THE FLIGHT TO NORSELAND by Hamlet 'Good morning this is the Captain Hedda Vasgaard speaking .We are about to take off for our journey to Norseland .Have the most enjoyable journey of your lives. We will be cruising at a speed of just over 600 kms per hour .Our next stop is San Francisco where we will arrive at 1 pm local time. From there we arrive in our glorious Nation at Haraldshus at 6 PM local time exactly'. 'Have a really enjoyable journey to the Norseland in First Class. Enjoy the luxury of the greatest airline on earth '. 'To the oslanders and Papians in Second Class you are still travelling in greater comfort than any other airline on earth. Just do exactly what Madame Gerthe and the two other AOs Madame Astrid and Madame Tania tell you and you will have the time of your lives!' Soon the plane was shooting down the runway at full speed. The mighty flying Palace then took off bound for Haraldshus! Lisa could see the lovely countryside of Sussex and Hampshire beneath her as the plane disappeared into the clouds. Gerthe then stood in front of the passengers addressing them in English and Papian.. 'Right we're now approaching the Atlantic Ocean. You can unfasten your seatbelts.' 'Ahia ka hiki aku nei mākou i ka MoanaʻAkelanika i k�"ia manaua .Ua hiki iāʻoe ke uehe i kāu mau noho' 'It's lunch time soon. It will be served by Ms Tania Please would you take your seats when ordered to!' ʻAe koke ka manaua auakea. Mālamaʻo Ms Tania iāʻoe e noho i ka uā e kauohaʻia ai! Lisa soon walked over to the dining area accompanied by Stephen. They were joined by the Yorkshireman who caused trouble to Madame Astrid. They found that his name was Jim and his wife was called Loise. As many Yorkshiremen were, he was very friendly and open. 'Hi mi name's Jim So where are you going to?' 'My name's Lisa and this is Stephen my friend. We're actually going to Norseland with Stephen here to visit my sister' 'Well I've never been there before and I don't bludy wanna go there. Ah'm from Barnsley and am gerring off at San Francisco .If I knew they worried about what clothes you wore I would not have bluddy cum! What's even worse is they only allow you to have two drinks and I bet you carnt even ger a pahnt of Tetleys or a decent cuppa tea . If I'd known that 'ave gone bah British Airways for sure!' Julie his skinny girlfriend said to him . 'Jim keep your bludy voice dahn If these Norse Women 'ear from you again you might be in more bludy trouble ! 'Stop yer bludy pratin woman! I only flew this bludy airline because its cheaper than British Airways! His voice was getting louder than ever. Tania came over to take their order. 'Well what would you like?' she said It was a choice between 3 types of steak beef lamb or pork with salad and fries. For Lisa It was so different from the usual tasteless muck that was available on most airlines! Also, it was served in comfortable conditions as opposed to sitting at a cramped chair! Jim shouted out. 'OK I'd lahk a steak with pleny of chips well dun dripping off t' plait I want steak not bludy salad. Ahm a human not a bludy rabbit! .I'm bludy 'ungry!' he said in his broad Yorkshire accent. Tania went up to him. 'You address me properly as Ms Tania .Do you understand?' 'OK lady keep your bludy shirt on, just ger me the food. I'm bludy stahvin And you can ger me a pahnnt of Tetley's and a cuppa Yorkshire tea!' 'I'm sorry I'm going to have to report you to my Supervisor Madame Gerthe' Gerthe came over to him ' Jim I'd like a word with you!' He had no option but to do exactly as she ordered. She took him into the Sanatorium and spoke right into his face 'Jim you've got a serious behaviour problem You've already been in trouble with Madame Astrid for your dress. You are talking loudly and can be heard right across the plane and failing to treat an AO Ms Tania with respect .And I don't want to hear any more about Yorkshire!' 'Now you have a simple choice Jim .You can either be a good boy and do as you are told or I will personally thrash you now until you are black and blue .You will spend the entire rest of the flight trussed up in the bed with a gag in your mouth in agony in the Sanitorium until the time has come for me to dump you in San Francisco. The choice is yours. You are going to feel the pain not me. Are you going to be a good boy and do as you're told and stop asking for Tetleys and cups of tea as we don't serve that rubbish or not?' 'Yeah awraht you win' Her really powerful leather clad hand went crashing across his face. CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! he bellowed as he went flying across the room. All the passengers who were eating could hear his screams. 'Why do you think I hit you you worm?' she said as she dragged him off the floor Because I didn't call you Madame Gerthe Madame Gerthe' he groaned as blood came pouring out of his nose. She dragged him off the floor by his hair. 'Jim you're very stupid. We can play this my way or yours .The trouble is that my way will win because I'm the Boss and I'm so much taller bigger and stronger than a wimp like you .If you carry on causing trouble I will give you 6 hard strokes of the crop across your arse, turn you over the bed and you can spend the next 14 hours of the flight on complete agony!' 'Ah'm sorry Madame Gerthe 'he wailed. She dragged him back to the rest of the passengers. She was determined that he would be an example for all of them! He sat on the table while Gerthe stood behind him looking so overpowering and strong. He hardly dared say a word as he was shaking in fear. All the passengers ate in silence .The food when it did come was actually delicious. It was by far the best airline food Lisa had ever tasted ! When Lisa had finished eating, she had a long sleep holding Stephen in her strong arms. Astrid was very kind to them and lowered down the seat for her at the same time asking if there was anything she wanted. Lisa and Stephen slept next to each other with his head next to hers Soon we were over the American coast as Lisa awoke ready for the evening meal. It consisted of a choice between chicken or lamb casserole served with creamed potatoes .Again it was delicious. She I found out later that there were Papian kitchen staff who worked in the kitchens at the back of the plane throughout the flight and were of course not permitted to associate at all with the rest of the passengers .They just had to spend the entire flight cooking and cleaning the kitchens! When we were eating Jim started talking again. He just could not keep his mouth shut. 'We'll be landing in San Francisco soon .I pity you lot going off to Norseland, I've heard it's a bludy prison and the women look like bludy wrestlers !I know the food 's good and the seats are really cumfortable but its the last time I'm travelling by Luftefloty however they bludy well pronounce it!' As he was speaking Astrid was standing behind him .She grabbed him by the hair. 'You've been in trouble throughout this trip Jim and now you're in more. You're spending the rest of this trip in the Sanatorium!' With that she dragged by the hair protesting into the Sanatorium Gerthe stood before him. 'Jim you never learn do you? Teach him a lesson Astrid! She pulled him into the Sanatorium by his ear. He was crying with pain She stood him in front of him. You've got an attitude problem Jim .You're definitely not flying with Lufteflote ever again! 'Sorry I joost didn't know whar ah were saying!' Her powerful leather gloved hand went crashing hard across his face. CRAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! He went flying in a heap across the room .His whole face was red and sore and he was starting to bleed. . 'Get up Jim. We'll be landing at San Francisco in a 10 hours time .You can spend the the rest of the journey on Lufteflote trussed to the bed in the Sanatorium..This is what we do to all difficult passengers!' She pulled him up by the hair and ordered him to strip to his underpants. She then ordered him to lie face down while she handcuffed him securely to the bed and put a dog collar around his neck that would teach him not to criticise Norseland ever again in his life! It was soon time to land at San Francisco. Lisa had never been there in her entire life and the prospect excited me ,especially as just across the Pacific lay Norseland the Nation of Stephen's dreams!' It was 2.40 pm local time. She could see the Pacific in the distance and San Francisco bay clearly as Gerthe ordered us to fasten seat belts immediately. Gerthe ordered the passengers to accompany her to the customs as the plane landed at San Francisco . She looked so imperious as she walked forwards followed by the passengers. Astrid held Jim by the arm .When it was time for them to depart. She told him in no uncertain terms that never again would he be allowed to fly on Lufteflote. He hung his head in shame realising what a serious mistake he had made! Lisa went with the other passengers into the Transit lounge with Gerthe as usual not letting the passengers out of her sight. It was not long before there was an announcement 'Will passengers for flight Lufteflote 121 to Haraldshus please make their way to the departure gate' Gerthe stood before the 8 passengers who were left. 'Come with me NOW !'We are about to board the plane for the final flight to Norseland and My Glorious Motherland! 'E hele pū me aʻu i k�"ia manaua!' E h�ʻea ana mākou i ka mokulele no ka holo hope loa i Nohsia a me Koʻu Hanohano Momona.' We were soon on the plane and Gerthe ordered the passengers to fasten their seat belts at once. They all obeyed without hesitation. The plane took off from the runway roaring forwards Lisa could see the city of San Francisco in the distance. It was soon over the limpid waters of the Pacific Gerthe came right up to Lisa 'Darling Lisa .I know you are so excited at the prospect of seeing My Nation and it has been your life long ambition. Would you like a sleeping tablet. We will be landing in 5 hours!' 'Yes please Madame Gerthe' She gave her a tablet and kissed her on the lips Lisa fell into a deep sleep Soon Gerthe came over and awoke her. 'We're about to land Lisa!' Lisa looked out of the plane She could see vast city Haraldshus in the distance and the surrounding country. As the plane came nearer she could see hundreds of cars speeding along the Freeway At last she had arrived in what was in the Nation of Stephen's dreams .Soon she would too be reunited with her sister Joanna whom she had not seen for over a year Gerthe stood imperiously before the passengers. 'Passengers we are about to land at Haraldshus International Airport in the Queen Dom of Norseland.' FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS NOW! 'Ma kahi e holo ai mākou ma Haraldshus Papa Alanui ma ka M�ʻī Uahine Kanaka o Nohsia ' E PILI ANA I KA MEA I KA MEA!