Substitute Teacher
by Diana the Valkyrie
It's fun being a substitute teacher - you never know what you're
going to have to teach. And this particcular gig was perfect -
I was supposed to teach them about the parts of the human body,
and how they work together.

I stood behind the desk. There were a couple of dozen in this college
class, and they were staring at me. I stared back. I often get this
reaction - as a six foot tall, 200 pound bodybuilder, I get stared
at a lot. Of course, most men don't look higher than my breasts.
I'm not going to compromise. I was wearing a thin cotton summer
dress, no sleeves,low at the top, short at the thighs. It conforms
to the school's rules about modest dress, so they can't complain. But
it does mean that I'm putting on quite a show.

"Quiet there," I told them, and the muttering stopped. "We're going
to look at human anatomy, how the various parts work, and how it all
fits together. "Who would like to tell me what the most important
part is?"

And, of course, some clown in the class said "My cock!".

"Wrong," I told them. "Men can function pretty well without a cock,
there have been castrated eunuchs throughout history. If a man
commits rape in the Czech Republic, he can be surgically castrated
even today."

The clown looked sheepish. "Of course, we're not going to try that
experiment today." That brought a few giggles - from the women.

"Actually there are several parts that really are vital. The heart,
the lungs, the kidneys, the liver, and most of all, the brain,
although some people seem to get along fine with only a very small
brain." I was looking hard at the class clown.

"So, what is the biggest part of the body?" I was still staring
at the class clown, daring him. And one of the women said "Jimmy's
cock?" and everyone laughed. "It's the skin. Your skin defines your
inside from your outside, except that there are a number of openings,
such as the mouth and nose."

"And Jimmy's arse!" Jimmy was really getting the tease today.

"Some organs you can help improve, some you can't. Right now, you're
improving your brain, by learning things. You can improve your
lung function by breathing against resistance, you can improve your
cardiovascular system, heart and arteries, by taking exercise. That
exercise can just be walking fast, or you can use a stationary
bicycle."

"But most of all, you can develop your muscles. Like I have. Your
muscles are crucial for actually doing stuff. Without muscle,
you wouldn't even be able to lift a full kettle.

"Please miss," asked one of the women, "how much weight can you
lift?"

"That's not a simple question, because there are many different
lifts. For example, if you use your legs to lift, you can hoist
a lot more than if you do a forearm curl. But most people asking
that question, have in mind a lift from the floor to overhead, what
we call a "clean and jerk" and I can do 190 kilograms, that's 421
pounds. I'd guess that most of the guys in this room would struggle
with a quarter of that, and that none of them could come close to
half that."

"A small car weighs about 800 pounds. If you lift the side, you're
actually only lifting half of that because of the leverage. So,
yes, I can lift a small car, and roll it onto its roof."

There was silence for a while.

Then I did a double bicep pose. "If you put a tape round those, you'd
get 50 centimeters". Someone in the class checked her smartphone,

"That's nearly 20 inches!" So I explained, "I get that big with
eating well and spending a lot of time lifting."

Then I lifted my skirt slightly, and put one leg in front of
the other. "Who would like to guess? And make your guess in
centimeters." There were a few gasps - I don't usually show off my
legs, it's embarrassing for any men present. I've seen the slight
wetness at the front of the trousers that this can cause. There were
no guesses, so I enlightened them "Sixty nine, " I said, and saw
a couple of the men squirm and ease their trousers. "That's twenty
seven inches", said the woman with the smartphone, "you have huge
leg muscles!".

"I nodded. "One of the demonstrations I do sometimes, is to crush
a coconut between my thighs." More of the men squirmed a bit. "But
I wouldn't crush someone during coitus, I have enough self control
so that it's perfectly safe to get between my legs - unless you
weren't invited!" "Does that happen?" asked a woman in the middle
of the class. "What, an uninvited man between my legs? Not twice,
it wouldn't, even after he came out of hospital. But it doesn't
usually get that far. What happens more often is an uninvited hand
on my knee, or on my breast."

"And what do you do then?"

"I grip the offending arm just above the wrist, and squeeze, but
not so hard as to break anything. Just to give him a bad bruise
that he'll feel for the next few weeks."

More silence as the men in the class looked sheepish - they'd all
done that at one time or another. "The worst is when a man puts his
hand up my skirt. That needs significant punishment. So I put my
hand down his trousers, find his testicles, and give them a good,
hard squeeze. I can crack walnuts with my grip, so they often pass
out from the pain."

One of the women put up her hand. "Yes?" "Could I get muscles
like yours?" "Probably not. First of all, you don't have my height
and natural disposition to muscularity, and secondly it take time


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