The Plough Girl Squadron, part 2
by Diana the Valkyrie


The Plough Girl Squadron was each supposed to patrol alone, because
we reckoned that one plough girl would be more than enough to deal
with any situation she encountered. But to start with, I wanted
to accompany them, to make sure that the exacting standards of the
NYPD were being complied with.

The first of the PIGS to go out, was Ludmilla, aka Milly. We made
an eye-opening pair. Milly was five feet ten, which is short for a
plough girl, but she made up for that with her width. She has to go
through a normal two feet eight inch door sideways, otherwise her
shoulders wouldn't fit. I haven't tried this experiment, but I think
I'd need at least a six foot tape measure to go around her upper
body, even though her boobs don't add much to her circumference.

And I'm four feet eleven, and 84 pounds, which tells you just how
skinny I am.  The 97 pound weaklings would kick sand in my face,
if I were ever foolish enough to expose my slender body on a beach.

I used to be on parking tickets, because TPTB figured I couldn't
get into much trouble that way. I figured that if I got faced by
an angry parker, I'd jump into my golf cart and retreat as fast as
possible, and I did have to do that a few times. When you're half
the size of an average man, you learn that discretion is the better
part of valour; run away and live to give tickets another day.

But striding along with Milly, I felt I could face anything. I
hadn't actually seen her arms or thighs, but I felt confident that
she'd handle anything that the street could throw at her, and I
could back her up by shouting and making like reinforcements were
on the way. Not that she'd need them.

Our motto - "Protect and defend". Our target - muggers, drug dealers
and wife beaters. Our location - the mean streets of New York, and
it wasn't long before we found our first bandit. It was a diorama
a couple of blocks away, but it was clear what was going on. Two
guys, one with a knife were standing over one guy on the ground,
threatening to cut him if he didn't immediately hand over wallet and
watch. "Tally ho," said Milly, I have no idea where she got that
from, and moved surprisingly quickly for one of her bulk in the
direction of the robbers. I followed, a discrete few yard behind.
I didn't want to get in her way. OK, OK, if you  insist - it was
the habit of a lifetime for me to avoid conflict. At least I wasn't
running in the opposite direction.

Milly reached the scene of the crime, coming up behind the two punks,
and she tackled the knife-wielder first. She didn't actually do
anything special, she just cannoned into him from behind, and he hit
the pavement so hard that he actually bounced. Her momentum carried
her onwards, and she tripped on the prone punk. I don't think she
intended that, but her weight broke several of his ribs. She didn't
fall over, because she grabbed the other robber and kept her balance,
and he swung round as she grabbed his arm - but not fast enough,
and I saw his arm break.

She looked around, and seeing no other opponents she bent down
and picked up their victim in her arms. "Are you OK, sweetie?" she
asked. "wh, wh, wh," he replied.

By then I had caught up with the group. First I checked the muggers,
but they weren't in play. With several broken ribs, the knife man
could scarcely breathe, and with his broken arm, the other guy was
in no condition to do anything except groan in pain. Should I have
taken them to hospital?  Not my problem - they could make their
own way, or call 911.

So I turned my attention to Milly and the guy who had been mugged. I
couldn't see any blood, he was just in a state of shock. I made
a mental note that in future I should carry a flask of something
stimulating; meanwhile I suggested that we take him to the nearest
bar so that he could recover his equanimity in peace. We left him
there, and Milly and I resumed our patrol.

Milly felt that she should have punished them more, especially
the knife man, because all he had was a few broken ribs. So I
explained to her that we weren't authorised to punish, only to
prevent crime, and if she damaged the criminals while doing that,
it was OK. But once they were down and no longer a threat, they
couldn't be punished further.

"Never mind, Milly," I said, "there's plenty more where they
came from."

The next incident was not long in coming. Two men on a dirt bike -
one drove while the other snatched a woman's purse, and away they
went, scot free.  But not quite. Milly fitted a stone into her sling,
whirled it once and let fly.  The stone hit the bike driver on the
head, and he wasn't wearing a helmet.  The bike crashed at about
40 mph, hitting a fire hydrant and throwing both men to the ground.

We didn't run. We walked to the crash. Milly just stood over them
with her hands on her hips, ready to go into action if necessary.
The guy who had been hit on the head was still alive, I was glad to
say, but he was in a bad way, what with the stone smashing into his
skull and the subsequent crash. I thought it would be a good idea to
call emergency services for him. The other guy had hit the road at
40 mph, and was bleeding profusely. Milly wanted to stomp on his arm
and break it, but I told her that would be illegal.  The emergency
services would have to take care of him too. And these two weren't
going to be back in business any time soon, so I thought, no point
in arresting them. So I picked up the purse and Milly and I went back
to the woman who had been the victim, and I gave her back her purse.
She was really grateful, and offered to press charges against the
bike riders, but I explained to her that they had already suffered
a lot more than a trial would punish them. Milly explained the
meaning of her armband, that she was a Plough Girl from Ukraine,
"protect and defend".

Incident closed.