THE EOMHS, AN OVERVIEW by John Alexander On Valkyries and Eomhs, some useful insights into the Valkyrie courtship and marriage Update: 01/11/1997 to misc3 Everyone is aware of the dynamic and powerful Valkyries, the superhuman muscular warrior women, but few have heard of their male counterparts, the Eomhs ( E - aum - iss ). This is hardly surprising, for the Eomhs are shy and quiet and seldom attract any attention to themselves. The Eomhs are soft weak and passive, they usually live in the world of humans who seldom notice them because humans are usually too busy trying to be noticed themselves to notice that there is another species living in their midst. There are some Eomhs communities that exist in remote forests and mountains where they gather to advance their studies and various research. But most Eomhs live in the world of humans where the Eomhs do much work to advance humanity. Wherever a government or corporation has hopelessly snarled its in its own pettyvainglorious internal politics you will find, in some obscure position, an Eomhs quietly and patiently working to straighten things out, or you will only find endless destructive back stabbing,butt covering, fear, egotism, and greed with no end in sight. One of the telltale attributes of the Eomhs is their supernatural ability to make intelligible flow charts. Humans, by their nature, are too preoccupied with their own sense of importance, their fear of responsibility, to understand how their own institutions work. Which is I suppose not too surprising since most of them, that work anyway, were conceived and quietly organized by the Eomhs. The Eomhs works by finding a patron who has got himself (or herself) into a powerful position by using various tricks to eliminate rivals, but realizes that they themselves will be likewise deposed unless they "get things working around here". Of course they haven't got a clue as to how to do that. But heaven is mysterious in its mercy for humanity, for in an interview a Eomhs may show up. The Eomhs will instantly recognize what the power crazed human is talking about when he mumbles along about "the need to reorganize and reprioritise" and calmly responds with intelligent questions and even helpful suggestions on the spot. If another human exhibited such obvious ability, the interviewer would be terrified and burn the resume. But the Eomhs is so meek and passive and unassertive that the human recognizes that here is someone who lacks the necessary personality to be a threat to him, yet who can be of real help. The only remaining problem, how to get the credit for the Eomhs work for himself. This seems to be no problem at all for the human either, given the preternatural submissiveness of the Eomhs. Thus an Eomhs is injected into the organization. If a human had a tenth of the valid ideas that a typical Eomhs has, he would spend a lifetime trying to get credit and recognition for it. The Eomhs, on the other hand knows that is a waste of time and prefers to devote his spare time to daydreaming about an Valkyrie sitting on his face, which they are wont to do in fact. But the humans have bought more than they bargained for. Even though the Eomhs are meek and passive, they are fearless, at least by human standards. They are also honest, at least by human standards. While a human would think up some brilliant means of avoiding saying that the data doesn't support the conclusion the organization wanted, an Eomhs will simply, with their usual deferential politeness, say so. Since humans live by fear and greed, rather that by truth, this is powerfully terrifying for them. Since even someone as meek and powerless as the Eomhs has said it, this fact must be something that the cowards and self promoters must instantly acknowledge. Or the human hierarchy may, realizing the value of their eomhs, to them, may prompt him about what they want him to say, but the Eomhs will never really agree with them, this honesty is usually interpreted as stupidity, betrayal, or perhaps an unfortunate religious upbringing or something. At any rate the cat is out of the bag and the petty squabbling humans must react to it, before someone else does. Humans are addicted to praise and approval, and here the relative honesty of the Eomhs has an effect on the human environment. For example, a human may approach an Eomhs bragging about how he uses pirate software, the Eomhs will gently disapprove. The human will be befuddled at this faux pas and will usually return a few months later bragging about how they registered their software and a few months later will be loftily cursing people who don't. Eomhs are not perfect, but they expect from humans the same level of honesty that they practice themselves. Fortunately, they don't preach to humans they way humans do to each other, Eomhses are far to shy for that, which is good thing because otherwise many of them surely would be murdered. The human establishments of some nations have become so overwrought at the activities of the eomhses that they have massive campaigns of terror and established large secret police organizations to suppress this baffling, mysterious phenomenon. Of course, these outfits have no clue as to what to do either and they end up hiring Eomhses. Here the Eomhs will work differently. They use their abilities to construct flow charts to please and flatter everybody and leave the original function of the organization unaccounted for. Here they will encourage the natural human aversion to taking risks and making decisions until the entire organization is paralyzed. Look what happened to the Soviet Union. Had that mighty despotism been destroyed by military force, humans were inclined to do, the Valkyries would have been busy indeed taking the slain warriors wherever. Thus you can see how the Valkyries and the Eomhses work together for humanity. The Eomhses try to prevent humanity from hurting itself, and the Valkyries clean up the mess when they do. The Eomhs and the Valkyrie are the same species. The Valkyrie is strong and aggressive, the Eomhs are weak and passive. The typical Eomhs is usually a bit smaller than the Valkyrie, due to his anatomy and sedentary lifestyle, he is much weaker. Usually the Eomhs will have a large frame, often a barrel chest, which he inherited from his mother, but he will have light bones which will break easily (a thing that the Valkyrie must bear in mind when mating takes place ). The bones of the Eomhs tend to be light, yet flexible, in contrast to the massive, yet rigid and strong bones of the Valkyrie. Also, the bones of the Eomhs have a much larger volume devoted to marrow than does the Valkyrie, this is due to his abnormal need for blood for his brain. Eomhses are very loose jointed, which means that their ligaments and tendons are very delicate and tear easily, which means that Eomhses often suffer back and joint problems. The weak muscles of the Eomhs help protect his light bones and tender ligaments from damage. If you see an Eomhs in a gym, this is probably why he is there. The flesh is so soft and tender that it is coming off the bone, you might say. Humans might expect that he is there to be picked up by Valkyries, but that would be unspeakably forward and and an outrage for an Eomhs to dangle himself in front of Valkyries like that, WHAT IF THEY WERE OFFENDED! No, that would never do, I don't know why I even got off on such an unspeakable topic, I'm very sorry. The behavior of the Eomhses is based on the assumption that the Valkyries know where the Eomhses live and if they want one they'll come and knock on his door (Valkyries have excellent manners even when they are incredibly horny). The muscles of the Eomhs tend to rather large in bulk in relation to their actual strength, they inherent their mother's tendency toward building muscle, but their own Y gene and lack of exercise produces a muscle structure that is high in fat content and rather weak for its weight. Also, the Eomhs has muscles that are linked closer to the joints, this helps with their weak ligaments, but it reduces their strength even further. Instead of an armored extra layer of muscles that is found on the warrior Valkyrie, the Eomhs have a very extensive and delicate system of nerves close to there skin. This makes them very sensitive to a Valkyries' touch, but it also gives him a very low pain threshold. Valkyries are often intrigued by this and their curiosity, about how a little thing like "that" could hurt that much, is often mistaken for sadism, which it is not. Of course, that still doesn't mean that it might not be very nice. True Valkyries can only be produced by an union between a Valkyrie and an Eomhs. This is because the X chromosome that she inherits from her father contains an extra strand of DNA that causes the more advantageous characteristics of either of her X chromosomes to be dominant and the weaker attribute to be recessive. The same strand is present in the Y chromosome of the Eomhs and it produces most of the characteristics previously mentioned. This is why the Y chromosome of the Eomhs is spoken of as providing certain characteristics, because of its ability to influence the X chromosome. When interacting with a single X chromosome, this odd strain of DNA seems to select weaker characteristics and somehow harmonize them in the phenotype. The sexual development of the Eomhs has two distinct stages: infantile and marriage. Which is to say that the sexuality of the Eomhs is wholly reactive to the Valkyrie's sexuality. In the past there was some dispute as to whether the Eomhs ever took the sexual initiative when mating with a Valkyrie. There seemed to be anecdotal evidence to support this view but recent research has conclusively shown that in all cases, this was merely the Valkyrie playing games with her own dominant abilities. The so called Courtship Rite of the Valkyries has been much written about and I would not mention it here except that it well illustrates the first stage of the sexual development of the Eomhs. During this ritual, the Valkyrie, having selected her Eomhs, would strip naked before him and pose for him exhibiting her strong hard body while the Eomhs squatted in awe and admiration and played with himself. This would typically last until the Eomhs had exhausted himself sexually and his testicles were fully drained and his small penis was impotent. The reason for this strange activity is that both the Eomhs and the Valkyrie both place great store in establishing relationships that are deep and intelligent. This is difficult given the fact that the Eomhs is extremely sensitive and easily aroused, and even though the sexuality of the Eomhs is extremely passive and devoid of the social development found in other Sapiens species, it does render him unable to communicate beyond very basic concepts. Once the Eomhs is sexually depleted, however, the Eomhs and the Valkyrie who has an interest in him can sustain extended social interactions together. This is a very elaborate social strategy on the part of the Valkyrie whose sexuality does mature and rises to levels far exceeding that found in either gender of Homo Sapiens. However, the logical utilitarianism of the previous explanation is more typical of the Eomhs than the Valkyrie who tend to see the purpose of the activity in an almost endless variety of ways unique to the situation. For example she may see him as contaminated by human attitudes through prolonged contact with humans and see the rite as a way of restoring him to his natural infantile state. Or she may see the practice as a way of coaxing the shy and modest Eomhs into revealing himself sexually. She may see it as a way of establishing herself as his sexual ideal incarnate. For less intellectually inclined Valkyries the fact that they find the helplessly twitching Eomhs adorable is reason enough. The Eomhs have variety of names for this ritual also: the Wanting Rite, the Draining, the Can'ting, and so on. These names are often used by Valkyries, but only in slang. To understand how the intellectual interactions that follow this desexualization of the Eomhs by the Valkyrie are very important to both parties, it is important to well to know of what they call "also-minding". The Valkyrie is at least as intelligent as a human female, but noticeably more intellectually inclined. However, she can make a stone that is so heavy that she cannot lift. This is where the Eomhs is of real service to the Valkyrie. In humans, their brains seem to be organized during the deep sleep or REM period of their sleep cycle. However, the Eomhs seems to be able to accomplish this while he is wide awake, and do it consciously, which is much more efficient. To do this the Eomhs must recreate the mental outlook of the Valkyrie and be helpful in a way that his comments are immediately obvious (at least as possible ) to the Valkyrie and customized to the needs of her way of thinking. This takes an enormous amount of mental effort on the part of the Eomhs and frequently after a session of also-minding the Eomhs needs to take a short usually sleepless nap to rest. The intellectually invigorated Valkyrie, on the other hand, has a tendency to integrate the new mental experience into her whole being by masturbating while the Eomhs recuperates, even if the topic was largely, or even wholly, non sexual. It must be stressed that unlike human males who often attempt to stimulate human females in a similar manner, the Eomhs never tries to mentally dominate the Valkyrie. Indeed, the Eomhs is very much aware that his very own intelligence will be ultimately adapted and internalized by the more focused, less flexible mind of the Valkyrie and return to him as a means of her dominating him sexually and emotionally so that he can surrender ever more completely to her compassionate and protective strength. However, there are also effects on the Valkyrie and her outlook that in some cases may be extreme and may be traced to also-minding. Take for instance the case of Hilda von X, a member of the social aristocracy of Britain. On a trip to America, she met an adorable little blond Eomhs who was living in a small town in Georgia. She had to have him and she got him, of course. But after a few months of happy marriage, she began to exhibit strange behaviors. She began to drink beer from the bottle, she began playing pinball machines, she began to attend monster truck rallies, and she was last seen pouring STP into her Bentley, while wearing blue jeans. This caused consternation among her set. A few things should be mentioned in closing the topic of the courtship ritual. First although this practice may be referred to as a rite or a ritual, actually the event seems to be spontaneous, at least within the context of the unusually well developed sense of sexual strategies and tactics of the Valkyrie. Also, with regard to the proto-eomhian explanation offered earlier, the practice seems to indicate that things are getting "serious" and somehow a turn from casual sex, so to speak, has been taken. Interestingly, this view tends to be supported by another social trait of the Valkyrie. Having performed the "draining" of an Eomhs, she becomes quite voluble in telling all of her Valkyrie friends about it, often in graphic detail. This has led some primatologists to suggest that some kind of territoriality is being established. For the sake of completeness, it should be noticed that the Valkyrie almost never masturbates for the Eomhs for fear of frightening him. Another ritual of the Valkyries, the Marriage Rite (not to be confused with the Marriage Ceremony proper) gives an interesting insight into the sexual and social interaction of the Valkyries and the Eomhs. This rite is performed both before and after the marriage between a Valkyrie and an Eomhs. During this rite the Valkyrie and her Eomhs will wrestle or fight until one is the absolute victor and has established complete dominion over the other. This strange ritual is best introduced by the name the the Eomhs have for it: "the beating". Due to her superior strength and physical structure, the Valkyrie always wins this contest. This has led some to conclude that the rite is not really a contest, and in a sense this is obviously true. Some have even suggested that this only a form of play between the Valkyrie and her Eomhs, and there is much to this observation as well, as attested to the remarkably low level or serious injury inflicted upon the nearly helpless Eomhs. The warrior Valkyries are clearly holding back and their behavior in this rite is in no way to be confused with the fiercely lethal war Valkyrie attack. As if to compensate, the contest is often stretched over days which only serves to emphasize yet another of the Valkyries physical advantages over the Eomhs, namely her incredible stamina. The weakling Eomhs is usually tired after a few minutes, and after but a few hours he is utterly exhausted and unable to even try to defend himself, but the excited Valkyrie is just getting into the exercise. By the end of the rite, the Eomhs is seldom conscious and the Valkyrie is rested from whatever minor exertion she expended to subdue him and is, at least according to romantic theory, exulting in the rapture of her conquest. There are many beautiful Valkyrie poems about this stage of the contest. In Valkyrie villages the triumphant bride to be will usually exuberantly carry her conquered Eomhs through the streets as a trophy to the applause of the other villagers. In the warm summer months it is considered a sign of the strength of her passion, (and this is another point of Valkyrie pride - the strength of their passion ) for the Valkyrie to do this with both of them stark naked. In colder winter months the tough Valkyrie may wear some rather minimal clothing and the considerably more tender Eomhs, who has been considerably tenderized, is always wrapped in blankets or soft animal furs. These furs are a staple piece of equipment for the Valkyrie who performs this rite with her dear husband to be. You see, it is an unfortunate fact that the Eomhs has a pronounced tendency to faint during this frolic, and the prudent Valkyrie, being very orthodox in matters of first aid, assumes that when an Eomhs faints he might be in shock, hence the fur or blankets. The love of the Valkyries for this rite is attested to for by their many poetic names for it: the Rite of Respect and Mercy, Rite of Possession and Duty, and many others. Research has conclusively demonstrated that there is a higher level of cooperation and satisfaction among couples whopractice this rite over similar groups who do not, although there is no positive correlation as to the frequency of its performance. The lyrics of an old Valkyrie ballad well expresses the romantic delight that the Valkyries have in this custom: "My gentle tenderness was locked away asleep inside me until I beat my Eomhs to a pulp". Valkyries have many fine qualities, but a talent for meter, it must be noted, is not one of them. Essentially, it seems that the practice teaches the Eomhs respect and humility toward the Valkyrie and the Valkyrie learns compassion and mercy toward her "opponent" Eomhs. Thus, each in their own way, according to their own natures, for their own reasons, learn to defer to each other. In fact, it appears that these marriages can, at times, be almost as confusing as human marriages, but at least between the Valkyrie and the Eomhs, the underlying dynamics have beenmade clear and experienced by both. The Valkyrie love to be kind and helpful, and it is the very nature of the shy and vulnerable Eomhs which awakens these qualities in the tough domineering warrior Valkyrie to their highest degree. The Eomhs seem to have an ambivalent attitude toward this rite, they do not really enjoy it. One must ever remember that the pain threshold of the Eomhs is very low and even a playful Valkyrie tap can cause real pain. Yet they are strangely drawn to this ritual, like to moth to a flame. They sing ribald little songs about it and boast about how great a beating they will take at the hands of their beloved, but when faced with the prospect of the actual event, then they become timid, bashful, and reluctant in every way, until love overcomes fear, with, it must be admitted, some generous help from the dominant personality of the horny love struck Valkyrie. The last thing the Eomhs may have heard before he passed out for good may have been the horrible growling and snarling of the ferocious Valkyrie who was biting and chewing his soft flesh. When he awakens for the first few moments he will probably hear the same voice humming a lullaby softly as she gently licks his bruises to take down to swelling. The Eomhs is typically not in the best of shape after this mauling, his joints feel like they are on fire, his stomach is a flat slab of ache, is body is covered with bruises, his skin stings like a sunburn, and his mind, or what is left of it, is one big headache. The Valkyrie love to nurse their shattered Eomhs back to health, and make elaborate preparations for this. Indeed, some sociologists consider this nursing to be essentially the second phase of the contest. The Valkyries do not, rather they see this phase as a new beginning of a life together. The Valkyrie make elaborate preparations for this care giving. It is no uncommon for the Valkyrie's friends to give her, what we would call a "shower", bringing her bandages, salves, splints, advice, and the like. Interestingly, where this custom is practiced, the speechless Eomhs is usually invited. The usually quiet Eomhs is literally speechless, because he is expected to be silent, although he will be spoken to. In essence the Eomhs is a silent listener to Valkyrie "girl talk" about him in his presence. The topic of his coming ordeal is only mentioned obliquely in discussions of the preparations being made for his recovery, needless to say the sensitive Eomhs is quite horrified and humiliated by all of this concern. In general, the Valkyrie's nursing of her beaten Eomhs is rather heroically done. His joints will be all wrapped in support bandages, his swollen puffy skin will be covered with elaborate compresses and he will be attended by his doting mate to be who obviously thoroughly relishes this occasion for shameless, uninhibited compassion. However, one must not think that the gusto with which the Valkyrie approach this task is an indication that the Eomhs is really that seriously injured. Usually by the end of the very first day the Eomhs is able to sit up with only moderate assistance and the next morning he will usually be able to hold a cup of soup almost by himself. At any rate the Eomhs seems to have been cured of his chronic "not a problem" problem. Usually by the end of the third day the Eomhs is usually up and about, with hardly a limp at all, cheerfully babbling with the Valkyrie about her plans for their life together. The Valkyrie will often share her joy with her close buddies, but visits are kept short and quiet out of respect for the highly protective Valkyrie. Marriage between the Valkyries and the Eomhs are strictly voluntary. Any Valkyrie who coerces or fails to respect the refusal of an Eomhs faces severe social ostrication among the Valkyrie, this is considered a very severe matter among the Valkyrie who place tremendous importance to their honour. As a slight aside, one may have noticed that during this lengthy beating of the Eomhs, he is dependent on the ever victorious Valkyrie for food and water. Thus an old saying among the Eomhs: "Don't marry a Valkyrie if she won't feed you". Refusals are very rare and the failure of a Valkyrie to honor a refusal is almost unheard of. At any rate the mating ritual is obviously sociological in nature. At no time in history does it seem to have been universal, and although there seems to be a widespread notion that the practice is in decline, there is no evidence of this. Nonetheless, the more conservative Valkyrie Priestesses are in some uproar over the perceived decline. It is interesting to note that should an Eomhs become separated from his mate he very immediately reverts to a state of passive infantile sexuality. This has led some to conclude that although the Eomhs are capable of conforming to and participating in the more evolved sexuality of the Valkyrie, they aren't capable of learning anything about it.Actual mating between the Valkyrie and the Eomhs normally consists of the Valkyrie mounting the Eomhs and fucking him until she is satisfied or he is rendered dysfunctional, or unconscious, usually one of the latter. Although it was once considered a bit "queer" or "kinky", some Valkyries sometimes prefer that the Eomhs mount them. Although this practice is "out of the closet", it would be wrong to say that it is fashionable, and there is no evidence that it is increasing. Again this development has been viewed with horror on the part of some of the more conservative of the Valkyries, including certain orders of the Priestesses. Mercifully, since we are speaking of Valkyries here, to date there has been no bloodshed.