When Gods Talk Smack
by Madison Marbury
A trippy comic script 


madisonmarbury@hotmail.com

Panel 1

Two dumpy looking gods, one male, one female, drink Colt 45 from a bag on a
streetcorner. Each wears oversized sports shirts and caps, the male from the
California Angels, the female from the New Jersey Devils.

Fgod: I am so more omnipotent than you.

Mgod: Nuh-uh!

2

A guy, Alex, passes by walking his dog.

Fgod: Look, see that guy there?

3

Fgod: I'll make him immortal.

>>TWOOOONGGG <<<

Alex: Hey! Suddenly I feel immortal!

Fgod: There. Out-omnipotent that!

4

Mgod: Checkit. I'll teleport in his ex-fiancee he dumped at the altar for the
bride of honor.

///WHAOM!///

Alex: What the-?!

5

Mgod: He'll be an ass, of course.

Alex: Oh hi Robin. Still ugly, I see.

Robin: Why you lousy piece of -!

[He slaps her.]

Alex: Ha, silly mortal! So pathetic and weak!

7

With a gesture from Mgod, Robin grows tenfold in musculature.

Mgod: And then I'll get omnipotent all over his ass.

Alex: Huh?!

8

Robin: [flexing] Pathetic and weak, huh?

Alex: This is a very weird day.

9

Punch.

10

Clobber.

11

Robin strides across Alex's prone body and punches his face with inhuman
speed. He looks horrible, a mess of blood and misshapen flesh. Wapwapwapwap
...

Legend: The downside of immortality should be occurring to him right now ...

Alex: Augh! She's cleaving my skull in two!

Legend: But every broken body part mends right up ... so she can break them
again.

12

Beating continues in background.

Mgod: Now tell me that ain't the most omnipotentest thing your ever did see?

Fgod: Oh, hey, I didn't know we were taking the gloves off.

13

A vision of Fgod appears to Alex as he is beaten.

Legend: Fgod: Through the unbearable fog of pain, I appear to him in a vision
...

He knows who I am

He knows what I can do

14

Super close on a corner of Alex's bleeding mouth, which is forming a sinister
grin.

He knows that with a wave of my hand I can bestow upon him power fifty times
greater than hers ...

Power to torture her like a wing-plucked fly ...

then live on this earth like a GOD ... .

15

The vision of Fgod recedes from Alex, who is terrified.

Fgod: But I won't ...

Alex: NO!

Fgod: Because I don't like his haircut.

16

Robin approaches with a VW bug over her head, ready to swing it down on him.
She grins malevolently. Alex cringes in soul-twisting dread.

Alex: NOOOOOO!!!

Mgod: That's cold, man.

Fgod: Thanks. Um ... what were fighting about, again?

Mgod: I think ... you said something. I forget.

17

Robin uses the car as a club to tenderize Alex. The gods, having forgotten all
about them, turn and leave.

Mgod: Screw it. Let's hit the Halls of Asgard.

>>SMASH!<<<

Fgod: Cool! Lady Deities' Night! I drink for free!

Mgod: Let's get the Endless Rib Plate. I LOVE their Endless Rib Plate.

the trippy trippy END

[If you would like a custom comic written just for YOU, contact Madison at
madisonmarbury@hotmail.com. Rates vary from reasonable to unreasonable,
depending on

how cool you are and how I feel that day.]