The Weapon - Lex - part 6
By Diana the Valkyrie
Breakfast
Update: 21/10/2003 to valkyrie05


Breakfast was kidneys and bacon, with toast and Marmite. It was easily the
most tasty breakfast I've ever had, and it made instant cereals look silly. By
the time I'd had the second cup of coffee, the Inner Man was feeling very
happy, and Frank polished off the rest of the kidneys that I couldn't manage.
From the look of him, he was pretty pleased with the deal, too.

Then I got Wendy to sit down next to me, so I could show her some of the
salient features of the case. My nose detected the faint smell of lavender in
her hair. "The important thing, is we need to be at San Andreas next week for
the pre-trial meeting with the judge." "Pre-trial?" she asked. "The judge
tries to get us to agree to some settlement, to avoid the cost and hazard of a
trial." She nodded. I continued, "I'll book a couple of tickets, it's a long
flight, fifteen hours, so get yourself ready for it."

She gave me a funny look. "Tickets?"

Ah. Yes. Of course. "No, I mean, one ticket."

She continued looking at me that way. "Why do you want a ticket?" "Well, you
can fly yourself there, but I need an airline." "You can fly Air Guardian."

I was very much afraid that I knew what she meant, but it's like when you've
got one leg in the swamp and you put the other one in to get the first one
out. "Air Guardian?" "I'm Air Guardian, fly me!" she exclaimed.

I looked at her, it was an attractive idea. To be held in the arms of a lovely
woman for fifteen hours. "No such luck," she said, "more like half an hour."
Even so. But I had to tell her why it wasn't on. "I have an acute fear of
flying," I explained, "it's bad enough when I'm in a solid-looking airplane,
but if all I see when I look down is thin air, then that thin air will soon be
filled with the contents of my stomach."

"Fear of flying? Don't you trust me?" she said, sounding puzzled. I nodded.
"I'm not your average superhero," I explained, "you should think of me more as
your average supercoward." She laughed again, Frank got out of his basket to
see what all the noise was about. And I guessed that the next door neighbours
were wondering if we had a zoo in here. "You could use a chicken as a logo,
and your costume would have a wide yellow stripe down the back," she
suggested. And that struck me as hilarious, and I was laughing and coughing,
and Frank decided that what we needed was a cold wet nose, so he donated his
to the common good. Dogs don't have a sense of humour.

Wendy gave him a biscuit. I don't see any pockets, where does she carry them?
Frank retreated back to his basket to chew on it.

"Seriously, though," I said, which just had the effect of starting her off
giggling again, and when I frowned at her, she made a noise like a chicken and
said "Your superpower is an uncanny ability to run and hide whenever danger
threatens" which set me off again. "Superchicken sense is tingling," I
giggled.

So then she giggled "Seriously, though," and I said "and I'm scared of
heights, and being underground, and you, and swimming in the water, and
spiders, snakes, bats and mice, eating in restaurants and strange dogs, and
when I have to talk to a woman my hands go clammy and my mouth goes dry, and I
can't sleep in strange beds, and .. and. And. And everything."

She stopped laughing. She stared at me. "Oh, Herbert. That must be horrible
for you." And she pulled me towards her and put her arms round me.

I let her do it. It was very comforting.

"You're scared of me?" she whispered in my ear. I nodded, my face buried in
the side of her neck, smelling the lavender. "You mustn't be scared of me,
Herbert. I'm your Guardian, I keep you safe from harm, I wouldn't hurt you. I
wouldn't hurt any of you, not for anything." "When you were angry yesterday
..." "Oh, Herbert, that's just like when you're angry with Frank and you yell
at him so he knows he's done wrong, you wouldn't actually hurt him, would
you?" "Well, sometimes I swat him with a rolled-up paper."

"Yes, but that doesn't actually hurt him, it's just to let him know he's been
bad and mustn't do it again, whatever it was." I nodded, of course I wouldn't
hurt my dog. "I was terrified," I admitted.

She held me close. "I'd never hurt a human," she said, "you're all so sweet
and helpless." I relaxed a bit. "You're my babies, I'm your Guardian, what
sort of Guardian hurts her babies?" I relaxed some more. "And you're scared of
all that those things? Really?" I nodded. This wasn't really something I
wanted to talk about. "Why?" she said. I wriggled a bit. "Dunno, just am," I
mumbled.

She sighed. "Look, Herbie, suppose some nasty big dragon came through the door
right now, breathing fire and flame, do you think you'd get hurt?"

I thought about that for a second. The thought didn't scare me.

"So why doesn't the thought scare you?" she asked.

I sniffed. "You're here," I said, "I feel, I don't know, I feel safe with you
around." "A very rational reaction, Herbie, you are very safe with me around.
Right now, you're in the safest place in the universe, you're sitting next to
the Guardian of Humanity and she has her arms round you." I nodded again, and
tried to get even closer to her. She tightened her arms round me, helping me
to snuggle up. I felt a paw on my knee, and a cold wet nose under my chin. The
three of us sat there like that for a few minutes. Then Frank got bored, and
loped back to his basket. Wendy unwrapped herself from around me. "So, you
won't be scared of flying as long as I'm with you, right?" "Right," I said
bravely. She sighed. "Herbie, how do you do that?" "Do what?" "Lie to
yourself? I don't think I'll ever understand you guys."

So much for Supercoward's attempt to be brave.