What A Sumo Wants, What A Sumo Needs

A drunken spree leads three men on a unique adventure

Tokyo, Japan

Ben Williams, Fredrick Shuttlesworth, and Thornton Mathews wandered through the streets of Japan, looking for . . . well looking for something that wasn’t in the regular Japan tourist guide. All three men were recently laid off from their job at a company they invested ten years of their lives for, and they decided to splurge and check off one of the things to do on their bucket list; despite the fact that the men were too young to actually have a bucket list. They dug into their savings, bought their tickets, and they planned to have a little fun in the Far East for a few days before returning home and starting the search for a new career.

All three men were 5’6” with average builds. Ben was a black man, considered to be the “brains” of the group. Loosely translated, it means he reads books and watches educational television. He had a short cut afro and light brown skin the color of coffee with cream, and a face that looked like he was in a constant state of awe. He was designated the designated driver (which was just as well, because he didn’t drink anyway), and the chief translator. He was constantly looking at his Japanese-English dictionary and phrase book.

Thornton Mathews was a Hispanic man with tanned skin and hair that went down to his shoulders. He had been told a few times that he looked like the actor Antonio Banderas, but he never mentioned it, unless he was in a nightclub using it as a pickup line. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. If Ben was the designated driver, Thornton was the handler and damage control of the third member of the trio.

Fredrick Shuttlesworth was smashed, to put it bluntly. The dark-skinned black man was fun to be around, until he has a little bit to drink. Then he could be either the life of the party, the most embarrassing man to be around, or a disaster waiting to happen. Both Ben and Thornton made it their responsibility to hold Fredrick to a certain limit on the booze. However, sake was not a drink they’re familiar with, and they didn’t realize such an innocent-looking drink packed such a wallop. When Fredrick wanted to sing and dance with the geisha after a few drinks, the other two decided it was time to go, along with the threat of bodily harm.

“Why are we headed this way?” Fredrick asked, the cool air sobering him a little.

“Well first, you were trying to sing a Japanese love song, despite the fact you don’t know Japanese, and you groped that geisha,” Thornton replied.

The mystique that geisha had for years worked its magic on Fredrick as well, to the point he wanted to just touch one to see if they were as soft as they looked. When he fondled the posterior of the one who served them, the geisha with lightning speed pulled a long hairpin out of her hair, and stabbed it into the table an inch away from Fredrick’s other hand. After he flinched away from what would have been serious injury, the geisha said in a polite tone in clear English that he can have fun with the geisha, but he cannot touch the geisha. Ben and Thornton decided it was time to go before they would be pulling the hairpin from Fredrick’s chest.

“Oh yeah. Who’d thought she would be so quick with that pin? She probably carries a blade under that kimono too,” Fredrick said, still favoring his right hand as if it was stabbed.

“I think it was best that we didn’t find out,” Ben replied. “So Thornton, why are we headed this way?”

“I want to see the stuff that they don’t list on the guide, like nightclubs and all that,” Thornton explained.

“You mean the red light district?”

“No, not exactly. That tourist guide isn’t going to tell you everything, Tokyo, and Japan in general is much too big for that. I just want to see the places that the average folk go to after a hard day at work. Like this place,” Thornton said, pointing at an average-looking nightclub. The place looked innocent enough, and without looking at the printed sign out front, they went on in.

Like many nightspots, there were a few televisions on, but no one was watching them. In fact, no one noticed the entrance of the three, except for a waitress who shown them to a table. They couldn’t help but notice a large noisy crowd gathered in the center of the place. By reflex, Thornton ordered two cups of sake, and an Arnold Palmer (half tea/half lemonade) for Ben. Ben was furiously leafing through his book to ask the waitress what was going on. Thornton placed a hand on the book and asked the waitress what was going on.

The waitress smiled and replied in passing English that tonight was Lady Sumo Night, held each Tuesday evening.

The three men waited until they received their drinks, and started to make their way toward the crowd. They saw a man rushing to and fro, receiving bets, actually a couple of men was playing bookie. Seeing the men rushing through the crowd, they almost were distracted from the main event in front of them. It was a large wooden platform covered with sand or packed dirt, displaying a large white circle with two small white lines in the center. A referee dressed in a white button-down shirt, white slacks, white socks, and trainers walked around quieting the crowd.

“Did we miss it?” Ben managed to say to one man nearby.

The man took the time to reply slowly enough for Ben to know that they missed the lightweight matches and two of the middleweight matches. More of the middleweight matches were about to begin. Ben relayed this to his comrades.

All three were aware of the growth of sumo wrestling inside the states, but none of them really checked it out. In fact, they still thought the sport consisted of two horribly obese people running into each other.

“Middleweight? How big is that?” Thornton asked.

Ben pointed toward the ring. “See for yourself,” he said.

The two women who appeared were both 5’4” with stocky builds. From the looks of their protruding bellies, the plump women definitely looked like sumo wrestlers to the three men. They weren’t thin as swimsuit models, but they weren’t morbidly obese either. One had short black hair with bangs, while the other had long wavy dark brown hair. Both wore white belts, or mawashi, and a ribbon around their left ankle; one white, the other black.

The two wrestlers were dressed the same way women sumo wrestlers were dressed when they first took up the sport back in the eighteenth century, wearing only their mawashi. In other words, they were topless. In Japan, women in this garb, or the lack of it, was nothing new considering the sport. For three American males however, well, it really caught their attention.

“What’s with the ribbons?” Fredrick asked, gulping his drink and asking for another.

“I think with all that flesh melding together, it’s to help tell the contestants apart,” Ben replied, trying to find a way to watch the match while ignoring the breasts at the same time.

“It’s probably nothing more than a catfight.”

Both wrestlers squatted behind their respective lines, and stared at each other until the referee said go. The bout was quick, but brutal, as the one with short black hair grabbed a mawashi and a left leg, practically tossing the other woman out of the ring. Money changed hands, and the bookies started gathering bets for the next match.

After the second match they saw, Ben and Thornton came to the conclusion that these women weren’t fooling around.

“Rough women,” Thornton remarked.

“Yeah, much more than some old catfight,” Ben added.

“I wouldn’t want to mess with them. And these are middleweights?”

“Yeah, the heavyweights would be . . . hey, where’s Fredrick?”

“Uh, I don’t know. He was right here with us.”

“Huh. Did he drink more sake?”

Thornton slapped his forehead. “Yes, and I ordered him one like an idiot. I’ll find him; he couldn’t have gone far.” He turned to go.

Ben gripped his shoulder. “Don’t bother, I found him.”

Fredrick was in the ring shouting in badly mangled Japanese and English that wasn’t much better that he wanted to take one of these women, and squeeze their breasts before he threw their butts out of the ring. The crowd was too busy laughing at the drunk American gaijin to take him seriously. Apparently they had experience with this type of disturbance before. The female sumo standing at the edge of the ring discussed the matter among themselves, and one woman stepped forward and announced to the audience that she will take on this man. There was a slight pause, and then the bookies ran around taking bets.

“Ben, since you’ve been learning Japanese, and have a much better grip of it than I do, are they betting on this match?” Thornton asked.

“Yup,” Ben replied.

“How well are the bets going?”

Ben shook his head. “Not good. Most of the bets are how quick he’ll go down.”

“Nobody’s betting on him winning?”

“You could. You could really clean up if he wins it.”

Fredrick was escorted off the ring into a dressing room, or a men’s room used as a dressing room. Ben stood around listening to the murmurs of the crowd.

“What are they saying?” Fredrick asked.

“You don’t want to know. It might be a good idea after this match to go back to our hotel room, and hide for the next few days. Maybe by then, they’ll forget about what fools we’ve made of ourselves.”

“Don’t sound so down; maybe he’ll win. And then we’ll drag him back to our hotel room and beat him for the next few days so he won’t do this stuff again.”

“I heard that.”

Fredrick emerged from the dressing room wearing his white mawashi, and wondered if he really needed to be wearing this oversize diaper. He’ll finish whoever they have for him in five seconds. The floor felt cold and sticky under his feet, how could they stand this? There’s also a draft somewhere. If his opponent felt any draft, she clearly gave no sign, clad in just a white mawashi and a blue ribbon around her left ankle, attached to a leg that was thick and muscular. She was almost as tall as he was at 5’5”, and her belly reminded him of the Pillsbury Dough Boy (maybe he’ll poke it). Her black hair was up in a topknot, and she wore a smirk as she looked Fredrick over. That smirk grew to a full-blown grin when she saw where he was looking. To further entice her opponent, she shook them just a little when she squatted behind the line and got into position.

Fredrick finally moved his eyes to her face. What was she grinning about? He was going to show her no mercy and win her money. What was this woman’s name? Koi? Isn’t that a fish or something? No matter.

The referee finally said go, and Fredrick charged right into her belly, only to find out it wasn’t as soft as he thought. In fact, it was very hard. He found himself bouncing off in the initial attack. Now it was Koi’s turn. She placed one hand on Fredrick’s shoulder, and the other gripped his mawashi. Next thing he knew, he was slammed down on the ring floor. That was it; the match was over. Fredrick could see out of the corner of his eye people laughing and exchanging money. He looked up and saw Koi standing over him with a funny look on her face. He thought she was going to start laughing, but he was wrong.

Koi bent down, looking him over, and with hands faster than he thought possible, started undoing Fredrick’s mawashi. Even as drunk as he was, the action sobered him up to realize what she was doing.

“What are you doing? Stop it!” He yelled in English as he tried to stop her. Suddenly he felt a breeze where no man should feel a breeze, and the crowd really laughed.

Quickly gathering up what remained of his mawashi, Fredrick jumped up and ran back to the dressing room. However, Koi was hot on his heels. She intercepted him, put him in a headlock, and forced him into her dressing room, slamming the door with her bare foot.

“What’s she going to do?” Ben asked.

“We better go get him so we won’t have to find out,” Thornton said as they moved toward the dressing room to rescue their friend.

When they reached the front of the dressing room, they found the entrance blocked by another sumo wrestler. Her build was similar to Koi, except she had short brown hair that was slightly spiked. She had a dark blue kimono on that was barely fastened enough to cover her breasts.

“We need to get our friend,” Thornton demanded.

“Your friend will be out later. Right now, she is showing the gaijin the error of his ways,” the woman said.

Ben was furiously leafing through the phrase book, looking for a phrase that said they were sorry for Fredrick starting this mess. The woman knocked the book out of his hands.

“I’m speaking English, you drunken slob!” She exclaimed.

“But I’m not drunk,” Ben said in a small voice as he picked up his book.

“Look, we do apologize for our friend. He was drunk and being an idiot. It won’t happen again, so Koi won’t have to beat him,” Thornton explained.

The woman smiled. “Oh, she’s not beating him. Far from it.”

“Huh?”

She gestured to a nearby table. “Let’s have a seat.” They sat down, and the woman propped her bare feet on the edge of the table. “I am Akiko, and you two are?”

“I am Thornton, and this is Ben.”

Akiko gestured to a waitress, the same one who waited on the three men earlier. When she arrived, Akiko said, “Please give them a round of what they were drinking, and put it on my tab.”

“Ah yes. And you had sake, and you had an Arnold Palmer,” the waitress replied, testing her memory.

“An Arnold Palmer. I’ll have one too,” Akiko added.

As the waitress left, Ben said, “You don’t drink?”

“Not while I’m competing. You don’t want to do sumo drunk. The last woman I know who had done so lost her mawashi, and didn’t know it until she was disqualified. She didn’t compete here for six months out of shame. Anyway, I’m sure that’s something your friend is learning now.”

“About our friend, what is going on?” Thornton demanded.

“There’s an American tune, ‘What A Girl Wants, What A Girl Needs,’ I believe it is. Well Koi hasn’t had her ‘needs’ taken care of for some time. That’s being taken care of tonight.”

“You mean she’s . . . raping him?” Ben said in a hushed voice.

“Have a care, Ben, or I’ll make you kiss my feet,” Akiko remarked, wiggling her toes. “She is probably being a little persuasive with him, that’s all. Considering the things he said he wanted to do to her, that shouldn’t be hard.”

Thornton shook his head. Fredrick’s drunken mouth got him into trouble again. “So why are you ladies competing here instead of a regular stable?” He asked.

“The local stables here receive an average of close to a hundred applicants at the start of the season. Then you have to wait. Sometimes you have to compete just to get into some of the stables. One of our heavyweights here was in a professional stable, then the stable folded because the owner was in debt; gambling, I think. And at the time, the other stables were full of heavyweights, so she’s with us. Those of us without stables are independents, competing at other venues outside of the professional ring. The money is not as good, but the bulk of us are making a living.”

“So why don’t you start your own stable?” Ben asked offhandedly.

Akiko paused and looked at Ben. “Really? And how would I go about doing that?”

Ben gestured to the competing wrestlers still performing in the center of the place. “Well you already have the wrestlers. Just get together, find a place to train, like a gym or something, give yourselves a name, schedule yourselves in matches with other stables, etc. I don’t know all the legal details, but it shouldn’t be hard. That’s what I think, anyway.”

“I see . . .” Akiko took a sip of her drink, examining him closely. “So tell me, what brings you three here to Japan, and what brought you here? Normally, most men like you would be more near the heart of the city, trying to grope a geisha or something.”

Thornton told her their story. When he finished, he said, “Groping a geisha is not as easy as you think. Anyway, the hour is late; we need to get our friend now.”

“You’ll get your friend back – when Koi is finished. She might need him the rest of the night. Meantime, I believe it is time for you to go.” Akiko motioned to some people, and gestured towards the two men as they arrived. “Security, would you be kind enough to escort our guests out please?”

Thornton turned around, only to see a couple of women in kimonos and mawashi, and they were BIG. “Hey, no need to be harsh!” He uttered.

“These men giving you trouble, Akiko?” Asked a 5’10” woman with the build of Akiko, only bigger.

“No, they just need to get back to their hotel, and get some rest for tomorrow. Or rather, that one does,” she pointed at Thornton. “I’m keeping this one.” She patted Ben’s wrist.

“Me?” Ben asked, trying to withdraw, only to find that Akiko had a grip of iron on his wrist.

“Hey, wait a minute, can I have him?” This came from a six-foot woman with the same figure as She-Hulk. She pointed at Thornton.

“Ah, Thornton, this is Heaven, the former pro I told you about. Yes, you can have him, girl, I already have one,” Akiko said.

“Thank you. Thornton, is it? Let’s go someplace and talk for a while,” Heaven said as she pulled Thornton into the darkness. He looked at Ben in a silent plea for help. The remaining woman smiled, shook her head, and walked away.

“W-what are you going to do with me?” Ben asked.

Akiko leaned forward and whispered something to Ben in Japanese. He blushed and prepared to object, but she got up and pulled Ben with her.

“Our apartment, Koi and I, is above this place; convenient, yes? Since my roommate is busy with Fredrick in the dressing room, we have the whole place to ourselves,” she said, not seeming to notice the cool air blowing against her kimono, or the rough ground underneath her bare soles.

“Akiko, you can’t do this!” Ben cried.

“Why not?” Akiko asked when she reached the front door of her apartment and opened it.

“Because I’m a virgin!”

Akiko smiled like she won the grand prize. “Then I’ll take it real slow, and make it the best night you’ve ever had. You might as well enjoy it, because you’re not leaving, and I’m not letting you go. Now get in here!”

She practically threw Ben in the apartment, and slammed the door shut behind her.

***

On the outskirts of Louisville, Kentucky, there’s a field that showcases the lush green woods that lay beyond it. On that field, an army of women sumotori went through their morning workout. Overlooking the field was a large farmhouse with a large porch. Three women in black practice leotards with blue mawashi sat in rocking chairs, relaxing their bare feet on the wooden railing.

“I never thought I’d become the owner of a sumo stable,” Koi Shuttlesworth said as she rocked.

“If I knew it was that easy, I would have done it a long time ago,” Heaven Mathews replied.

“When Ben gave out that idea, and explained how to do it, I knew I had to marry him,” Akiko Williams explained. “Smart men are not that easy to find.”

During that night in Tokyo, Akiko drilled Ben for information after she finished “drilling” him. By morning, she came up with a game plan. While sumo was becoming increasingly popular in the US, there was still room for growth. The competition between stables in Japan, Tokyo especially, was so fierce, a fledgling stable would find it hard to survive. Going overseas was the best bet. She later gave her pitch to Koi and Heaven, who loved the idea.

For Ben, the whole night was like a whirlwind. When he woke up for breakfast, Akiko told him he had a great idea, and that she was going to the states with him. In fact, a core group of the women’s close friends who were sumo wrestlers as well decided to travel with them. He objected, saying the guys had two more days before they had to leave the hotel. Akiko solved that problem later that morning by moving his things from the hotel into her room, and told him he was staying a few more days until she and her friends were ready to leave. Besides, at the moment, he didn’t have a job to return to, so what’s the rush? The sumotori also stood by her word; she never left Ben’s side (aside from personal stuff like shaving, relieving himself, things like that).

Regarding the other two men, Fredrick and Thornton were holed up at an apartment that belonged to a friend of one of the wrestlers. They also received frequent visits from Koi and Heaven. When told about Akiko’s plan, Fredrick wasn’t sure how to react, and Thornton, looking up at Heaven, was rather afraid to.

When the party of three men arrived with twelve lady sumo wrestlers (which can draw attention in an airport) arrived, they, the sumo wrestlers made plans to move to Kentucky, because it was an excellent place to start a stable, and Koi and Akiko loved horses.

Since it seemed like they were going their separate ways (the men lived near Chicago), Ben said goodbye to Akiko, but Akiko refused, saying he was going with her. Why? Because they were getting married. Akiko explained that her mother told her once you find a smart man, you better grab him, because there aren’t too many of them, and he had little choice in the matter. Regarding the other two couples, Koi found Fredrick a joy to be with when he was sober, and followed her friends’ lead. Heaven decided to do the same, and Thornton was a little too scared to object.

Long story short, the sumotori invested in an abandoned farm with a nice farmhouse, and after getting sponsors and excellent recruiting, it soon became one of the more formidable stables among the Border States.

“And to think all this was because I wrestled a drunken fool in a nightclub,” Koi reflected.

“Has Fredrick had anymore problems with his drinking?” Heaven asked.

“Only once at an office party at his new job,” Koi replied. “We left early before he got totally out of control.” She sighed. “It saddened me that I had to beat my husband, but it looks like it worked. He goes to the other side of the street to avoid a bar, and he won’t even watch beer commercials.”

Heaven nodded with approval. “Thornton stopped drinking too. I think he’s still scared of me. I need to tell him I wouldn’t harm a hair on his head.”

“Why?” Koi remarked. They laughed.

“With Ben, I just say, ‘you’re a smart man, but I’m a woman, so that means I’m right.’ That takes care of it,” Akiko added. She looked at her watch. “They are through with their morning workout. Let’s brief them on their next opponent, tell them what they need, and all that.”

“What a sumo wants, what a sumo needs,” Koi started to sing.

“Oh shut up,” Akiko said, laughing.

***

If you enjoyed this story, perhaps you may want to read other stories from the Barefoot Heroines collection. There are a variety of stories to choose from. They can be found at http://www.thevalkyrie.com/stories/mongoose/index.htm.

For suggestions, comments, or story ideas, email the author at Shrewsberry@juno.com.