ANNIKA CONFRONTS AT THE DINNER TABLE  
by Hamlet



Silence once more descended on the dinner table at Stephen's parents' house in
Deal Kent. He wondered if his parents would invite Annika ever again. It was
clear that there was hostility between his mother and Annika and he could feel
the tension between them. It was clear that this Norse Woman was more than a
match for his mother. Annika was definitely dominating the conversation. His
mother knew that she could not take over the conversation with this girlfriend
and that Annika was very different from the bimbo Stephen had gone out with a
few months ago, when he could not get as word in edgeways while the girl was
also not able to say a word throughout the conversation.

Annika had already confronted his mother about her ignorance of geography as
his mother did not even know where Norseland was thinking it was somewhere in
Scandinavia. His mother did not even know the name of the capital city. His
mother was also amazed by the amount of time Annika spent in the gym and that
she was so powerful physically being a yellow belt in karate and soon to be a
black belt and that she was a Grade Two in Gym Kata her Nation's form of
martial arts.

His mother was even more shocked when Annika had told her that she and her
friends would go out in the evening 'man hunting' in her home city of Varense
as if they were hunting wild animals and that she and her friends would pay
for the drinks for the men they met all evening. Stephen's mother had been
firmly brought up In Yorkshire in her childhood to believe that women should
be submissive and passive and should be paid for and pampered by men as she
had never worked in her entire life and had always been supported by her
father and then by her husband.

Annika then tried the Yorkshire puddings that his mother had cooked with the
roast beef. Annika knew nothing about Yorkshire puddings or even where
Yorkshire was and the taste seemed strange to her tasting in some ways like
pancakes.

''Mrs D could you tell me what exactly are these Yorkshire puddings? Are they
really healthy? What exactly are they made of and how do you cook them?'

'Well Annika I've been eating Yorkshire pudding ever since I was a child and
in fact my mother used to make them every day at my home town back in Batley
in Yorkshire.'

.

'So, Mrs D a Yorkshire pudding may be unhealthy, as you know from what I have
told you I am a health and fitness fanatic. Not only do I go to the gym every
day and all-day Saturday I am a fanatical believer in healthy eating. Eggs
used in Yorkshire puddings are an excellent source of vitamin b12 and are rich
in proteins and minerals but at the same time have a high cholesterol content
and as you know there is a high risk of salmonella poisoning if they are not
properly cooled.'

'So how do you know all this Annika? You seem to think you are an expert in
everything! 'his father interjected looking at her face rather than her
breasts this time.

'Well the fact is I have reached Grade A in nutrition in the High Certificate
which is the equivalent of your A levels only that we take 6 subjects rather
than 3 and we take them at the age of 16 not 17 or 18 as in your country,
rather like the French Baccalaureate or the German Abitur. I will be going on
to study Nutrition and Aerobics at the Varense Health University next year one
of the six universities in the city of Varense, and which is renowned
throughout the world and specialises in nutrition and health studies. When I
graduate, I intend to become a Health Ranger?'

'Who exactly are the Health Rangers?' asked his father in amazement staring at
her cleavage once more

'The Health Rangers are properly known as the Royal Health Rangers or in
Norselandic the Dronninga Helserangeren. The object of the HRs is to
drastically improve the health of the world particularly starting with
Britain, which has a particularly unhealthy diet, if necessary, by the use of
force. I can recite off by heart the HRs 6 basic objects.'

1. An improvement in diet throughout the world though eating more fresh fruit

and vegetables.

2. Serious physical exercise especially through Yoga, Aerobics and Athletics

that had to be taken for at least one hour a day.

3. A complete ban on all smoking and tobacco throughout the world.

4. A complete ban on all hard drugs.

5. A serious restriction on the sale and consumption of alcohol so that no one
could consume more than 24 units per week. The effective banning of all
spirits throughout the world especially vodka and whisky

6. A ban on the sale of all unhealthy and junk foods in particular chips,
pizzas crisps,

burgers and all processed foods. That means the HRs are committed to closing
down all chains of American food outlets like Mc Donald's and KFC and has
declared war on these organisations.'

'To achieve these aims the HRs are prepared to use extreme force if necessary,
to make people healthy. They are quite prepared to enter restaurants in
particular greasy spoon cafes and junk food outlets that served filthy and
greasy food and close them down by smashing them up by force if necessary, by
force and punishing the owners.'

'They are prepared to deal with people who looked obese or unhealthy by
forcibly taking them for serious health treatment to their new super equipped
Health Clinic that is to open in Fuller by in Lincolnshire that was now under
construction and will be the most advanced health clinic in the world outside
Norseland of course and where I would love to work.'

'They are also quite prepared to break into shops in this country and to seize
all the cigarettes and burn them all and if necessary, burn down shops that
sell cigarettes especially to minors.'

'They are prepared to use extreme violence against all drug pushers and
forcibly take drug addicts and alcoholics to the Fullerby Clinic for forcible
rehabilitation. They are also quite ready to raid pubs if necessary, closing
them down and smashing them up too especially if they serve drunken customers.
They are also prepared to drag drunks away in their Health Vans for forcible
drying out detox and rehab at the Clinic.'

'Finally, they are quite prepared to raid supermarkets and remove all supplies
of chips and burgers if necessary, by force. They are also ready to burn down
crisp factories if necessary, putting crisp manufacturing companies like
Walkers out of business altogether. '

'In our Nation we are engaged in a Holy War or a Royal Crusade on three fronts
The Health Rangers are engaged in a Holy War against unhealthy lifestyles and
unhealthy food, just as the Warrior Nuns are engaged in a Crusade against
atheism and secularism and the Justice League and the Royal Overseas Judges
are engaged in a worldwide Crusade against crime and terrorism, Our object is
to establish a New World Order, a new world wide Heaven on earth A Queen Dom
and Empire of Righteousness. headed by our Queen Goddess''

'I firmly believe people have to learn to live a healthy lifestyle if
necessary, by force. They have after all received enough information on
healthy living and the time has now come to use force if necessary and to
force people be healthy!'

'What's more I know an unhealthy lifestyle has serious effects on crime. There
is no

doubt that eating junk foods upsets the mind as well as the body and leads to
crime and anti-social behaviour. The saying in 'men's sana in corpore sano'' a
healthy mind in a healthy body 'is quite true!

'Your country does believe in the use of force everywhere I have heard all
about your Warrior Nuns kidnapping that poor Professor Davenport an act of
totally unjustified force and that he has been put on trial at their Convent
at Eastry only a few miles from here. The whole world has condemned this
illegal act of kidnapping. So, does that mean you will be telling Stephen
exactly what to eat and what not to eat?' his father intervened again once
more with a hostile tone.

'The kidnapping of Davenport by the Sisters of Mercy or the Warrior Nuns is
totally justified. He is an atheist secularist and a blasphemer and I believe
he should be put to death in the most painful way just as the Inquisition in
Spain burnt heretics at the stake to rid the world of the cancer of heresy.

' As for force what about the violence and force of what about your British
Empire in its bloody 300-year history in the slave trade in Africa , in
Ireland, in China in the Opium wars, in India in particular in the suppression
of the Indian mutiny and the Amritsar massacre and the Bengal famine, in
Egypt, in Palestine Suez, in Kenya and in Ireland today with your British
troops using force against innocent civilians.'

'I have a degree in history from Oxford young lady so don't lecture me about
history!' his father retorted in fury.

'I probably know more about history than you do in spite of your Oxford degree
just as I know more about diet and by the way address me by my face not my
breasts!'

His father sat there in silence realising he could not answer her.

'As for Stephen as of course as his girlfriend, will tell him that I am only
prepared to eat wholesome Norselandic food and expect him to do the same and I
expect him to stop eating English or oslander muck though I am prepared to go
out to an Indian restaurant maybe one night a week provided it is spotlessly
clean!

'For breakfast I expect him to eat muesli, fruit juice and beans on brown rye
bread or Ryvita. I NEVER eat white processed bread and expect him to do the
same so if I visit him at York University where he is going in October and see
any white bread in his room or anywhere else I will immediately throw it away
or if I catch him eating white bread he will be in very serious trouble with
me Also at breakfast I only drink coffee like all Norselanders .If he gives me
any of that disgusting tea or swamp juice as we call it you English drink I
will pour it all over his face!'How can you drink such muck! The only tea we
drink is peppermint or camomile tea and that is sometimes for medicinal
purposes only.'

'At weekends I have a change from eating beans On Saturdays I eat frankfurters
or bratvurst. For lunch I have sandwiches always on brown bread or
smorgasbord. I want them with cheese that must be Norselandic such as
Jaalsborg , tuna, ham again Norselandic only and chicken. I like them with
coleslaw pickle or potato salad. You'd better make them properly Stephen with
fresh brown or rye bread or else!'

Stephen made his first attempt to intervene in the conversation.

'Yes, but I have err read that sausages are unhealthy Annika' It was clear he
was actually terrified of contradicting her,

'That is nonsense Stephen and don't you dare say that again! 'she said sternly
rebuking him right in front of his parents.

'The sausages we produce in my Nation mainly frankfurters and bratvurst are
extremely nutritious and are a wonderful source of energy and protein. They
are totally unlike your English sausages that I have been told are full of fat
that account for 70% of the calories , are full of gristle and leftovers and
tyramine especially found in salami, that cause headaches and migraine high in
additives and fillers such as oatmeal and breadcrumbs. Most English sausages
also contain nitrosamines and chloestrol.

'You have to understand that as far back as Greek and Roman times sausages
have been used to preserve meat -the name sausages comes from the Latin word
'sausi' meaning to preserve .sausages like everything in my Nation are
produced according to very strict hygiene Regulations that are ruthlessly
enforced .No added fat or mechanically produced meat is permitted and the
sausages must contain 80% meat with no artificial preservatives or
flavourings. I will bring some of my sausages and you will see the difference
between them and your English sausages!'

'For evening meals, I have the traditional Norselandic meal of a large piece
of meat or fish fried in margarine with potatoes fried, creamed or boiled
Salad is very important to us health fanatics Norselanders.You will use the
freshest ingredients such as tomatoes, lettuce, grapes cheese, cucumber and
oranges all swimming in fresh mayonnaise and salad dressing.'

'On Sundays I like a real stick to the ribs mixed grill. On a typical Sunday I
will eat steak, pork chop, tomatoes and mushrooms and a huge bowl of boiled
potatoes in mayonnaise. I want the meat to be so big it is falling off the
plate. The very thought makes my mouth water!'

'I am a firm believer that one should breakfast like a king. When you wake up
in the morning you have in effect been fasting for several hours When you eat
a proper breakfast it is like giving yourself an energy injection and there
are serious studies that show that eating a healthy breakfast leads to
enhanced memory and brain function.'

'One of my favourite breakfast dishes is burletta beans NOT baked beans on
squash bread toast. You put the whole bitternut squash on a baking tray and
bake for 45 minutes and then cool on the tray for 30 minutes. You then you
mash this well with a potato masher and then place it in a large You add 300
grams of gluten free flour baking powder and seasoning add 65 mils of cold
water and olive oil and mix together with a large spoon and then knead until
soft and spongy. You then form this into a round loaf and bake in the oven for
35 minutes. It is so delicious and nutritious!

Stephen decided to speak for the first time.

'So, Annika please could you tell me and my parents goe to eat more healthily
I suffer from terrible stomach upsets and am going tom the hospital for an
endoscopy I really want to be free from unhealthy eating.

Please could you show me and my parents how to eat more healthily!'

'PLEASE ANNIKA!