COACH By Merz My mother talks with the wrestling coach I always hated it when my mom had to go talk to my teachers or the principal. It didn't happen very often, but I hated it. We moved a lot when I was growing up because of her work. She worked construction wherever she could get a job. When one project got finished or sometimes even before it got finished she'd have to find a new job and a lot of times we had to move off to some new city. The longest I ever lived in one town growing up was two years, and partly that was because times got really tough and mom didn't have a construction job for a while. So we just stayed where we were and she did other things until times got better, then we hit the road again. We could never live very long in towns where she did her other jobs so we moved on as soon as times started looking better. Being between jobs a lot and having to move a lot, we didn't have much money. I never missed a meal and we always had a place to hook up the trailer, but my clothes were always picked for how long they'd last. That meant they usually were dorky and usually didn't fit very well, either from when they were new and too big or almost worn out and too small. Her clothes were the same; no pretty dresses, no fancy shoes. The last time mom saw one of my teachers was the worst but that time she didn't start it. Coach wanted me to join the wrestling team. I didn't like wrestling, really. I was just average size, but in gym class wrestling I got to go against guys my own size, and we couldn't do moves that would really hurt the other person. At least Coach made sure of that. Then Gordy Stark, one of the guys on the wrestling team, went crazy with his weight loss and dropped five pounds. That put him in my weight class, and he was bigger and stronger than me. By starving and sweating and taking speed and spitting like crazy just before weigh-ins he could barely squeak into my weight class. On the wrestling team the year before he beat all the guys in his class from the other schools. But he was in my gym class and when we had to do wrestling I pinned him. I just had some moves he hadn't seen and I was pretty quick and he was overconfident. Coach was pissed that his pride and joy had been beat, and beat quickly. Then he decided I should lose five pounds, join the team and he'd have me and Gordy lead the team to a championship. I was a skinny already and wasn't going to try getting skinnier, and besides I hated wrestling. I told him I wouldn't do it. So he decided to change my mind. For a few weeks he tried persuasion. Then he tried insulting me about being a sissy. Then he dropped my grade in PE. That's when my mom had her talk with him. She was used to me getting straight A's, although a B in gym class was okay with her, too. But when Coach gave me a D she saw my chances for college might be hurt. Mom was working nights at that time. She had me give Coach a note that he better change that grade or there'd be real trouble for him. I hated when my mom came to school to see a teacher. I never wanted to go to a school after the kids saw my mom or after she had a talk with one of my teachers. A lot of the times the schools didn't want me back, either. But I gave him the note and told him mom would be talking with him, and that he should forget about me going out for wrestling. I was hoping that would be that. Maybe Coach would do like she asked, or maybe he would just phone her and they could talk about it. But instead Coach gave me a note right back, with a little line for my mom to sign that she got it, that kind of suggested she butt out of his class business because he knew what was best for a boy like me. He said if she wanted to discuss things she'd know where to find him. If he hadn't put that line where she had to sign it so I could prove I gave it to her, I would have just thrown it away and none of the rest would have happened. But I gave it to her that evening before we ate and before she had to go to work. I could tell she was mad as soon as she read it. She was still mad when she went to work. I had gym class first period and Coach asked me right off if I gave her the note. I said I had, and he wanted to know where it was then, with her name on it. Mom had the note. She didn't sign it and she didn't give it back to me. I told Coach she would probably give to him herself, and that she'd want to talk more about gym class. But maybe if he wrote another note he could let her know that wasn't necessary, and then she'd back off from him. "I'm giving you one more chance to join the wrestling team, then we'll see how you like defending yourself against charges of cheating on exams. Do you always go running to mommy when you have a problem? Are you a mama's boy? I don't like threats, and I don't like little boys who don't stand up for themselves. Fight your own fights, like a man instead of a little faggot, faggot." From the corner of my eye I saw mom coming through the gym door. And I could tell she had heard the last things Coach had said. As she got right up behind him Coach said, "Did you hear what I said, sissy-boy?" and reached to grab my shirt at the shoulder and slam me against the wall. "Hi, mom," I called out to her partly to let Coach know she was there and partly because I thought that might stop him from acting like a jerk. He froze, then he turned and saw my mother standing right there. To him she was probably just some middle-aged woman in a dirty shirt unbuttoned to show her dirty t-shirt, with messy hair and looking unwashed because she hadn't showered off from work yet. "Walter, what does he mean? Are you a pansy and I didn't know it? Have you been looking at other boys?" Coach could maybe tell she was boiling with anger and looking for someone to spill it on. She started out thinking that would be me. Coach let go of me and took a step back, suddenly all polite and professional. "Oh, good morning ma'am. I'm Coach Rivenbaugh. Don't you worry about your son being queer. That was just a little joke between us. But I can promise you that if he came out for our wrestling team we'd make a real man of him." Coach patted me on the shoulder where before he had been stretching my shirt out. Mom shifted her burning eyes from me to him, seeming to focus on him for the first time. "You're the one. You're the one gave my boy a bad grade. In gym class. I don't even want him wasting time taking gym class, and I sure don't want some fat-ass wrecking his grades because of it." The other kids kind of snickered hearing her talk to Coach like that. I wasn't laughing because I knew where this was heading. "Now, ma'am, physical education is one of the most important things our young people can do. I can teach your boy to grow up strong and proud, like a real man. Not just be some wimpy little bookworm that no woman could respect. Surely you can understand that." Coach knew I didn't have a father at home. He had made lots of speeches to single mothers. Coach was pretty good at sweet talking women because he was tall and handsome and probably had been a football star twenty years ago. He hadn't met my mom before. She crossed her arms and glared up into his face. "I want him to be just as wimpy as he can get away with. I don't want to take any chance my boy will have to earn a living the hard way because he has a back stronger than his brains. If he needs to come running to me because blowhards like you pick on him, so be it. But that grade you gave him in gym class makes it harder for him to get into college. I want that changed right now." Coach ran his hand over his hair to smooth it, stood up straight and looked down at mom. "Now, I'm sure you don't mean what you're saying. Surely you'd be happier having a big strong young man around the house than some little string bean. I'd be happy to work closely with your boy so he could grow up like me and make you proud. Just don't you worry about that grade business. Once I get him on my wrestling team we can clear that right up." "I don't want him around the house. When I was his age I was already out on my own. Next fall I want him out of my hair and in college. Then I want him on his own as quick as he can. Maybe then I'll have time to be proud. Grow up like you? I'd strangle him in his bed if I thought he couldn't do better than that. I already showed him how to wrestle and I raised him to be twice the man you are." Coach turned bright red and squared off with mom, looking down because he was a head taller than she was, easy. "There's no reason to get nasty, lady. I usually get respect from parents when I take an interest in their kids. From men, I demand respect and by God I know how to get it. Too bad there isn't one around here or I'd show you." I stepped back a little because I knew what was coming, even if Coach didn't. Mom reached out quicker than a snake and grabbed a handful of Coach's stomach where it kind of drooped over the top of his sweat pants. Coach wasn't really fat, but he was softer than maybe he had been in his younger days. I saw how white mom's knuckles got from grabbing the roll around Coach's middle and I knew he would have a set of bruises there. It must have felt like she had grabbed him with a big pair of pliers. Coach was pulling and clawing at mom's hand where she was holding him and squirming trying to get her off him. She just looked up into his face and held on for a few more moments, then shoved him backwards so he crashed into the wall where he was going to slam me two minutes earlier. "I'll show you how much I respect a tub of guts who talks to me like that," mom snarled at him. She pulled off the work shirt she was wearing over her t-shirt. "You a wrestler? That's a laugh." Maybe if Coach had taken another look at my mom he could have just walked away and they would have worked out the grade thing some other way. I mean, in her t-shirt mom didn't look like some average housewife. At least he should have noticed her arms were bigger around than most women's. Heck, they were about as big around as his. Instead he reached out to grab her like he was going to shove her out of his way. She grabbed his wrist and twisted it so he had to turn around. She had him in a hammerlock in an instant. She just held him like that for a second, then pushed him hard into the wall again and stepped back with her arms crossed over her chest. Coach spun around, so mad he was shaking. "Okay, you started this and the whole class witnessed it. I'm going to give you a good spanking. If you were a man I wouldn't let you off that easy." He tried reaching for her again, and this time she sort of turned sideways and pulled him on past her so he tripped and fell. So far all the kids thought it was kind of funny the way my mom was making Coach look clumsy. They were circled around watching and kind of making fun of Coach and laughing because they could see he was getting madder and madder at not being able to grab her. When he got up he did a good job of head faking her so he managed to charge in and grab her around the waist. He came in hard but she had an instant to brace herself so she stopped him cold. That's when all the kids got real quiet because they saw she had taken a solid shot and hadn't budged an inch from it. You could see Coach was shocked, too, that he had run into her and hadn't knocked her flat. Then Coach tried picking her up, but she leaned back so he couldn't get any leverage, the same way he showed us for wrestling. He tried but couldn't get her off her feet, so he let go and that's when she moved in. "Not strong enough, huh?" she asked him as she drove in to grab him around the legs and lifted him right up. I wanted to drop dead right then because you just don't want other kids to see your mom can pick up a two hundred pound man. Even if he isn't a teacher. But she moved quick so she got good leverage and had him across her shoulders before he could blink. She stood like that for just a moment, then did the airplane spin a couple times and dropped him. I could tell mom wasn't even seeing that she had an audience standing around. She was still so mad at Coach and he was so mad at her that they just forgot anyone else was even in the gym. For a minute after Coach hit the floor he laid there and we all just stood staring. Then he jumped up to grab my mom again, even madder than before. Now he looked so red and snarling that we were scared that he was going to murder somebody. But I remembered he was fighting with my mom and I got scared that he was going to push her so far she'd really hurt him. I started to turn to leave and get the Principal or somebody from the office to break it all up, even if it was my mom in the fight, before things went too far. But first Gordy Stark grabbed me and then a couple other kids did when I shoved him away. They kept me from leaving and held me down on the floor, making me watch because they thought I was going to see my mom get her butt spanked. Mom let Coach grab her this time, right on the arms like he was going to shove her down. But again he couldn't move her at all and instead was just standing there pushing against her and squeezing her upper arms. She kind of smiled at him and bent her arms up slowly so her muscles flexed in his hands. Coach stared at her arms as they forced his fingers apart and that's when it looked like he realized how much trouble he was in. But looking at mom's face I saw she was through being mad and now was just going to be mean. She wasn't going to stop, but now she had the look I saw when she'd wrestle men for money, when there wasn't any construction work for her. She wasn't going to hurt him, really, but she had worse things in mind. I started yelling for mom to stop it, to get out of there and leave Coach alone but I don't think either of them heard me. The other kids started yelling for Coach to get her, to teach her a lesson, and they drowned me out so I quit yelling and just watched what I knew was going to happen. "You pussy," mom spit at Coach. "You think forty five minutes working up a sweat in gym class will make my boy grow up strong. He'd still be a weakling like you. Try working a sweat for eight hours, or ten or twelve. Try carrying bricks from dawn till dark. Or swinging a sledge all day with just half an hour for lunch and take your piss breaks at a dead run if you want to keep the job. Strong and proud my ass." Mom shook her arms and Coach's hands came right off from where he was trying hold her. Before Coach could move mom grabbed him around the waist in a bear hug and lifted him off the floor. She squeezed hard when she first grabbed him and we could hear all the air rush out of his lungs. That gave her a little slack to squeeze even tighter and we heard him gasp from how much it hurt. She gave him a little shake and that got even more air out so I knew she was right on the edge of cracking some of Coach's ribs and he would be right on the edge of passing out from the pain and lack of air. When he gave a last weak moan and gave up trying to push her arms open she just dropped him on the floor again. The other kids were starting to get up off me so I might have had a chance to go for help, but I forgot all about that. Like everyone else now I was just watching to see what mom would do to Coach next. Like I said, she was past being mad so he wouldn't get hurt any worse than she wanted him to hurt. Probably nothing would show from what she did to him. Mom walked back and forth of Coach, her hands on her hips, calling him names and telling him what a weak sissy he was. She called him some of the same names Coach called me and the small kids in his classes. Coach sat on the floor rubbing his ribs, looking down instead of directly at mom. But I could tell he was watching her. He thought she got careless when she looked away, so he tried to make his move just like she expected him to. He came up fast and punched her stomach and followed by grabbing her in a headlock. The punch wasn't going to do any good. It didn't land much harder than she'd sometimes have me punch her stomach, and that felt like punching the side of our trailer. But she brought her head down some so it would look like Coach had hurt her, and her head was just the right level for him to grab her with his headlock. I knew better than to try that with someone standing up and then let them keep standing, but maybe Coach wasn't thinking very clearly. Like I knew she would, mom reached up over Coach's shoulder and pulled his head back. Then she reached down for one of his legs and picked him right up again, up to her shoulder. She held him there for a moment, maybe deciding if he could take her going backwards so his head would hit the floor. Instead she brought him forward so his butt landed on her knee when she crouched down with him. It was like she'd touched him with an electric wire the way he let go and arched up. Her face was beet red from him trying to squeeze her with the headlock, but she was kind of smiling at him now. She grabbed his arm and spun him back toward her, then grabbed him in her own headlock and tossed him over her hip so he landed back on the floor with her on top of him. "She how it's done, Pussy? Like how it feels when someone with a little strength puts it on?" I knew Coach would be thinking she was about to crush his skull with the big muscles in her arm the way it was wrapped around him. Instead she just ground down a few times and hopped back up off him. Coach was slow getting up, and dumb for getting up at all. When he was halfway up mom stepped behind him and reached around for the strings of his sweatpants. She had the string untied before he knew what happened, and jerked his sweats down around his knees. Now the kids were laughing at Coach, and he was going crazy. He grabbed his pants and at the same time took a big swing with his fist at my mom. She wasn't mad any more, just showing Coach what was what so she didn't care if he tried slugging her. She caught his fist in her hand and stopped it in mid air. She locked stares with Coach as she held his fist, and he tried jerking his hand from her grip but couldn't. "Pussy," she said to him, sounding kind of disgusted. Then in a blur she let go of his hand, reached to grab him around the waist and lifted him up one more time, this time turning him upside down. She dropped down on one knee with him across her lap and gave him half a dozen hard swats on his naked butt. He squirmed and struggled, but she had a good hold on him so he couldn't get away until she was finished. Then she stood up, letting him roll onto the floor. He just laid there, and we could all see he was crying. She looked at the class, and I stood up now along with the rest. "You boys might as well do some sweating, as long as you're dressed that way. Go run around the building for a while, until class is over. Get out of here. And you," she said, looking down at Coach, " I guess we've had a talk like your note said. Now get that grade fixed or we'll talk some more." And she walked out of the gym. That evening Coach called to talk with my mom. She said he apologized for the whole wrestling team thing and said I'd get an A on my final grades for gym class. He called to apologize again the next night, too. On Saturday he was at our house when my mom got home from work, and she let him help with her shower. So then he went to bed with her, and that put me on the foldout. But it was in the same little trailer with just a curtain across the middle so I knew when he was having her flex her muscles so he could feel how big she could get them to swell, and how hard they were. And then I could hear she was making him cry again. The next week I quit school and moved out. I couldn't live like that anymore, and I ended up joining the Navy. It's not what mom had planned for me, and it isn't what I had in mind, but maybe somewhere I'll find a woman of my own. A woman I can lie next to and feel how strong she is and how weak I am, and it'll be like home again.