Late one night at the World Heavyweight Wrestling Championship
By supreme
A new Order of the Serpentine commercial I'd like to see ...


We've all seen that Order of the Serpentine commercial. You know, the one
where the young man wakes up from a night of...intimacy with a woman and
discovers to his embarrassment that she's a female bodybuilder far superior to
him physically, and who lets him know it. To wipe out the shame, "of a
questionable hookup," he is presented with a body lotion called Axe Snake
Peel.

Here is a script for a new OS commercial, taking the original concept a few
steps further, and also inspired by the Virgin Mobile ad at,
http://www.superbuff.com/gran.aspx, which is also one of Diana's movies.

SCENE 1: a circular wrestling mat, no ropes, surrounded on all sides by steep,
stair-step seating, filled with an excited cheering crowd, brightly lit. The
words, World Heavyweight Wrestling Championship appear on the screen for a few
seconds.

Camera closeup on a handsome young male wrestler/bodybuilder, oiled up and
heavily muscled, clad only in a brief posing bikini. The words, The Champ
expects an easy victory, appear on screen over his head. He flexes his huge
biceps and sneers arrogantly at the crowd. The bell rings.

Scene fades, the words: Thirty minutes later flash across the screen.

SCENE 2: On the mat, two wrestlers fighting furiously for supremacy as the
audience cheers loudly. We hear the thuds and smacks of bodies colliding and
hitting the mat. We can tell one wrestler is the young champ, getting the hell
beat out of him, but his opponent is just off-screen. The champ has a look of
pain and fear and screams as his opponent catches him in a punishing figure-4
leglock, cinching in the hold by "hooking" their powerful legs together with
savage power.

The camera widens its view and we see that...

the other wrestler is...a WOMAN ! With fine white hair; she must be at least
70 yrs old!!!

But she is MASSIVELY muscled, almost naked in a leopard-print bikini, her
rippling physique oiled and slick with sweat as she aggressively attacks the
already battered and woozy male champ with brute strength and grappling skill.
The heavyweight muscle-granny is enjoying herself, in total command of the
match. The male wrestler is completely outclassed and thrashes helplessly all
over the mat in the grip of the brutal lady wrestler's crushing, python like
legs, which gleam and bulge with sensual power.

Granny-muscle is ready to finish him off and asks sweetly, "Had enough, big
boy?" as she re-doubles her squeezing. The exhausted champ can take no more!
He screams, "Yes! PLEASE! STOP! I submit! I SUBMIT!!!" He slaps the mat with
his hand over and over, desperately signaling his surrender.

The victorious lady challenger slowly unsnakes her massive legs from around
the male's, and stands up. She grabs a fistful of his hair and pulls him up
too, and loads him on her broad shoulders, finally lifting him high over her
head as she turns slowly in a circle, displaying her "trophy" to the wildly
cheering spectators.

She is clearly a world-class bodybuilder as well as a wrestler, despite her
age, her thick, ultra-muscled torso undulating with power, but also very
shapely and pretty as she stands triumphantly, legs apart, showing off her
gorgeous physique to her adoring fans.

The emcee announces, "The winner of the match, by submission, and the new
world heavyweight wrestling champion, Ms. Peggy Shawcross!" Peggy tells the
crowd in a sweet, birdlike voice, "If only my grandkids could see me NOW!" and
smiles cheekily at the camera.

SCENE 3: It's a few moments later...the battered ex-champ, too weak to stand
on his own, his face slack and tongue hanging out, is being helped from the
ring by attendants holding him up on both sides. He looks up and there she is,
Granny-muscle, the new champ, still in her bikini, but now wearing thick,
old-lady glasses, and standing right in front of him. She has the title belt
slung over one bulging shoulder. She smiles and hands him a bottle of AXE
SNAKE PEEL, saying, "THIS will make you feel better, sonny. Be sure to let me
know if you ever want a re-match!"

FADEOUT. A voice-over says: "Let the Order of the Serpentine help YOU overcome
questionable hook-ups!"

End of commercial

I guess it ran a little long, but damn, I'd buy the Snake Peel!