VOTANS BAR by Hamlet CHRISTMAS OPENING NIGHT COW PERSON BARBECUE Ingrid Rasmusson the Manager knew that Votans Bar in Grantham was effectively now Norselandic territory This meant that British laws effectively did not apply. If there was any trouble at all the Royal Overseas Judges could be called in at any time to arrest anyone who caused the slightest disturbance. What was more the ridiculous British licensing laws did not apply so that the Bar could close at any time that Ingrid decided. Norselanders liked to enjoy themselves and were really night people and 11 PM was just when people were beginning to enjoy themselves. The Bar would open all night right into the next day when a healthy Norselandic breakfast would be served to customers. Also, as this was Norselandic territory in England only Norselandic food and drink would be served. Norselanders loved to eat huge chunks of meats falling off the plate, with tons of potatoes and pasta and salad. They loved to eat vast portions which explained why they were such enormous muscular people especially the Norse Women. They would eat gigantic portions not the miserable amounts that English people ate. In fact, it was true that after a Norselandic meal many English people would have great trouble even standing up! Ingrid was now preparing for the Christmas Opening Night. For starters in the buffet there would be potato shells or fries swimming in pepper sauce and gallons of mayonnaise. Salad would be served as would be soup of the day served in enormous bowls with hunks of rye and black bread. There would be smorgasbord large open sandwiches with rye and black bread served with a choice of cheese fish chicken pork and beef, again drowned in mayonnaise! For the main course there would be gargantuan chunks of a whole array of meats steaks falling off the plate, whole roasted chickens and venison drowning again in various sauces and with huge platters of salads and fries and creamed potatoes once again swimming in mayonnaise. This would be followed by sweets such as vast layers of iced cream and fruits piled high almost to the ceiling! With this in mind Ingrid sent out invitations to the Opening Night a Cow Person barbecue. They read as follows; You are cordially invited to; COW PERSON'S BARBECUE OPENING NIGHT ON FRIDAY DECEMBER 20TH 2019 AT 7 PM SHARP AT VOTANS BAR 17 ST PETERS HILL GRANTHAM NG31 6PY A TASTE OF PARADISE IN LINCOLNSHIRE ENGLAND! To celebrate our Opening Night! Have a rip-roaring time! As much as you can eat and one bottle of wine or a jug of beer for only £20! Meats are cooked on an open barbecue! All the meats are cooked to a cinder if you like! 12 varieties of meat and fish cooked before your eyes! Every kind of bean by the ton! Tropical fruit to the celling! Resident country band the Valhallas! Compulsory Line Dancing under the supervision of Madame Martha Take part or else! RULES OF THE BAR No criticism of Our Nation or Her Divine Majesty The Queen Goddess Remember you are in Norselandic territory and you will obey Our Laws without question or face the consequences! The orders of the four Bar Marshals will be obeyed without question. Remember they wear the district red leather uniform and carry whips, crops, knuckledusters and knives at all times. No drunkenness. You are only allowed to drink four glass of beer and wine all night and after that it is fruit juice only. No smoking which is an illegal and filthy habit absolutely banned in Our Nation. No fraternising or talk with Papian staff. They are here to work. You must dress smartly at all times You will wear a smart stetson, smart trousers or dresses and expensive shoes. If you arrive wearing jeans tee shirts and/or trainers they will be thrown into the incinerator immediately and you will be forced to wear only your underpants all night! As the Manager I believe in Absolute Zero Tolerance. If you infringe these Rules even slightly, I will put you over the Whipping Block in the middle of the Bar and thrash you mercilessly in front of all the customers! I am a total sadist as is my Associate Manager Hilda Nastisson as are the four Bar Marshals. There is nothing, we love more than the sight of blood flowing in torrents from a naked English rump! I will be wearing a sign al night in English and Norselandic I AM INGRID RASMUSSIN THE MANAGER SPEAK TO ME AND BEHAVE YOURSELF OR ELSE!! JEG ER INGRID RASMUSSON LEDEREN TALER TIL MEG OG HAGADDU PEER ELLER!! Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com