ANGELA THE NORSE WOMAN AND VALKYRIE 181 by Hamlet ANGELA FORCES A LANDLORD TO BURN DOWN HIS OWN PUB Angela stood right over the landlord of the Glorious Twelfth in the Shankill Rd in Belfast. She ordered him to pour petrol into every crevice of the pub as She stood right over him crop in hand. He had Her petrol can in his hand and he was being ordered to pour petrol into every single crevice of the pub itself or else! She had just wrecked his pub totally destroying every single table by throwing it through the window .She had destroyed every single glass as well as every single bottle. Absolutely nothing a all in that pub was left standing .The livelihood of the pub landlord had been well and truly ruined for ever .Now he was forced by Her to burn it to the ground. What was more as he had destroyed it himself he would even be able to claim on the insurance! This would teach him and anyone else in that whole area not to harbour gunmen and terrorists! "Come on now I want every single centimetre of that floor covered in petrol. I want the whole can emptied. I'm not going to be satisfied until the whole floor of you pub is covered ,then you are going to light a match and your whole pub is going to be burn down to a complete cinder. Nothing at all will remain. You will pay for daring to allow your premises to be used by a gunman and terrorists! Say thank you that I have not burnt it down with you in it!" "THUNK YOW MODOME JUDGE SPITEFUL!" he said as he dutifully emptied the petrol can. Just then She rang Jimmy Spence once more on Her mobile "Well Jimmy its Judge Angela Spiteful your enemy here! After I have burnt down this pub I'm coming after you and there's absolutely no escape. I've just beaten the living delights out of the gunman you sent to kill me .I have also beaten the living daylights out of the landlord who harboured the terrorist I'm just about to burn it to the ground." "After that I will bring the gunman around to the KBB(King Billy's Boys) headquarters where I will capture you personally and take you back to My Nation for torture and death .You've lost all the way Jimmy and it's definitely the end of the road for you . "What's more My Friends Judge Marsella and Judge Tanya have burnt down another pub in Newtownards Rd and captured some more hooligans who will also face torture and death. We've been victorious all the time and now I'm coming after you NOW!" "You won't gut mae" he said in his almost unintelligible Northern Irish accent accent "Yow carnt dudge bollets yow Narsi cow!" "Why don't you speak in normal English like Me and I'm Norselandic!You really do sound a semi literate thug!" "That's the last time you will be calling Me a Norsi cow. I'm coming after you Jimmy there's absolutely no escape at all.You can travel across Europe and I will still find you!" She knew that She had put the fear of God into him and that he would do anything to escape from Her terrible wrath! As She was speaking to him the landlord had just finished covering his entire pub with petrol "Well have you finished like a good boy?Have you emptied the entire can?" "Yus Modome Jodge Spiteful!" "Have you poured petrol into every single crevice of your pub as I ordered you to?" "Yus Modome Jodge Spiteful!" "Well I will now take you out of the pub and you can light a match and throw it into your pub so the entire shithole will go up in flames!" "Please Modome Spiteful moy oy ave permussion to take away some of my belongings ?" he pleaded. She grabbed him by the throat "Well normally you worm you're not allowed to speak without being spoken to!" "I will give you permission to go up to your rooms upstairs and you can pack some of your belongings. If you take any more than 10 minutes I will simply throw a match into your pub and it will go up in flames with you in it. Now hurry up you worm!" He ran at full speed knowing that if he took more then exactly 1O minutes he would lose his life and livelihood as well! Just as he was running at full speed up the stairs Tanya and Marsella appeared on Their bikes. They both looked as stunning as ever dressed in skin tight black leather and thigh length boots with Their steel black helmets. They laughed in derision as they looked at the wretched figure of the gunman all trussed up with just his underpants on lying face down on the road in while a large crowd had gathered ridiculing him. Angela went up and kissed Them on the lips. "Good to see you both! We are now ready to launch a full scale attack on the KBB HQ. I can't wait to capture that bastard Spence and take him back to Our Nation after I have burnt this filthy pub down!" "We can't wait Angela! We really enjoyed burning that other pub down the "Orange Order" and taking those 2 hooligans prisoner. They are now languishing in the cells at the Norselandic Consulate ready to be deported to London." said Marsella. "Come inside! You must see the wreckage I have made of this pub, there's nothing standing at all!" They both went inside with Her .They were amazed at the total and utter destruction inside. Angela really was a brilliant pub wrecker! "That's a great job you did even better than ours Angela You really are an expert pub destroyer just like You are an expert in everything else You do Angela!" said Tanya. Just then the landlord came outside clutching a suitcase and a few belongings sweating with fear at the sight of Marsella and Tanya. Two more Norse Women made him even more scared. Angela grabbed him by the neck in one of Her terrible Neck Holds that made him groan with pain. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! "You've come back just in time! Right here are some matches. You will light one and throw it into your pub Is that understood?" "YUS MADAME JODGE SPITEFUL!" he groaned as Her nails dug right into his neck hard. He did exactly as She said .She was determined to burn his pub as a lesson to anyone who contemplated befriending terrorists. It was detached from the other building in the street so She knew the fire would not spread. He did as he told and dutifully threw the match into the pub. There was a gigantic explosion as flames went right up into the sky. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! She continued to hold him in a terrible Neck Hold as She made him watch all his livelihood being destroyed as the flames engulfed the whole building. He was left with nothing except a few clothes as he realised the folly of even trying to stand up to the Judges. It would not be long until the pub was just a heap of rubble. As She carried on holding him in Her leather gloved hand She spoke right into his face. "Let this be a lesson to all who harbour terrorists and gunmen Do you see the stupidity and folly of your ways?" He had no choice but to agree with Her totally as he knew She was always right. "YUS MODOME JODGE SPITEFUL!" Any comments to Norseland@hotmail.com