BULGE By Dreamspinner Part Two Subj: Hump day. Date: 3/5/03 12:39:40 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler By the most incredible coincidence, Michelle and I got to the parking the lot at exact the same time this morning. We parked next to each other and just sat there in our separate cars looking at each other while the other kids walked past us, staring. We waited until it was just about time for first bell before we got out. We walked close to each other and bumped into each other; just fooling around.at least that's what I think it must have looked like we were doing. But we weren't, you know. We weren't. Just before we went in the door I asked her if she was busy after school. Just then some girl walked by so Michelle said real loud, "Let's meet at the library and work on our homework together." By then, the girl was past us and Michelle said, "I'm ready." Then she looked at me like she was waiting for me to answer. I pretended like I was thinking it over and said, "Welllll.." And then I said, "OK, if you are so am I." Then we both cracked up. It was funny at the time but for the next 6 ½ hours I was squirming around like I had worms, thinking about it and wondering what it was gonna be like. Remember the time you and that guy you had a major crush on made it for the first time and how nervous you were all day long just thinking about it and how I told you to just relax because you knew it was going to go ahead and happen and it didn't do any good to dwell on it 'cause anyway everything was gonna be alright? Well, I'm sorry, babe. I know now what you were going through. I felt like running out to my car after school let out, especially when I saw Michelle sitting in her car. She was trying to be so cool, letting her arm hang out the window and tapping the fingers of her other hand on the wheel. But she was chewing on her lower lip! Ha! I knew she was just as nervous as me. I got in my car and took out a piece of paper from my notebook and wrote on it with a Magic Marker in real big letters, "FOLLOW ME" and held it up so she could see it. Then I pretended it was like business as usual and drove out past the place where we were yesterday, way out beyond the last houses and down that road by the rocky beach. I was looking at Michelle in my rear-view mirror and she was blowing kisses at me all the way down! I was getting juicy-I don't have to tell you! Anyway, we parked next to each other. She's got an SUV, so she motioned for me to come over. By the time I'd gotten over to her car, she was already folding down the back seats and laying out a blanket for us to lie on! I'm telling you, babe, we didn't waste any time getting our clothes off! God, the sight of her dark muscley body on that blanket-it was like electricity was going through me! I pushed her heavy thighs apart and went down on her and she started heaving her ass like one of those little mechanical horses in front of the K-Mart kids ride on. After a few minutes of just me down on her she sat up and grabbed me and flipped me on my back and turned end for end with me and got on top of me and started chowing down on me from above with me on my back with my face buried in her pussy! AAAHHH!!!!!!! Gotta go, NOW! Later.way later. Subj: Hump day.addendum Date: 3/5/03 1:09:00 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I forgot to tell you we got off at the same time.she is so beautiful and sweet and pretty and strong and sultry and my lean white arms and legs look so good next to her thick black body and her locks feel so good in my hands and she kisses so good. She said our tongues made her think of goldfish playing with each other.isn't that poetic? I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm so fucking in love with that girl, babe. (I guess you know after I sent my first email I just had to beat off, don't you?) I got to go to bed. More, much more later. P.S. Michelle can eat pussy like there's no tomorrow. Subj: Mom and stuff Date: 3/6/03 11:23:09 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Mom will not stop asking what's the matter with me! I've been telling her and telling her I just feel good and will you just get over it. It's like she can't stand to see me happy. Fuck it, anyway. I can't wait to see Dr. Rosen again. I'm about to bust open from being so glad about what happened I've got to tell somebody face-to-face. And that reminds me of something I've been thinking about. I've decided I want to come out. I think I'll ask Michelle if she wants to come out with me. I remember when you did-you took a lot of shit from the assholes at school and remembering what you went through makes me a little uncertain about my intended course of action, but. Here's the God's truth-I am what I am and you are what you are and Michelle is what she is. Mom I know will freak, but she's not the one who has to live inside my skin-I do. You used to talk about feeling like you were going to explode unless you screamed it out loud. Now I know the feeling, honeybunch. More tomorrow. I'm gonna ask Michelle what she thinks about my idea. Subj: She said yes, she said yes! Date: 3/7/03 5:43:39 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I called Michelle and said she'd been thinking the same thing! She said she'd just been waiting for the right person to come along and give her a little nudge. I said I'd give her more than a little nudge in the right place. We cracked up! Then I got serious and asked her what her folks would think. She said she though they were cool with it and not to worry. Her sister is gay, too, and she guessed her folks have already gone through most of the adjustment process. I wondered out loud if her parents weren't kind of holding out hope that she'd be straight and they'd get to have grandchildren and everything, like Mom said when she caught me beating off but she said I shouldn't worry. She patted my leg and said it'd be OK. Come to think of it, we've been seen talking real lovey-dovey to each other lately in public and touching each other and stuff-I don't think its going to be a big surprise to any of the kids at school. More, more, more later. Subj: I tell Mom Date: 3/8/03 12:33:59 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I told Mom what I intended to do over breakfast this am. She didn't freak- she just started weeping. For the strangest reason, I didn't lose it-I just went over to her and put my arms around her neck and kept on telling her it's OK. Truth is, I really do love her despite what I've written about hating her. I told her I did, too, and that made her cry even harder. After she got it together, she got to talking about the race thing. I was ready to go off on her, but I just told myself to keep cool and hear what she has to say. Honest to God, I don't know where that patience came from at that particular moment. Anyway, she said she'd always been prejudiced because of the way things were when she was growing up. I said times have changed, and she said she knew, but that it was still hard to accept 'them' as people just like us. Then I really took a big chance. I reached across the table and asked her wasn't it sweet when you and Dad were making love with each other, and she said "Of course," and then I asked her if it would have made any difference- looking back on it-what color he was, and she allowed as to never having thought about it in that way, but she guessed not. "After all," she said, "He was the man I loved, and the father of my only child." I told her Michelle and I had made love. She put her hand up to her mouth and her eyes filled up with tears but I took her hand and looked her in the eye and told her I could never know that feeling with a boy or man, and I had known it for years. Then I asked her if she wasn't really glad for me- that I knew what and who I was and I wasn't going to pretend I was something I wasn't just to please society, or her, or whatever? She took a big breath and said "Yes." She said the whole idea was a lot to swallow, but she'd do her best. She said what I'd told her made a kind of sense she never considered before, but she'd do her best to understand me and the way I was. I told her she already knew the way I was-after all, she was my mom. Then she really cried, and so help me, I did too. After we'd used up about a half a box of Kleenex, Mom asked me if I'd like a cup of coffee. I said I would, and after we'd been sipping for a while, she asked if I'd like to invite Michelle over for supper some time! I about fell on the floor! I started crying then. I told her I'd call Michelle and ask her. Mom said-and get this-that I could use the downstairs phone! She said she didn't mind overhearing how Michelle and I talked to each other. This is all so amazing I can't hardly comprehend it. More after I get it all sorted out. Subj: Out Date: 3/9/03 5:53:19 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Michelle and I stood on the lawn after lunch today and kissed. The reaction of the other kids was mixed-some of them jeered and called us dyke bitches, but some kids clapped and cheered and some even started kissing each other-I mean guys kissed other guys and girls kissed girls. It was really quite amazing. I remember you telling me how you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders when you came out. Now I know the feeling. I saw Dr. Rosen after school and told her everything. She said she was happy for me. And, she said she'd seen the Gallery of Bulge and thought it was pretty cool, and she said she understood why I'd done it. That took me by surprise, 'cause I wasn't sure myself why I'd posted pictures of me with my muscles warped to look real big. She said she thought I did it because I had an unconscious wish to be discovered for what I was. She said that deep down I must have known that that posting those warps would lead to what it did, and when she said those things it was like someone cleaned the windshield on my car. I became a believer in the unconscious today because of what-or the way-she said what she did. I saw all of it with a clarity I hadn't known before, and that feeling is still with me now. Its way better than being high. Michelle came over for supper, and believe it or not, Mom was nice to her. She was going out of her way to try to make up for the bad things she'd said about her to me, I think, because she said right in the middle of dessert, "Michelle, you're really pretty for a colored girl." I held my breath, but Michelle just smiled real big and said, "Thank you Ma'am, and if you don't mind me saying so, you're about the nicest white lady I've ever met." I don't think Mom knew she was being bashed, 'cause she just said, "Why thank you, dear." After supper I walked Michelle out to her car and we kissed for the longest time. I asked her to flex her muscle. Feeling it made me kiss her even harder. Damn, she melts my butter! We're gonna get together tomorrow night. I don't care if it is a school night. Subj: NOOOO!!!!!!! Date: 3/8/03 8:13:00 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Why? Why? Why? Why? God Damn, babe! Why did it have to happen to you? My best friend in all the world, the boy I got closer to than anybody; the first person I told I was queer, and the boy who let me be the first person he ever told he was queer.now has AIDS, and he's sick-real sick. Godammit, why didn't you tell me? I would've come to see you. You fuck, you! Shit! You were always so careful, too. I can't stop crying, honey. God damn. I called Michelle and she came over and she's here now with me and so's my mom. Just the three of us watching my type this pitiful email to the loveliest boy who ever walked this earth-the boy who wrote me he didn't expect to see April and we're all crying. Mom just said we can all come up to see you, honey. Please say you want us too! We can get on the first flight out tomorrow morning, she says. She always liked you-really, I swear, she just said it. I heard her. I can't write anymore tonight, babe. Puhhleeeessee write back and say you want us to come see you. I don't usually pray, babe, but I'm gonna tonight. Please let there be more tomorrow. P.S. Mom said Michelle can spend the night if she likes. Ordinarily, I'd be wild with joy, but under the circumstances, well, you know. Subj: Sleeping with the one you love. Date: 3/9/03 6:18:08 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler For the weirdest reason, I was really passionate last night. And Michelle was, too. She did muscle poses for me in the middle of the night-they were way better than the warps I did of that musclegirl that looks like her. The sight of moonlight on her black skin was right out of the best dreams I've ever had. I wish I wish I wish you could have been here. We might have even done a threesome. Remember you said if there was any girl on the earth you could bring yourself to fuck, it'd be me. Remember? I do. I wish now we'd have done it-just for the hell of it-especially now. I remember you telling me about how nice it was to wake up next to your lover. I know that sweet feeling now. God damn you, anyway! I'm sorry, but I'm really pissed at you. I'm gonna call your folks today. Please let there be more later. Subj: Sleeping. Date: 3/9/03 5:48:48 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Honey, I know you're never gonna read this, but I'm sending it anyway. I talked to your mom earlier and she told me you were 'sleeping,' but that she'd be checking your email for the next few weeks and sending explanations to everyone who wrote. I never told you this, but I loved you with all my heart. You were there when I needed you, and you understood me better than anybody I ever knew (maybe until Michelle, but the jury's still out on that-time will tell). I never told you this either-you're the one who turned me on to muscle. Yep, it all began when you were looking at that musclemag. There were pics of some girl in it-I can't remember her name-and I asked you if I could borrow it. I took it home and beat off to her picture. God, that seems like such a long time ago. Anyway, it's all your fault, you fuck! Now I'm in love with a musclegirl, and she with me, and we feel each other's muscles when we're making love and ah, shit, babe-I ain't tellin' you anything you don't already know all about, am I? So, 'Mom of my best friend on earth-Mr. No one in particular,' now you know the whole story. Your son and I were lovers-not in the conventional way- that would have been much too ordinary (not to mention against our natures) for us. He opened the door for me in so many ways. He loved me; he let me know it was OK to be queer, and, he turned me on to muscle. For those things I will always be grateful. We won't be coming to the memorial service-I know he always hated the idea of people seeing him when he was dead. Say an Ave for me and my mom and Michelle though, won't you? And light three candles when you get around to it. I think I'm going to Mass this afternoon. It's been years, but its time. Michelle said she'd go with me even though she's a Baptist. Can you imagine? A lesbian and her black Baptist musclegirl lover in a Catholic church, lighting candles for a gay boy who died of AIDS? More later. I know wherever you are, you can read this, and I'm going to keep on emailing you, even though I get that returned mail thingie! You were always such a silly fuck! P.S. Thanks. The End