ANNIKA THE NORSE GIRL
by Hamlet



ANNIKA AND STEPHEN

It all started in the summer before Stephen was going to university. He was
staying with his parents in Deal in Kent. Deal is a town in Kent, England. It
lies on the English Channel eight miles north-east of Dover and eight miles
south of Ramsgate. It is a former fishing, mining and garrison town. Closely
associated with Deal is Walmer, the latter being where Julius Caesar first
arrived in Britain (according to the best guess by historians).

Today Deal enjoys the reputation of being a quiet seaside resort, its quaint
streets and houses the only reminder of its history. The coast of France is
approximately twenty-five miles from the town, and is visible on clear days.
Its finest building is the Tudor Deal Castle, commissioned by King Henry VIII
and designed with an attractive rose floor plan.

Stephen worked there in his summer holidays at the Clarendon Hotel. He worked
as a waiter and also in the bar in the evenings. His parents had a second home
there. He would leave home early in the mornings to serve breakfast and lunch
while in the evenings he would work in the bar. In many ways, it was an
exhausting job and he did not return until late in the evenings. His parents
would soon be leaving as his father was a diplomat and would be taking up a
new job in Malawi at the British High Commission.

One morning he was laying the tables when he could see a large leather clad
woman about 7' tall with short blonde hair addressing a group of blonde
students in the bar She was speaking in a strange language that sounded like
Norwegian but was actually Norselandic

'Good morning children welcome to Deal in England!'

'God morgen barn velkomne til Deal i England!'

'Remember you are here to represent Norseland and you are bound by the laws of
Our Nation!'

'Husk at du er her for aa representere Norseland og at du er bundet av lovene
i Vaar Nasjon!'

'You must at at times be on your best behaviour or I will punish you
severely!'

'Duren maa til tider v�re paa dinen beste oppfoorsel, ellers vil jeg straffe
deg alvorlig!'

'That means as you are in England you can drink alcohol but only two shandies
a day!'

'Det betyr at mens duren eren i England kan duren drikke alkohol, men bare to
shandier om dagen

'If I see the slightest misbehaviour you will feel my crop!'

'Hvis jeg ser den minste feil oppfoorsel, vil duren foole avlingen min!'

'DO YOU UNDERSTAND CHILDREN?'

FORSTAAR DUREN BARN ?

They all shouted out in unison with one voice

'YES CERTAINLY MS TOGHHAARD!!!'

'JA SIKKER FRU TOUGHAARD!!!!'

They all filed out together as if they were all automatons obviously terrified
of her.

Stephen noticed two Norse Girls walk out together. They were both dressed in
black leather jackets leather shorts and calf length boots with long blonde
hair.

One of them spoke to the other.

'I am really looking forward to this holiday in England Annika!

'Jeg gleder meg veldig til denne ferien i Annika, England!

'Yes so am I Kristina especially as we are allowed to drink two shandies a
day.What freedom Kristina!'

"Ja, det er jeg Kristina spesielt fordi vi faar lov til aa drikke to shandier
om dagen. Hvilken frihet Kristina!'

'I can't wait to meet an English boy Kristina .They look so small and sweet
compared to our Norse Boys.I really like that waiter over there!'

"Jeg kan ikke vente med aa moote en engelsk gutt Kristina. De ser saa smaa og
soote ut sammenlignet med vaare norroone gutter. Jeg liker den servitooren der
borte!

'Be careful Annika you know you cannot have intimate relations with an
oslander or you will be sent to a Detention Centre!'

'V�r forsiktig Annika, du vet at du ikke kan ha intime forhold til en
oslander, ellers vil du bli sendt til et interneringssenter!'

The next day was a lovely day as Stephen worked in the bar of the Clarendon
Hotel in Deal. He could see the French coast in the distance as he saw the
coast of Boulogne. He was standing there thinking about the Norse Girls whom
he had seen earlier on in the day while he was laying the tables in the hotel.

Suddenly he could hear Michael the bar manager shout at him. He was beginning
to feel he was a real pain. He was an ex paratrooper and he could not adjust
to civilian life treating all staff as if they were in the army.

'Stephen, will you clean the glasses and serve these customers over here. And
will you stop interrupting me!'

He had this fixation that Stephen was always interrupting him even though he
had never said a word. Stephen was seriously beginning to doubt his sanity.

Suddenly he looked across the bar and the four Norse Boys and Girls had walked
in Annika walked in with her friend Kristina. Behind them were two Norse Boys
whose name he found out were Hans and Jaren. In many ways, the boys were
indistinguishable from the Girls as there are in many ways just as beautiful
and stunning with their blonde hair and bronzed complexions. The only
differences between the sexes he could see was that the Girls' bulges were in
their fronts, whereas all the Boys had huge bulges between their legs
protruding from their tight leather shorts.

He could hear them talking to each other in Norselandic laughing at the same
time.

'Oh look over there Kristina there's that sweet waiter we saw earlier on
today!

' Se paa der Kristina, det er den soote kelneren vi saa tidligere i dag!

'Oh wonderful I'm going to go straight over and order two shandies!'.

Herlig jeg skal rett over og bestille to shandier!'.

'Also I'm going to ask him to go with me to an Indian restaurant! I'm starving
and I want to try a curry!'

'Ogsaa jeg vil be ham gaa med meg til en indisk restaurant! Jeg sulter og vil
proove karri

'Be careful Annika remember what Ms Toughaard told us about associating with
oslanders!'

'V�r forsiktig Annika husker hva Toughaard fortalte oss om aa omgaas
oslandere!'

'Remember she told us they are really subhumans!!;

'Husker at hun fortalte oss at de virkelig er undirmennskua!'

'Don't worry Kristina I'm just going to ask him to go out to a restaurant with
me. We won't have intimate relations yet!'

'Ikke bekymre deg Kristina, jeg ber bare om aa gaa ut paa en veitingastaduur
med meg. Vi vil ikke ha intime forhold ennaa!

She walked over to Stephen looking so calm and confident

'Hello could I have 2 shandies!'

'Yes certainly that will be £2'.

'Oh that cheap that's only NM 40 in my currency!'

'Oh what country do you come from?'

Why don't you guess sweetheart?

'Er Sweden.'

'No thousands of kilometrers away I'm Norselandic!'

'That is miles away! The other side of the world!'

'It's a lovely country the best in the world .You should go there one day .By
the way my name is Annika lovely to meet you darling'

Suddenly Michael shouted at him.

'Will you hurry up and serve that bloody foreign bird ,there are glasses to be
cleaned And will you stop interrupting me!'

'OK Michael I won't be long'

'Why does that arsehole tell you to stop interrupting you when you haven't
said a word?'

I could hear Kristina call to her

'Please Annika bring the drinks over and can you bring us three bags of
crisps.'

'V�r saa snill, Annika tar med deg drinkene, og kan du ta med oss "�"�tre
poser med kreppur.'

'I'm just coming over I just want to ask him to go out with me. Also I want to
deal with that arsehole who keeps bossing him around! He's getting on my
nerves!'

'Jeg kommer nettopp, jeg vil bare be ham gaa ut med meg. Jeg vil ogsaa takle
det arsehullet som fortsetter aa yfirburdiir ham rundt! Han kommer paa taugar!

She shouted across the bar not caring how much noise she made so glad She was
free in England from all the restrictions she faced in Norseland.

She then walked right up to me her tall body towering over mine.

'What's your name sweetie?

'Er Stephen'

'Lovely to meet you darling. I would like you to go out with me now. I'd love
to go to an Indian restaurant and try curry as we hardly have any foreign
restaurants in my Nation. Do you know of an Indian restaurant near here?'

'Well there's the Milaad tandoori in Middle Street which is actually a
Bangladeshi restaurant.'

'I don't know much about Bangladeshi food but I would love to try it!

'Well er the trouble is that I don't have much money on me er Annika'

'Don't worry I will pay for everything. Women in my Nation always pay for men
and you won't have to pay a penny for anything while you're with me!'

'I'd love to go err Annika but I don't finish until 11.'

'Don't worry I'll tell that idiot of a boss you're finishing now!'

'I'm just going over to my friends with these drinks. I will then tell that
bastard of a boss you're going out with me!'

She walked over to her three school friends

'We're going to an Indian restaurant. I won't be back at the hotel before
midnight. Also, I want to tell that moron over there to let Stephen go early
or he'll feel my boot in his groin!'

Vi skal til en indisk veitingastaduur. Jeg vil ikke v�re tilbake paa hotellet
foor midnatt. Jeg vil ogsaa fortelle den moren der borte for aa la Stephen gaa
tidlig, eller han vil kjenne stoovelen min i lysken! '

Kristina yelled out to her as she walked away with me.

BE CAREFUL ANNIKA AND INSPECT THE KITCHENS BEFORE YOU EAT!!

' V��R FORSIKTIG ANNIKA OG INSPEKTER KJOOKKENENE FOOR DU SPISER!!'

Any comments to Norselandic@hotmail.com