LYDIA AND THE PUSHCHAIR
by Hamlet
A RAPPING POEM


I was minding my own business walking down the street

When this bastard with a pushchair trampled on my feet

I was in such pain nearly fell on the concrete

I became really mad I could feel the heat

I told him I would give him a beating

He kept saying sorry carried on repeating

He walked away from me kept retreating

I told him running away would be self defeating

I grabbed him by the collar and shouted in his face

Told him his behaviour was a complete disgrace

He wanted to escape from the marketplace

If he ran way I was going to give chase

I told him I was more than twice his size

He said he wanted to apologize

I said I didn't want to hear his pleas and cries

And knew all his excuses were nothing but lies

I asked him what he was doing with that pushchair

As I grabbed him by the neck and by the hair

He said don't hit me I wasn't looking anywhere

And that in future I'll take more care

I said why that kid needs to be taken everywhere

With you pushing his in that pushchair?

Every time I see one I really go spare

At fathers who don't really understand or care

I said in my country we keep our children inside

We don't push them in buggies or take them for a ride

We don't keep them to their father's protection tied

When they're old enough to walk we let them play outside

I told him he'd better not annoy me any more

I'd smack him in the mouth and punch him in the jaw

I'd ignore his pleas for mercy or implore

I told his not to mess with me my name is Lydia

He should show me respect or I'd break and beat him

He'd better not my anger or displeasure incur

I don't ever want to see his buggy or pushchair

Not in this market or anywhere

If I see you with a buggy you'd better say a prayer

And if you see me coming you'd better beware!