BULGE By Dreamspinner Part I Subj: White on black Date: 2/3/03 9:34:23 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler The coach had us in the weight room for the first time this year. She put all the distance runners (including me) in one group and all the sprinters in another. Coach said she had two different kinds of weight programs for each group. The bitch said she didn't want my group lifting heavy, but she wanted the sprinters doing squats. I hate her. You should see Michelle! She is so buff! She must have been lifting real heavy on her own. It was all I could do to keep my eyes off her thighs. The girl can do 225 for reps! And her calves! Yum! You know how I've always had a thing for muscle.and we showered next to each other! I can't get the sight of soapsuds running down her dark skin out of my mind! It was all I could do to keep my hands off her. I'm getting moist just writing about it. I'm going to have to take care of that now-I can't concentrate on writing any more. More tomorrow. Subj: Wishing my life away Date: 2/4/03 10:04:10 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I'm sore as hell from yesterday's workout. I could barely get out of bed this am. Mom asked me what was the matter and when I told her she went ballistic. Said she hated the thought of her daughter getting all muscley. Hate her so much sometimes I could scream! She said boys wouldn't be interested in me if I had muscles. I almost peed my pants! If she only know how I so don't care what boys are interested in! (You're the only one I've come out to, and if you tell anyone, I swear I'll be sooo shitty!) Followed Michelle up the stairs on purpose so I could watch her calves bunch up. I'd like to lick that girl all over. I wonder if she ever thinks about me that way. Hope so. More tomorrow. Subj: Nada Date: 2/5/03 8:32:03 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Same old same old today. Nothing to report. Tomorrow we lift again. Looking forward to seeing Michelle's you-know-what in the shower afterwards. More tomorrow. Subj: I lost my cyber-cherry! Date: 2/6/03 11:14:33 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I finally got my own computer! Now I don't have to work on Mom's anymore with her hovering around so I can't go surfing. I'm surprised she even lets me email you! Anyway, I got on the net after I finished my homework and typed in 'musclegirls' and clicked on Search. In about a second I got my choice of about a zillion websites. I picked one that looked good and when it opened up, right before my eyes was a musclegirl that looked just like Michelle! I about creamed my jeans! I clicked on her picture and enlarged it full-screen, locked my door and beat off to it. It was so cool, like a fantasy come true. Then guess what! I had a dream about the two of us. Yep, me and Michelle. We were on some Caribbean island and we were partying at this club. On the walk home we stopped to look out over the water and our hands found each other and then before I knew it we were kissing and feeling each other all over. In my dream she felt like iron. Then we went back to the place we were staying and fell into bed and did 69 until we both came. I woke up and I was soaked! Well, I'm going to close for tonight 'cause I'm sleepy- no, that's not true. I'm horny and I need to beat off. More tomorrow. Subj: Really big muscles! Date: 2/7/03 5:17:15 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I came home early and went to that site where there's that girl that looks like Michelle. Then I went to page 2 and there she was again, only this time she was much bigger! She was huge and I loved it. I wish I knew how they do that. There's a geek in my computer class I bet will know. I'll ask him. Hmmm. Possibilities for fantasy, but I'll have to be careful about how I ask-I wouldn't want anyone to know I want to learn how to make pictures of muscley girls on my computer and then beat off thinking about how nice it would be to have them in the bed with me, now would I? More tomorrow. Subj: Warps Date: 2/11/03 10:17:22 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler This is so cool! I told that geek in my class I'd gotten an email that had pictures of real skinny supermodel types that had been somehow modified to make it look like they weighed 300 lbs. I said I thought that was so awesome (bullshit, of course), and I'd like to do that, just for fun. What a dope! He bought it totally! He gave me this big academic lecture about how those really weren't 'morphs' at all, but 'warps' and that it took real expensive software like Adobe Photo whatever to do it right but he said I could do something similar with a program he had. He said he'd bring the disc to school tomorrow and I could take it home and install it. Then he got real conspiratorial and said I shouldn't register it. Like I wouldn't know. Oh, my God, what a doofus fuck he is! More tomorrow. Subj: Warped! Date: 2/12/03 9:15:04 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler The program that guy gave me is way cool! It goes like this: First of all I gotta tell you I saved a bunch of those jpegs of the musclegirl that looks like Michelle. First I open one up, then click on this thingie that says 'Effects' and then when that thingie opens, click on 'Distort' and then 'Distort by painting' and then 'Bulge' and then I select this thing called 'Brush size' and when I put the mouse arrow over one of her muscles I want to enlarge and left click my mouse the muscle bulges like its growing right before my eyes. I did it a bunch of times and I about had an O in the process! God, I'm sooo wet! Got to go. More tomorrow! Much more tomorrow! Yoowwww!!! Subj: Slideshow Date: 2/13/03 8:10:08 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I warped about a hundred jpegs of that girl who looks like Michelle. It was all I could do to keep my hands off my self while I was doing it-OK, I didn't! (Can't lie to my best friend in all the world, the gay boy who moved away just when we were getting to know how to deal with being queer, now can I?) Anyway, my new computer lets you make a slide show screensaver. I made one from my warps and lay back in bed after homework and watched this awesome girl's images come up, one after another. The slide show thingie I've got only takes about 24 jpegs, but that's way enough. I came after about the 10th one. I know how I'm gonna spend the minutes before lights out now, babe! More tomorrow! Subj: Happy VD Date: 2/14/03 9:34:08 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler ˇFeliz el dia de los enamorados! (That means 'Happy day of the enamored ones' in Spanish, if you don't know). I found this other website-it's awesomer than I can believe! It has millions of jpegs of musclegirls on it and the coolest thing is-its got 'Galleries' that are updated every day. It looks like just about anybody can upload whatever and submit it to the webmaster and get stuff posted. Some are pretty lame but others are way cool. I got this idea about warping some jpegs of me and sending them in. Why the fuck shouldn't I? I'm gonna set up my digital camera right now and shoot a disc and see what I can make myself look like using that warping program. I'll let you know how it comes out, OK? More tomorrow, for sure. Subj: I'm hot and I don't care who knows it! Date: 2/15/03 11:45:00 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler This is so cool! After I shot a disc of me flexing different muscles (which are, by the way, starting to show pretty good but still aren't as big as I'd like them to be) I loaded the jpegs on my computer and went to work warping. It's Friday night, after all. I couldn't believe how fun it was to see my muscles swell! I could make them as big as I wanted! You remember how puny I've always thought my arms are? I looked like Arnold when I was through! Wow! I'm hot, hot, hot! I think I'll upload the jpegs of my warped self to that site and see if the webmaster will accept them. I think I'll do it now! More tomorrow! Subj: Posted! Date: 2/16/03 9:15:04 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I've got fabulous news! I wrote the webmaster at that site about how I was new at this and I told him/her how I did it by clicking on the 'Bulge' thingie and if the pics were no good he/she could send them back but I hoped he/she wouldn't 'cause they were of me and I had fun doing it. Jesus, I was so nervous. I got cold feet after I sent them and tried to unsend them, but my computer said I couldn't since they were sent to a non- AOL recipient. Anyway, my pics were posted on the site! I saw them this am! Isn't that groovy? And the best and most wonderfullest part is they were posted as 'Gallery of Bulge.' God, I'm sooo famous! More tomorrow, babe. I'm too keyed up to beat off tonight. Subj: I am so stupid. Date: 2/18/03 9:23:01 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler What a clueless twat I am! I never thought about the obvious fact that anybody who went to that site and opened the Gallery of Bulge could see my face! Jesus, how brainless! I went to bed last night thinking about how famous I was. Today, I'm IN-famous! And guess who saw my warps-the geek who gave me the disc! He saw me in the hall and came over and said "Hey, 'Bulge'.what's up?" I pushed him into the lockers and told him not to tell anybody if he wanted to keep his nuts where they were. Then he got real like apologetic and told me he thought I did a good job warping myself. He said he liked me real buff. I backed off then and said I was sorry. He asked me to come outside so we could talk and I didn't want to but I did anyway. When we got outside he said he'd been looking at pics on that site for a long time, and what's more, he said-now get this-that sometimes on Friday nights him and his buddies get together and beat off together looking at jpegs of musclegirls he's downloaded. A fucking cyber circlejerk! Shit! Shit! Shit! I hope this is the end of it, but I don't think it is 'cause of the fact that his geek friends know about that site, too. Shit! They're probably going to beat off looking at me! I could just die! More tomorrow. Subj: No subject Date: 2/19/03 5:03:09 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Nothing happened today, except for my imagination running away with me. It seemed like everyone was looking at me funny, like they knew. In a way, I kind of wish they did. More tomorrow, or whatever. Subj: Blown away Date: 2/20/03 4:33:49 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Michelle called me Bulge today. It happened in the shower after weightlifting. I was washing my face when it happened. She must've been leaning over real close, 'cause it sounded like she whispered it instead of saying it out loud. She said, "You look good with big muscles, Bulge." Nobody else heard her, I don't think. My heart went into my mouth. I rinsed the soap off my face and looked over at her. The shower room was full of steam and it was rising up all around us. All I could really see of her was from her shoulders up. Her dreadlocks were all wet and hanging down around her face and I couldn't see real good but I saw she had this look on her face I've never seen before. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or kiss her. I didn't say anything for what seemed like hours but I finally squeaked out "Thanks." She just smiled. Then every time I looked over at her while we were toweling off she was looking at me. I wonder if she's gay, too. Come to think of it, I've never seen her talking to a boy in a 'romantic' way and I've known her ever since the 5th grade, and, how else would she know about the Bulge thing unless she'd been to that Galleries site? I bet she is! I hope she is! God, my mind is racing. Why haven't I ever told her how I feel about her? I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. More whenever. Subj: I am soosososo wound up I can't think straight Date: 2/21/03 11:05:56 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I can't think of anything to say except that I can't think of anything but Michelle. More to come, I hope. Subj: TGIF Date: 2/22/03 4:01:30 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Michelle and I exchanged looks every time we saw each other today! I'm about out of my skin with anticipation and questions about when and where and will she be sweet and will she like me and has she ever been with a girl before and has she ever been with a white girl before if she's been with a girl and oh, my GOD, I can't stop my mind! Its only rockandroll but I like it, like it, yes, I DO!! Yow! I know what I'm going to do after lights out tonight, YES, I DO! I LOVE Mick Jagger even though he is a man. I think it's because of his lips. Subj: No Subject Date: 2/22/03 12:31:45 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler My life has turned to shit. Mom caught me beating off to my slideshow. I was just about to get off when the bitch opened the door without knocking. She went totally irrational, screaming and crying and yelling things like "I never dreamed my daughter was a lesbian," and "I'll never have any grandchildren," and I was like "OK, Mom, chill'" and "Its no big deal, but yeah, yeah, I should have told you a long time ago, OK?" But then she said the N word. When she called that musclegirl a 'you-know-what,' I lost it. I jumped out of bed and got in her face and said fuck you, you racist fuck and pushed her out of my room and slammed the door. She stood outside my door crying and moaning for about an hour and banging on the wall with the palms of her hands. I wish Dad was still alive. My life was so much better then. Shit. I hate my mother. Subj: No Subject Date: 2/23/03 6:17:25 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Mom and I didn't speak to each other all day today. I heard her crying to one of her friends on the phone about what a terrible disappointment I had turned out to be and if her father was alive, he'd set her straight and blah blah blah. The plain truth is that if Dad was alive, he'd take up for me-I know it. Actually, I think he knew all along. He never pressed me to date like Mom did, and he was real proud of how fast I could run and how I could play baseball as good as any of the boys in the neighborhood and he knew I looked at other girls and not boys. He knew it all and he still let me know I was the apple of his eye. Damn! I'm crying. It always happens when I let myself think about him too much. More tomorrow, I guess. Subj: Shrinkage Date: 2/24/03 3:19:45 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Mom told me she's sending me to counseling because of what she saw me doing and for what she saw me doing it to! I went off on her. I called her a bitch and said what she needed was a ride on a stiff dick-that is if it hadn't grown shut from lack of use. I've never been so pissed. I wanted to choke her! What the fuck can I do? Nothing, that's what! I told her I'd go but if the shrink said I'd have to go straight, I was bailing. And, I also told her I was proud of what I was and I always had been and I didn't give a fuck what she thought and she started crying and wailing about me being a lesbian and on and on and on. Fuck me and my so-called fucking life. I can't wait until I have enough money saved up so I can move out. Shit! Shit! Shit! I had another dream about me and Michelle and my dad. She was holding me in her arms and I was crying and I looked up and saw my dad off in the distance, smiling at me. More tomorrow. Subj: No Subject Date: 2/25/03 8:49:34 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Michelle asked me what was the matter today. I told her "Nothing," but she took me by the upper arm and said "C'mon, you can tell me, girlfriend," and we went outside and sat on the grass for the longest time without saying anything. Finally I told her my mom was sending me to a shrink and Michelle asked me why and I said I'd tell her someday soon but not today and she seemed like she was OK with that. Just then the passing period bell rang. Michelle gave me a hug when we stood up. She's real strong, and when I felt her arms around me I got instantly damp. When I got home Mom told me she'd made an appointment with this doctor whatever and I rolled my eyes and said OK, already and went upstairs and did my homework and got ready for bed. I bet this doctor whatever is a guy with a beard who'll ask me about toilet training. More tomorrow. Subj: My shrink Date: 2/26/03 5:45:27 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I am so relieved. My shrink (who just happens to be a woman named Elizabeth Rosen) is real nice. She listens without interrupting! I was telling her all about me within the first half hour. I couldn't believe it- it seemed like the words just came out on their own. I told her everything, babe, and I mean everything. All she just said was, "mm-hmm" after I told her even the most personal things, like how I think about what I'd like to do with Michelle all the time and stuff. Nothing I said seemed to faze her, and here I was expecting her to rip me a new one. Why, I don't know. She said the most amazing thing as we were winding up. She said (and I quote), "It sounds like you really love Michelle." I about cried. Why did I expect her to be mad at me for being gay? I'm going to see her again next Wednesday, and I'm actually looking forward to it. More later. Subj: My Michelle Date: 2/28/03 8:49:34 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Michelle was so sweet today. She said she could tell I felt a lot better. I asked her how she knew and she said could tell by the way I was acting. Gosh, I wonder if she's had her eye on me! Don't worry, this happened out on the lawn and we were way away from the other kids so no one heard her. Then when we got up to go back inside she took my hand for just a second and gave it a little squeeze. I'm never going to wash it! More later. Subj: TGIF--again Date: 2/27/03 4:43:13 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler This has been a roller coaster of a week. I'm so ready to lay low this weekend. I've been so preoccupied with trying to figure out where Michelle is at I've about worn myself out. Mom tried to worm info out of me about what me and Dr. Rosen talked about but I wasn't telling. I told her it was none of her business. She was pissed. She asked me if Dr. Rosen told me I should go straight and I came close to telling her Dr. Rosen really doesn't seem to care if I'm gay or straight, but I didn't, 'cause I knew that would just get her going, so I just sat there with a real peaceful expression on my face. I know it drove her nuts. Ha! She's the one who sent me to counseling. What did she expect, that I'd come home and spill everything? Dr. Rosen told me that's not the way it works, that I didn't have to tell Mom anything I didn't want to. More later. Subj: Saturday morning Date: 2/28/03 9:03:10 AM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I had a dream that Dr. Rosen was my mother. When I woke up, I wasn't sure if she was or wasn't until I peeked in Mom's room and saw her still in bed asleep. This is so weird, 'cause I remember wishing when I was in Dr. Rosen's office that she was acting like a real mom should act. Why can't my own mom accept me for what I am? Anyway, I locked my door and ran my slideshow before she woke up. A great way to start the weekend, I'd say. I wish Michelle and I could wake up together. Damn. It's like an itch I can't scratch. Subj: Searching Date: 3/1/03 3:08:55 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I went for a long bike ride today. I went through the neighborhood where Michelle lives, hoping I'd see her out, but didn't. I think I'll call Dr. Rosen tomorrow and see if I can move my appointment up-this itching feeling is getting worse, and I think she might have some ideas about how to scratch it. Don't ask me why I think so, I just do. Mom wants to go out to eat tonight and 'talk,' as she put it. Gag me! Later. Subj: Itchy Date: 3/2/03 9:07:11 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler I got my appointment with Dr. Rosen moved up and saw her right after school today. I told her about this itching feeling I've got and she asked me what I thought was causing it and I told her I thought it was because I want Michelle so bad I can't stand it but for some reason I'm hesitating and she said (and I quote), "That's what it sounds like to me." See what I mean about her being so cool? It was like being affirmed-corny as it sounds. I also told her about the Bulge thing, and you know what? She said other patients of hers had talked about that site and then she said it's always sounded interesting to her. Then-you're so not gonna believe this-she asked if I'd tell her the .com address! Then she asked if I'd mind if she looked at my Gallery of Bulge pictures when she was there! Can you believe this! The thing is, I want her to see them. Don't get me wrong, having her look at me all warped up and muscley isn't a dykey thing with me and Dr. Rosen, its just that I want somebody real important and older and wiser and respectful to look at the warps of me and say 'its alright.' You know what I mean? I'll never get that from Mom, but I wish I would. Oh! I almost forgot. I asked Dr. Rosen what she thought I should do about Michelle, and she said (and I quote), "I think you should make up your mind." Isn't that so cool? It's like she's letting me run my own life. More later. Subj: Scratched! Date: 3/3/03 8:58:44 PM US Eastern Standard Time From: yumyum To: no1Nprtickler Michelle just 'happened' to come in the shower room when I was in there after lifting today and she turned on the shower right next to me. We kind of smiled at each other at first, but then started smiling like real big at each other. I told her I liked her hair in locks and she said thanks. Afterwards when we were putting our towels in the hamper, she asked me if I'd like to go have a Coke and talk. Of course I said yes.Duh! We got in her car and as soon as she pulled out of the lot she started talking about how long we've known each other and wondering why it was we never got to know each other better and stuff like that. Then she said she thought we had a lot in common and I asked her what she meant and she looked over at me and said "You know." Then she asked me, "Do I have to spell it out for you?" I could feel my heart pounding. Before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth I said, "Michelle, I think about you all the time," and leaned over and put my hand on her thigh. She flexed it for me! She turned to me and said she thought about me all the time, too, and she had been for years! God damn! She said she'd been thinking about me for fucking years! I told her lets skip the Coke and told her to drive to this secluded place down by the beach-the place where you and I first told each other we knew we were queer. Remember how we cried in each other's arms and told each other we would always love each other no matter what? That was one of the best days of my life. In fact, it was one of the two best days of my life. Today was the other one. When we got stopped Michelle turned off her car and stared out at the ocean for a few seconds. Then she turned to me and just smiled. I reached out and took her face between my hands and we kissed. God, I'm sooo wet, just thinking about it! She has the sweetest tasting mouth, babe. She asked me if she could see my muscle. I told her I was embarrassed, but she told me not to be. She said she wanted to see the real thing-not the Bulge pictures. When I had a good lump sticking up, she ran her hand over it and she closed her eyes and kind of shivered all over. Then she put her mouth on it and ran her tongue all over my arm. I put my other hand between her legs and she was sopping! Then I told her to show me her muscle. She flexed and this huge round baseball appeared under her skin. I can still see it when I close my eyes. I kissed it and rubbed my face on it. It was sooo hard! Before I knew it she had her finger inside me.I put mine in her and we sat there kissing and fingering each other for about a half hour while the gulls screeched, flying over her the car. Uh oh.I gotta beat off RIGHT NOW! More later. P.S. We're gonna get together again real soon! End of Part I