MONIKA THE MOTHER PART 3
by Hamlet



ANTJA THE DAUGHTER

The National Hotel in Jerusalem was advertised as convenient for pilgrims,
business, leisure and family travellers, located in the middle of several
shopping centres and the business district of Jerusalem at Al Zahra street no.
4.

It was located in one of Jerusalem's busiest shopping districts, a 5-minute
walk from Herod's Gate, the entrance into Jerusalem's Old City. Rooms were air
conditioned and spacious, and featured modern decor. Each had a refrigerator,
an LCD TV and en suite bathroom with free toiletries

The Al Wattana Restaurant at the National Hotel - Jerusalem served
Mediterranean cuisine as well as kosher food. There was a range of shops
selling clothes, beauty products and souvenirs around the hotel area. The
hotel was 5 minutes on foot from Garden Tomb, a walled patch of green just off
Nablus Road that was considered to be an alternative to the Church of the Holy
Sepulchre as the site of the resurrection of Jesus and was appreciated by many
for its tranquillity and calm.

Sister Vanessa the Warrior Nun and Supervisor of the Pilgrimage ordered all
the Pilgrims to present themselves with their luggage in the foyer of the
hotel.

'Right Pilgrims we have at last arrived at the Hotel National in Jerusalem.
You will be staying here in comfort for the next two days. I will presently
give you keys to your rooms You will have half an hour to make yourselves
comfortable and take showers and freshen up for lunch. I will meet you at the
entrance to the restaurant and will be escorting you to your tables which will
be visible by the large Norselandic flag.

'As you may see there are many nationalities staying here some on Pilgrimages
from their own churches which of course we do not recognise. Although we are
in a foreign country, I expect Norselandic standards to apply so do not worry
we will be eating pork that has been specially imported from our Nation and we
will definitely not be eating kosher food.'

'Rette Pilegrimer har vi endelig ankommet hotellet National I Jerusalem Duren
biren uttale henne b�gilegt i troost de neste to dagene. Jeg vil for tiden gi
deg nooklene til rommene dine. Duren vil ha en halvtime til aa gjoore dere og
ta dusjer og friske opp til lunsj. ���gilegt.Jeg vil moote deg ved inngangen
til restauranten og ledsage deg til bordene dine som vil v�re synlige av det
store Norselandske flagget.

'Som duren kanskje ser at det er mange nasjonaliteter som bor her, noen paa
Pilegrimsferder fra sine egne kirker, noe vi selvfoolgelig ikke kjenner igjen.
Selv om vi er i et fremmed land, regner jeg med at Norse-stadlaa skal gjelde,
saa ikke bekymre deg for at vi spiser svinekjoott som er spesielt importert
fra vaar Nasjon, og at vi absolutt ikke spiser koser. '

'So, what exactly is kosher food?' 'asked Monika never having heard the term
before especially as it did not exist in her Nation.

'Saa, hva er egentlig kosher mat?

'Well Monika Kosher foods� are those that conform to the� Jewish� dietary
regulations of� kashrut� (dietary law), primarily derived from the books of �
Leviticus and� Deuteronomy. Food that may be consumed according to� halakha�
(law) is termed� kosher� in English, from the� Ashkenazi� pronunciation of
the� Hebrew� term� kash�r� , meaning "fit" (in this context, fit for
consumption). Food that is not in accordance with law is called� treif� "�,
derived from� Hebrew:� trefah) meaning "torn."

'Vel, Monika kosher mat er de som samsvarer med de joodiske kostholdsreglene
for kashrut (kostholdslov), foorst og fremst hentet fra bookene i Leviticus og
Deuteronomy. Mat som kan konsumeres i henhold til halakha (lov), betegnes som
kosher paa engelsk, fra Ashkenazi-uttalen av det hebraiske uttrykket kash�r,
som betyr \"fit\" (i denne sammenheng, egnet til konsum). Mat som ikke er i
samsvar med loven, kalles treif, avledet fra hebraisk trefah) som betyr
'revet'.

Antja Monika's daughter then put her hand up feeling more confident in the
presence of her Mother.

. ''Please Sister Vanessa could you tell us what kashrut is as I don't know
anything about this Jewish religion and they don't teach us anything about it
in school and when I asked my Religious Instruction teacher who were the Jews
were she told men not to mention rude words like that in class.'

'V�r saa snill, sooster Vanessa, kan du fortelle oss hva kashrut er, da jeg
ikke vet noe om denne joodiske religionen, og de l�rer oss ikke noe om det
paa skolen, og da jeg spurte min Religioose Instruksjonsl�rer hvem joodene
der hun fortalte menn ikke aa nevne uhooflige ord som det i klassen. '

'Well she was quite right Antja not to mention rude words like that as we
don't like to mention oslanders in our Nation and pollute the minds of young
adults like you with stupid oslander religious practices.'

'Hun hadde helt rett, Antja for ikke aa nevne uhooflige ord som det, da vi
ikke liker aa nevne oslandere i vaar Nasjon og forurense hodet til unge voksne
som deg med dumme oslanders religioose praksis.'

'Among the numerous laws that form part of� kashrut� are the prohibitions on
the consumption of certain animals such as� pork,� shellfish, and most�
insects,, mixtures of� meat and milk, and the commandment to� slaughter�
mammals and birds according to a process known as� shechita. There are also
laws regarding agricultural produce that might impact the suitability of food
for consumption'.

'Blant de mange lovene som inngaar i kashrut er forbudene mot forbruk av visse
dyr som svinekjoott, skalldyr og de fleste insekter, blandinger av kjoott og
melk, og budet om aa slakte pattedyr og fugler i henhold til en kjent prosess
som shechita. Det er ogsaa lover om landbruksprodukter som kan paavirke matens
egnethet til konsum.'

'I don't really understand how a religion can prescribe what you can eat and
drink!'

said Monika in derision.

'Jeg forstaar ikke hvordan en truuarbroogd kan foreskrive hva du kan spise og
drikke!

'Anyway, while I'm here in this country Antja and I will eat and drink
whatever we like No oslander is going to tell us what we can put in our
stomachs!

'Uansett, mens jeg er her i landet, vil jeg og Antja spise og drikke hva vi
vil. Ingen oslander kommer til aa fortelle oss hva vi kan putte i magen!'

'You are quite right Monika while I am working here in Israel, I eat
Norselandic food only and we Warrior Nuns import all the bacon and pork we
want to eat. We will only eat Norselandic food just as we are subject to
Norselandic law only

'Du har helt rett mens jeg jobber Moinka Her i Israel, jeg spiser bare
Norselandsk mat og vi Kappi Nuuna importerer alt beikon og svinekjoott vi vil
spise. Vi vil bare spise Norselandsk mat akkurat som vi Norselandere bare er
underlagt Norselandsk Lov.'

'Remember you are all subject here to the control of the Royal Overseas Judges
NOT the Israeli police .Tomorrow you all have an appointment with Senior Judge
Elena Violistaad who will be visiting the hotel tomorrow .If an Israeli
official tells you what to do you are to report him to me or Judge Elena and
we will deal with him severely immediately!'

'Husk at deren alle er underlagt hoor kontrollen av Reginas Uterlandske
Dommeren , IKKE det israelske politiet. I morgen har dere alle en avtale med
Eldri Dommer Elena Violistaad som skal besooke hotellet i morgen. Hvis en
israelsk embetsmann forteller deg hva du skal gjoore skal deren rapporteren
ham til meg eller Dommer Elena, og vi vil behandle ham alvorlig umiddelbart!

I want you now all to open your Bibles at Matthew 15 where it states

J'eg vil at dere alle skal aapne biblene dine i Matteus 15 der det staar

Jesus called the crowd to him and said,� "Listen and understand.11� What goes
into someone's mouth does not defile them,� but what comes out of their mouth,
that is what defiles them."

Jesus kalte publikum til ham og sa: "Hoor og forstaa. Det som gaar i noens
munn, forurenser dem ikke, men det som kommer ut av deres munn, det er det som
forurenser dem."

� Peter said, "Explain the parable to us."

Peter sa: "Forklar lignelsen for oss."

� "Are you still so dull?"� Jesus asked them.� � "Don't you see that whatever
enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body?� � But the
things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart,� and these
defile them.� � For out of the heart come evil thoughts""murder, adultery,
sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.� � These are what defile a
person;� but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them."

Eren deren fortsatt saa kjedelig? spurte Jesus dem. "Ser du ikke at det som
kommer inn i munnen, gaar inn i magen og deretter ut av kroppen? Men de
tingene som kommer ut av en persons munn kommer fra hjertet, og disse
forurenser dem. For ut av hjertet kommer onde tanker - drap, utroskap,
seksuell umoral, tyveri, falskt vitnesbyrd, baktalelse. Dette er det som
forurenser en person; men aa spise med uvaskede hender, gjoor urenheter dem
ikk."

'So fellow Pilgrims as part of this spiritual reading we understand clearly
that God has clearly declared all foods to be clean and that the real
immorality comes from within us and not from the foods we eat that anyway do
not go through the heart but through the stomach and are passed out through
the draught or through the toilet!.'

'Saa andre Pilegrimer som en del av denne aandelige lesningen forstaar vi
tydelig at Gud tydelig har erkl�rt all mat som ren og at den virkelige umoral
kommer fra oss og ikke fra maten vi spiser som uansett ikke gaar gjennom
hjertet, men gjennom magen og foores ut gjennom trekken eller gjennom
toalettet!'

.'Now fellow Pilgrims go to your rooms shower and make yourselves ready for
lunch in exactly 15 minutes!

'Naa Pilegrimer kollegaer gaar til dusjen din og gjoor dere klare til lunsj
paa nooyaktig 15 minutter.!'

PRESENT YOURSELVES AT THE DINING TABLE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES EXACTLY!

PRESENTER DEG SELV PAA SPISBORDEN I FEMTEM MINUTTER NAAKVAERMLEGA!!

Any comments or suggestions for future episodes to norselandic@hotmail.com