The Sermon
by Hamlet



Pastor Sister Chineera Udoma stood in front of the congregation at Grace
Pentecostal Church in East India Dock Road in Canning Town East London. She
was looking so impressive with Her ebony skin Her huge frame over 6 feet tall
and 6 feet wide with enormous breasts jutting forward. She was dressed totally
in black leather as usual a tight black leather jacket ,leather skirt, high
heeled boots and long shiny black leather gloves. She wore a gele a Nigerian
head dress made too of shiny black leather that was nearly two feet tall Her
most endearing qualities were Her great intelligence, power, foresight and
wisdom.

Pastor Chineera had just become the Pastor of the Church and was determined to
bring about a complete change from the previous rather ineffective pastor. She
had overseen many of the Church activities including the administrative
functions and hospitalities under Her supervision. She would often be found
praying for the hurt and suffering , and caring for those in need of Her
special guidance and encouragement.

She was extremely loved and feared not only by the congregation of but by
everyone who met Her.

The theme in Her sermon was tithing and the importance of pain and punishment
in Christianity.

She addressed them first of all in Igbo Her native language.

How are you?

K#d# k# #m#####r#####?

Fine, thank you. Pastor Udoma

##### d##### ###m# Pastor Udoma

TODAY'S SERMON

What is tithng?

'I want to address you today on the importance of tithing and why I insist
that everyone in this congregation pays one tenth of their income to the
Church The Bible indicates that God's people followed the law of tithing
anciently; through modern prophets, God restored this law once again to bless
His children. To fulfil this commandment, Church members must give one-tenth
of their income to Me as your Pastor and to the Lord through His Church. These
funds are used by Me to build up the Church and further the work of the Lord
throughout the world.

One of the blessings of membership Our Church is the privilege of paying
tithing. This privilege is a double blessing. By paying tithing, Church
members show their gratitude to God for their blessings and their resolve to
trust in the Lord rather than in material things. They also help further the
work of the Lord in the earth, blessing others of God's children with the
opportunity to learn of Him and grow in the gospel. That is why I insist you
pay 10 % of your income to the Church and I will ensure that every member of
the church pays tithes or else!

Through the prophet Malachi, the Lord declared:

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine
house, and prove me now Herewith, smith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open
you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not
be room enough to receive it" (Malachi 3:10).

Tithing funds are always used for the Lord's purposes""to build and maintain
temples and meetinghouses, to sustain missionary work, to educate Church
members, and to carry on the work of the Lord throughout the world.

As you all know Me by the fact that I carry a crop with Me at all times an

d have used it on members of the congregation I am a staunch believer in
Corporal Punishment and am quite prepared to use it on any parishioner! I am
actually passionate about flogging and inflicting punishment and inflicting
pain

I am a convinced believer in the importance of pain. Firstly pain and
suffering can help us to learn important lessons in life.

Corporal punishment was recorded as early as c. 10th Century BC in Book of
Proverbs attributed to Solomon:

He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him
betimes. Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the
rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul
from hell

A mother eagle in Nigeria forces Her baby out of the nest to teach it to fly.
Scripture: Deuteronomy 32:10,11

Pain and suffering can bring about creativity, resourcefulness and courage
when . parents lose a child help to pass laws or start organizations to
protect other children. Artists and composers sometimes do their greatest work
during times of pain or loss. Scripture: Psalms 18; 42; 63; 126

Pain and suffering can help us to comfort others who are going through similar
pain. This is the benefit of support groups for various problems. People who
have faced the same problems are able to help and encourage others. John and
Phyllis Clayton have been able to help others because of their experience with
diabetes and with a mentally retarded child. Jim McDaniel has been able to
help others because of his experience with a handicapped child. Scripture: 2
Corinthians 1:3-5

Pain and suffering can help to shape our character. People who have survived
as prisoners of war or persecutions often have a strength of character which
is admired by others. Gold is refined by the fire which heats it until the
impurities come out. Scripture: Isaiah 48:10; Zechariah 13:8, 9: James 1:2-4

Pain and suffering can test us to show what we are made of. The patriarch
Abraham was tested; Job, the ancient man of wealth was tested; the apostle
Peter was tested; and the early Christians were tested. In all cases the
testing showed the weaknesses and the strengths of their faith in God.
Products which are sold in the marketplace are put through tests to find their
weaknesses and to demonstrate their strengths.

Genesis 22:1-14 describes the test of Abraham. The entire book of Job tells
about Job's test. Matthew 26:69-75 tells about a test where Peter failed and
he learned something about himself. Acts 4:1-21 tells about a test in which
Peter was victorious and his enemies could see the strength of his faith. The
testing of the early Christians is described in various places such as Foxe's
Book of Martyrs. In Matthew 7:24-27 Jesus beautifully illustrated the results
of testing in a simple story.

6- Pain and suffering can lead to repentance and salvation. Sometimes it takes
pain and suffering to turn a person's life around and head it in the right
direction.

The Israelites who repented in times of persecution in the Old Testament. Saul
who became Paul in the New Testament of the Bible.

Judges 2:11-19 describes the cycle which the Israelites when through as they
forsook their God only to be brought back to Him by suffering and then to
forsake Him again when times were good. In contrast to that Acts 9:1-16 tells
the suffering which lead Saul the persecutor to become Paul the apostle,
faithful to his God until his dying breath.

Pain and suffering can sometimes help us to trust God. Perhaps we are forced
to turn to God because we have no other place to turn. There are numerous
people who have made the decision to trust God because of their pain and
suffering. Scripture: Job 40:3-5; Job 42:2, 3; Lamentations 3:19-24; Daniel
3:16-18; Habakkuk 3:17-19

The apostle Paul endured his "thorn in the flesh" but was able to take the
message of Christ to many areas of the world and write most of the New
Testament.

9- Pain and suffering can have a Divine purpose in preparing us for glory.
Example: The apostle Paul wrote that our suffering is "slight" and "momentary"
compared with "eternal glory." Scripture: 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Pain and suffering can prevent us from becoming dangerously proud. Example:
Again Paul said that his "thorn in the flesh" was to keep him from becoming
proud and arrogant. Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Sometimes pain and suffering in the life of one person can result in the
advancement of the gospel in the life of another person. Example: I know a
family who accepted Christ because of the suffering of one member who died of
cancer. The apostle Paul said that his imprisonment helped to advance the
gospel. Scripture: Philippians 1:12-14

Pain and suffering can allow us to be like Jesus. Example: We are allowed to
share in Christ's suffering as we serve the one who suffered on our behalf.
Scripture: Philippians 3:8-11; Hebrews 2:9-11; 4:15; I Peter 4:12-16

Corporal punishment is a form of physical punishment that involves the
deliberate infliction of pain as retribution for an offence, or for the
purpose of disciplining or reforming a wrongdoer, or to deter attitudes or
behaviour deemed unacceptable. The term usually refers to Me methodically
striking the offender with the open hand or with an implement, whether in
judicial, domestic, or educational settings.

I am a passionate believer in flogging and will use the following on any
member of the congregation who infringes the rules have to tell you that I
actually have a God given need to flog and inflict pain Nothing else clears My
mind and refreshes Me as much as flogging involves Me as your Pastor
repeatedly striking another with a whip or rod or birch.

I will use the following tools on you at any time

The rod. A thin, flexible rod is often called a switch.

The birch, a number of strong, flexible branches of birch or similar wood,
bound togetHer with twine into a single implement.

The rattan cane (not bamboo as it is often wrongly described). Much favoured
in the British Commonwealth for both school and judicial use.

The paddle, a flat wooden board with a handle, with or without holes

The strap. A leather strap with a number of tails at one end, called a tawse,
The whip, typically of leather. Varieties include the Russian knout and South
African sjambok, in addition to the scourge and the French martinet.

The cat o' nine tails was used in British naval discipline and as a judicial
and prison punishment.

The hairbrush and belt were traditionally used in the United States and
Britain as an implement for domestic spanking.

In the book In Defence of Flogging, Peter Moskos, an assistant professor of
law and former police officer, suggested that a long prison sentence can be
more inhumane than a flogging. Moseys believes that many criminals would elect
to receive a few lashes (under medical supervision), and questions whether
flogging should ever be an option. As reasons to consider such corporal
punishment, Moskos cited studies showing that higher rates of incarceration
have little effect on decreasing crime (e.g. the deterrence argument),] and
that the United States' incarceration rate is five times the world's average.]
He further worried that most criminals are not the kinds who will need to be
kept out of society for the rest of their lives, and that prisons and
sentences rarely focus on realistic rehabilitation methods.

PREPARE FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT!

Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com