From the Pulpit
by Reverend Fidius Femuscle

"In the beginning she created the website and saw it was good". Lyon 1:1


Welcome Brethren, Sisteren & muscular Valkyries,

I come via the Great Commission I have received from the FEMUSCLE SPIRIT! I 
come to show my flock the TRUE-SCHMOO life. I come to bestow praise and 
adulation on Valkyries everywhere, striving to perfect the art of muscle 
worship. And yes, I come a lot.

I CAST YE OUT, VILE SKINNY GALS! Away with thoust stringy muscles. OUT with 
thoust penciled-spaghetti arms. Make way for your superior sisters. Yet, 
shouldst thou maketh big muscle where string once was, then we will gladly 
worship you! But, be sure and get your credentials from Captain Corc, Friar 
of Holy Roodness.

I come with good news, flock. May 9th will be celebrated from this day 
forward. For on that day the Chief Valkyrie and CEO of our temple of worship, 
Diana the Valkyrie, didst give unto us her FIRST DEMANDMENT! Let's go to the 
highlights...

Reverend Femuscle - There's no collection plate at my services, j. Just 
purchase a "session" to cleanse yourself of femuscle sin!
j - Thank you. I love to have my ribs receive blessings from an FBB's inner 
thighs
Reverend Femuscle - Forgiveness can be painful, j.
j - a little pain never hurt nobody, Rev
Diana the Valkyrie - Redemption through suffering
* Reverend Femuscle bows in the presence of a Valkyrie.
Reverend Femuscle - Any words of wisdom for your femuscle-enslaved followers, 
Mighty Valkyrie?
Diana the Valkyrie - Eat your greens
Reverend Femuscle - All of the bretheren must be cleansed of skinny-gal-lust!
* Reverend Femuscle jots down the message from on high.
CaptainCorc - Damn. I was afraid she'd say that.
* j notes obscure spinach reverence
* Reverend Femuscle is now eating lettuce.
j - That's the first of the Ten Demandments?
* Reverend Femuscle readies his pen to write down the other nine demandments.
CaptainCorc - /me hopes the Rev has lots of time on his hands.

I hope my flock was kneeling to receive the words from the Mighty Diana!

Though no further Demandments were forthcoming in the month of May, the first 
important aspect of the pure, TRUE-SCHMOO life has been revealed! Yours truly 
has been eating his green veggies ever since. The scatological consequences 
may be discussed at a later date.

What will Diana demand of us in the future? "Thou shalt not covet thy 
neighbor-schmoo's wife?" (BTW, that's a high demand, Diana) E-Mail me your 
guesses at my assistant Tex's apartment of worship, TexBB@aol.com, and I'll 
reveal who came closest in the next edition of Diana's Newletter.

Amen.