Pain nurse - no pain, no gain

By Diana the Valkyrie


Case study six.

Pain level six is moderate, but on the bad side of moderate. Harold
was sent to me with cramp. Cramp happens when the muscle in the legs
contracts, and that causes a sharp pain. For Harold, it was happening
in both legs, lasting several minutes, and (worst of all) recurring. If
he was asleep, the pain woke him up; if he was awake then his estimate
was that it was pain level six.

The main problem was, of course, the lack of sleep. Constant wakefulness
is debilitating. You can't be woke 24/7. He was sinking fast. We had to
find a way out of these constant cramps.

The experts had already tried hydration, including an intravenous
drip to ensure hyper hydration. Stretching and massage hadn't helped
either. Pregnancy is another common cause of cramps, but Harold wasn't
pregnant.

Everyone was baffled, and they'd run out of ideas. So that's why they
sent him to the Pain Nurse.

After studying his case notes, I came to the conclusion that his main
problems were psychological. He was experiencing high levels of stress.
and that was leading to the leg cramps. So how does a Pain Nurse reduce
stress?

I told him to undress and put on a hospital gown. Then I got him to
lie prone (on his face) on the hospital bed. "stretch out your arms,"
I told him, and I used leather straps to tie his wrists and ankles to
the bed. "I want you to relax," I told him, "relax totally. Think about
a sleeping cat."

Meanwhile, I was strapping my relaxation apparatus around my waist,
because I knew exactly how I was going to make him calm and unstressed. I
started applying the Crampoff cream to the calves and the backs of his
legs, gradually working my way upwards until I was rubbing it deep into
the crack of his posterior. And then I thrust my strap-on deep inside
his arse.

He was face down on a pillow, so his screams of pain were heavily muffled,
and I was pretty sure that they wouldn't be audible outside my consulting
room. I used my full weight to drive the strap-on deep inside, achieving
the full nine inches of penetration.

Every time I rammed down on him, I was met with less and less resistance
as his body became softer and less able to fight back. It was working! He
was relaxing.

After a few minutes, he stopped trying to scream, and all I could hear
from him were the soft groans as the tip of my penetration reached the
parts that no pill or potion could reach. And eventually, of course,
he passed out. That gave him the best several hours sleep that he'd
had for many months, because now he had pain level six in his arse,
at least his legs weren't waking him every few minutes with another cramp.

Pain level six, Rather bad pain, internal to anus. Job done.


Case study seven.

Level seven is the lowest level of "severe". At level seven, the patient
can't concentrate on anything, because the pain is constantly demanding
his attention.

David couldn't keep still. He kept standing up and sitting down, Then
he'd walk around for ten seconds, then hop on one foot. He was trying
to distract himself from something, and it was obvious to me that this
something, was pain. I'm a Pain Nurse, I understand these things.

"Where does it hurt?" was my first, obvious, question. His eyes looked
down at his groin. "What happened," I asked.

"We were just playing, you know, just messing about. Then she trod on
my balls, and I've been in terrible pain ever since." "When did this
happen?" I asked.  "Last week," and that told me that it wasn't a simple
bruise that would heal on its own.

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