INGRID MANAGER OF VOTANS
by Hamlet



SENIOR MANAGER ASMONENA

VOTANS MANAGER SPEAKS TO HER SUPERVISOR ASMONENA

Ingrid Rasmusson felt so delighted that the Tollemache Inn in Grantham
Lincolnshire England had been transformed into a brand new Norselandic bar and
restaurant called Votans.

She was overjoyed that no one would remember the dreary days of the Tollemache
ever again.It would be a memory of the past.She had presided over every stick
of furniture, every glass and bottle, every piece of carpet being thrown into
a vast incinerator. She had organised the new bar restaurant and has ensured
that every

single chair. table, glass and bottle in Votans would be brand sparkling new.'

Arnold the former manager had been allowed to stay on as the toilet cleaner.
The bar staff Julie and Karen had been allowed to stay on only as kitchen
staff.

She called her Senior Manager Asmonena Baarqvist at the headquarters of Votans
in Stefansholm the capital of Norseland.

'You will be so pleased Asmonena that we have completely taken over the
Wetherspoons pub in Grantham in England and replaced it by Votans as part of
our world wide drive to make Votans one of the largest chains of bars and
restaurants in the world.'

Du vil v�re sea overojd Amonena at vi fullending har overfat pubik
Wetherspoons I Grantham I England go restated den med Volans some end del a
vari verdensomspennende drift for aa gjoore Votans til en av de stoorste
kjedene med barer i veitingastadduren verden. '

'You have done a wonderful job Ingrid. We have taken over the Wethespoon chain
as part of becoming the largest chain in the UK. Soon the whole world will be
traken over by us and by the two others huge Norselandic chains the Hannahs
and the Viking Heaven.as part of the Health Rangers War against Unhealthiest.
We are determined to eradicate every single food chain in particular Mc
Donalds and Pizza Hut that serve unhealthy food like burgers and pizzas in
insanitary conditions as Wethersppons have done!'

'Du har gjort en fraab�rt starf Ingrid. Vi har overtatt Wethespoon-kjeden som
et ledd i aa bli den stoorste kjeden i Storbritannia Snart blir hele verden
overtatt av oss og av de to andre enorme Norselandsk-kjedene Hannahs og Viking
Heaven. Som en del av Heilbrigddismenn-krigen mot usunne. Vi er fast bestemt
paa aa utrydde hver eneste n�ringskjede, spesielt Mc Donalds og Pizza Hut som
serverer usunn mat som burgere og pizza under vanvittige forhold som
Wethersppons har gjort! '.

'I'm so pleased about that Asmonena. You will also beso glad to know that the
bar staff have been replaced replaced by Bar Marshals. There are four of them
altogether and they look so wonderful be dressed in red leather hats, leather
jackets, skin-tight trousers and high heeled boots. Their names are Helga and
Lars who are Partners and Martha and Erik also Partners. '

Jeg er saa fornooyd med den Asmonena. Du vil ogsaa v�re glad for aa vite at
barpersonalet er erstattet av Barmarshalen. Det er fire av dem helt, og de ser
s� fantastiske ut aa v�re kledd i roode skinnhatter, skinnjakker, hudtette
bukser og hooyh�lte stoovler. Deres navn er Helga og Lars som er partnere og
Martha og Erik ogsaa partnere. '^^

'That is wonderful too Ingrid Make sure you always carry a crop and handcuffs
attached to your uniform as the Manager. You must always be addressed at all
times as Madame Manager while all the Bar Marshals must to be addressed at all
times as Sir or Madame!'

Det er fantastisk ogsaa. Ingrid Soorg for at du alltid har en avling og
haandjern festet til uniformen din som leder. Du maa alltid adresseres til
enhver tid som Madame Manager, mens alle Bamarshalen til enhver tid maa
adresseres som Sir eller Mevrouv

'I certainly will Asmonena. My Papian slaveant Kusha has become the supervisor
of the kitchen staff only. All the cooking will be done by two Papian chefs
Taeko Tahini with his wife Mahia and Toni Uaakatua now that he has left a
Chinese restaurant '.

'Jeg vil absolutt Asmonena. Min papianske slaveant Kusha har blitt bare
veileder for kjookkenpersonalet. All matlaging vil bli gjort av to papianske
kokker Taeko Tahini med kona Mahia og Toni Uaakatua naa som han har forlatt en
kinesisk veitingastaddur '.

'I have also appointed a new Associate Manager Helga Nastisson who is very
strict and has to be addressed at all times as Madame Helga.'

Jeg har ogsaa utnevnt en ny assisterende sjef Helga Nastisson som er veldig
streng og til enhver tid maa behandles som Mevrouv Helga.

'Asmonena I have also installed separate dining and dancing areas. Around the
walls there are huge TV screens showing only Norselandic programmes as well as
sports such as surfing gymnastics Gym Kata, skiing and aerobics The whole
premises is so so pristine clean you could eat a meal off the floor!.'

Asmonena har jeg ogsaa installert addskildir spisesteder og danseplasser.
Rundt veggene er det enorme TV-skjermer som bare viser Norselands-programmer,
saa vel som idretter som surfegymnastikk Gym Kata, ski og aerobic. Hele
lokalene er saa s� uber�rte at du kan spise et m�ltid fra gulvet! '^^^^^

'Just make sure Ingrid that the dreary days of the past under Wetherspoons are
well and truly over under your management!'

'Bare soorg for at Ingrid at fortidens kjedelige dager under Wetherspoons er
godt og virkelig over under din ledelse!'

'Once the multi-million pound refurbishment is complete Asmonena there will be
an opening night where for as little as £20 customers will be able to eat at
a buffet for as much as they liked, drink all night as long as they do not get
drunk and confine themselves to healthy drinks like freshly squeezed orange
juice and can dance the night away!'.

Naar renoveringen av flere millioner pund er fullfoort Asmonena vil det v�re
en aapningskveld der for saa lite som £ 20 kunder vil kunne spise paa en
buffee saa mye de vil, drikke hele natten saa lenge de ikke blir beruset og
begrenser seg til sunne drikker som ferskpresset appelsinjuice og kan danse
natten bort!

'I will also hire a Norselandic country band the Valhallas who will play
country music all night long There will-be all-night line dancing and cowboy
dancing. I am determined that everyone will have a great time without
drunkenness or causing any trouble. If anyone causes the slightest trouble
then I will deal with them personally and ruthlessly.!

Jeg vil ogsaa ansette et norselandsk countryband Valhallas som skal spille
countrymusikk hele natten. Jeg er fast bestemt paa at alle skal ha det veldig
bra uten drukkenskap eller foraarsake problemer. Hvis noen foraarsaker den
minste problemer, vil jeg takle dem personlig og hensynsloost.!

'That's fine Ingrid Just make it compulsory for customers to stay all night
just as do

to in my Nation if ordered to by the Senior Bar Marshal!'

"Det er bra Ingrid Gjoor det bare obligatorisk for kunder aa bo hele natten,
akkurat som det er til i min nasjon hvis det blir bestilt av Senior Bar
Marshal!\"

'Also make sure Ingrid, strict rules are enforced by the BMs. Good manners at
table must be essential as are clean fingers before eating and there must be a
cleanliness inspection before meals .No drinks can ever be ordered without
food. Drunkenness must be banned and anyone drunk must be thrashed until they
were sober.!'

'S�rg ogsaa for at Ingrid, strenge regler blir handhevet av BM'ene. Det maa
v�re viktig med gode manerer ved bordet, og det er rene fingre foor du
spiser, og det maa v�re en renslighetskontroll f�r maaltider. Ingen drinker
kan noen gang bestilles uten mat. Drukkenskap m� v�re forbudt, og enhver som
er beruset, maa bli truffet til de var edru.! '^

'What's more smoking was must be banned everywhere as a filthy and effectively
illegal habit. No one must consume more than 4 glasses of beer or wine in one
evening and after that the customer will have to drink healthy fruit juice all
evening!'.

'Anyone making a mess such as spilling their drinks or food must be forced to
clean it up immediately by the BMs.'

Alle som gj�r noe rot som aa soole paa drinkene eller maten sin, maa tvinges
til aa rydde opp med en gang av BM-ene. '

'Ingrid just make sure everyone's appearance must be be spotlessly clean and
tidy, Trainers and jeans are absolutely forbidden, Suits and smart casual are
essential at

all times for men and women. If dress is not perfect or dress was not up to
standard then BMs have full authority to take the offender to a back room and
rip the offending clothing off and hurl it into the incinerator and replace it
with the stock of smart clothing that would be held at the back of the bar.'

Ingrid soorger bare for at alles utseende maa v�re skinnende rent og ryddig,
trenere og jeans er absolutt forbudt, drakter og smart casual er viktige til
enhver tid for menn og kvinner. Hvis kjolen ikke er perfekt eller kjolen ikke
var i standard, har BMs full autoritet til aa ta lovbryteren til et bakrom og
rive av de forn�rmende kl�rne og kaste den inn i forbrenningsovnen og
erstatte den med lageret av smarte kl�r som vil bli holdt p� baksiden av
baren. '^^^^

'All customers must be forced to conform and obey these rules without
question. All customers who take part in the entertainment such as the line
dancing or else. If a customer is asked to dance by a Norselander they have no
choice. There is no such word as no!'

'Alle kunder maa tvinges til aa overholde og overholde disse reglene uten
spoorsmaal. Alle kunder som deltar i underholdningen som linjedans eller
annet. Hvis en kunde blir bedt om aa danse av en Norselander, har de ikke noe
valg. Det er ikke noe ord som nei!

'Of course, all these rules must be enforced by coercion if necessary. You and
Helga

will patrol the bar with a crop and a whip and carry knuckledusters knives and
handcuffs around your waists. BMs must also carry handcuffs and cropsat all
times .'

'Selvfoolgelig, alle disse reglene maa haandheves ved tvang om noodvendig. Du
og Helga vil patruljere baren med en avling og en pisk og b�re hn�i
rykmjuukar-kniver og haandjern rundt livet. BMs maa ogsaa b�re haandjern og
avling til enhver tid. '

'Customers causing trouble at all must be thrashed mercilessly over the
Whipping Block that must be situated right in the middle of the Bar. Anyone
criticising Our Nation or the Queen Goddess must receive a minimum of 30
strokes administered by you in full view of the other customers.!'

Kunder som i det hele tatt skaper problemer, m� sl�s n�del�st over
piskeblokken som m� v�re plassert midt i baren. Alle som kritiserer Our
Nation eller Queen Goddess, m� motta minimum 30 slag administrert av deg i
full visning av de andre kundene.! ^

'I will be watching from my office at the Volans office in Stefansholm on CCTV
to ensure these rules are rigorously enforced!'

'Jeg vil se paa kontoret mitt paa Volans-kontoret i Stefansholm paa CCTV for
aa sikre at disse reglene blir haandhevet strengt!'

Ingrid knew she had to do as Asmonenma ordered.

YES, CERTAINLY SENIOR MANAGER ASMONENA!!

JA ABSOLUT FRAMKVAEMDASTIOON ASMONENA !!

Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com