TROUBLE AT THE OPENING NIGHT AT VAMPIRES
by Hamlet



Christopher sat down at the table and asked for his first complimentary drink
of the evening.I should say asked for as in Norseland the Bar Marshal is in
charge in the bar and although the customer's need are always catered for and
there is an excellent service ,the customer must remember that the Bar Marshal
is in charge and their orders must be obeyed. I was served by the Marshal
Firefly the new Associate Manager.

She really did look impressive in Her black leather Cow Person outfit.She
looked a real bodybuilder even bigger and taller than Spidera herself and
certainly bigger than Her partner though he was big and strong enough She
brought me a bottle of Volssons beer in a pint size bottle.In Norseland drinks
are served by Bar Persons at your table ,not in a glass at the bar as it is in
England. This is a far more civilized way and also payment is on a tab at the
end of the evening not immediately as in England.

As She came up to me She gave me a Welcome Kiss on the lips .It almost hurt as
She held me by the neck and brought Her tongue right down my throat

'Christopher I know you are Spidera's slave and property.However I think you
are very nice too and really enjoyed kissing you and putting My tongue down
your throat in the Welcome Kiss. I will be your Bar Marshal all evening. Don't
forget to address Me as Madame Firefly with respect and deference .'

'I will be dancing with you tonight as well .Also other Norse Women will be
asking you to dance. You must always say Yes Remember that in our Nation the
Woman makes the first moves to Man,not the other way round as in England. In
our Nation Women take the lead as you will see at the Barbecue tonight!'

'I would love that Madame Firefly I really do believe that Norselandic ways
are so superior that's why I'm a member of NAS( the Norselandic Admiration
Society) .I desperately want to go to your Nation!' I said.

'I know you do and that Spidera has invited you to stay with Her in
Kristianskobing the fourth largest city in Our nation. .Perhaps you can visit
Me too when you're there!'

'I'd love Madame Firefly!

' There's another problem I've got. Mistress Spidera told me to act as an
informant for Her.I have just been to a pub nearby that is full of gangsters
called the Gosse It looks as if there's going to be trouble tonight.I've got a
tape that you and Mistress Spidera should listen to before the bar opens!'

'That's very good Christopher .I will play it to Mistress Spidera now!'

She went over to Spidera.

'Spidera this is a tape that Christopher gave me.I thought We could listen to
it now. He says there might be trouble tonight.'

'Certainly Firefly. I can't wait for trouble. I would really enjoy doing some
beating and fighting tonight I'm really in the mood!'

Spidera really meant She said After all the beating She had done. She could
not wait to do some more!

As it would take some time to hear the message Spidera told Kristen the Bar
Marshal to open the doors and greet the customers.

They played the tape back as follows.It was clear they were all drunk.They all
had broad East London accents.

'Oi Dave why don't we do somefing about that bleedin' Spiderwoman .Surely she
can't win all the time!'

'You're right Mike -why don't we just shoot the bitch ? She can't dodge
bullets surely! '

'She's gone to bleedin' far oi say. She finks she can do anyfing she likes
just cos she's a Norsi!'

' First of all she took over that pub from me mate Arnold . Then she beat up
me other mates Mike Geoff and John just cos' they raped a Papi girl . She and
her mates then trashed me favourite pub.Then the bitch beats up me lawyer
friend Baker. .It's a bleedin' liberty oi say!'

'She can't win all the bleedin' time we gotta do somefin' about 'er!'

'You know she's taken over me favourite pub called the Langthorne and turned
it into a Norsi bar called Vampires or somefing. Oi say we go round there
tonight and smash the f----g place up!

'Yeah get the bitch before she gets us! '

'What the bleedin' 'ell she doin opening Norsi pubs in our country anyway .Why
don't she f--- off back to bleedin Norseland and take her f-----g Papis with
her!'

'I f----g hate those Norsis I'd like to nuke em! They come over ere and take
over our pubs!'

'Yeah the next thing their men will take our women too! Just cos they got huge
muscles and big dicks! It ain't fair!'

Spidera switched the tape off.

' I've listened to enough of this drivel. Well Christopher has done a good job
as an informant. I can't wait for those bastard to arrive tonight. It looks
like all the criminal fraternity and the local BNP( British National Party)
will be here.

'I can't wait to fight them too Spidera as would my Partner Kristen and
Ileasha and Alexandra. We're all Gym Kata experts and can't wait to put our
skills into practice! ,

'Certainly Firefly as soon as we see them arrive we will announce on the
intercom that a fight is taking place in the car park as an exhibition of Gym
Kata. All the customers will love it and it will be a change from the music
too ! There may be 20 of them at least. All 5 of us will take them on and beat
the living daylights out of them. We will then put the ringleader over the
Whipping Block and thrash him senseless! It will be such fun and so
entertaining for our customers!'

The time had arrived for the Barbecue to start. Christopher could see a huge
queue outside.He could tell the Norselanders from the English as the
Norselanders all wore leather or rubber Cow Person outfits and were so much
bigger and stronger in appearance .Also they all had blonde hair,with the
Women even taller than the Men.

Before the doors were opened the country band the Valhallas arrived .They were
all dressed in red leather Cow Person outfits with yellow silk scarves to make
them look really stunning! The lead singer was a Woman called Marissa
Vorkstrom and the 2 guitar players were Men called Per Rasmusson and Jan
Lasterqvist.They were apparently famous in Norseland itself and knew the full
range of American and Norselandic Country music.

As the customers entered they were ordered to stand to attention by Spidera
for the Noreslandic National Anthem. and face the portrait of the Queen
Goddess The Norselanders were told to sing lustily . It was played by the
Valhallas.

Glorious Nation our Motherland

We will fight forThy liberty

To make our Nation strong and free

We are prepared to die for Thee!

Glorious Nation O motherland

We shall be true to Thee till death

We shall be true to Thee till death!

(To the tune of the hymn

Faith of our Fathers)

(Look it up on Google for the tune!)

As soon as the National Anthem had been sung the queue began for the meal.I
had never seen such quantities of meat cooked to perfection by the 2 Papian
chefs .There were 8 choices of meats all being chargrilled and spit roasted
almost to cinder. Further along chargrilled potatoes and pasta was piled high
to the ceiling almost after being expertly cooked by the Papian chef Teio's
wife.Further along was a range of tropical fruits and ice creams that were
again piled high almost to the ceiling as well .He could go back and eat as
much as I liked. He was in serious danger of a heart attack ! There was no way
he could ever get drunk after consuming this quantity of food!

Christopher chose crocodile meat, fries and salad .The helpings were simply
enormous and my plate was piled high . he had never tasted crocodile before
.The meat was quite tough and covered all the plate After eating it I felt
incapable of eating any more at all.What was more I felt unable to drink any
more after just drinking one bottle of Volssons lager.

Yet I looked at the Norselanders around me and they appeared to have the most
amazing appetites! I saw them go back in some cases for 3 helpings with their
plates piled up with huge chunks of meat ,piles of potatoes and pasta and
salad drowning in mayonnaise. These people were really incredible! I sometime
wondered whether they were human beings or giants from another planet!

After most people had eaten Ileasha announced on the loudspeaker that the time
had come for the Line Dancing and everyone had to take part or else as She was
the Supervisor.Christophrer was so weighed down with the food yet Firefly the
Ileasha was standing by me and it was a case of get up and dance now!

Christopher stood in a line next to 2 big tall Norse Women whose names I found
out to be Lara and Karla .They both looked very alike in their Cow Person
outfits and their blonde lacquered hair like all Norse Women. They said they
would show me all the moves which were quite complex for a beginner.

The Valhallas started to play the famous country song 'My Elusive Dreams' sung
in Norselandic of course as were all the songs.Marissa had a very strong voice
and her singing almost blasted out my ear drums especially as there were
speakers all over the walls.

'Right everyone get ready this dance is called The Auctioneer' announced
Martha the Line Dancing Supervisor.

The Valhallas started to play full volume .Marissa began to call out in
English for the benefit of those beginners like me

'Rock forward on right Step in place on left Step right next to left!'

Ichristopher did not know what to do but fortunately Lara and Karla guided him
in all the moves with Lara holding me by the waist and Karla by the crotch
moving me in all the positions as if I was just a toy.

Marissa continued to call out making sure everyone did the moves exactly.

'Step in place on right Rock forward on right!'She shouted

The Norselanders were all brilliant dancers as Line Dancing was almost a
national obsession like Aerobics .Most of the English people did not have a
clue and were being forced into the correct positions by the Norselanders next
to them who maneuvered them as if they were just objects!

As Karla and Lara continued to forced me into right positions I looked Outside
and could see some faces at the windows. He could hear them call out

'What a bunch of tossers !'

'You all look bleedin' stupid!'

I could tell they were the thugs I had seen at the Queens Arms previously
coming to cause trouble.

Suddenly Spidera announced on the loudspeakers.

'Please could the band stop playing and everyone return to their seats!'

They did exactly as She said and everyone sat down.

She walked to the door and walked outside. 20 thugs were standing with knives
and crowbars in their hands.

She stood there imperiously in front of them showing no fear .She confronted
the ringleader whose name was Dave Nichols

'So have you come to take part in the Line Dancing ?You all look as if you
have 2 left feet!' She smiled

'Look 'ere what's happened to the pub what was 'ere it was my local!' said
Dave.

'That dump does not exist anymore thank God. A new bar called Vampires has
taken its place that's far too smart for scum like you!' She replied.

'We've had enough of you f--g Norsis coming over 'ere and taking over -why
don't you and those Papis f-- off back 'ome!'

'And what are you going to do about it ?Why don't you force us to leave?'

There was no reply.

She walked in front of them

'I know what .I and my 4 Marshals will fight you all in the car park. You can
use any weapons you like We will use Gym Kata fighting just with our hands and
legs .All the customers will be invited as part of the entertainment of the
evening.If you win we will go away. If we win you will almost certainly be
cripples for the rest of your lives! Is that fair?'

She knew exactly that the outcome would be total victory for the Norselanders
as usual.

'Right you're on -there's 20 of us and 5 of you' said Dave trying to sound
tough.

'Yes but one of us is worth at least 20 of you!' She replied confidently.

'Let the entertainment begin!' Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com