Cartoon Characters and Nursery Rhyme Characters Brawl 
by the Totally Delusional Madman



I have written many short stories that vary in quality from mediocre to
extremely bad. There have been some outstanding short story writers such as
Kafka, O'Henry and Poe. Unquestionably my Madman stories pale in comparison
with these literary masters. Most of my stories are variations of the same
plot. A single or a group of females beat the hell out of a hapless male
victim. Their plots are virtually meaningless, they serve only to set up the
reason for the beating to follow.

Since the whole point of these stories is the description of these beatings,
the cliche ridden plots are totally unnecessary. They are merely a waste of
time and cyberspace. Being that it has been established that Madman is
incapable of writing a good short story, why not skip any attempt to create a
plot or add depth to any of the characters and just proceed directly to the
violence? That violence is the only part of Madman's stories that are at all
interesting.

So this story will have no plot and its characters will have no personalities.
It will consist solely of pointless violence conducted within a prostyle
wrestling ring. To make things a bit more interesting, or at least different,
all the combatants will be either cartoon characters or fairy tale figures.
They will enter and exit the ring without fanfare or any reason and exit for
no reason at all. The only purpose of this story is to use these characters
special abilities to create an unusual type of fighting in the ring.

Papa smurf entered the ring confidently, but wondering who his opponent might
be. Almost immediately Bluto, Popeye's nemesis entered the ring. The bully
quickly overpowered his overmatched opponent and started choking him. Bluto
growled, "I wonder what color smurfs become when I choke them."

Olive Oyl has hated Bluto for decades, as he is always trying to steal her
from her true love, Popeye. She dashed into the ring and poured a bottle of
olive oil on Bluto's head, temporarily blinding him. He quickly rolled out if
the ring as the bully was afraid to even face her while unable to see.

Olive Oyl's victory celebration was cut short by the entrance of Minnie Mouse.
Claiming that her skinny legs were stronger than Popeye's girl, she pushed
Olive down and trapped her with a head scissors. Although she squeezed with
all her strength, Minnie's weak legs had no effect on her opponent.

Daisy Duck quacked angrily as she entered the ring. She had long been jealous
of Minnie Mouse for being the most famous Disney female. Before Minnie could
get up, Daisy stomped her with her big webbed foot. Olive Oyl exited the ring
as she did not want to face the fury of an angry duck. Daisy was merciless in
her pounding of Minnie and she looked for Mickey to come in and rescue her.

Unfortunately for Minnie, Mickey was not paying attention, as he was trying to
meet his hero, Mighty Mouse. Finally, Miss Piggy, feeling sorry for Minnie
Mouse, entered the ring to save her. Miss Piggy used her considerable size and
weight to totally overpower her feathered opponent. Easily overpowering her
overmatched opponent, Miss Piggy pinned her down and her weight on the duck's
chest made it hard for her to breathe. She ignored her victim's quacking and
continued to crush her.

Just before Daisy was about to pass out, Pinocchio and Gepetto came in to
rescue her. They double teamed Miss Piggy and were able to pin her down with
the sow on her belly. Pinocchio stuck his nose up Miss Piggy's ass. Gepetto
immediately started asking Pinocchio questions.

"What is your name?" he asked and Pinocchio answered "Ralph." His nose grew
and went deeper into the pig's ass. Gepetto then asked Pinocchio what his name
was and h is wooden puppet answered "Herman." Again his nose grew, thrusting
deeper into the sows ass. Pinocchio continued to tell lies until Miss Piggy
was in agony. Gepetto pushed down on Pinocchio's head to get maximum
penetration. No one expected the supposedly kindly old puppet maker to be so
sadistic, but they were wrong. The old man was clearly enjoying the
proceedings.

Silence overtook the entire arena as Brock Lesnar entered the ring with a
sneer on his face. Immediately, Papa Smurf climbed up to the ring apron and
was very upset. He literally shouted at Lesner. "Get the hell out of our ring,
you asshole. This story is for fictional characters, not real drug laden over
the hill fighters! Get the fuck out of here now, or I'll get Madman to write a
bunch of stories about you, and you won't like it because the stories will
suck as much as you do. So get the fuck out of our ring now! Go back to the
UFC or the WWE. I don't give a shit, just get the fuck out of here, you piece
of crap!" Papa smurf was so angry that his face reddened, changing his color
to a shade of purple.

Lesnar sheepishly existed the room. How ironic that one of the toughest men on
the world was intimidated by a smurf. I guess he was a coward at heart. Don't
worry, Lesnar will never appear in a Madman story again. One has to be a total
asshole to be banned from the stories of a writer as shitty as Madman.

Paul Bunyan now entered the ring with his axe, eager to chop off the nose of
the little puppet that he considered to be annoying. Gepetto quickly exited
the ring, eager to save himself and not all that concerned about Pinocchio's
welfare. A panicked Pinocchio ran around the ring shouting truths to shrink
his nose. He yelled, "The sky is blue! The sun is yellow! My name is
Pinocchio! This story sucks!"

He continued to yell out truths until his nose shrunk so much that he could
barely breathe. Then he rolled out of the ring and told a couple lies so his
nose became large enough to breathe properly. There was no rest for Pinocchio.
Even though he was clearly outside the ring, Woody Woodpecker attacked him,
viciously pecking at his face. It looked like the wooden puppet was developing
a bad case of acne. Showing unusual empathy for another being, Garfield the
cat looked up from the pizza he was devouring to swat the bird away from
Pinocchio. The puppet tried to thank him, but Garfield was already back
hungrily gobbling his pizza. Snow White gracefully entered the ring. Prince
Charming was pissed that she was better looking than Cinderella and jumped in
to go after her. He told her that she had better tits and tried to seduce her.

Rapunzel entered the ring and she was very pissed off. She shouted at the
prince "This ring is for fighting, not pornography. If you are here to have
sex, find yourself another story to be in. Madman does not write romance
stories, but you might get lucky and find a better author." Then the long
haired girl wrapped her hair around the prince's neck and choked him with it.
"Let's see if you have enough energy to fuck someone now you pervert!" she
yelled at him.

Delilah, of Samson and Delilah, entered the ring with a pair of scissors. Now,
I realize that some may not consider Delilah to be fictional. If you are a
practicing Christian or a Jew, you might believe she was an actual person.
However, if you are an agnostic or an atheist, or a member of any religion
that does not consider the bible to be some sort of holy book, then Delilah
would be a fictional character. Without going into detail, suffice it to say
than I do not believe in a literal interpretation of the bible. If you do,
then write your own fucking story.

Anyways, Delilah ran towards Rapunzel to cut her hair as she had done to her
former boyfriend Samson. Not willing to see Rapunzel suffer, the Tin Man from
The Wizard of Oz entered to prevent it. But he didn't have the heart to harm
Delilah, so they all left the ring and it was empty for the first time since
the matches began.

Mr Monopoly, the mustached guy on the monopoly game box was a heartless
property owning tyrant. Sneering out at the odd collection of fictional
wrestlers, he had a simple but deadly legal property issue to inform them of.
"No one has paid the property values or taxes on this wrestling ring. No one
has passed go to collect two hundred dollars to put toward this debt.
Therefore, I am repossessing this ring and the match is officially over."

That effectively ended the match, and thus ends this pathetic story. The many
cartoon and fictional characters that did not get to participate regretted
their lost opportunity to have their careers kickstarted. Many of them had not
been thought about for years. However, without a ring this story can not
continue. We can only hope that Diana, with her infinite wisdom would pay the
debt to retain the ring. She has sponsored female bodybuilders before, so why
not fictional wrestlers. If she does so, this story will continue; if not this
story is officially over and completed.

Sent from my iPhone

Sent from my iPhone