Wonder Woman, my Amazing Girlfriend
By M.C.
My description of what I saw my incredible girlfriend did earlier today.


It started out to be an unusually quiet Saturday morning - quiet because my
girlfriend Diana Price (whom you probably know better by her professional name
of Wonder Woman) is usually off fighting crime or saving people from disasters
somewhere. But today - knock wood - nothing happened, or at least not yet
anyway. I was sitting behind Diana and brushing her long, beautiful dark hair,
which is one of my favorite morning chores. "It's very quiet today honey," I
remarked.

"Shush sweetie pie," she replied with a smile as she softly put her index
finger against my lips. "We don't want to put a hex on it now, do we?"

"No, I guess we don't. But so far so good." As it turned out I had indeed
spoke too soon. For just as I finished saying that, a red light began to flash
on and off on Diana's private computer which she only uses when someone
summons her for something - and it always means an emergency is taking place
somewhere and they are in need of Wonder Woman's assistance.

"I'm sorry honey, but I really do have to answer this. You know how it is,
being Wonder Woman and all." But when Diana turned on her computer, we were
greeted by a very strange and totally unexpected sight - the distress message
was being sent to her from an alien spacecraft!

"Is this Wonder Woman?" the large woman dressed in a military uniform who
appeared on the computer screen asked.

"Yes. This is she. And who might you be?"

"I am Captain Zeldro of the Intergalactic Space Police Force, or ISPF for
short. A crisis situation is rapidly developing and we are desperately in need
of your assistance."

"You know that you can always count on me to help Captain. So, what is this
'situation' that is developing and what do you want me to do about it?"

"It seems that a violent and warlike race from the planet Kelvor are about to
invade and conquer their peaceful neighbors of the neighboring planet of
Xeros. Unfortunately, the ISPF is stretched very thin at the moment and we're
unable to deal this situation at the present time. So what we would like from
you, Wonder Woman, is for you to use you unique abilities to prevent this
invasion from taking place. Will you help us?"

"On course I'll help you Caption Zeldro. As I told you before, you can always
count on me to be of assistance. It's what I do."

For the first time since their conversation began, the large woman smiled.
"Thank you Wonder Woman. I can see now why your reputation is so well
deserved. My spaceship will be arriving in approximately 30 of your Earth
minutes. We'll meet you at the 'usual place'."

"I'll be there Captain." After the subspace communication was discontinued,
Diana turned to me and sighed, "Well honey, it looks like I'll have a bit of
work to do today after all."

"Diana," I began sheepishly, "I know you really don't like it when I tag along
with you on your missions, but I mean this is something really special - going
on an alien spaceship to a far-away planet and watching you stop an invasion.
Can I come with you this time? Please?"

Diana smiled at me. "It's not that I don't like it when you come along honey,
it's that the vast majority of my missions are quite dangerous - and I
wouldn't want my sweetie pie to get hurt. I know I can take care of myself,
but I'd worry about you and that might distract me from what I have to do.

"Take this mission for example. This invading army will no doubt have highly
advanced weapons by Earth's standards that I'll probably have to deal with,
and who knows what else they may have up their sleeve. I just don't want to
see you get hurt honey, I love you too much."

"But I can watch from far away so I won't be close to any danger. I'd really
love to see you in action honey."

After a long pause Diana smiled. "Very well then honey. But just make sure you
keep your head down. O.K.? Come, we have to meet the spaceship at the
rendezvous point." Diana and I walked to an isolated spot in the forest which
was located a short distance behind our home. A few minutes after we got
there, a small, strange-looking object appeared out of the sky and landed
near-by. "It's called a pod honey," my girlfriend said as she led me inside.
"It'll take us up to the mother ship orbiting above the Earth." Then she added
with a giggle, "this isn't Star Trek - 'beaming up' defies the laws of
physics."

"But what about traveling faster than the speed of light? Doesn't that also
violate the laws of physics honey?" Diana reached over and playfully tweaked
my nose. "The people of Earth have a lot to learn about how the universe
really works sweetie pie. But I have faith that, given time, they will
eventually understand."

Then she frowned and added, " but unfortunately, what they may never be able
to understand is how to live together in peace and harmony."

After we entered the pod, the door closed and we zoomed up (literally in just
a few seconds) to space where we entered a huge spaceship - I swear, it must
have been the size of an aircraft carrier! Diana and I got out and were
immediately met by the large, well-built woman who had contacted Diana
earlier. " I am Captain Zeldro, and I'd like to welcome you and your friend to
my ship Wonder Woman."

WOOSH! In less than three seconds Diana changed her clothes and transformed
herself into the familiar form of Wonder Woman, the mighty female superhero.

"Glad to be of service Captain Zeldro. This is my boyfriend, Steve Trevor.
He'll be accompanying me on my mission."

The Captain shook my hand (what a grip she had), then said, "very well then,
if you'll be so kind as to follow me to the briefing room I'll explain exactly
what your mission will entail and what possible pitfalls you may encounter."
She led us to a large room with windows looking out to space. I saw the Earth
before us, then I felt a slight tug and watched in amazement as my planet grew
smaller and smaller until it vanished from sight. I then saw a planet with
rings around it that must have been Saturn wiz by. "How fast are we going?" I
wondered to myself.

"Right now about twenty times faster than the speed of light," Captain Zeldro
said with a smile (as if she read my thoughts). But once we leave your solar
system we'll speed up. We don't want to accidentally strike any asteroids."
Then she got serious. "This is the reason that we need you Wonder Woman,"
Captain Zeldro said as she pointed to a large screen, "you'll have to deal
with them." A large group of fierce looking warriors then appeared on the
screen. They must have been at least seven feet tall and, judging by the size
of them, weighing well over 300 pounds each.

"They call themselves Kelvorians from the planet Kelvor. And they are a very
violent and aggressive race. We believe there are between two to three
thousand soldiers on the invasion fleet. By-the-way, those weapons that you
see them holding over their shoulders are laser rifles, and they're quite a
bit more advanced than the primitive guns that you're used to dealing with on
your planet Wonder Woman."

"Yes. I've dealt with laser rifles before Captain Zeldro, and they haven't
presented too much of a problem for me. I can deal with them."

"Well then, they also have this." The large woman changed the picture and we
were now looking at what appeared to be an enormous, sinister looking robot.
It must have stood well over one hundred feet tall (30 meters) with thick
armor plates all over it. "The Kelvorians call it their 'indestructible war
machine', and it is indeed a fearsome weapon. Built from the hardest metal
known, which makes it impervious to all but the most powerful of weapons, it
is also armed with two powerful laser guns that shoot out from its eyes.
You'll have to deal with that too Wonder Woman." If my girlfriend was
concerned about facing this monstrosity, she certainly didn't show it.

Captain Zeldro continued. "Anyway, the ISPF received an intelligence report
yesterday that a large fleet of spaceships left Kelvor recently and are
believed to be headed for the planet Xeros. They are a peace-loving people who
don't even possess the weapons they would need to defend themselves. And as I
mentioned to you before Wonder Woman, the ISPF is stretched too thin to deal
with this problem at the moment. And that is why we turned to you. You are
basically the last hope the good people of the planet of Xeros have to avoid
this catastrophe."

"Fear not my dear Captain, for I will perform my duty and do what is required
of me to prevent this evil event from happening - and make absolutely sure
that it will never happen again."

Again the large Captain smiled. "You are indeed truly worthy of the name
Wonder Woman," to which my amazing girlfriend replied (also with a smile),
"Captain, you haven't seen anything yet - but you will."

A Few Hours Later

Captain Zeldro's spaceship arrived at its destination, the planet Xeros. As we
orbited around the planet, the large commander frowned. "I'm afraid we might
have arrived a bit too late Wonder Woman. Our sensors show that the Kelvorian
invasion fleet has already landed and the army has begun to disembark. They
appear to be amassing for an assault on the capitol city of Xeros and it
appears that we may be too late to prevent it."

"I beg to differ," Wonder Woman said in a strong, affirmative voice. "You
brought me here to stop this invasion, and by the Gods of Mount Olympus, stop
it I will! This evil act will not succeed, not on my watch. So just get me
down there Captain Zeldro and trust me, I will do the rest!"

"Very well then Wonder Woman. Let's go." Captain Zeldro led us back to the
pod, Diana and I entered and down we went - landing not too far from where the
large Kelvorian army was assembling. "You stay here where you'll be safe honey
while I 'take care' of them." And without showing even the slightest trace of
fear, this incredible girlfriend of mine began to walk towards the invading
Kelvorian army and their indestructible super-robot - with her long, beautiful
dark hair swishing in the wind behind her as she went.

"I'm going to give you boys just two choices," Wonder Woman said in a loud and
affirmative tone of voice as she stood with her hands on her hips before the
army that stood directly in front of her. "You can either peacefully return to
your spaceships and go back to your planet, or face the consequences of not
doing so. Or, as we say on my planet, we can either do this the easy way, or
the hard way; the choice is yours.

The sight of one single woman confronting thousands of heavily armed soldiers
- not to mention a gigantic, nearly indestructible robot behind them - and
ordering them to turn around and go home must have struck the Kelvorians as
somewhat surreal, to say the least. For a few awkward moments the invading
Kelvorian army and Wonder Woman faced off against one another a tense
standoff. And then the Kelvorian commander bellowed out," Fire on this
insolent woman who thinks that she alone can oppose the might of the mighty
Kelvorian Empire!" And fire they did.

I watched in utter amazement as literally hundreds of laser rifle shots struck
her at once,. But my incredible girlfriend simply stood there, totally
impervious to the blasts. "Very well boys," Wonder Woman said as she began
walking towards them, "I guess this means that we'll do this the hard way; and
that's perfectly O.K. by me."

To say what this awesome woman did next was amazing would be a gross under-
statement. It was well beyond that. Simply ignoring the shots from their laser
rifles, Wonder Woman plowed into the army of several thousand soldiers. She
became a blur of motion as she grabbed their weapons with one hand, crushing
them in the process, while knocking them out with the other. And in less than
fifteen minutes, this super girlfriend of mine managed to knock out almost the
entire infantry of the Kelvorian army - without killing or seriously injuring
a single one! "Well, so much for them," I heard her say. "And now to deal with
this so-called 'indestructible' robot of theirs."

But before confronting the gigantic, metallic monster that was now bearing
down on her, Diana looked over at me, smiled and gave me the thumbs up sign.
"Enjoying the show honey? " she asked with remarkable calmness. "Well then,
you'll enjoy the next part even more." She then winked at me before turning
her attention back to the matter at hand. "O.K. big boy, let's see what you've
got."

The one hundred foot tall metallic monster, which must have weighed at least a
thousand tons, focused his eyes on my girlfriend. His eyes began to glow a
bright shade of red and then two powerful beams of laser light shot out from
his eyes (even I felt the heat, and I was standing several hundred yards
away). But all it did to Wonder Woman was make her giggle. "Oh that tickles;
tee, hee, hee." After about ten seconds the beams stopped and Diana was
completely unfazed. "Well, you've had your fun tough guy," she said, "and now
it's time for me to have mine."

My amazing girlfriend then leaped up (over one hundred feet) and WHAM!, with
one mighty punch from her powerful right fist, completely severed the robot's
head from the rest of his body; and then she went to work on the rest of him.
As there were no living beings within his metal frame, Wonder Woman felt she
could go all out on him, punching the now helpless robot with all of her
strength. And it couldn't have taken her more than five or six minutes before
this incredible woman reduced this 'indestructible' robot of theirs to nothing
more than a heap of scrap metal. But Wonder Woman wasn't done with him yet -
not by a long shot.

In order to teach the Kelvorians a lesson that they would never forget, Diana
then decided to do something that truly defied explanation. First, she
gathered up all of the robot's metal parts that were scattered over the ground
and stack them into a pile. Then, as the stunned Kelvorian soldiers (as well
as I) looked on in absolute amazement, Wonder Woman proceeded to hammer all of
his parts, (remember what Captain Zeldro said, he was made of the hardest
metal known) smaller and smaller using nothing more than her mighty fists.

After a few minutes of this, Diana had managed to pound the Kelvorian's once
'indestructible' robot into roughly the size of a beach ball. Wonder Woman
then put her super strong arms around it and began to squeeze, and two minutes
later the robot was reduced to the size of a basketball, and a minute later, a
baseball - remember, this robot weighed over one thousand tons! Finally, when
Diana had squeezed the robot's remains into the size of a ping-pong ball, she
held it in the palm of her right hand and showed it to the stunned Kelvorian
solders.

Wonder Woman then closed her fingers around the now ping-pong sized remains of
their once mighty (and indestructible, or so they thought) robot and squeezed
even more. And when she finally opened her hand, he was roughly the size of a
peanut! "See?" Wonder Woman said as she easily held the robot's remains (all
one thousand tons of him) in-between her right thumb and index finger. "This
is what I'm going to do to your entire planet if you ever try to invade
another world again." Then, with a mighty throw, Diana hurled him far out into
space; never to be seen again.

Wonder Woman then put her hands on her hips and, in a loud, firm voice, said,
"now, I want you all to return to your spaceships and get the hell off this
planet - immediately!" And so they did (in fact I never saw men run so fast in
my life). And as the defeated and humiliated Kelvorian army made their way
back to their spaceships, Diana smiled over at me and, said, "the battle is
over honey and you're no longer in any danger. So you can come here and be
close to me now. I just want wait and make sure that these naughty boys do
indeed take off; or else I'll have to teach them another lesson."

After the Kelvorians had done so, I, completely overwhelmed by what I had just
seen this incredible girlfriend of mine do, embraced her in a long and
passionate series of hugs and kisses. "Oh honey," I began, "you were awesome
today, totally awesome! First, you beat up an entire army with just your
fists, and didn't kill one single soldier in the process. Then you tore apart
their supposedly indestructible robot, crushed him into the size of a peanut
and threw his into space. Then sent them all home with a stern warning never
to return. And you managed to do all of this in just half an hour without even
getting your beautiful hair mussed! It's just as soft and fluffy as it was
when I brushed it this morning."

Wonder Woman began to giggle when she heard this. "That's O.K. honey. You can
brush my hair for me on our way back to Earth. I know how much you like doing
it." Then she took my hand and said, "come sweetie pie, let's get into the
pod, return to Captain Zeldro's spaceship and go back home."

Four Hours Later

Just as our day had started, I sat behind my amazing girlfriend and brushed
her long, beautiful dark hair - only this time we were on Captain Zeldro's
spaceship speeding our way back to Earth. As I reflected on the events that
had transpired over the last several hours, overcome with awe at what I had
witnessed Diana do (beat up an entire army and completely crush a supposedly
indestructible robot to the size of a peanut with nothing more than her
tremendous strength), I couldn't help but put my arms around this incredible
girlfriend of mine ."Oh honey, I just can't stop thinking about what you did
today; and you managed to do it all without seriously hurting one single
person - except the robot of course (smirk)."

"Steve darling, when the gods of Mount Olympus gave me strength stronger than
that of Hercules, speed faster than Mercury's, the wisdom of Athena and the
beauty and compassion of Aphrodite, they intended that I use these abilities
with wisdom, to do otherwise would be a dereliction of my duties. I'm supposed
to use these powers of mine to protect the weak against the strong - as I did
today; but not be cruel in doing so. I wanted to teach the Kelvorians a lesson
and make sure that they would never try to do this again. And I believe that
in that respect, I succeeded in my mission. I don't think they'll be bothering
their neighbors anymore (then Diana added with a grin), not if they know
what's good for them that is."

Just then Captain Zeldro entered the room we were in. "We'll be arriving at
planet Earth in half of one of your hours Wonder Woman. And on behalf of the
Intergalactic Space Police Force, I'd like to express our extreme appreciation
to you for what you succeeded in doing today. Your actions have saved
countless thousands of lives and kept an entire planet free from slavery. You
are indeed a true Wonder Woman. And it would be a great honor to for me to
accompany you and Steve to the pod and send you home."

"As I said before Captain Zeldro, I'm always ready to be at your service. It's
what I am supposed to do and I do it proudly."

"Very well then, we'll meet at the pod in twenty minutes."

After Captain Zeldro left the room, Diana glanced at her watch. "Steve, I have
great news."

"What Diana?"

"It's only six p.m. at home. That means I'll have time to shower and change my
clothes so that we can still go out, grab a bite to eat and see Captain
Marvel. I've been wanting to see it for a while. I hear that she kicks some
serious ass in it. They say she's just as powerful as Wonder Woman."

"Well we'll just have to see about that; won't we Diana (wink)."