The Weapon - Apocalypse - part 16 By Diana the Valkyrie Tag with the US Air Force Wendy.self: We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig from early morn till night. I don't know why Duncan wants this island, they caved in completely over that tax thing. And why do I have to haul the dirt all the way from Mars? It takes hours to go there and back. He's just making things difficult for no reason. Oh well, mine is not to reason why, I'm just the Weapon around here. Go where I'm sent, do what I'm told, break what I'm pointed at. Worst thing is, I can't even take the babies with me on these trips, they can't take the acceleration. Heigh ho. I think I've done enough today. Time to go back home, Duncan's letting me cook dinner tonight. It can't be that difficult, I've watched how he does it often enough. One tin of beef, one tin of curry sauce, four ounces of rice. What could possibly go wrong? I hope he likes it. Fiona says that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I think there's a short cut lower down, but it can't hurt to have two lines of attack. Moira says if I add a glop of cream, it'll make it taste better, but not so strong, so I should add a spoonful of chili powder to get the heat up again. Maybe I'll add two, to be on the safe side, I know Duncan likes it hot and strong. Likes his curry that way, too. Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, It's home from work we go. ... Oh look, a 747 lumbering along like a Sumerian oxcart. I bet the pilots are bored out of their minds, the transpacific hop is deadly dull, I should know, I've done it often enough, hauling ships. Maybe they'd like to play with me? OK, I'll just wave to the passengers as I pass along the fuselage, and now I'll sit on the windscreen until they notice me. Knock knock. Hey! It's me again. Oh! No need for the rude gesture, chum. I suppose that means you don't want to play. Oh well, I bet Duncan will be up for some fun tonight. And if he isn't, I know ways to get him interested. I know, I'll overfly the airbase in California, Edwards AFB, that's hardly out of my way at all, and we'll only dogfight for a few minutes, Duncan won't mind. They'll see me coming in on radar and send up a couple of interceptors, they're always ready for some fun. And they know not to fire missiles at me. Hey flyboys, here comes The Weapon, get your arses in gear! Yes! Here they come, trying for altitude on me. Well, I won't allow that, I can climb faster and higher than they can. But I don't want to just outrun them, what's the point in that, so I'll just curve around, get into the sun and ram them head-on ... Well, not really. Just a little game of chicken, and as we pass each other head on, I tag his canopy with a handful of the mud from the island I've been making. Gotcha! Now, where's the other one? Oh no! He's fired a heatseeker at me. Idiot. Dumb dumb dumb. I'm not hot, but his partner is, that heatseeker will want to go straight up his tailpipe, and it's so close now, I don't want to just ram the missile. So, what to do? Wendy.bodyemulation: Skin temperature up, fast. 1000 degrees. Flight straight and level, not too fast. Wendy.self: Hey, dumb missile, look at me, I'm over here, come and get me. Wendy.telecoms: The Weapon to Rammer, do you read me? - - "Rammer to Weapon, Copy you five by five, what the fuck happened there?" Your dingbat wingman just fired a heatseeker at a cold target, I had to go hot fast so it would hit me or you'd have been roadkill. - - "Rammer to Weapon, saw the bang, I definitely owe you one, are you in need of assistance?" Weapon to Rammer, I'm fine, the missile didn't muss my hair, I suggest you set fire to his trousers when he lands. - - "Roger Weapon, don't worry, he won't sit down for a week. You coming down for a couple of cold beers?" No can do Rammer, gotta motor, maybe some other day. - - "Yeah, there's always a kitten in a tree somewhere, right?" Not hero stuff, Rammer, I'm making dinner tonight, it's my turn as cook. - - "Shit, he keeps you barefoot and in the kitchen?" I like bare feet, I can feel the wind between my toes. Rammer, get back to base, you're nearly bingo. Want me to clean off your canopy? - - "No thanks, Weapon, I wear my bruises with pride. Is that Mars dirt again?" It sure is, the real thing, trucked a couple of hundred million miles and delivered fresh to your window. You thought I didn't know you were selling it? - - "Bye bye Weapon, see you tomorrow, same time, same place, I'll get you next time" In your dreams, Rammer, in your dreams. -- "Every night, Weapon, you're in them every night." Wendy.self: Cute guy. I bet if we actually met he'd be too shy to talk like that. When they actually see me they're not so brave without an airplane strapped to their back. Now if I get a move on, go suborb, pull a couple of hundred G's, I can be home in ten minutes, get that curry going for Duncan.