The Weapon - Resurrection - part 26
By Diana the Valkyrie
A visit to the United Nations
Update: 27/06/2003 to valkyrie05



Next morning, I was quite tired from the nights exertions. In case you're
wondering, no. We didn't. First base, yes - home run, no. Look, we'd only
known each other a few days, right? Plus, I was still trying to get my head
round the idea that Duncan was in there as well as Wendy. But we did spend a
very happy couple of hours wrestling around and pretending to fight, and other
stuff like that. Stuff that I haven't done with a girl for, oh. A very long
time. Funny how you don't forget how to do it.

It wasn't just that she was a lot stronger than me, it was also that I was
outnumbered. She didn't just use her hands. While I was wrestling her from the
front, her cape would attack me from the rear, and she even made her hair curl
round and tickle me while she held me helpless with her hands. And I have to
say, the overwhelming impression I got from the slap-and-tickle time, was of
helplessness, that she could do anything she liked to me, and all I could do
to her, was whatever she allowed me to do.

It was fun, though.

Over breakfast (sardines on toast, plus a boiled egg) I explained to Wendy
what we needed to do for the first phase of the operation. "It's this UN
economic sanction against the USA, we need to get it lifted." "I've had
dealings with the UN before," she said, "they're a bunch of wankers." "Wendy,
you better not say that to their face." "Why not?" "It's impolite" "Maybe they
need someone to be impolite to them. I had a bellyful of those dipsticks when
they accused me of being a Weapon of Mass Destruction." "But that's exactly
what you are." "Yes, true. But I didn't like the way they said it."

"Wendy, look ... " "No, you look. Three things. First of all, you're not my
Wielder, so you don't get to tell me what to do. Secondly, even if you were my
Wielder, your job would be to give me the strategic objectives, not tell me
the tactics to use to achieve them." "And third?" "And third, I could make my
cape go red, plus a hood over my head, and then tonight I could be Red Riding
Hood again."

I smiled. She has a way of making everything all right. "Look, David, you're
not my Wielder, but you are my best friend, and I value your advice more than
almost anyone else's." "Duncan?" I asked. She nodded, and added "and Fiona,
for some things, but not for this sort of thing." "Fiona for what things?"
"How do you think I knew how to react to your big bad wolf?" Damn, Fiona had
set up both sides of that! Still, I'm not complaining.

I packed a toothbrush, and a few oddments, and turned to Wendy. "OK, I'm
ready." "Ready for what?" "For the trip to the UN." "You aren't coming."
"What?" "You don't have diplomatic status." "And you do?" "Actually - yes. I'm
the ambassador for Freedonia. Or I will be as soon as I pop over there and get
myself accredited. But that's not the real reason." "So what's the real
reason?" "It could be dangerous. There's people who stand to lose a great deal
of money if the sanctions are lifted, because then smuggling becomes
unprofitable, and the big crime gangs will be highly dischuffed. So they'll
want to kill anyone who tries to end the sanctions." "I thought you didn't
understand about money?" "Duncan told me" "Oh." "But that isn't the real
reason," she repeated. I sighed. OK, let's play hunt-the-real-reason. " ... "
I said.

"I shall stand up at the UN and tell them what they must do. I will be
impressive as hell, and I don't need some shabby little academic in a shabby
ill-fitting suit and shoes that have definitely seen better days, to stand
next to me. And I'm not even going to talk about those socks" Oh. That's got
me told. "For this occasion," she continued, "I will wear my full
white-and-gold costume, cape billowing out to the floor, hair streaming out
behind me. I'll stand six foot three tall, plus six inch heels, and I'll hover
about a foot off the ground." She gave me a demonstration. she looked like a
goddess, and I told her so. "You don't think I look too tall? Or my arms too
big?" she asked in the tone of voice that most women use when they say "Does
my bum look big in this?" And, of course, I knew the correct answer, every man
does except for a few morons who will be evolved out of existence by their
failure to reproduce. "No, you look absolutely stunning. But I thought you
were going to go blonde?" Her hair changed colour as I watched, and lengthened
out to some three of four feet long. And I was certain that it was much too
fine, and at the same time too thick; there was just too much of it. She
smiled, came back down to my level, picked me up, and kissed me, her hair
winding around my neck and down inside my shirt, while her cape surrounded me
and pulled me towards her.

As we kissed, she rotated us in midair, and drifted down to the couch; her
body on top of mine, pressing me into the cushions. As usual, she made me feel
dizzy, or intoxicated, or both. She let me go, and by the time I'd gotten my
head back together, she was gone. Damn.

The phone rang. I answered it, and it was Wendy. "Switch on your PDA," she
said, and hung up. So I did.

I saw Wendy's face on the screen. "OK, you see me? You hear me?" "Yes," I
said. "Good. I'll keep you up with events this way." "But you don't have, you
haven't got. A PDA. Or did you buy one?" "You're right, I don't have one.
Don't need one. It's just bits and bytes, pumped around the net. I don't need
some machine to do it, I can do it all myself." "OK, good. Listen, Wendy, I've
got something strategic to explain to you. Where are you?" "New York."
"Already? But it's only been a few minutes." "When I'm not carrying anyone, I
can use high accelerations, I'm not limited to a few Gs." I grunted.

"OK, here's the thing. This isn't just about the United Nations, chances are
your performance today will go right round the world, since this is your first
public appearance as the Guardian of Humanity for 23 years. I want you to
remember that you're performing for the whole world, not just the UN
delegates. And I want you to create the impression that you've brought hope
back to humanity. You aren't just the Guardian of Humanity, you're the Spirit
of Hope." "Uh huh," she said, "and the Easter Bunny?" "Yeah yeah yeah. What
I'm saying is, tell them about the stick, but also paint a rosy picture about
the carrot, the dawn of the new golden age, that sort of thing. Good times are
coming, we just need to kick the obstacles out of the way. Very upbeat, you
know? Not just "Do this or I'll make the sun go out" because I want people to
feel inspired and motivated, that at last someone is here who will make
everything good again. You follow me?"

"Five by five, David. And Duncan agrees with you. There'll be blue birds over
the white cliffs of Dover, happy days are here again, isn't it a lovely day.
Don't worry, be happy, I'll have them rolling in the aisles." I worried. But
then I thought, Duncan won't let her go over the top.

She showed me the whole thing on my PDA. I don't know how she did the
viewpoint that let me see everything, it was as if a camera was following her
around. I suppose it's just a spatial transformation on the pixels. She landed
in New York, just in front of the UN building. It's a paradox that although
the UN has imposed economic sanctions on the USA, the headquarters was still
in New York. Cost, I guess. She went in through the revolving doors.

I'm sure that she knows how revolving doors work. I'm sure that she smashed
through the middle of it as a dramatic way of announcing that she wasn't some
tourist come to gawp. And I'm certain she ensured that no-one was hit by the
flying glass, although I don't know how she did it. But it was certainly
spectacular, it isn't every day that a magnificent seven foot tall blonde
(including heels and hairdo) sails majestically through the glass, smashing
everything in her path, and coming to a halt by the reception desk, floating a
foot off the ground.

By that time, she had everyone's attention. What else would you look at in
that situation? And she made her announcement. "The Guardian of Humanity will
address the UN Assembly at 7pm tonight." Not "would like to", but "will". And
I liked the timing; that would be on the evening newsfeed in the USA, and on
the lunchtime newsfeed in Europe. Then she flew out the way she'd come in,
demolishing the rest of the revolving door mechanism as she left, then arcing
up into the sky and disappearing into the distance.