The Toy Man
By John Alexander
Off with his head


Jack and Timmy were downstairs playing with their toys. Their toys were 
what you would expect for little boys of their age, they were things: 
guns, trains, boats, cars and the like.  As they engrossed themselves 
pretending to make their toy things do what they wanted another child 
watched them from the banister upstairs with lofty contempt. 

"That's really stupid", thought the other child.  "Making machines and 
tools do what you want,  their toys are so dumb, just like they are."  
They had even made fun of her toys, and her toys were better. When she 
grew up she'd show them. With a rising sense of anticipation she entered 
her room. She was going to play with her better toys and make them do 
things.  She opened her toy box and admired her toys. Her toys were 
people. 

She selected her favorite.  She called him "John Boy", he was a little 
talking man doll with a string on the back of his neck.  Savoring the 
moment she pulled his string. 

"Hi, I'm John, would you like to raise my consciousness and make me 
sensitive?" 

She pulled the string again. 

"I'm not sensitive because I'm trying to dominate you and don't know any 
better." 

Again she pulled the string. 

"Because I have all the power I don't know anything, you have to teach 
me." 

Giggling with delight, she pulled his string again. 

"Until you teach me better everything is going to be my fault." 

This was so good! Squealing with delight she turned him over.  "You bad, 
bad boy! You're being disrespectful of women! Spank! Spank! Spank!". 
"It's your fault I'm spanking you! You're making me spank you, you bad, 
bad, boy! Spank, Spank, Spank!" Now for the really fun part. "Aw, poor 
little man. Are you not in touch with your feelings because of your male 
pride? I'm going to help you."  Gritting her teeth she squeezed the 
little man as she spanked him some more. 

"Wah! Waaah!". Her toy man bleated. 

She threw back her head and laughed with glee. Surging with inspiration 
she grasped her man, and wagged her finger at him. "You're bad because 
you're obsessed with power! The problem is in your head! That's why 
you're such a bad boy!" In a rage she grasped his head and pulled it 
off. She threw it and bounced it against the wall, and his head rolled 
across the floor, stopping at her feet. His helplessly frozen expression 
looked up at her as she rocked back and forth on her haunches, her head 
thrown back cackling with glee. 

She looked down at the headless little man in the palm of her hand. She 
pulled his string again. 

"I believe in equality between men and women.." said the man with no 
head.