The Amazon Way of Life
By M.C.
Wonder Woman explains to me what true Amazon values are.


Author's note: This story refers to the Wonder Woman of the comic books that I
grew up with and not the recent movie. In my story there is no Steve Trevor -
otherwise how could Wonder Woman be my girlfriend?

Diana Price (my girlfriend whom you probably know better by her pseudonym of
Wonder Woman) and I were having breakfast one lazy Sunday morning. As there
was nothing happening that required her to become the mighty Amazon warrior,
we planned to spend a nice, quiet day together at the Bronx Zoo; one of our
favorite places to go to in New York City. And then, all of a sudden, she
received an emergency phone call from her mother Hippolyta - the Queen of the
Amazons. "Diana," her mother began, "I'm afraid that I have some rather
distressing news to tell you."

"What is it mother?"

"There's a large flotilla of warships approaching Paradise Island and I fear
it's an invasion fleet organized by Aries (the Greek God of War and eternal
nemesis of the Amazons) coming to conquer and enslave us. We're readying our
defenses but we could certainly use your help my daughter."

"I'm on my way mother. I'll be there as fast as I can. You know you can always
count on me." And in the blink of an eye, my amazing girlfriend transformed
herself from Diana Price, unassuming United Nations translator, to the mighty
Wonder Woman, the invincible Amazon warrior. "Mike honey, it looks like I do
have a little bit of work to do today after all. So I'm afraid we're going to
have to postpone our visit to the zoo."

"That's O.K. Diana, I understand perfectly. But I'd really like go with you
honey. You know how much I love watching you in action."

Diana (now dressed in her familiar uniform - tiara, magic lasso and bullet
proof bracelets) smiled and playfully pinched my cheek. "O.K. honey, you can
come; but we must leave immediately." Summoning her invisible jet, Diana
grabbed me and jumped out of our apartment's 20th story balcony. I felt a
brief moment of panic as we started to fall before we landed, safely, on a
solid surface - the wing of her invisible plane. "Strap yourself in the seat
Mikie," Diana told me as we entered the cockpit, "because we're going to be
traveling very fast." After I had done so, Diana pressed a button on the
control panel and 'POOF' away we went at an amazing speed.

"How fast are we going Diana?" I asked as I watched the world literally whiz
by below me. "Approximately 20,000 miles an hour honey. This jet was specially
designed to resist the intense heat caused by air friction when traveling at
this rate. And at this speed we should arrive at Paradise Island in fifteen
minutes. Are you enjoying the ride?"

"Yes, this is absolutely amazing. We're traveling faster than a spaceship
orbiting the Earth. But how is this even possible?"

"Amazon technology my dear. We are always at least a generation or two ahead
of the man's world in both our scientific knowledge and technology - and
thousands of years ahead of you when it comes to morality (smirk)."

"Why is that?"

"It's because we Amazons are much smarter and far more compassionate than you
men," Diana giggled. But then my girlfriend got serious - deadly serious:

"Look Mike, we're about to enter a war zone. A foreign power Is trying to
conquer and enslave my mother and sister Amazons (Amazons always refer to
themselves as sisters). I was trained from birth to be the invincible warrior
- the one the world knows as Wonder Woman. And sometimes the things that I
have to do aren't very nice; and I feel that this is going to be one of those
times. What I'm trying to say honey is that in order to protect Paradise
Island and keep the Amazons free, you'll probably have to watch me do some
things that will not be pleasant - after all, this is a war. I just hope that
what you see me have to do to protect my homeland and those that I love
doesn't have an adverse effect or our relationship. You really mean a lot to
me Mike, and I don't want to lose your respect; or you."

I put my hand on her shoulder (as Diana was piloting the jet and it only had
two seats I was seated behind her) and gently began to rub it. "I understand
honey. Do what you must in order to protect the ones you love Diana. Anybody
in your situation would do exactly the same thing."

"Thanks for that honey. It really means a lot to me. I just wanted to warn you
in advance about what you're probably in store for." Then Diana looked out of
the window. "Look Mike, we're approaching Paradise Island now." She pointed to
a large cleared out area with buildings that looked like ancient Greek
architecture, only perfectly preserved. "That's Themyscira honey, our capital
city. And there (Diana pointed to the ocean a few miles away) is the invasion
fleet that wants to conquer and enslave us. I can see the jet fighters taking
off from the deck of the aircraft carrier to launch an airstrike against my
sister Amazons. It looks like we arrived just in the nick of time Mike - it's
time for me to get to work."

Diana positioned her jet directly in front of the invasion force, about a
thousand feet above the water. "My jet will hover here until I've finished
dealing with them," Wonder Woman said as she emerged from the cockpit and
boldly walked out onto the wing. "You should be able to see most of the action
from where you're sitting Mike. So please remain seated with your seatbelt
firmly fastened until the plane has come to a complete stop." (Was my
girlfriend being sarcastic? I certainly wouldn't put it past her). Then she
briefly explained her strategy to me and it was very simple. "Because the
fighter jets represent the more immediate threat to Paradise Island I'll
confront them first; then I'll deal with the warships."

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a sense of trepidation as the squadron of
enemy fighter jets closed in on us. I mean after all, I know Wonder Woman is
amazing and all that, but she's just one woman standing on the wing of her jet
about to take on twenty advanced, state-of-the-art killing machines. To put it
bluntly, I was scared shitless. Sensing this, Diana smiled at me and calmly
said, "don't worry sweetie pie, everything will be all right - at least for us
that is."

And as the fighters approached, Wonder Woman whipped out her magic lasso,
twirled it around above her head a few times and then flung it at the lead jet
that was barreling down at her. Amazingly, she caught the jet around its nose
and with her unbelievable strength whirled it around and around - using it to
smash the other jets in the squadron to pieces. A few of the pilots towards
the rear saw what Wonder Woman was doing and, realizing that they were also
doomed, wisely ejected out of their planes. Wonder Woman paused briefly to
allow them to get a safe distance away so that they wouldn't be harmed by the
debris of their jets before proceeding to smash the rest of them to
smithereens. "There," this incredible woman said matter-of-factly after she
destroyed the last of the jet fighters. "So much for their air force; and now
to 'take care' of their warships."

As I mentioned before, we were hovering at least a thousand feet above the
ocean. But that didn't seem to matter at all to Wonder Woman as she jumped off
the wing of her plane and dove into the water. I watched in awe as she swam
faster than a speedboat towards the oncoming fleet of what must have been at
least twenty-five vessels. Just before she got to them, my mighty girlfriend
took a deep breath and disappeared beneath the water. About a minute later I
saw a lot of debris floating to the surface (Diana later told me that it was
the remains of a submarine that she had smashed up under the sea). And then I
looked over at the warships and could clearly see that something appeared to
be going on with them too - and it was something that I'll never forget for as
long as I live.

It began first with the leading ships of the invasion fleet - the destroyers
and troop transports. They all appeared to be listing (that means tilting to
one side) and then started to sink! I could see hundreds (perhaps even
thousands) of soldiers and sailors desperately trying to jump off the side of
their ships to escape before their vessels went down. And shortly afterwards,
the massive aircraft carrier and then the battleship also began listing (they
too would eventually sink). And finally the support and supply ships at the
end of the flotilla began their journey to a watery grave. Only then did I
realize what was going on. My unbelievably strong girlfriend was using her
mighty fists to punch holes through the solid steel hulls of every ship in the
fleet! And since she was smashing in the hulls below the waterline, seawater
was rushing in, thus sinking all the ships. So as unbelievable as it seems,
Wonder Woman was literally destroying the entire invasion force all by
herself!

Stunned, I pondered what I was witnessing for a few moments. I mean just how
strong does a person have to be to be able to punch a hole through the solid
steel hull of a battleship or an aircraft carrier with just their fists? In
the course of just a few minutes I watched Wonder Woman literally wipe out
twenty fighter jets and sink an entire fleet of warships! Is there any limit
to what this incredible woman can do? Then my thoughts were interrupted.

"I'm back honey. Did you enjoy the show?"

"Diana! How did you get up here? We're like a thousand feet up in the air. Can
you fly too?"

"No you silly boy," she giggled, "even I can't fly. It was part of my Amazon
training Mike. We were taught how to use the updrafts of air to glide; and the
updraft was unusually strong today." My amazing girlfriend sat down in her
pilot's seat in front of me, strapped herself in and then glanced down below
at the sinking remains of the once powerful invasion fleet to check on her
handiwork. Twenty top-of-line fighter jets, a submarine, a battleship, an
aircraft and at least twenty other vessels of various sizes were completely
destroyed - by one single woman! "I don't think they'll be bothering the
Amazons anymore honey," Diana said as casually as if she had said that she was
going to do some shopping at the store. Then she looked back at me and smiled.
"As I was dealing with the invasion force Mike, a lovely idea came to me."

"What was it Diana?"

"Well, you've never been to Paradise Island nor met my mother; and I think
that since we're so close, this is probably as good an opportunity as ever to
do so. I'd love to show you around our beautiful island and you'll understand
where the name 'Paradise' comes from. I've even received permission from
Athena herself (the Greek Goddess of wisdom as well as the protector of the
Amazons for whom the city of Athens is named) to allow you to visit. As I
believe I've told you before, men are strictly forbidden from ever stepping
foot on Paradise Island so this is quite an honor; and I'm sure my mother
would love to meet you. We'll just have to go to the zoo another time."

Less than two minutes later Diana landed her plane on Paradise Island where we
were immediately greeted by Queen Hippolyta herself (Amazons don't care much
for protocol as all of them are considered to be more or less equal in
stature). As I watched Diana and her mother hug each other, giggling like a
normal daughter and mother would do when they meet, I found the scene to be
more than a little bit surreal. I mean this is a real Queen, and her daughter
just wiped out an entire squadron of fighter jets and a fleet warships all by
herself. And yet here they were, behaving like, well, like a normal mother and
daughter would behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

"Mother, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend Mike. And Mike, this is my
mother Hippolyta - the Queen of the Amazons."

"It's a great honor to meet you, your, your, your majesty," I ineptly replied.
As this visit caught me completely by surprise, I was totally unprepared for
how I should respond to this occasion (remember, Diana and I had planned to go
to the zoo today and meeting a queen was definitely not on our agenda).

"No young man, that honor is entirely mine," Diana's mother replied with an
amazing display of humility (she is a queen after all). "Any friend of Diana's
is not only a friend of mine, but of all the Amazons." To say that I felt
humbled at that moment would be a gross understatement. I was standing in
front of the Queen of the Amazons right next to Wonder Woman and surrounded by
an army of large, strong (not to mention beautiful) female warriors - and
Hippolyta was treating me like the guest of honor. Again the word surreal
crept into my mind; I mean how else could I describe it?

After all, who am I to deserve all of this? I'm just a low level, essentially
boring, bureaucrat - an accountant to be exact - who just happens to work in
the same office at the United Nations as Diana (we actually share a cubicle).
As I mentioned before, she's a translator at the U.N. and I now understand how
she can speak every language known to man; and probably then some. I didn't
even know who she was; how could I? Then one day I finally got up the courage
to ask her out for a date and was shocked when she accepted. All I knew was
that Diana Price was a beautiful and incredibly brilliant woman, beaming with
self-confidence. But I still don't know why this amazing girl went out with me
in the first place and what she sees in me. I mean I'm definitely not some
sort of superhero like she is. So what's the attraction?

Queen Hippolyta smiled and said, "Mike, in honor of my daughter's great
victory over the invading forces that tried to conquer us, as well as her
introducing you to me, I've decided to hold a gala dinner tonight at my palace
and would be greatly honored if you and Diana would attend." Again I was
stunned by Queen Hippolyta's humility. I mean she's the Queen of the Amazons -
the greatest warriors in the world; not to mention the mother of Wonder Woman.
And yet she's asking me to attend her banquet like I was some sort of royalty.

Risking her ire, I responded, "Yes your majesty, it would be a great honor for
me to attend your gala dinner tonight," (and judging by the smirks that both
Diana and her mother had on their faces when I said this I surmised that my
attempt at sarcasm did not go entirely unnoticed).

"Very well then," Diana's mother said after a pause (and a cryptic smile at
Diana). Since this is your first visit to Paradise Island Mike, I suggest that
my daughter show you around this beautiful home of ours. Dinner will begin at
seven o'clock. I'll see you then."

Several Hours Later

Diana and I were lying on her bed, the same bed she slept on when she was
growing up. I was running my fingers through her long, beautiful dark hair.
"Diana, you were wonderful today. You singlehandedly wiped out an entire air
force and sunk a fleet of warships including an aircraft carrier, a battleship
and a submarine - and you managed to do it all in just ten minutes! I honestly
don't know how else can I describe what I saw you do today honey - you were
totally, completely, absolutely AWESOME!"

"Why thank you Mikie; what a sweet thing to say. But you know honey there is a
reason as to why they call me Wonder Woman, and it's not just because I can
cook up a great souffle," (Diana's right about that, her souffle is absolutely
delicious).

"Yes, I know that Diana. But when I see what you can do in person like I did
earlier today, I can't help but be overwhelmed by what you're capable of
doing. But what I can't understand is how you can be such an amazingly
powerful woman on the one hand, and then just a few minutes later you were
hugging your mother and giggling like any normal daughter would do. How can
you be so awesome one moment and then so tender and loving the next?"

Diana smiled, reached over and gently tugged me over to her for a nice, loving
hug. "Oh Mikie," she began, "I'm afraid that you just don't get it do you? You
just don't understand what we Amazons are all about. But after living in a
man's world for as long as I have I can understand your confusion. Let me try
to explain to you what it means to be an Amazon and, hopefully, now you'll
begin to 'get it'."

Diana paused before continuing. "You see Mike, we Amazons are trained
virtually from the day we're born to be the finest warriors in the world; and
we are. But we're also taught to never lose sight of the fact that despite our
military prowess, we are also females - endowed by Aphrodite with both love
and compassion. Did you notice that I delayed destroying the last few fighter
jets until the pilots that ejected were a safe distance away? Killing them as
they were trying to escape would have been considered an act of murder
according to Amazon law. So even though they had come to conquer and enslave
my mother and sister Amazons, once when they were no longer a threat to us I
was compelled to be merciful towards them and let them live."

"It's the same thing with the survivors who escaped from the fleet of warships
before they sank. They were all rounded up and will be returned to their
homes; albeit with a stern warning: don't ever come back! You see honey, we
Amazons, despite the egregiously false myths that your world spreads about us,
are neither man-haters nor cruel - at least not when we're compared with your
world. First and foremost we believe in Aphrodite's law: to be loving,
compassionate and merciful whenever possible and only be strong and tough when
we need to be. Today you witnessed both sides of me - the powerful, invincible
Wonder Woman, and then simply Diana, a normal female."

"Trust me honey, I didn't want to kill all of those pilots, nor drown all the
sailors in their submarine and warships. I took no pleasure in doing that; but
they left me no other choice. I had to defend my mother and sisters from their
invasion. But after I sank the last ship and they were no longer a threat, I
reverted to being Diana, the one you saw hugging and giggling with my mother.
I know this all may seem very strange to you Mike, but for me it isn't a
dichotomy. Think of it being two sides of the same coin. One side is the
powerful and mighty Amazon warrior known as Wonder Woman - invincible in
battle; and the other side is the loving and compassionate girl that's gently
hugging you in bed now. That's the way of the Amazons honey. We're strong and
tough when we need to be, but also kind and gentle when we don't."

My mighty girlfriend then squeezed me tighter (but carefully so as not to
crush me as she knows quite well just how fragile we men are). "And as long as
we're on this subject Mike, let's get something else straight between us. I
know that you occasionally feel inadequate in this relationship of ours - that
somehow you feel that you don't 'measure up' to the mythological expectations
that you men seem to have about yourselves. That because you're not a
superhero, you're therefore not worthy of me. Well let me tell you this honey
- nothing could be further from the truth. I'm stronger, tougher and more
powerful by a factor of a thousand than any mortal man that has ever lived.
I'm even stronger than Hercules - I know this because I've beaten him up
several times (wink). You saw what I did just a few hours ago Mike -
singlehandedly destroyed an entire invasion force in just ten minutes. Who
else could have done that?"

(*Author's note: in my fantasy world there's no Superman. Therefore Wonder
Woman is the strongest person ever - by far).

"I know exactly who I am and what I can do Mike. But I also know what I want;
and what I want you honey. I didn't agree to go out with you when you asked me
because you were some rough, tough macho guy. I went out with you because
you're a kind, sweet and gentle loving man - not to mention such a cutie pie
too (she pinched my cheek again). In other words Mike, you were the kind of
man that I was looking for; the one I needed. That's why I became your
girlfriend honey and revealed my secret identity to you. Moved into your
apartment; so that we can be together all of the time. O.K. the fantastic view
from your balcony overlooking Central Park had a little bit to do with it too
(wink); but you get the idea don't you?"

"Wonder Woman doesn't need a man with an oversized macho ego honey, it would
only get smashed to pieces like those fighter jets I destroyed earlier. She
needs someone who, when I've had a rough day, will hug me, cuddle me, run his
fingers through my hair and make me feel loved. I can take all of the bullshit
that this world of men can throw at me Mike, just as long as I know that when
I come home there's a kind, sweet, and loving man waiting for me. Speaking of
which, we still have nearly two hours before my mother's dinner is scheduled
to begin. And since this is such a comfy bed, let's get at it you handsome
stud you." And so we did.