An Iczermanish Fairytale Once upon a time there lived in an Elfish Kingdom a very happy elvish husband and wife. The reason they were so happy was that they have just given birth to a beautiful, little elvish girl, and she had blond hair and blue eyes like many of the other little elvish girls. For five years they lived happily until one day the little elfish girl did not come home from school. The Elfish Queen, who was beloved by all, bade many of the elfish guards to look for the lost elfish girl. They searched far and wide for 14 evenings and mornings but the little elfish girl was not to be found. The elfish mother and father were very sad. Then one night the door opened and in walked the little elfish girl along with a lot of dirt and mud for clothes. The elfish husband and wife were so happy that they couldn't scold the little elfish girl, but they hugged her and kissed her, dunked her in the wash tub, fed her nice elfish treats, and tucked her into her little elfish bed. The next day they asked the little elfish girl where she had gone, but the little elfish girl would not say. Many times since they would ask the little elfish girl and many times the little elfish girl would not say. The little elfish girl would smile her little elfish smile and would be sent to bed without supper and without one little elfish peep. As the little elfish girl grew up, the color of the little elfish girl's hair changed from blond to white, like none of the other little elfish girls. She began to grow stronger and stronger as the years went by, not like the other little elfish girls. Her elfish muscles grew bigger and bigger and when she flexed her arms, her muscles would grow higher and higher, not like the other little elfish girls. Her elfish waistline was much smaller than the other little elfish girls waistlines. Her elfish breasts grew much larger than the melons of the river Fless and they rode high on the little elfish girls chest and never pointed to the ground, again, not like the other grown-up elfish girls breasts. The little elfish girl was stronger and faster than any of the little elfish boys, the teenage elfish boys, and the grown elfish men. And when the little elfish girl became a teenage elfish girl, her father took her to the elfish school that taught elfish boys how to fight for their elfish kingdom. She learned quickly from her elfish teachers and mastered all what the elfish teachers taught her. The little elfish girl grew into a thickly muscled, huge-breasted, lovely young elfish woman and her elfish parents were very proud. Tress was the name of the young elfish woman, and tales of her good deeds were known far and wide. One day great sadness befell the elfish Kingdom. The elfish Queen, who was adored by all, had a beautiful elfish daughter whose name was Princess Else. Else was to marry a very handsome elfish Prince from the northern provinces. Else and Kessell were to have an elfish wedding at the elfish midyear festival. But the rocktrolls (not to be confused with the forest trolls), acting very, very rocktrollish, stole away the handsome elfish Prince and hid him in their secret rocktroll cave. " Who is brave and strong enough to rescue the elfish Prince?" Asked the Elfish Queen, to whom all listened. There was silence in the great elfish hall. " Is there no one in the elfish kingdom able to help us? " I have heard of a very strong elfish young woman named Tress Oakenstaff. She is the one who will help us." Said one of the elfish guards. The entire hall echoed with elfish laughter. " Surly she does not exist but is just another elfish urban legend." Said all the elfish people. " She does surly exist. I will send an elfish messenger to ask her help. She will bring the elfish prince here and you will be convinced." Said the elfish guard. " Make it so." Declared the elfish Queen, whom all obeyed. Over the hills and through the valleys of the elfish kingdom, Tress rode her elfish horse. The place where the handsome elfish Prince was stolen away was the same area where many reports of rocktrollish activity was said to occur, so using elfish logic, Tress started her search there. She looked this way and that, up there and down. All she could see was many mountains with many big rocks, some almost as big as the elfish castle. Soon she had the feeling that rocktrollish eyes were watching her and just like that she saw her first ever rocktroll. He was very tall and wide, with muscles that looked as hard as.as.well rocks. He smiled a rocktrollish smile and Tress could see that many of his rocktrollish teeth were missing, probably from trying to eat rocks.or so Tress thought. " We be very lucky!" Said the rocktroll. " Another little elfish worm. We will feast well tonight. Let us catch this one!" Then the rocktroll banged his rocktrollish club on the ground and soon Tress was surrounded by rocktrolls. How rocktrolls could hide so well among the rocks was probably why they were called rocktrolls in the first place. One of them came up and took hold of Tress's long elfish hair and yanked her off her elfish horse. A hard rocktrollish fist met with Tress's elfish jaw and then all went black. The next thing Tress saw was the inside of the rocktroll secret cave. Her elfish wrists were tied over her elfish head and she felt that she was hanging off the ground. She could not tell how high on account of her non- elfish breasts were jutting a very far distance in front of her. Her non- elfish arm muscles were so big that she could not turn her elfish head from side to side. All she could see was directly in front of her, and there, hanging in front of her, was the handsome elfish Prince, who was looking at her non- elfish breasts just a little to long. " Excuse me." Said Tress in an amused elfish voice. " You must be the elfish Prince I was sent to rescue." " I am indeed in need of rescuing." Said the Elfish Prince sadly. " But I see you are in the same pickle as I'm in." " Where are we?" Asked Tress. " We are in the secret rocktroll cave where they make elfish meat pies that the rocktroll king likes. Since I am an elfish prince they took me to the other side of this cave to the rocktroll castle and showed me to the rocktroll king. If a rocktroll king eats elfish meat pies, they live longer. I'm afraid were are done for." Said the elfish Prince sadly. "Is this the only rocktroll cave?" " Yes." Said the elfish prince sadly. " That is all I wanted to know." Said Tress in a happy elfish voice. Tress then broke the rocktrollish manacles that bound her elfish wrists and landed lightly on her elfish feet. Many rocktrolls saw this ran towards Tress with big rocktrollish clubs, but they could not strike the fast moving elfish woman. With a chop and a bop, with many rocktrollish bones going 'pop', the rocktroll cave was piled with rocktrolls all the way to its top. The elfish Prince was amazed when he saw this and he felt his elfish wrists being loosed from the rocktrollish manacles. Not wasting any time, they both ran to the rocktroll cave entrance. " Please, Your Highness." Asked Tress with an elfish curtsy. " Stand over on yonder hill. I must make sure we have no more rocktrollish activity for a very long time." When the Handsome elfish prince reached the top of the hill, he looked back and could not believe his elfish eyes. A giant stone, bigger than the elfish castle, seemed to be walking toward the entrance all on its own. It bobbed up and down just a little and then it looked like it was thrown hard against the mountain with such force that the ground shook and he was knocked off his elfish feet. Getting up he saw that the entrance to the rocktroll cave was neatly plugged up, never to be used again. " I didn't know you were so strong, not like the other elfish girls." Said the handsome elfish Pince when Tress appeared before him. " Why didn't you fight them? You could have prevented them from capturing you." " I knew that to find the secret rocktroll cave was to be very difficult, so I decided to let the rocktrolls take me to their secret rocktroll cave themselves." " But that huge stone! How did you move it?" Asked the bewildered elfish prince. " I carried it. It was very light." Said Tress with an elfish smile as she flexed her non-elfish bicep, which was bigger and higher than ever before due to the stone carrying. On the day of the elfish wedding, all in the elfish kingdom dressed in their finest elfish clothes and gathered happily in the great elfish church. The elfish priest spoke the words of bonding and was about to join the hands of the handsome elfish Prince with the hand of the beautiful elfish Princess when the elfish priest asked the " Question of desire or dissent". "Is there anyone here that believes that these two should not be joined?" Said the elfish priest with a commanding voice. There was silence in the great elfish church when the handsome elfish Prince, much to the surprise of all, took his hand away from the priest. " I must speak the truth." Said the handsome elfish Prince. "The elfish Princess Else is very beautiful, but I do not love her." " I must also speak the truth." Said the beautiful elfish Princess. " You are very handsome, but I do not love you, either." " Then the truth must be told." Said the elfish Queen, to whom all listened. " I do not love the handsome elfish prince Kessell, but his brother Montrell." " It is true." Said the no-less-handsome elfish Prince Montrell standing up. " I wish to wed the beautiful elfish Princess Else, if she will have me." He said, bowing on one knee toward the elfish Queen, whom all honored. " I will." Said the elfish Princess Else. " Now Kessell. What have you to tell us?" Commanded the elfish Queen, whom all obeyed, smiling. " I am in love yes, but not with the beautiful elfish Princess, but the strong, beautiful and bountiful elfish heroine Tress Oakenstaff! I will wed her, if she will have me." " I will!" Said a happy Tress as she run up the elfish church isle and hugged the handsome elfish Prince. " Then we will have two elfish weddings today! May they be happy and may our elfish feasting be merry!" Said the elfish Queen, with whom all agreed. And they all lived happily ever after..except the rocktrolls..