KARIA THE NORSELANDIC DOMINA'S HOLIDAY TO DEVON
by Hamlet
             


Karia Syndergaard mounted her mighty Hardanger bike and shot forwards into the
distance heading for her well-earned holiday in Devon to stay with her friend
Maaike Solberg.

She turned south westwards out of Nottingham towards the A42. She skirted
skilfully between the traffic showing off to everyone her biking prowess

She was stopped by the police soon for speeding just outside Nottingham near
Kegworth. She just told them she was a Norselandic Citizen covered by the BNT
(British Norselandic Treaty) and if they did not leave her alone, they would
get her cat o nine tails across their faces and she would report then to Judge
Halina her Supervisor.Needless to say they were terrified of her and drove
away at once

Within an hour she was out of Nottingham completely shooting forwards on her
bike

like a rocket as she saw Birmingham in the distance on the M42 . She was
consciously ignoring all speed limits as she drove past Worcester joining the
M5 leaving all the traffic behind her.

Soon she was riding past Gloucester at full speed and was soon in the glorious
countryside of Gloucestershire and Somerset. She felt so good as the wind was
blowing in her face as she could see the River Severn and Wales on her right
side and the lovely Cotswolds on the left. She was so happy to be on holiday
at last, to get away from Nottingham and all the cares of working as a Senior
Nurse and Therapist at the Queens Medical Centre

She was now going nearly 90 mph and was exceeding the speed easily. It was now
just around 11.30 AM and she was just outside Bristol heading along the coast
She looked at the cars around her and could tell that they were all looking in
total amazement at the sight of this redhaired leather clad Biker Woman who
was overtaking them all so easily!

Eventually she came to an enormous junction. To her left was the M5 that went
to Somerset Devon and Cornwall. She shot along the road heading south west

As she was riding along, she began to feel hunger pangs. She looked and to her
right was the Bristol Channel with the Welsh mountains in the distance. To her
left was the countryside of Somerset.

She decided to take the next turning to Weston Super-Mare a town that was on
the sea. She was determined to see the sea again as she came from a from a
town in Norseland Lundsted only 30 KMS from the Pacific coast

She rode into the town looking so impressive dressed in tight black leather.
It was clear that the local people were quite intimidated as they had never
seen such a sight as her.

She drove along the sea front on the main road she saw a Thai restaurant
called the Taste of Siam. She strode in through the door as if she owned the
place. So, these Thai restaurants were everywhere!

She sat down and looked at the menu

'Right I'm really hungry. Don't just stand there get me a drink now. I want a
freshly squeezed cold orange juice in ice this minute!'

The manager had no option but to obey as he came running right up to her with
the orange juice. He was a short man and looked like a dwarf compared to her
His name was Mr. Chonburi.

'So, do you know what country I'm from?'

'Yes, Norseland Madame 'he said shaking with fear.

'And you know all about the reputation we Norselanders have, don't you? '

'Yes, I do Madame 'he stuttered looking so scared.

'We rape and pillage just like our descendants the Vikings did thousands of
years ago, we go to your country and we rape and pillage there every year
don't we?'

'Yes Madame' he said shaking even more.

'You thought by coming to some small English town you could escape us
Norselanders. Well as the saying goes you Thais can run but you can't hide! To
us you're even weaker than PapIans and that's saying something! '

''Right I'm really hungry after my travelling today. You will bring me decent
helpings as I'm a large Norse Woman as you can see and I'm not used to eating
portions that aren't enough to feed a hamster!'

'Yes Madame '

'Right I'll have 3 dishes and a starter. I'll start with tom yum kung, spicy
prawn soup, then I'll have kai katia stir fried chicken, ped macham sweet and
sour duck and kao pad poo fried rice with crab claw'

'It had better taste right or I might commit some pillage in this restaurant!

What's more hurry up!'

Karia knew a lot about Thai food as there were several Thai restaurants in
Kristianskobing the nearest city 55 KMS to the north of Lundsted She had also
worked with Thai menials in a hospital in Kristianskobing. What's more she did
always notice was just how miserable the portions were!

Soon the food arrived They had made sure that they had cooked extra large
portions as they were terrified, she would carry out her threat to break the
place up. The food actually was very well cooked

While she was eating, she called on the mobile to Maaike her Norselandic
friend she was staying with. Maaike was giving an aerobics class but still had
time to speak

'Hello Maaike it's me Karia I'm having lunch at a Thai restaurant in a place
called Weston Super Mare on the coast.How far is it from where you are in
Okehampton?'

"Hallo Maaike det er meg Karia. Jeg spiser lunsj paa en Thai veitingastaddur
paa et sted som heter Weston Super Mare paa kysten. Hvor langt er det hvor du
er i Okehampton?"

'Well you're just over 135 KMs away Karia I'm in the next county Devon. It
won't take you that long to get here. I own a motorbike myself so I know what
it's like! You continue on M5 and take Junction 27 to a place called Tiverton
which is in Devon. You then take a road called the A3072 to another place
called Crediton After Crediton you will see signposts to Okehampton. It's
lovely country and you will enjoy your ride!'

'Vel, du er drooyt hundre og trettifem kilometer unna Karia jeg er i det neste
fylket Devon. Det vil ikke ta deg saa lang tid aa komme hit. Jeg eier en
mootorhjool selv, saa jeg vet hvordan det er! Du fortsetter paa M Fem og tar
Mootum tjuesju til et sted som heter Tiverton som ligger i Devon. Du tar en
vei kalt o syv to til et annet sted som heter Crediton. Etter Crediton vil du
se skilting til Okehampton. Det er et nydelig land, og du vil glede deg over
turen! '

'Thanks, Maaike I'll see you soon I'll be so glad to meet a fellow Norse Woman
as I don't want to stay with oslanders and I'm so looking forward to speaking
out language again'

'Takk, Maaike, vi ser deg snart. Jeg vil v�re saa feginn for aa moote en
Norse Kvinne, siden jeg ikke vil v�re sammen med oslandere, og jeg gleder meg
til aa snakke spraak igjen.

Karia ate heartily. The portions were not quite big enough for her so she
ordered another dish pia meek which was fried squid.

The place was quite expensive and the bill came to nearly £30. Still Karia
being an affluent Norse Woman could afford it.

Karia made a brief inspection of the kitchen which she said was not clean
enough. She also told them again that the portions were still not large
enough. She said that she would be back in two days' time on her way back to
Nottingham and the place had better be clean then or else!

She rode back to the M5 to Junction 27. Soon she was speeding along through
the Somerset countryside looking so impressive in her shiny black leather and
huge motorbike. She could see various towns in the distance Bridgwater and
Taunton.

It was not long until she was on Junction 27. She was glad to be off the
motorway and to see something of the Devon countryside

Devon did indeed look lovely as she sped through the market town of
Tiverton.She decided to stop in the town and look at her map as she sat in the
main square in a caf� with a glass of fresh orange juice. It was a lovely day
and she really did want to see something of England before it was time for her
to go back home to Norseland.

She decided to take a side road in the direction of a place called .Withleigh
She was soon speeding along enjoying the fresh air. As she entered the village
of she could feel that the locals were all staring at her and noticed a
certain hostility in their stares

She ignored it as she headed down a country lane with a signpost marked to a
place called Cheriton Fitzpaine.

The road was really a country lane rocky with many blind bends Still she
increased her speed. Suddenly without warning a flock of sheep crossed the
road. She also hit a hole in the road as she slammed on her brakes the
motorbike went flying up in the air.

She landed face down in a field nearby. Her ankle was grazed but being a tough
Norse Woman she did not feel that much pain. She got up from the ground and
looked at her motorbike. It was an almost write off. The front wheel was
buckled, the plastic was smashed.

Here she was in the middle a strange country, her bike damaged and she was not

even sure how far it was to the nearest town!

She picked up her bike and walked along the road feeling slightly dazed. It
was getting quite late and she did not know how to get to Maaike's house in a
village called Corscombe outside Okehampton house. She would have to find
somewhere to spend the night.

Eventually she arrived walking her bike at a large village called Cheriton
Fitzpaine

It really just consisted of one long street. She was now very tired, thirsty
and aching after her crash.

The only place open was a pub in the main street called the White Lion. She
walked

straight in. As she entered all the men at the bar turned round at the sight
of this huge blonde red-haired Woman dressed in black leather. They had never
seen anything like it before.

She walked straight up to the bar and ordered a fresh orange juice.

She could feel the hostility of the locals around her. She ignored them and
carried on drinking. She then said to the lady at the bar.

.' Is there anywhere I can stay tonight? '

The bar lady looked as her with complete disdain and replied in her broad
Devon accent

'Nope tha'rs nowhere ere for some foreigner dressed loik yew '

One of the local yokels then shouted out

'Oi red 'air you can sleep in moi bed if thar's enough room!'

She looked at him with utter contempt especially the way he was dressed in
muddy overalls and dirty boots.

The whole pub's customers erupted in raucous laughter

Just then a small man came over to her who seemed very polite.

'You can stay at my place for the night as there are no hotels with vacancies
in this

village. I have a garage down the road My name's David Jones'

'That's fine Mr. Jones 'she replied

'Perhaps you could fix my bike too'

'LET'S GO TO YOUR PLACE!

Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com

TO BE CONTINUED