INGRID HOSTS THE OPENING NIGHT OF THE VOTANS BARBECUE by Hamlet The date of the opening night of Votans Bar in Grantham Friday the 20th December. had at last arrived, for the opening of the new Norselandic bar that called itself the 'Taste of Paradise in Lincolnshire.' The pub that was once the dreary Tollemache had been transformed totally. Every single piece of furniture table and glass and every single bottle had been thrown into the incinerator. The miserable memory of the past was well and truly over! The pub has been transformed totally at a cost of over £250,000..Ingrid had raised the money with a loan from the Bank of Domination .She knew the Manager Ms Vera Fearsson of the Nottingham Branch and she knew that the BD would easily get its money back with interest from the takings of the first few weeks . At least 1000 people were expected on this first night alone. Ingrid surveyed the new restaurant and bar and saw that it was positively glistening! It was full of brand-new IKEA type furniture and bright polished floor boards. There was a massive portrait of The Queen Goddess at the entrance dressed in shiny black leather with a pure golden crown on Her Head. There was an enormous Norselandic flag at the entrance too, a green cross on a white background that together with the portrait all visitors had to genuflect and bow to. All the walls were covered in art work and full-scale lavish photographs of Norseland that demonstrated just what a beautiful earthly paradise it was. There were TV screens that showed the full range of Norselandic television programmes as well as sports programmes with sports such as Norselandic Rules Football, Gym Kata and Aerobics for all those Norselanders who pined and were homesick for their Nation The bar would only dserve Norselandic beers such as Jahlsborg and Volssons and a full range of Norselandic wines such as Gronskull Creek. The whole place had been divided into a restaurant and a dancing area. The dance floor where line dancing would take place tonight was enormous as an extension had been built to prepare for the wide range of entertainments Ingrid had prepared for. A gigantic stage had been constructed for the numerous bands and for the karaoke performances. Tonight, the world-famous Valhalas country band would perform. Ingrid had ordered all her staff to prepare for the evening. The three English staff had been ordered to clean the floors and tables thoroughly under the ruthless supervision of Mina Ingrid's Papian slaveant and the Manager of the English, kitchen and toilet staff Mina had also disciplined the former manager Arnold who was now the toilet slave making sure he cleaned the toilets until they were absolutely spotless. Mina presented a formidable figure though she was subordinate to Ingrid in every way. She always wore a skin tight leather sahini with a long slit to reveal her long powerful brown legs. She always wore leather gloves and high heeled boots. She forced all her staff to address her at all times as Ms Popatoa.After experiencing so many beatings from her Norselandic Mastresses in Papia and Norseland she was determined to get her revenge by overpowering and terrifying the staff who were subordinate to her. She particularly enjoyed beating the former manager Arnold by ramming his face right down the dirty toilet bowl while she cropped his arse! The two Papian chefs Toni and Teio were cooking meats on a huge open barbecue and spit roast that lay along the dining area. They were preparing an incredible choice of beef, chicken, pork, mutton, horsemeat whale meat and crocodile meat as well as tropical fish such as barracuda halibut arrowtooth lizardfish shark and Pacific catfish. At his side Teio's wife Mahi was preparing lashings of salad with 15 ingredients making sure every ingredient was fresh and had been thoroughly cleaned and was drowning in salad dressing and mayonnaise. She was also chargrilling the vast quantity of every type of potatoes to a cinder. With this amazing selection of foods as well as pasta every type of tropical fruit and vegetable this was a vast feast no one in Grantham had ever seen in their lives before. Anyone could eat as much as they liked for only £20 until they almost had a heart attack! The food was prepared with the expertise of Papian chefs world renowned for their culinary skills. Finally, Ingrid has arranged to have a Whipping Block built in full view right in front of the bar. A miscreant would be tied down with tight rubber stamps naked in full view of all the customers and then thrashed mercilessly by Ingrid until almost all their skin from their backsides had been removed. She wanted everyone to enjoy themselves but at the same time she would adopt a policy of Zero Tolerance towards bad behaviour or drunkenness If the misbehaviour was very serious she was quite prepared to call the Royal Overseas Judges who were utterly ruthless and were quite prepared to carry out the death penalty by immediate strangulation with leather chords if necessary ! Ingrid stood before her Staff Associate Manager Hilda Mattison. Mina and the four Bar Marshals Helga and her Partner Lars and Martha and her Partner Erik. Around her waist she carried a full array of weapons including a holster with two guns with live ammunition, a cat o nine tails, a crop, knuckledusters and handcuffs She wore a distinctive badge with a message in English and Norselandic INGRID RASMUSSON THE MANAGER BEHAVE YOURSELF AND SPEAK TO ME BEHANDLEREN VERDDA SELV OG TAL TIL MEG! Any comments to Norselandic@hotmail.com