"Well?" demanded Lisa, tapping her foot a little too close to ISM for comfort. "Ready, everyone?"

Below her, assembled on The Oval cricket pitch, was Lisa's private army - ISM, The Phantom Knight, Number 10, Mighty Mouse, Canuck, The Masked Collager, Antman, and a host of others. They were lined up smartly like toy soldiers at her feet, and they were all keeping silent. Many appeared to be inspecting their shoelaces very intently. Certainly no one was looking up.

Grildrig scuttled out of the stands and tried to shuffle nonchalantly into line without being noticed. Forgetting he was full-sized, he even appeared to try to hide behind the stumps at one point.

"Right, now you're all here-" Lisa tapped her foot still harder, and ISM started to back away nervously. "-we can get on with it. Did I say you could move, Inchy?" ISM quickly fell back into line and began examining his boots again, this time with his eyes tight shut.

"Now, I want you to go in there and bring him out," Lisa instructed, pointing toward the Underground station.

There was a general murmuring of discontent from below.

"What was that?" Lisa growled.

"Yaaay!" cried Number 10, trying to whip up some enthusiasm amongst the others.

"Woo! Woo!" Antman thrust his fist in the air.

"Let's get him!" ISM joined in.

"Wahey-" Grildrig felt something was expected of him. Then he leaned toward Canuck and whispered. "-er- who are we getting?"

"We's gooin ta git tha moole," Canuck replied helpfully.

"Ah- right- thankyou-" Grildrig turned to Mighty Mouse. "Who are we getting?"

"So!" Lisa put a stop to the conversation. "Get going, midgets, and will someone please tell Grildrig what's going on."

Moments later, Lisa's tiny army filed away towards the stands and the exits. The lovely giantess waited until she was sure they'd all left before stepping over the stands herself. Behind her, the head groundsman looked at the huge six-foot deep footprints that covered his lovely green pitch and wept.

"So, who's going first?" asked Mighty Mouse at the entrance to the station.

"Er- well- that's a good question," Antman admitted.

"I believe that I should have that honour!" The Phantom Knight stepped proudly forward. "Unless anyone objects?"

There was a loud chorus of agreement from his fellow troopers and Alex Starfighter was almost pushed bodily to the front of the line.

With the power now switched off, the way was dark, and Alex lit his lightsabre for illumination. One by one he and his comrades entered the building and made their way further and further down inside the station. His right side was brightly lit by the Jedi weapon in his hand. The left was shrouded in shadow.

"Hey, Startfighter!" came a voice from behind. "I can see your dark side!"

Alex turned to see who the insolent person was. He closed his eyes momentarily and reached out with his mind.

"How does he know!" ISM grumbled as he rubbed his cheek and gave The Masked Collager a pained look.

They progressed on, silently now. Several minutes later they reached the last platform and found- nothing. The Mole had gone, probably down one of the tunnels.

"Oh, shi- shoot- Who's gonna tell Lisa?" The Masked Collager groaned, and the assembled band all found their shoes remarkably interesting once again. "Well, I'm not doing it. You all saw what she did to Antman after he told her lipstick prices had gone up-"

"I'll do it!" Mighty Mouse thrust his hand in the air.

"You disgust me!" Antman grimaced.

"I'd rather go down those tunnels after him," The Masked Collager walked over to the end of the platform, apparently oblivious the others. "What the-!" He could have sworn he heard the sound of horses galloping in the tunnel!

At that moment, having limited faith in her tiny army, Lady Lisa was patroling the city streets, looking for signs of anyone exiting from one of the Underground tunnels. She'd lost her bearings a little but was in East London somewhere when a multi-coloured blur shot up from one of the tunnels beside her.

With agility worthy of any wicket keeper, Lisa stretched out her right arm and snatched the object out of the sky one-handed. Whatever it was, the object was feisty. It bounced around inside her fist for some time, trying to escape, before it settled down.

When the object had quietened down significantly, Lisa risked opening her hand a little. In utter disbelief, she took a huge intake of breath. Lisa's already generous 38D chest swelled considerably, attracting a great deal of interest from the onlookers assembled at the windows of the Canary Wharf tower.

Visibly shaken, Lisa felt her knees weaken and she leant backwards, gently resting the back of her calves against a nearby building to steady herself. She blinked, and then blinked again. Then she took a closer look at the object stood in her palm.

It was a strange design of wooden cart, with skis instead of wheels; being driven by a fat man dressed in red and white. A short co-driver dressed in green sat on his left, and behind them the cart was loaded with sacks and boxes. Most remarkably, the cart was harnessed to - and Lisa blinked again, just to be sure - several deer.

"I don't believe it," Lisa gasped.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" cried the fat man. "Merry Christmas, Lisa!"

"H- how do you know my name?" she asked as she examined the driver more closely.

"Oh, I know the names of all the good- er- little girls and boys," the tiny red and white figure explained, "Besides, there aren't many young ladies that could use the Millennium Dome as a footstool."

"Father Christmas- Santa?" Lisa gasped again.

"Who did you expect?" Santa laughed as he climbed down from the sleigh and walked across Lisa's hand toward her. "The Tooth Fairy?"

"B- but-" Lisa was at a loss for words. "- and you've got a little elf with you-"

"Elf, she says!" Santa turned toward his co-driver, laughing almost uncontrollably. "Ho! Ho! Ho! Did you hear that, Kermit?"

"Kermit?" Lisa brought her hand up closer to her face so she could take a closer look at the little green figure. "Kermie! Is that you?"

"Hi Lisa. This is the Winter job I told Tess about," Kermit explained. "I help Santa at the workshop and with some of the deliveries. We're out on a practice run at the moment, going over some of the routes. We use the Underground to stay out of sight."

"But I thought you had little elves for that?" Lisa turned back toward Father Christmas.

"Elves! Elves, she says!" Santa laughed again and glanced back at Kermit. "Ho! Ho! Ho! She believes in elves! Fancy believing in- Ho! Ho! Ho! No, my dear, there are no such things as elves. No, I use frogs- three foot tall talking frogs. Elves, indeed! Whoever heard the like? Ho! Ho! Ho!"

"Frogs-" Secretly Lisa was a little disappointed. As much as she liked Kermit, the idea of talking frogs just wasn't as romantic as elves.

"Now," Santa continued. "We really should be getting along. Lot to do at this time of year, don't ya know."

"So we ought to Go! Go! Go!" Kermit grinned mischievously.

"Kermit," Santa turned back toward the chuckling frog. "Please. I've asked you before not to make fun."

"Doh! Doh! Doh!" Kermit laughed even more loudly.

"Oh, I give up," Santa muttered, climbing back aboard his sleigh and taking up the reins.

"I'm sorry if I- er- held you up-" Lisa apologised. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No! No! No!" Santa replied, sparking another bout of mirth from Kermit. "We can manage."

"Well, goodbye then," Lisa gave them a weak smile, still a little stunned. Then she held her hand up, palm straight, to allow the sleigh to take off.

It was then that she noticed one of the sacks on the back of the sleigh move-

"Just what have you got in those sacks?" Lisa asked, bringing her hand back down to take a closer look.

"Oh, just toys," Santa explained. "Toy cars, dolls, games - that sort of thing."

"Yo! Yo! Yo!s" Kermit added with a snigger, only to receive a sudden glare from Santa.

"Why's that one moving?" Lisa asked. "The one at the back, by the stripey box."

Father Christmas got out of his seat, walked to the back of the sleigh and untied the sack in question. "By Jove! A stowaway!"

The top of the sack fell open to reveal a well-built man in his mid-thirties. He wore glasses the size of milk bottles and a very sheepish expression.

"Oh- er- hello Lisa," he muttered in a poor attempt at sounding cheerful. "Fancy- er- bumping into you here."

"You!" and then Lisa's huge mouth formed into a grin as wicked as Santa had ever seen, causing him to shudder. "Well, well, well- Hello, Moley. I've been looking for you."

"Oh- er- have you?" The Mole responded weakly. "You should have said-"

"Just a small matter of Wembley Stadium fees, about fifty grand in gambling debts and standing me up!" The Mole, Santa and Kermit all covered their ears as Lisa thundered out the last four words.

"Oh, ah, I'm glad you, er, mentioned that," The Mole fumbled for words. "I, er-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Lisa shouted again. She counted silently to ten before speaking again. "Santa? Do you mind if I borrow this sack?"

"No, not at all."

"Thankyou," Lisa had that wicked grin again as she carefully picked up the sack, Mole and all, between her fingertips. "Now, I'll take care of your stowaway. You needn't worry about him."

"Er- thankyou, Lisa," Santa wasn't sure what Lisa had in mind, and he decided he didn't want to know. He climbed back onto the sleigh and took hold of the reins once again. "Giddy up!"

The reindeer harnessed to the sleigh perked up and run off at a trot along Lisa's hand. As they crossed her middle finger they took off into the air.

"Bye, Lisa!" Kermit waved his little arm.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Goodbye, Lisa!" Father Christmas waved an arm as the giant beauty blew them a kiss. He quickly retook the reins in both hands as the gale-force wind threatened to blow the sleigh out of control.

"Phew!" Santa turned to Kermit when he thought they were out of earshot. "I wouldn't want to be in that young man's shoes."

"Woe! Woe! Woe!" Kermit agreed, but neither of them laughed.

"Well, now!" Lisa held up the tiny sack containing the Mole. "What am I going to do to you! Let me see- It's Christmas, and you're my tiny present. But Christmas Day isn't until Saturday- Ah ha! I have an idea!"

Lisa's evil grin was replaced by a smile as sweet as sugar, but, looking out of the neck of the sack, The Mole drew little comfort from it - for the glint in her eye was one of pure mischief.

A minute or two later, Lisa entered Trafalgar Square where she found the huge Norwegian Spruce Christmas tree - an annual gift to the British people for their help in the Second World War. Of course to Lisa the giant spruce looked no more than a small houseplant.

With great care, Lisa knelt down and tied the miniature sack containing The Mole to the branches of the tiny tree. Then she stood up to her full height and made an announcement.

"I've just tied my favourite Christmas present to this tree!" she called loud enough for all of London to hear her. "I expect it to be here when I come back to collect it Christmas morning! If it isn't- Let's just say I wouldn't be very pleased!"

Lisa knelt down beside the little tree once again. "I'll send some of my little guys over to keep an eye on you, Moley," she whispered to the tiny sack swaying in the branches. "And then you're going to find out what I did to Antman one time when-"

Suddenly distracted, Lisa's voice dropped and her eyes glazed over. Momentarily she forgot all about her little captive and concentrated on something far more immediately interesting. Silently, she reached forward and grasped the centre of Nelson's Column in her right hand.

"Ooooh!" Lisa grinned happily as she began to suggestively slide her hand up and down the famous landmark. "Look what I've found!"

"Catch you later, Moley!" Lisa laughed as she ripped the entire column out of the ground with one hand. "Horatio and I are going to get- acquainted. I'll bring him back when I collect you on Saturday! Bye!"

What condition will Nelson's Column be in when Lisa returns it on Christmas morning?

What does Lisa have planned for Moley?

What will Lisa make of this long-winded four-part epic?

Only Lady Lisa knows-