Beating up Boys; the Musical A tongue-in-cheek story you can sing to. You'll need to bone up on your memory of pop music oldies to truly enjoy this first draft of a Broadway musical tribute to all the stories at Diana the Valkyrie. Any feedbacks send to harlequin2943@hotmail.com Opening prologue: Narrator: Candy Bednarski was a new girl at Adolfo Camarillo high school. Her father's work required frequent moves for the family. This caused Candy to be a kind of loner during her high school years. Candy had marvelous muscular development for a 17 year old girl. Genetically, she had inherited her parents' athleticism. Her mother had been a javelin thrower and pole vault competitor in college and her father had a number of trophies for wrestling and boxing. Candy was built like a rock as a result and she preferred weight training to any team sport. Her dumbbells and barbells were her best friends, she used to say, and she spent time with them that most girls spent with each other. Within her first week of school the one all-girl gang at Camarillo high took notice of her and drooled at the prospect of Candy joining their clique. They knew that her very presence amongst them would heighten their aura as a power to be reckoned with. Marsha Mayflower was the undeclared leader of the gang and she didn't share the sentiments of the others. Deep down she saw Candy as a threat to her power base and considered ways to bring her down with out a physical confrontation. Some sort of challenge that could show her superiority over Candy that would allow her to recover her dominance over the girl gang. Act 1: scene 1 Curtain rises and Marsha is on stage alone. Marsha: (sings) "TEEN AMAZON" (sung to the tune "Come Together" by the Beatles) Here comes that new girl She's got ... .. muscle proportions She wears ... .. hooter tank tops She puts ... . boys in traction Quintessential bodybuilder in sexy jeans She's a red hot ... .Teen Amazon ... .scaring me! As the song repeats Candy passes by behind Marsha in a "Hooters" tank top and jeans. She's cradling her school books and walks with confidence and strength. Marsha: hey ... .You the new girl? I hear your name's Candy? Candy: That's right. Marsha: what school did you come from? Candy: San Marcos up in Santa Barbara. Marsha: That's cool (gulps) see ya around. (Both exit in opposite directions) Act 1: scene 2 Marsha :( on telephone, up stage right) I hear you're the student body president at San Marcos...can you tell me anything about a former student by the name of Candy Bednarski? (Murray Alexander appears on a telephone down stage left) Murray: (sings) "BRUTAL AND MEAN" (sung to the tune "Killer Queen" by Queen) She owns weapons of torture Though she doesn't need the help Handcuffs and blackjacks Brass knuckles, what a sight Pounding her enemies With two fisted reverie Even all the football players She could make em cry ... Woman superior All else inferior She dominates the scene She is brutal and mean ... deadly and body lean Switch blade with a razor sheen We were glad to see her go You will know ... Your school she'll terrorize, pillage and tantalize Agonize ... . (Curtain falls on act 1) Act 2: scene 1 Narrator: The all girl gang invented an initiation for Candy. Procure six pairs of underwear from different boys that attend Camarillo high. This was considered a panty raid in reverse. She could do it by any means she thought best but she was to do it in a racing mode. Her challenger would be Marsha and whoever loses would have to confine them selves to the library for the rest of the year. The winner could lead the girl gang and unofficial female dominance of the school. Candy didn't really want to undergo this contest but she never backed down from a challenge either. It was obvious how the two girls would carry out their strategies; Marsha by seduction and Candy by pure force. Act 2: scene 2 Curtain rises (Bobby Archer appears on stage with two black eyes and bandages across his face.) Bobby: (sings) "BOYBEATER" (sung to the tune "Maneater" by Hall and Oates) She'll only punch out your lights ... A mean street-fighting type She always knew her strength could open doors Beautiful bully She's waiting for you but you don't know the score So many have lost that game She whipped their wimpy frames She keeps her cool while watching you lose yours Intimidation If you try to outrun you ain't gonna get too far Hu..mi..li..a..tion.. Give up boys she beat you up Hu..mi..li..a..tion.. She's a boybeater.. (As Bobby continues to sing, 4 other boys enter that have bruises and gashes and they sing along with him) Alfred Townsend enters; he is unscathed as far as his physical appearance goes. The other boys gather around him and inquire if he knows Candy is after him. Alfred: (Sings) "INCREDIBLE LEFT HOOK" (sung to the tune "Invisible touch" by Genesis) Well I've been worrying Worrying through these songs If I'm the next one Will the pain be long? Ooh now I know I am the next one on her list She wants my undies she will insist (Candy enters) And now it seems, I'm dropping my pants for her (Candy grabs Alfred and yanks him offstage) All boys sing: She seems to have an incredible left hook And her right jab, will quickly take him apart She seems to have an incredibly hard punch With just one blow His body nervously farts (Offstage sound of Alfred screaming as song ends. Candy walks on stage counting out 6 pair of boy's underwear. The boys hold their crotch in embarrassment and leave the stage with heads hung low.) Candy: (looks at watch and laughs at audience) 15 minutes flat Narrator: yes, Candy had beaten Marsha before she ever put her perfume and fishnet stocking on. Candy was the undisputed winner of the contest. As for Marsha?, Candy caught up with her in an alley a couple weeks later and pounded her face in. As Marsha slumped to the ground unconscious, Candy felt like singing. Candy: (sings alone on stage in the spotlight) "CRUSH THEIR HEAD" (sung to the tune "Love is all around" by the Troggs) I feel it in my biceps And when my deltoids flex I need to bloody someone The question is whose next? It's certain they won't stop me Or I will crush their head I know I scare everyone in town They don't deny me or I knock em down I'm organizing a Candy mob And then they'll hand me the Mayor's job. (As the cast comes out for a curtain call, the song "Incredible left hook" is reprised and sung by the whole cast. Candy comes out last and takes ten bows as the crowd goes wild and wears their hands and vocal chords out in adulation. The next day radio ads were heard all over town ... .. All the New York drama critics agree ... "This show will break all box office records" ... ."Not a mere hit but already a legend" ... "Every one loves Candy" ... "Muscle girls, your day has arrived" ... . The original Broadway cast recording available at Tower records on the FBB label. Soon to be a major motion picture