KIM ADDRESSES THE CROWD IN THE PUB AND THEN HOGTIES THE LANDLORD AND HIS FRIEND
by Hamlet



Kim stood in triumph over Her three wretched victims at the Goose pub in
Stratford in East London. She felt especially pleased with Herself that She
had only just arrived in England from Her Nation Norseland and in the space of
a few hours had totally humiliated a taxi driver, beaten back an attack by a
fierce rottweiler dog ,had contacted Her Supervisor Judge Miranda to arrange
to have an abused child taken into care by the Sisters of Mercy or the
LLNs(Leather and Latex Nuns) as They were more commonly called, had humiliated
two men in a pub and had put them both through heavy Scissoring and had kicked
the father of the child twice in the crotch twice in some serious Ball busting
and was about to out him through the serious Scissoring in front of a crowd
right here in the pub! She was now determined to scissor Her victim Jim Dawson
mercilessly right in front of the crowd giving them all a full display of
Scissoring action.

She first of all grabbed hold of Her other two victims who lay on the floor.
She went first of all to the pub landlord who lay in front of Her .

'Right I want to tie you and your friend up in front of Me so I can watch you
while I do some Scissoring. Do you have any� rope? I want to Peckham rye (tie)
you both up together!' She said showing Her command of Cockney.

'Oi don't know oi don't fink so.' his voice shaking with fear at the prospect
of being tied up by Her right in front of all his customers

'Well you'd better go and buy some now! Either that or go and get some
handcuffs so I can tie you up together! Don't run away and call the Police
because as you know they don't have any jurisdiction over Me as you've just
seen! I come under the jurisdiction of the ROJ (Royal Overseas Judges) only!'

'You will return in exactly five minutes time with either the rope or the
handcuffs. If you're a second longer then I will simply start smashing this
pub up to rubble. Is that perfectly clear and you address Me as Ms Andersson
is that f---g clear?'

'Yes Ms Andersson !'he yelled as he ran out of the pub at full speed realizing
that She was deadly serious and meant every word She said and that if he took
any longer his pub would be reduced to a pile of rubble.

She turned to his friend still lying on the floor

'You'd better keep still because if I see you moving one centimeter at all I
will simply stamp My boot heel hard into your neck and you may be� brown bread
(dead) dog's meat. It doesn't matter if I kill you as being a Norse Woman I
don't come under the jurisdiction of your law and My Supervisor Judge Miranda
will totally support Me in whatever I do!'

He lay there submissively seeing just how razor sharp Her heels were and just
what it would be like if that went through his neck!

She then stood up in front of the crowd that was getting larger every minute.
It was a Saturday afternoon and West Ham were playing but this was far more
exciting even though this was the local team.

She walked over and addressed the crowd. They were quite overwhelmed by Her
size, the long shiny leather trench coat She was wearing, the high heels, Her
protruding breasts all of which conveyed such power and beauty too.

She could hear one of the crowd talks to the other one in Cockney.

'.Look at the size of 'er! Look at the leathers and them daisy roots (boots)
and those georgie bests (breasts). She's got chalk farms (arms) like tree
trunks! I wouldn't like to get the wrong side of 'er!'

She began to speak but it was hard for them you completely understand Her as
She had such a heavy Norselandic accent

'Good afternoon. My name is Kim Andersson. I come from a Nation called
Norseland. Can someone here tell Me where Norseland is?'

As She was speaking She began to rhythmically hit Her riding crop or Her boot
against Her leg. At the same time She had Her boot heel right in the stomach
of Her victim Jim Dawson.

A man at the back put his hand up after the long silence.

'Is that somwehere near Sweden luv?'

She slammed the crop down hard on the table as the whole crowd walked back in
fear.

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

She then slammed the crop hard against Her boot heel in fury. There was almost
nothing that infuriated Her more than being thought of as Norwegian although
She was obviously descended from Norwegians. The pub landlord's friend had
already been severely punished for that mistake!

'No I f-------g well am not Norwegian !'She shouted at the crowd as She
slammed Her crop hard again against Her side.

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKKKKKKKKK!!

'I come from the other side of the world from Norway you idiot!' She shouted
in his face as he walked back sweating with fear dreading that crop across his
face.

'Right we'll try again -does anyone here know where My Nation is ? If anyone
says it's somewhere in Europe I swear I'll use this crop across their faces!'

A bespecled man in the corner spoke up timidly.

'It's in the Pacific Ocean near Hawaii.'

'That's very good! You know something about geography unlike these other
idiots here who know absolutely nothing!' She said towering over him making
him feel so ridiculous and small.

She turned to the crowd who walked away from Her as She continued to hit the
crop against Her sides.

'You'd better all start to learn something about geography instead of spending
so much of your time watching 22 thugs kick a piece of leather around a muddy
field!' She shouted at them.

'Right do you know what I'm going to do with this idiot on the floor here?'

'Are you going to put him between your mystic Megs (legs)?' a balding main in
the front spoke up.

'Yes I am going to put his loaf (head) between My scotch eggs (legs)! I would
appreciate it if you would speak English rather than that Cockney! I've come
over here to learn English and I speak it better than you do you idiots! Not
only do you know nothing about geography you can't even speak your language
properly I speak better than you can!!'

Just as She was speaking the pub landlord came rushing into the pub with some
rope in his hand. He was breathless sweating dreading the prospect of Her
smashing up his pub if he was late.

'Sorry oi've been round the bleedin' 'ouses getting' ere . I told me mate

a foreign shaken not stirred (Woman) is in me rub a dub(pub) and She wants to
Peckham (tie) me up and She's going to smash it up if I don't 'urry up!'

'That's quite true and if you had been a minute later I would have taken a
glass and thrown it right at those bottles across the bar and then proceeded
to reduce your shithole to rubble!. Now do Me a favour don't speak to Me in
that Cockney you speak English or not at all! Now give Me that rope and get on
the floor!'

He did exactly as She told him knowing full well from terrible grim experience
just what would happen if he showed the slightest disobedience to Her!'

'Right face down on the floor! 'She shouted at him.

He lay there submitting at once to Her orders.

'Come over here and lie down next to him!' She yelled at his friend.

He obediently did just as he was told realizing too the terrible consequences
of disobedience .

They both lay prostrate in front of Her heads down.

'Well I'm going to hog tie both of you just like I truss up chickens on My
Mother's farm back home!'

With that She tied both of their hands securely winding the rope round and
round until they could not move a centimeter and the rope was digging right
into them. She then tied the rope around their necks until they could not move
a single millimeter their heads tied together just like Siamese twins!

The whole crowd looked omni in utter amazement as they lay there totally
helpless beneath Her.

'Right I want someone to get Me some kitchen towel to shove up their mouths!'

There was a complete silence.

'Someone had better do it within the next thirty seconds or I will personally
pick on someone and force them to get some for Me and then shove some up their
throat until they vomit!'

The crowd knew She was deadly serious and knew perfectly well that She was
definitely going to carry out Her threat.

One of the bar staff ran up to Her with some kitchen roll showing Her the
respect and obedience She deserved.

'That's what I like to see obedience!' She shouted at the crowd and with one
move shoved kitchen towel up their throats until they were choking in agony.

'Right I'm now going to Scissor this bastard Jim Dawson ! I'm going to put him
through Ten Positions right in front of you as many know him.'

' You probably don't know he's an ignorant bastard whose not there to greet
his guests like Me, that he leaves his son with a dangerous dog and worst of
all he abuses and beats his son!'

She could hear some of the crowd whispering.

'So he's a bleeding nonce is he?'

'He 'its his currant bun (son) does 'e?'

She put Her boot heel on Jim's neck as he lay there helpless on the floor
sweating with terror.

'Right Jim I'm about to put you through pure Hell in the basic Ten Scissoring
Positions!'

'LET'S START WITH THE HEAD SCISSORS!!'

� Any comments to Norseland@hotmail.com