don't
have the space on the main system to hold it all."

"WHAT?" she said, glaring at Templeton. "It's not his fault," said Wendy, "And
I did tell you there would be quite a lot." Cattermole stood up. "We'll see
about this," she threatened generically, and stormed out.

After the sound of the slamming door had died away, we looked at each other.
Wendy stood up. "Anyone want a cup of coffee?" she asked. I looked round the
room. There wasn't any. "Milk, no sugar, decaf for you, Herbert. And how do
you like it, Geoff?" "Lots of cream, sugar and caffeine, but how did you know
my name?" She passed out the coffee, and sat down, looking at Geoff.

"Look, Geoff. You can spend your whole life asking me how I do things, and
mostly you'll get a physics lesson. I'll explain this one, and then you've got
to try to just take things as they come, OK?" "OK," he said, not that he had
any choice. "You're in the office phone book," she explained.

Oh. I could have done that. But how did she make three cups of coffee out of
nothing? Don't ask. I mean, it's just not important, right? We could spend
half an hour find out that she used a coffee machine in the next room, or that
she opened a wormhole to the Coffee Beans of Saturn and ... Not important.

"So how are we going to get all this data," asked Geoff. Wendy looked
innocent. "Search me," I said, "I'm not a techie. You're the techie, you solve
it." He looked at Wendy. "Could we run a comms cable into your, um, your
brain, or whatever it is?" She frowned at him. "Would you like me to show you
how a catheter works?" she said, sweetly. "I take it that's a no, then," he
said.

I finished my coffee and stood up. "Well, I've got things to do also. Email me
if you come up with anything. How about you, Wendy? Any kittens need
untreeing?" I walked out the door, I needed to get back to the hotel to sift
through the data I'd just been given. As I left, I heard, "Kittens in trees?"
"He means super hero stuff, you know?" "Love that cape." "You like it?" "It
makes you look really dramatic. And the wings ..."

I didn't stick around to hear the rest. Like I said, things to do.