More than five months, and no Mxyzptlk.
Superman was thinking it was time to start worrying. Normally, after he was sent back to his own dimension, Mxyzptlk showed up again promptly after ninety days. Not always, of course. Sometimes he was a few days late. But now it was going on half a year since the last time he'd popped in, and there was still no sign of that fifth-dimensional imp. Either this could be a good thing, or conceivably it could be very, very bad.
Suddenly, as he flew over Metropolis, Superman felt a weight on his back and two sharp pains in his flanks. "Sorry to be gone so long, Supes," giggled a familiarly obnoxious high-pitched voice, "but I've been busy. Hope you didn't miss me too much!" The imp was dressed up in a cowboy suit, had materialized a saddle on Superman's back, and was applying a set of magical spurs.
"Mxyzptlk!" Superman exclaimed. He spun around and grabbed at Mxyzptlk with both hands, but all he got was the cowboy suit. The imp himself wasn't there.
"Ah, ah! Temper, temper," Mxyzptlk giggled. "You know the rules. You can look, but you can't grab." He was floating off to the side, back in his usual orange outfit with the derby hat.
"Don't you ever get tired of this?" Superman wondered. "Every time you come here, it's a variation on the same game. You put an unsolvable puzzle in front of me, and make my life hell until I figure a way to trick you into giving me the answer."
"But there are so many variations, we'll never be able to explore them all!"
"Fine," Superman sighed. "What is it this time? I've tricked you into saying your name backwards, I've painted your face blue, I've managed to learn a secret from Luthor . . ."
"Actually," Mxyzptlk admitted, "it was getting boring. And since I did have other things to do, I stayed away for a while. But I knew that something would eventually occur to me, and it finally did. So the trick this time is . . ."
Mxyzptlk snapped his fingers.
". . . you have to figure out what I just did!"
"Well for one thing," Superbabe cooed, modestly crossing her arms over her shapely Kryptonian breasts, "you just made most of my costume go away. Looks like the only things I have on now are the cape and a pair of teeny blue bikini briefs."
"Good, good, very observant" Mxyzptlk agreed, flying in a gentle circle around the nearly naked, raven-haired beauty, taking in the view from every conceivable angle, "but that's only part of it. What else have I done?"
"Oh, Mxy," she pouted, "why do you always have to make me think? I wish you didn't have to make it so hard to win one of your hot, burning kisses."
"What can I say, babe?" he chuckled, moving directly behind her and taking a look down the back of her panties. "If the prize is gonna be valued, it's gotta be earned."
"So how much time do I have?" she wondered.
"Ohhh, let's say twenty-four hours to figure it out. One day from now, if you can tell me what I did, you get your kiss and I go home for another ninety days. If not . . ."
"Then it'll be permanent," he laughed, fading out of Superbabe's sight.
Permanent! Well, that certainly didn't sound good.
* * *
When she got back to the luxuriously furnished apartment she rented under her real name as Kala Jorel, Superbabe slipped out of the remnants of her costume, put on something white and frilly, and sat down to think this through.
Mxyzptlk was such a tease, she sighed.
Still, if she wanted that kiss, she'd have to put her mind to it and figure it out. He'd made that clear enough in the past.
Let's see, now. What had he said? That she'd have to figure out what he'd done? Which meant . . . that he'd already done something. And more, evidently, than just the bit with the costume.
But what?
Well, so far, he'd popped in wearing a cowboy suit and ridden her for a few moments like she was a horsey. Then he'd vanished, leaving the cowboy suit behind when she'd tried to grab him. Then he'd popped back in and issued his kissy-kissy challenge. Then he'd made her costume disappear. And finally he'd faded out again.
Oh. Wait a second. Hadn't his challenge been to figure out what he'd just done? And as he'd said it, hadn't he snapped his cute little fifth-dimensional fingers?
Kala was pleased that figured it out so quickly, and was eagerly looking forward to that kiss she'd earned. She stood up, put both hands to her mouth and called out, "Mxy, darling, when you made my costume go away, you also snapped your fingers!"
Superbabe heard a buzzing noise behind her. She turned and saw Mxyzptlk's head--and just his head. It was all lit up all red like a light bulb, and he told her, "Incomplete answer! Guess again!"
She started giggling uncontrollably. He was so cute!
Then he was gone, and Kala was very sad. The guess she'd been so proud of hadn't been right after all. At least, it hadn't been completely right. Which meant that whatever Mxy had done, he'd done more than snap his fingers.
Well, whatever he'd done, she had plenty of time to figure it out. Twenty-four hours was, like, an entire day!
And besides, right now she didn't really have time to worry about playing kissy-kissy with Mxyzptlk. As Superbabe, Kala had, y'know, a lot of responsibilities. Not the least of which was making sure she got to the studio on time.
* * *
"That's it! Good girl! Let's see that super smile. Oh, yess! That's our Superbabe! She's in fine fettle today! Zam! I think we got ourselves a winner with that one, too!"
"I hope they do turn out okay," Superbabe cooed.
"Yeah, well," Jimmy sighed as he changed cameras, "it goes with the territory. Like Miss Lane says, you got a girl with X-ray vision lined up in your sights, you're gonna get your film fogged once in a while."
"But why licorice and popcorn?" she wondered.
"According to Lois, popcorn's sexy," Jimmy shrugged. "She says it's like a metaphor for a young girl's breast. You start out with nothing but potential, and after it pops you get something puffed up and delicious."
"If she says so. Where is Lois, anyway? I thought she wanted to watch me today."
"Last I saw," Jimmy sighed, "Mister White was keeping her busy."
"Poor Lois," Kala giggled.
"Lois can take care of herself. The next thing she wants me to do with you, Superbabe, is get you completely naked, and lay you down in a bed of popcorn."
"And as long as Lois isn't here, the next thing I want to do with you, Mister Olsen, is have you rub your dick up against my super-pussy."
"Let's . . . save that thought for later, Superbabe," Jimmy said, looking a bit worried.
"Oh, don't worry," she cooed, "even if I decide to let you into me, it's not as if I've ever really pinched a man's dick off."
"That isn't the point, Superbabe," Lois snapped as she entered the room, looking only slightly bedraggled after her encounter with Mister White. "The point is that Jimmy is your photographer, not your personal plaything."
"Spoilsport," Kala pouted.
"Now are we here today to chat, or to get some tit and ass for next year's Superbabe calendar on film?"
"We're here to film, Miss Lane, sir!" Jimmy replied, snapping off a brisk salute.
Superbabe could barely stifle a giggle. Jimmy was so cute!
Mmmm. And Lois looked delicious! No wonder Perry insisted on spending some "quality time" with her.
"After Olsen's done with you and the popcorn, Superbabe," Lois said, slipping out of her clothes, "we're going to do some shots of you and me."
"Why?" Superbabe wondered.
"Because you and I are so right for each other," Lois pouted. "We look good together."
"Miss Lane," Superbabe sighed, "as I've told you before, I am not a lesbian. For the most part, I like strong, handsome guys."
"Your loss," Lois cooed.
"Drop your arms and hold that pose, Miss Lane," Jimmy said, flicking the motor on his camera into motion and moving around her so he could get it from several different angles.
"Oooo. Okay," Lois agreed.
"Now purse those lips and look backwards at me over your shoulder."
Kala protested, "Hey, screw Lois! This is supposed to be my session, not hers. Where's that popcorn?"
"Now . . . girdle off. And arms over head, lifting those fetching auburn curls . . ."
"Like this?"
"Olsen!" Kala snapped. "Stop shooting pictures of Lois, or I will fog that film! I'm the Superbabe here, and nobody gets away with ignoring me!"
Wait a second.
It occurred to Kala that there was someone who could get away with ignoring her. "Mxyzptlk," she called out, "this smacks of your handiwork!" She stamped her foot and said, "I demand that you show yourself to me right now!"
"Mxyzptlk," Jimmy wondered, "is he back again?"
"Yes," Superbabe replied, "and as always, before I can get any kisses from him, he's going to make me guess the answer to his latest riddle."
"Mmmmm. Mister Mxyzptlk," Lois moaned, spreading her legs wide and leaning forward to put the palms of her hands on the floor.
And suddenly the imp was there, naked except for his derby hat, hovering in the air behind Lois, who was cooing happily as he drove his fifth-dimensional penis into her ass.
Jimmy grabbed another camera and started snapping pictures.
"Hey!" Superbabe complained. "You've never done that with me!"
"That's where you're wrong, cutie," Mxyzptlk chortled, "I've fucked you over plenty of times. And this time is turning out to be the best one yet! Besides, it was your idea. I distinctly heard you say someone should screw Lois! So why not me?"
"I never said that," Superbabe protested.
"Yes, you did, Superbabe," Jimmy pointed out.
"Well, stop screwing her, and start screwing me!" Superbabe insisted.
"Already done," Mxyzptlk laughed. And without another word, he vanished.
* * *
Later that evening, when Lois and Kala were alone together in Kala's apartment, Lois pulled out prints of some of the shots Jimmy had taken and sighed, "Well, at least the popcorn shots came out okay. You know, I just love the way your Kryptonian love mound juts out like that."
"I'm sorry about that business with Mxyzptlk," Kala assured her.
"Superbabe, I told you not to worry about that! Mxyzptlk is good, but he'll never compare favorably to you."
"And I'm sorry I'm not a lesbian."
"Will you please stop apologizing. It doesn't matter whether you're a lesbian or not. The only thing that matters right now is us getting our heads together and figuring out what the answer to your impish boyfriend's latest riddle is."
"Lois, I really appreciate you coming home with me to spend the night. You take such good care of me, and for so little reward. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Oh, right. Says the girl who can bend steel with her bare hands."
"No, I mean it. It's like, you know, I haven't really been a girl for all that long, and I still don't know everything there is to know about it."
"In that case," Lois declared, "I'll just have to start teaching you."
"Thank you."
"By the way, what did you mean just now what you said you haven't been a girl for all that long?"
Superbabe looked puzzled. "Did I say that?"
"Yes."
"I'm . . . not quite sure."
* * *
One thing Superbabe did know about the advantages of being a girl--particularly a pretty girl--was that men usually bent over backwards to do them favors. So after spending a very pleasant and satisfying night with Lois, but not really getting anywhere with Mxyzptlk's riddle, she decided to fly over to Gotham City and drop in on Batman to find out if the world's greatest detective might be able to figure out what the imp had done.
To Batman, the answer seemed obvious. He took one look at her and told her Mxyzptlk had used his magic to make Superbabe even more beautiful and desirable than ever. She giggled and called him a flatterer, but he insisted he wasn't flattering her. He was merely observing that he was having a very different reaction to her than he remembered having the last time they'd met. And after giving in to their mutual attraction and making love with him right there on the floor of the Batcave, Superbabe had to admit that maybe he was on to something. Certainly having such an intense session of steamy, passionate sex was something they'd never felt such a strong compulsion to do before.
On a hunch, after leaving Batman, Superbabe went a little further north and paid a visit to Wonder Woman, who took one look at her and exclaimed, "Great Hera! What's happened to you?"
Superbabe didn't stay long. She could see that Wonder Woman, too, was getting all hot and bothered, and didn't want this to go any farther than it had to. She explained her theory to Wonder Woman, that Mxyzptlk had used his magic to rev up and supercharge her sexual batteries, and on the evidence of what she was feeling, Wonder Woman had to agree. She suggested that Amazon techniques might be able to help her tone it back down, and Superbabe said she'd check back in if she had to, but now that she had the answer she wanted to confront Mxyzptlk with it and get that kiss.
* * *
When she got back to her apartment, Kala fiddled with her clock, then waited until the twenty-four hours were almost up before calling out to Mxyzptlk. She wanted the fact that she'd solved the riddle to have as much impact on him as possible, and what better way for that than to make him think she'd waited until almost the last second to give him the answer?
She made sure her hair was slightly mussed, and her makeup was properly applied, then slipped into a semi-transparent floral shift that would do nothing to hide her voluptuous curves. This time she wanted to look her best. This time she wasn't going to settle for just kisses. This time, she was going to insist that Mxyzptlk do for her what he'd done the other day for Lois.
When the clock said it was five minutes before the appointed time, Kala called out to Mxyzptlk, who popped in bearing red roses and a box of chocolates. He glanced at the clock, grinned, and said, "Only four minutes left, Superbabe. After that, it becomes permanent."
"But I figured it," she cooed, accepting the gifts from him. "You used your magic to make everyone think your name was Mxyzptlk, but it's really Rumplestitskin."
"Wrong," he chuckled, gleefully rubbing his hands together. "Now let's get that shift down off those tits and up off that Kryptonian ass. In three more minutes, we're gonna have ourselves some good fuckin'!"
"Oooo," she cooed, "and I didn't even have to ask! You like what you've done to me, don't you?"
"Darn tootin' I do," he chortled, running his hands over the generous curves of her behind. "You're a work of art!"
"Well, here's what it is, then," she said, noting that by the clock she had one minute to spare. "When you snapped your fingers at me yesterday, you not only took away my costume, you revved up my sexual batteries and made me completely irresistible! It doesn't matter whether it's you, or Lois, or Jimmy, or Batman, or Wonder Woman, or anybody. I send out signals that make everybody want to fuck me!"
"Right, right, and wrong," Mxyzptlk laughed.
"What?" Superbabe exclaimed.
"Five seconds. Want to try again? Better do it quick. Two. One. Bingo!"
"Well," she pouted, "did I at least have it mostly right?"
Mxyzptlk snapped his fingers and told her smugly, "Frankly, you didn't get very much of it at all. For one thing, you didn't get the part about me changing you into a girl in the first place!"
"You changed me into a girl?"
"Well, d-uh, Superbabe. You also didn't get the part about me setting you up with this little love nest we'll be sharing, or the part about translating your Kryptonian name into a feminine form for you, or the part about setting up your Daily Planet friends in a modeling agency that has Superbabe as its major client, or the part about me changing Lois Lane into a bisexual slut."
"You did all that just by snapping your fingers?" Superbabe wondered. "What else did I miss?"
"Let's see. Oh, yeah. The fact that everyone now remembers you as being a girl, and that there's absolutely no evidence that anyone named Superman ever existed at all."
"Wow. That's a lot! No wonder I didn't get it all."
"Now be a good girl, Superbabe, take that floral shift the rest of the way off, and stretch out that gorgeous body so your darling Mister Mxyzptlk can see everything he's getting."
"All right," she agreed, "and more besides!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She stretched herself out, got to her feet, went to the clock, and turned the minute hand back to five minutes before the twenty-four deadline, giggling, "It means everything you said, Mxy."
"You . . . just turned the clock back?" he wondered.
"Yeh," she pouted apologetically. "That's the right time. See, I thought I knew what the answer to your riddle was, but I couldn't be sure. So I figured, just in case I had it wrong, I'd let you tell me what you did. And now, since I know it all, I can tell you what you did. Which was what you said I needed to do in order to get that kiss and send you home for the next ninety days."
"But you didn't figure it out!" he complained.
"I didn't need to!" she snapped, putting her fists on her hips and leaning forward slightly so that her breasts would dangle in front of him. "You gave me twenty-four hours to figure it out, but what you actually said was that if I can tell you what you did, I get my kiss and you go home. And the fact is that I can! And with a good minute to spare!"
For a moment, Mxyzptlk just stared at her in amazement. Then his face turned bright red with barely suppressed anger, and grabbed her breasts with both hands, squeezed them hard, and hissed, "You tried to trick me."
"Owwww," she complained. "I always trick you."
"Not this time," he growled. "This time I anticipated it, and left out one very important detail."
"Really? Does that mean I don't get that kiss?"
"Do you want the kiss?"
"That and a lot more, besides," she cooed.
"Then first suck my fifth-dimensional cock, bitch!" he snarled, letting go of her breasts and unfastening his belt.
"Ooooo, of course I will," she cooed, kneeling in front of him and licking her lips in anticipation.
Laughing, Mxyzptlk grabbed Superbabe by her ears, pulled her face down between his legs, kissed her on the top of her head, and told her, "From now on, this is what it's all about for you, Supes. No more red-and-blue suit. No more fighting crime. That was Superman's thing, but Superbabe doesn't do that sort of shit. I've made sure that there's only the one thing she's interested in, and that's sex! Catch her when she's hot, and she'll do it anywhere, anytime, and with anyone. But most especially she'll do it with me!"
As she tongued it, Mxyzptlk's fifth-dimensional penis swelled up into Superbabe's mouth much larger than she would have expected. A moment later, a stream of sweet-tasting honey was flowing into her mouth, down her throat, and into her belly, and the imp was on the floor, twitching helplessly in the throes of what must have been an incredible orgasm. Greedily, she got down on her hands and knees and hovered over him, licking at the tip of his penis as it returned to its normal tiny size, trying to get every last drop of that wonderfully delicious fifth-dimensional semen.
As he gasped for breath and tried to regain control of his body, Mxyzptlk realized that the result of his magic was even better than he'd hoped for! This Superbabe chick he'd created out of Superman was incredible. She really was a work of fifth-dimensional art. He glanced at the clock, saw that the real twenty-four hour deadline was now only a few ticks away, and wondered, "So what do you think now, Superman? Any last regrets before that clock ticks over, and you're stuck with breasts and a pussy forever?"
"No, not really," she pouted, snuggling up against him on the floor and running her fingertips over his belly, "but I wish you wouldn't call me that. I understand that I used to be someone called Superman, but that's not who I am any more. I'm Superbabe! More to the point, I'm your Superbabe! And it's obvious that when you changed me into Superbabe, you also made me love you!"
As she'd said it, Mxyzptlk had been kissing her breasts. And as she finished her statement, he looked up at her in shock, started shrieking in rage and anger, then vanished in a puff of acrid smoke, complaining, "Three seconds! Blast you, Superman! Three seconds more, and I would have had you!"
"Oh, wow!" Superbabe exclaimed as the apartment started to vanish around her, too. "What did I just say?"
* * *
As always, the effects of Mxyzptlk's magic vanished with him. The twenty-four hours in the life of "Superbabe" that he'd enabled were gone. An entire day had disappeared, and Superman found himself exactly where he'd been twenty-four hours before, back in his red-and-blue costume, flying over Metropolis.
Superman knew from experience that no one else would remember anything of those events that had never happened. For Lois, Jimmy, Perry, Batman, and Wonder Woman, Superbabe had never existed. But because he'd been there at the focal point of Mxyzptlk's magic, Superman remembered. He remembered everything, from being ridden by Mxyzptlk, to posing for Jimmy's camera, from spending the night with Lois, to having sex with Batman, from visiting Wonder Woman, to giving lip service to that damn imp.
And as he remembered, a chill ran down Superman's spine. Whether or not it was because of the imp's magic, he'd enjoyed being Superbabe! He'd loved every kinky minute of it. And at the end, he'd been only three seconds away from becoming a woman forever. This time, Mxyzptlk had almost won! If Superbabe hadn't stumbled, right then and there, across the notion that Mxyzptlk had made her love him . . .
Superman shuddered. He could still taste the sweet memory of Mxyzptlk's semen on his lips, and feel its soothing fifth-dimensional warmth churning in his belly. And in that moment, Superman felt a wicked, sexy little smile curling the corner of his lips, and knew that buried somewhere within him, deep down inside, there was a part of him that would never again be satisfied with the idea of being a man.
Superbabe wasn't gone. She was right there, flying over Metropolis, wearing Superman's body. And despite the fact that she had never truly existed, Superman had a dangerous premonition that the world would soon be hearing from her again.