KIM TOTALLY HUMILIATES A TAXI DRIVER AS SHE ARRIVES AT HER DESTINATION IN LONDON by Hamlet Jeff the taxi driver at last parked the car outside 22 Lawes Rd in Stratford East London. This was where the Dawson family lived whom Kim was going to stay with for the next 6 months l. She was exhausted after Her 22 hour flight from Her Nation Norseland. She had told the taxi driver in no uncertain terms that She expected the journey to take only an hour or She would knock off 50p for each extra minute the journey took. He had actually taken 1 hour 50 minutes and She was furious, as She wanted to get to Her destination fast. She realized the traffic was terrible as London. As a city it did not seem to be equipped for this amount of transport. She was used to four lane freeways in Her Nation where roads were built for cars driving at top speed and at the same time were built to look beautiful with trees and flowers at the side so that the freeway did not damage the natural beauty of the landscape. As She was being driven right across London She was so affected by the greyness of the climate, as the rain never seemed to stop and the buildings although far older and more historic than in Her home city Dannesborg back home seemed so miserable and drab. She really l was affected by SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and came from a Nation where it was bright and sunny all the year around. She could nor stand greyness and cold. She was also really amazed by the ethnic diversity of London too. She had never seen such diversity in Her life. She came from a small city where the population was overwhelmingly White and the only black or brown people She ever saw were Papian and Filipino slaveants and menial workers (MWS) who cleaned the streets and did menial jobs and lived in ghettos and hostels quite separate from Her and the Norselanders. She would have nothing to do with them at all regarding them as more or less subhuman. The only other foreigners She ever see were the occasional students whom She had seen on a visit to Silkeborg the nearest large city. As for foreign food She had never tasted it in Her life. She had seen one Chinese restaurant in Silkeborg too but She did not dare touch it. Like most of Her fellow Citizens She was warned that it was full of cholesterol and swimming in grease and the people who cooked it had filthy hands. She kept to a strictly healthy Norselandic diet of fresh fruit salad. fruit juice, muesli, ryvita brown bread and She also ate huge steaks chicken and pork chops and fish that had been grilled rather than fried for heath reasons. Jeff the taxi driver had also behaved himself on the journey. He was a typical macho Cockney male who thought he was so tough but crumbled as soon as he was faced with a really tough Woman and Valkyrie like Her whom he could not deal with. She had really put him in his place ordering him to drive Her to Stratford in an hour or She would knock 50 p off the fare for every minute he was late and ordering him too not to dare call Her love again as She was definitely not his love at all. She had also used physical force on him digging Her razor sharp nails with full force deep into his neck and at the sane time pushing him right back by the hair .He never endured such pain in all his life as this. He had dutifully driven Her the entire route all along the� not daring to say a word to Her. He knew that She was quite serious that if he gave the slightest trouble She was quite prepared to throw him out of the driver's seat and to drive the car to Stratford Herself with him giving the directions! What was more She had a razor in Her hand that She carried at all times. She was quite prepared to rip the back seat to shreds should he give Her the slightest trouble. Lawes Road consisted of a row of terraced houses with every house looking exactly the same. She could but understand this English obsession with anything old. If anything was over a hundred years old in Her Nation it was either demolished or it would be completely modernized and renovated. As the car stopped outside no 22 She was overcome by a sense of fear and dread wondering what She was to expect at the house of this family where She was going to spend the next six months of Her life with the Dawsons. This would be a completely new experience for Her. She strode out of the taxi dressed in Her long black leather trench coat. The high-heeled boots She was wearing made Her look so imperious and majestic and really put the fear of God into him. 'Right Jeff you behaved yourself reasonably well on that journey by not talking at all to Me. Now I will have to pay you. How much did I say I was going to pay you?' 'Well er you said oi fink 32 notes though I wanted 100.' he said really believing that She might pay £100. She grabbed him by the collar hard in Her powerful leather gloved hand. He began to sweat again as he had already felt those hands on his neck and hair and the pain was appalling. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! 'I think I told you if you were listening you moron that I would use the rates that are applicable in My Nation and would only pay you £32!' 'Yeaah that's right you couldn't y manage a bit more. I'm awful skint (broke) and I'm not doing this for me 'ealth' he said trying to be funny. (SEE www.cockneyrhymigslang.co.uk ) 'I don't care what you're doing it for you arsehole!' She said as Her grip began to tighten around his throat. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! 'The fact is that I'm not paying £32! I told you quite clearly that if you took more than an hour I would deduct 50 p for every minute you were late!' 'Do you 'ave to dear. I need the Becks!(money) 'onest' 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!' he groaned as Her mighty hands began to tighten around his throat. 'Don't you dare call Me love or dear you arsehole!! You took 1 hour 50 minutes and that means I'm paying you £25 less which I calculate means I will pay you only £7.50 only! Here you are! She threw a £5 note and two £1 coins and a 50p coin right in his face. 'That's all you're getting arsehole! Also you will carry My cases into the house for Me now!!' He was getting really worried at being paid so little.� 'Yer 'avin a bleedin giraffe (laugh) ain't you! Oive taken you in me jam jar (car) all fis way and yous only giving me 7 sods and 50 p. I'm going see the Old Bill (Police) about fis! Yerr bleedin apple bobbing (robbing) me!' She tightened Her grip around his neck until he was screaming with pain AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 'Now look here Jeff I don't speak Cockney but I can speak better English than you. Now you will take the money as that's all I'm going to give you! Now you will take My cases to the house and do as I say or I will take this razor here and start to rip all the paintwork off you car and then maybe start removing your testicles!' He began to get so scared as he could see just how sharp the razor was that She was holding and as She began to move it against the car. He began to scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 'Please for gawds sake don't smash up me Andy Mc Nab(car) it's all oi got I'll take yer cases to the Mickey Mouse (house) oi promise!' With that he ran out of the car and grabbed Her two cases. He could hardly pick them up. 'Gawd wot you got in 'ere a heap o' Salford docks! (rocks)' 'God you are a weakling. I can carry the two cases in one hand you wimp!!' Like all Norse Women She did regular weightlifting and had enormous muscles as She spent every day of Her life at the GFC (Gym and Fitness Centre). She laughed at him as he struggled to the house almost collapsing in front of the door sweating all over. 'You're pathetic weed now get out of My sight you miserable wretch!' She moved the razor in Her hand and moved menacingly towards him. 'If you're not in� your car in 5 seconds I will not only kick your windscreen in. I will let down your front tyres and you will have to drive around with punctures! What's more I think you need to take English classes, as I can hardly understand a word you say. You talk complete drivel!' 'OK OK don't get Cornish pasty (nasty) darling oim leavin! You bleedin foreigners are all the f-----g same!' He jumped into the taxi and drove down the road at nearly 90 MPH. She then turned to the house and rang the door bell. There was no answer but She could hear footsteps inside. Eventually She was losing Her patience. It was clear there was someone inside. 'Open up!' 'It's Kim! I've just arrived in your country!!' There was still no answer! Maybe She had come to the wrong address. She was getting really worried. She shouted again. There was definitely someone inside. 'IT'S ME KIM FROM NORSELAND!!!' Any comments to Norseland@hotmail.com please.