Valkyrie at sea
By Diana the Valkyrie (c) 1998; Valkyrie@TheValkyrie.com
Part 9 - a Game of Rugby, and the Fancy Dress Ball
Update: 21/09/1998 to valkyrie


That evening, I got Stevie to rub some proper liniment (acquired in 
Cadiz) into my bruises, and when he complained about the smell, I told 
him that the smell was nothing, the real problem was the way it stung 
and smarted on tender skin, and he rubbed it in gleefully until I told 
him that I was going to rub some on him, on the garlic principle, which 
says that if both of you eat garlic, you can't smell it, not that I 
don't like the smell of garlic, actually I think it's rather nice (see 
Diana's Very Garlic Chicken in Diana's Recipes, which starts off with 
forty cloves of garlic). When I told him where I was going to rub it, he 
tried to escape, but by then I had him gripped firmly between my legs, 
and told him if he didn't stop wriggling I'd have to squeeze him harder, 
which would probably hurt me more than it would hurt him, so he 
submitted, and I rubbed it on his genitals, which sort of caught fire, 
and we spent the next couple of hours trying to put the fire out. 

Next day at breakfast I told Linda about the liniment, and she giggled 
so much I had to bang her on the back to stop her choking, and then she 
told me that she'd managed to coax Jack, Ernest and Algernon into bed 
with her, and when I pointed out that Jack and Ernest are one and the 
same she said "Yes, but Algy wasn't", which I had to agree with, and I 
must admit to a bit of a partiality for threesomes occasionally. 

We spent a few hours that afternoon getting ready for the Fancy Dress 
Ball which was the highlight of the cruise. Linda had a very clear idea 
what she was going as, but she wouldn't tell me, and I knew what I 
wanted to go as, but because Linda was being secretive, so was I. 

The game that afternoon was rugby, which is, as you might have guessed, 
absolutely my favourite. I explained it to Linda "It's a bit like 
American Football, but you don't wear armour or helmets, it's just flesh 
against flesh" and I licked my lips, thinking about all that flesh I'd 
soon be scrimmaging with. Linda decided that if it was like American 
Football, she'd go the whole hog on the cheerleader bit, with pom-poms 
and baton. 

As a game, it was a bit of a foregone conclusion, there being only the 
one Valkyrie on board, and the main objective of the others seemed to be 
to get the ball to me (for the men on my side) or to get out of my way 
(for the opponents). Actually, the ones on my side should have gotten 
out of my way too, but apart from a few unfortunate incidents when 
someone didn't move fast enough, there were no serious injuries, and we 
all went to take the traditional post-rugger hot bath that for me at 
least is the high point of the match. Yes, you can get a dozen adults 
into a Jacuzzi designed for three, but it gets a bit snug. 

Linda vanished to get ready for the fancy-dress ball, so I got ready by 
myself. For a spear, I had a long pole with a blade made out of 
aluminium foil wrapped round wire, I got my helmet from the kitchen with 
a couple of paper cones glued on for horns, and I used a couple of 
lengths of rope to give me the long braids.. For the dress I used a long 
silk nightie, I wore high heels to make me look more like Brunnhilde, 
and I came on to the sound of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". Everyone 
clapped, and I thought I stood a good chance.  Then someone came on 
wearing a big cardboard box, as a washing machine, and there was the 
inevitable pirate, and a Long John Silver hopped on, and then the lights 
went out for the next entry, and when they came up again, there was this 
little girl standing by a lamp post singing "Lilli Marlene" Except that 
she didn't sound like a little girl singing, and I realised she was 
miming, and as the lights gradually got brighter, I realised, oh wow, oh 
wow, that's not a lamp post, that's Linda! 

She was wearing a grey tubular dress, with grey sleeves, and she towered 
over the little girl with her arms outspread, with a lamp in each hand, 
and I swear to you she really did look like a lamp post, and it was her 
that was singing Lilli Marlene. 

Well, of course, they gave the prize to the little girl. But everyone 
knew who the real winner was, and it turned out that the dress had slits 
up the sides so it was suitable for dancing, which was something I 
hadn't thought about, so I had to change. Stevie, unfortunately, was 
busy steering the ship back into Southampton; if anything goes wrong 
there, he gets his head handed to him, so I had to forage a bit. Linda 
kept shoving her discards in my direction, until I hissed at her to stop 
doing it, because as far as I could make out, "Linda's discards" was 
isomorphic with "Every male between 15 and 70" and I was perfectly 
capable of rummaging amongst them myself. 

We bopped until 5am, and then retired to the cabin to pack and cry over 
each other and promised to stay in touch and all that sort of thing, and 
it was only when I was off the ship and halfway to London that I 
remembered that I'd forgotten to say goodbye to Stevie. Oh well, 
shipboard romances, I'm sure he knows the score. I'll send him a 
postcard.