Beanball Bozo
Script by Madison Marbury
Rick'n'Jen Comix #4


madisonmarbury@hotmail.com


Panel 1

Stands of a baseball game.  Rick is watching the game intensely.  Jen is
ecstatically cheering, wearing a Mets cap and a T saying "Mike Pizza Fan
Club!" (complete with picture of pizza).  Cheering just as hard are three
14-year-old girls of varying hairstyles but similar faces.

Rick: I love spring training!

Jen: And me and my nieces love-

Nieces: MIKE PIZZA!


Panel 2

We see the Latin American pitcher looming in the foreground, watching the
man come to the plate.

PA Announcer: Stepping to the plate, Number 31, MIKE PIZZA!

Pitcher: [thought] He big man?  Ha!  I take him down, you bet.


Panel 3

The pitch hits Pizza in the helmet, THUNK!, conking him.


Panel 4

The crowd boos, the pitcher runs to the dugout laughing while umpires
restrain a furious Pizza.

Pitcher: HA!  Is fun throwing balls at you!  We do again later!


Panel 5

Close on Jen's eyes.  They are scowling and vengeful.  One might almost
say. portending.


Panel 6

A lonely Florida highway, night.  The pitcher drives his sporty convertible
with Jesus on the dash as the radio plays and he sings.

Pitcher: That was fun!  Now I sing like Enrique Martin!

Pitcher: o/~ Mike Pizza's getting stitches!     Can't take me throwing
balls! o/~


Panel 7

Suddenly a something is thrown at 92 MPH at his windshield!  The glass
shatters and spiderwebs.  The pitcher swerves in panic.


Panel 8

The car crashes into a deep ditch.


Panel 9

The pitcher, shaken up, looks at the object that struck his windshield.

Pitcher: [thought] Aiy dios mio!  What the hell was that?


Panel 10

The pitcher picks up the object in shock: A baseball. Written on it is the
word, "APOLOGIZE".


Panel 11a

Close on the pitcher's cell phone, which he whips out quickly.

Pitcher: Motorola will save me!


Panel 11b

Another baseball, thrown at 94 MPH, smacks the cell phone and smashes it
while it's still in his hand.  That hurts.

Pitcher: AIYEE!


Panel 12

The pitcher looks up, shaking his swollen hand.  At the rim of the ditch
are Jen's nieces, each holding a baseball.  One of them flips it up
cockily.

Pitcher: Que?!? Las ninas?!  Aiy, be careful!  Baseball is a man sport!
You hurt your poor little girlish arms!


Panel 13

The pitcher covers his head and runs for his life as balls are hurled at
him at speeds of 94, 95, and 97 MPH.

Pitcher: [thought] Was it something I said?


Panel 14

The pitcher ducks behind a billboard, pressing his back to it and breathing
heavily.

Pitcher: Aah!  Safety!  Nice try weak little girls!  Ha!


Panel 15

Jen holds a huge economy-size can of spinach in one hand and a spoon in the
other.  She feeds one niece a big spoonful, while one niece swallows, and
the third niece shows the results: A bicep the size and shape of a
baseball.

Jen: Oh, see how you all eat your spinach?  What good girls you are!  Now
let's show'em we still have some balls left.


Panel 16

Pitcher: [snickering] Stupid ninas!  Me?  Apologize?  Ha!  Not even Randy
Johnson could pierce this grand American highway advertisement!


Panel 17

But from behind, the billboard erupts as balls come piercing through like
machine gun fire, leaving baseball-shaped holes. He clutches his head and
cringes in terror.



Panel 18

He looks back at the billboard, petrified.  The smoking holes form the
word, "APOLOGIZE!"


Panel 19

The pitcher skedaddles down the highway.

Pitcher: NEVER!  You can't throw baseballs at me forever!


Panel 20

The three nieces surround the ditched car, determinedly.  One rolls up
their sleeves, one spits on her hands.


Panel 21a

They put their hands under the car and grunt.


Panel 21b

THEY LIFT THE CAR, first off the ground,


Panel 21c

.then over their heads.  On the road above the ditch, Jen eats a can of
spinach.


Panel 22

Jen flex.  Her bulging bi has a picture of Mark McGuire slugging a homer.


Panel 23

Jen rears back and twirls her fist, ready to punch.  The nieces rear back
and prepare to throw the car up to her.

Jen: [chatter] Humbabyrightovertheplatelayitrightinthere.


Panel 24

The girls throw the car.  Jen socks it with a WHACK!


Panel 25a

Long shot of pitcher running away, looking back and up in horror as a
shadow approaches him.


Panel 25b

The car bounces on top of him with a CRUNCH!


Panel 26

On the driver's side, we see the pitcher.  He's been forced up through the
floor of the car, a bloody mess, dazed, pinned.  But he hears a HONK!


Panel 27

He looks through the windshield.  Coming around a blind curve is another
car, headed straight at him!  We see his dreading eyes in the rearview
mirror.


Panel 28

CRASH!


Panel 29

The steering wheel is around the pitcher's neck, the rearview mirror is in
his mouth where his teeth should be.  He moans.

Pitcher: I sorry.


Panel 30

The other car was a Lamborgini, and its front end is wrecked.  An angry,
burly man gets out and stomps toward the pitcher.  It's Mike Pizza.  He
blows a gasket when he sees who is in the other car.

Pizza: YOU!?

Pitcher: No. senor Pizza!  Please!


Panel 31

In the background, Pizza holds the pitcher up and slaps him around while
the pitcher helplessly apologizes.  In the foreground, a winking Jen
carries her girls on her flexed arms and carries them home.  One of the
nieces fondles the head of the bicep, marveling at its hardness.  Rick
follows them, miffed.

Pitcher: I sorry!  I sorry!

Jen: Yeah, he's sorry all right!

Rick: So did I even need to be in this strip?


END