ANNIKA'S SHOWDOWN AT THE DINNER TABLE
by Hamlet


Stephen's father was becoming mesmerised listening to this diatribe from
Annika on healthy eating. He was beginning to think of her as a' health
fascist' as someone who was not just interested in healthy eating but wanted
to impose her views by force on everyone else just like everything else her
nation. This included forcibly sterilising criminals as well as kidnapping
eminent professors like Davenport by the Warrior Nuns to the St. Agatha's
convent for trial and possible execution. What was more he was quite happy
with his English diet of roast beef, sausages, chips and fried breakfasts that
he had always been used and had no intention of submitting to the Spartan
Norselandic diet of muesli, tofu, lettuce Ryvita and borlotti beans.

Yet Annika was determined to continue her monologue on the Ten-Point plan for
healthy living. She had only reached point two. She was determined to change
the lifestyle of Stephen her new English boyfriend and his parents by any
means necessary including the use of force.

She spoke directly to Mrs D right into her face.

'The first and most important thing you must do Mrs D is to choose only
healthy ingredients for your kitchen and you must begin by throwing away all
the junk food now. You must throw away all salty convenience foods, all white
bread, instant coffee, all processed junk food like frozen burgers, chicken
nuggets, fish fingers, pizzas, all sugary drinks, chemical snacks, foods with
unpronounceable ingredients that you cannot decipher and all hydrogenated oily
foods. Throw them away now! When I inspect your kitchen tomorrow I don't want
to see any more junk food or there will be trouble!'

'So, Annika young lady you are only 17 and you're telling me what I must keep
in my own kitchen. Who do you think you are?' her mother replied in anger.

'Yes, I am Mrs D if I see any junk food in your kitchen even as morsel of
white bread of even a milligram of white sugar I will personally dispose of it
immediately and you will be in trouble!'

'The next thing Mrs D is that I want to come with you next time you go
shopping. I don't want you shopping on your own anymore.'

'What do you mean young lady Don't you think I'm capable of shopping on my
own?'

'I am afraid Mrs D that I believe you shop when you are hungry which is a
dangerous thing to do!'

'Why shouldn't I shop when I am hungry Are you going to decide when I can shop
for goodness sake?'

'The point is that if you shop when you are hungry you will end up filling
your trolley with sugar rich material such as biscuits and cakes as well as
convenience foods that you should avoid completely like pies, chips and cakes.
You must have a clear idea what you are going to buy before you shop with all
the ingredients!

'You don't seem to think we can do anything do you Annika? 'his father
retorted becoming increasingly annoyed at this lecture on shopping

''No, I don't especially when it comes to healthy eating! 'she retorted gazing
him right in the face.

'In my Nation we have Customer Service Officers who stand at the entrance of
every supermarket. They are members of the Royal Customer Officers the
Dronninga Kundeoffisooreren who are a nationwide organisation dedicated to
ensuring that the public shop properly. They can be found in every shop
whether it is a clothes shop where they will assist the customer in deciding
what clothes are suitable or a hardware shop. They wear a distinctive blue
leather uniform and like all figures of authority are overwhelmingly female. '

'As soon as the customer enters the store the Kundeoffisoorer will pounce on
him/her not letting them out of her sight. She will ask or rather demand to
see the customer's shopping list. The Kundeoffisoore will then take the
customer into her office and will go through the customer's shopping list with
them deciding which are the healthiest foods to eat given the customer's state
of health,budget and lifestyle and completing a comprehensive Eating Plan or
will go through the EP if the customer already has one. The Kundeoffisere will
then take the customer around the supermarket and will go through the best
deals financially and the healthiest foods that are available to the customer.
She will guide them to the checkout and will take the customer to his car with
the shopping bags. The Kundeoffisere may then take the customer details and
visit him at his home to ensure he is eating properly!'

'That's worse than Nazi Germany. At least when I was there they didn't tell me
what to eat! So, do you think I need to be accompanied just like your
customers do in your crazy country?' shouted his father his voice rising every
minute.

'Yes, I do and don't you dare call my country a crazy country or I will really
give you trouble! 'Mr D began to shake with fear as Annika began to rise from
her chair showing the full height of her body just to intimidated him
completely.It wass clear it worked as he wass stunned into total silence.

'I really do need to accompany you shopping You must understand Mrs D that
your English supermarkets should have 90% of the foods that I have mentioned.
When I accompany you, I will ensure that you load up your trolley with fresh
fruit and vegetables 'You will also buy fresh fish that is preferably white
and oily. If you do buy red meat I will ensure it is the freshest cut and is
organic lean meat. I will also ensure that you complete avoid cheap sausages
that are full of additives and chemicals, all pies and processed meats
altogether.

'When you but dairy produce I want you to avoid full fat milk and to go for
spelt, almond, a, amaranth oat or rice milk. If you eat cheese I want you to
choose softer cheeses such as cottage cheeses, goat's cheese and ricotta,
rather than your harder English cheese that are full of fat and additives.'

'Finally, you must do exactly as I say and avoid all ready-made meals all
convenience and processed food such as fish fingers chicken nuggets and all
canned foods that contain high amounts of sugar and preservatives that are
likely to be low in nutrients and high in additives and preservatives'

She looked in triumph at Mr & Mrs D and Stephen who were stunned into silence.

'Well it looks as if we are half way through the 10-Point plan. I don't care
if I have to stay here all night to make you change your lifestyle!'

'I still need to tell you about changing your snack mindset\making the proper
use of your fridge freezer, how to stock up on, kitchen equipment, how not to
be afraid of health food shops and how to cook in the raw.'

YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

Any comments to norselandic@hotmail.com