Meet the Parents 
By CrossmanX at crossmanx@hotmail.co.uk - Comments and idea welcome
Ralph has a mishap on his way to meet his girlfriend's parents for the first time

Meet the Parents

Ralph got out of bed and headed to the bathroom, after splashing water over
his face he looked into the mirror, he checked his stubble, it gave him that
rugged look and always went down well with the ladies. "Don't forget that
you're meeting my parents this afternoon!" The voice that came from the
bedroom was that of his girlfriend Lisa, how could he forget he'd heard
nothing else for the past few days!

Ralph and Lisa had been together for a couple of months now and things were
going well, so well that Lisa had though it was time for her 'boyfriend' to be
made official and met her parents. Ralph was 'OK' about this after all it
would give him a chance to see what Lisa's mum was like. After all women do
turn into their mother's and best to find out what she going to be later on in
life before you turn it into a 'serious relationship'. If the mother's an old
dragon then he knew to finish it and look elsewhere, well that was his
thinking about it all.

Ralph showered, dressed and was having his morning coffee "did you bring any
clean clothes with you?" He looked up at that comment "what?" He knew what she
was going on about, but best to let her have her say "well those cloths,
alright for going out last night but maybe not ... ... " Lisa was trying to be
tactful " ... But not quite right for meeting your parents in!" Ralph helped
her out "that's alright I go back to mine, change into something more suitable
and meet you round your parents how's that?" The smile that she gave him,
followed by the hug and kiss meant that Ralph was defiantly in her good books
for making that extra effort. And when your girlfriend is as sexy as Lisa then
being in her good books brings its own rewards!

Later and Ralph was in his flat looking at the cloths he had already put to
one side for today's epic first meeting of the girlfriends parents. He smiled
to himself, he knew this would happen and was one step ahead, plus in Lisa's
good books for making that 'extra effort'. As he changed he thought about what
she could do to show her 'appreciation' for all his extra effort, now that did
bring a real smile to his face.

He looked at his watch, plenty of time before meeting the parents and also
plenty of time for him to nip down to the bookies and place that bet, he'd
bumped into a mate last night and was given a good trip for that afternoons
big meeting. A short while later and Ralph was heading towards the bookies,
head buried into a copy of racing paper, lost in his own world when BANG!

Ralph had knocked into someone, completely oblivious of everything around him
he'd just not been looking and hadn't seen the person "OH sorry, I ... ... "
He stopped as he was now looking down into the face of this woman he'd bumped
into, well looking into her face was probably the wrong thing to say. Rather
he was looking into a large, very large set of sunglasses that covered most of
her face. They covered it so much that all he could really see was the curly,
wavy fair hair, short, didn't quite come down to her neck. Then there was the
glasses, with those reflective mirror lens so all he could see was himself,
but the frames where quite 'tacky' or so he thought, with a leopard skin
print. Past the glasses was a set of lips, thin but not too thin, just right
and covered in a pale pink shade of lip gloss.

There were a few lines around the lips and hair also had a look to it that
told Ralph that this was indeed an older woman. Moving down she had some kind
of 'puffer' jacket on, the weather today might be bright and sunny but there
was also a chill in the air. Further down from the blue jacket was a set of
tight trousers or maybe even legging, he wasn't sure, but he was sure that she
had a pair of nice legs. But it was more the design of the leggings that
grabbed your attention, leopard skin! One thing was for sure it made her stand
out. To finish off she had a pair of high leg black leather boots, the high
heeled variety, the type that give the woman a sophisticated yet slutty look
at the same time. To complete this look she had two things, a designer
handbag, large with a zebra pattern to offset the leopard look. One of those
bags that hung from the 'v' of her elbow, classy and tatty all at the same
time and lastly a set of black gloves finished her look.

Ralph managed to take all this in in one brief moment, the moment they bumped
into each other, it had taken a long time to 'perfect' this art, but now he
had, he used it every opportunity her could. He smiled, not only had he taken
her overall look in but also that the jacket was only zipped half way up and
he was now looking into a particularly 'attractive' cleavage wrapped around
some white top or other. His smile grew as he admired her, still couldn't make
out her face properly, but from what he could see she wasn't bad, for an
oldie! "Have you finished staring?" Her words had a sharp tone and brought him
back to the present. "Oh sorry I didn't ... " She didn't let him finish, just
put her nose, a quite cute little nose, into the air ignored him and walked
off. Ralph laughed, to himself and out loud, she was an older woman, and by
the way she was dressed was trying to be young, 'Mutton dressed as lamb' came
to Ralph's mind, she obviously had a good body but was stuck up too much for
his liking.

But his laughter made the woman stop in her tracks, she turned back towards
him and stared, well with those large sunglasses it was difficult to be sure,
but that's what he thought she was doing. She just stood there looking at him,
a really uncomfortable feeling came over Ralph as his enjoyment stopped. It
gave him a very uneasy feeling being stared at by someone when you can't see
their eyes; those large sunglasses hid her face and gave him no inkling as to
what she might be thinking. What her mood was, there was no expression to even
try and read and understand, it defiantly made him feel very uncomfortable.

He was the one to buckle under her gaze, he felt embarrassed and looked down
to the floor, like some naught schoolboy being told off, folded his paper and
headed off to the bookies as quick as he could, trying to save some dignity
for himself. As he was about to enter the bookies he turned round quickly to
see if she was still there. And she was, those sunglasses still looking at
him, piercing into his very sole, a shiver ran down his spine and he quickly
went inside and away from her!

Inside and Ralph meet up with a couple of mates and got talking, made a couple
of bets and soon the experience with that woman was 'almost' out of his mind.
But something had completely slipped his mind, the time, as he looked down at
his watch 'Shit!' If he didn't hurry he was going to be late, and you don't
want to be late the first time you meet the girlfriend's parents. A quick
'bye' to his mates and Ralph was out the door THUD! Not looking where he was
going, just at his watch he didn't see whatever it was that he tripped over
and tumble to the floor "what the ... ... Stupid, bloody place to leave ... "
He saw a couple of those large department store carrier bags and a zebra
handbag " ... you!" He couldn't believe it, he was now getting up from the
floor and looking up at the woman from earlier on, 'how could he be so
unlucky?'

The woman wasn't happy, those sunglass where still on but her lips said it
all, without words, those thin lips were now even thinner as she pressed them
tight shut, even the lines around her mouth more defined, she was annoyed. And
then "are you always this clumsy or are you making up for lost opportunities?"
Ralph wasn't in the best of moods himself now "don't you dare ... ... " Before
he could finish she grabbed her bag and of course the handbag, "the least you
could do is apologies, but then again that's probably beyond someone like
you!" She turned sharply and headed off. Ralph was now back on his feet, a
roar of laughter now grabbed his attention as his mates stood in the bookies
doorway amused at his little 'mishap' and then the way he was rebuked by the
woman.

Ralph couldn't see the funny side as he told his amused friends exactly what
he thought, 'Shit the time!' He was going to be late at this rate, he looked
at his shirt, a mark down it from his tumble, he couldn't go looking like
this. His flat wasn't that far away, he could get there, change his shirt and
still get round to his girlfriend's parents in time. Ralph headed off via a
short cut, he walked down a few back streets, he was just about there at his
flat, he turned a corner, 'almost there.'

As he turned into the new street, it was empty, nothing unusual about that it
was a rundown area with nothing there, apart from a lone figure further up 'Oh
no it can't be!' He couldn't believe it, there was that woman 'Miss
Sunglasses' herself. He stopped for a second, should he really go this way and
if he did how was it going to look, as if he was following her? Suddenly she
stopped and looked round 'she's seen me' that was all he needed; this was
starting to look very suspicious, on his part. If he tried to explain this to
anyone, like the police, would they believe him, probably not? The woman
turned back and carried on walking, why had she turned round? He looked at his
watch again, he had no choice he had to use this route to get to his flat, he
was up against it now, forget her, he had to get home and change quickly.

Ralph carried on still with that women ahead of him, she was walking a bit
slower so at some point the would catch her up, but until that time he had a
great view of her arse and to be fair it was also a great arse. Up ahead she
turned into an opening; Ralph was surprised he thought that was just a turning
into an old disused yard 'why would she be going into there?' But at least it
meant that he could get along the road without the embarrassment of walking
next to and then passing the woman, he was glad of that.

As he came up to the point where she turned off his natural curiosity took
over, his head turned to look where she had gone, as he did so WHACK!
OOOWWWHHH! There was a sudden, sharp blow that caught the unprepared man,
striking him hard in his face, the man staggered backwards, totally taken by
surprise. Before he could recover a hand grabbed at his shirt and yanked him
forwards through the large open doors and into the disused yard.

The hand let go but Ralph carried on falling forward, the initial hit had
stunned him, then the strong hand that had grabbed him and with such force
almost catapulted him forward. The momentum sent him crashing into a set of
old box's, left over from the yards previous occupier, all they did was to
help the man loss his balance and make him fall headlong into the floor THUD!

The stunned man now wondered 'what the hell just ... ' CRACK! A boot came from
nowhere slamming into the side of his head and drove the man over and over
across the filthy floor. His head pounded, that was one hell of a kick and
stunned him, but even so his natural reaction was to try and get himself
upright. But his attempt only ended up in him staggering around, confused and
disorientated, it must have provided his attacker with some amusement as he
was sure that was laughter that now echoed around the empty yard.

He managed to raise himself up onto one knee and steady himself, shook his
head and tried to make sense of all this, his attacker spoke for the first
time "so you like following women do you?" 'That voice' it was the woman, the
leopard skin woman, Ralph looked to where the voice had come from, there she
was. She still had those large sunglasses on but had removed the jacket and
now as his eyes focused he could see that, for an older woman, she had a great
body under that jacket. Large breasts that looked still firm and inviting,
that brought an automatic grin to his face, she saw this and wasn't impressed
SMACK!

The second boot slammed into him, like the first it came out of nowhere and
knocked him again over the floor. But she didn't let him get himself up, this
time she gave him a hand, well two as she grabbed him and pulled him upwards
THUD! Her fist drove into the man's gut as he was hauled up, he buckled under
the force of her blow, 'Christ she's strong for a small old woman.' Then she
demonstrated that she was a cruel 'old woman' but Sending her knee up hard
into his groin OOOWWWHHH!

Ralph staggered a couple of steps as he tried to deal with his 'predicament',
he gasped for breath after being winded by the woman and also held onto his
now more that tender 'lower region', that was aching. As he bent over to try
and find the most comfortable position WHACK! Her boot came back into play,
coming up slamming between his lower jaw and his throat. A stunning blow that,
like the others, took him by surprise, sending him to his knees and into a
frenzied panicked.

Ralph's hands went up to his throat as he gasped for breath, he went bright
red as he coughed and spluttered, trying to breath, swallow and deal with the
pain at the same time. The look on his face must have been an amusing sight,
he'd though for one moment she'd crushed his wind pipe, but as the feeling of
air filling his lungs started to calm him down he realized he was going to
live. Even though the pain was there, severe and real, a sense of pure relief
came over him, but probably a moment too soon WHACK!

A flash of leopard skin and the woman was back to making him suffer as her
thigh smashed into his head and knocked him down to the floor. His head spins,
everything's a blur but her words are crisp and clear "you shouldn't follow
women you know ... " Her hands go down gab him by his head, as he's guided,
forcefully, upwards " ... ... You never know who it is your following." "But I
... " SMASH! Her knee piles into his face as she brings him up, sending Ralph
staggering backwards, he collides into another pile of old boxes, that go
someway to cushioning his fall.

The dazed man just lays there, confused and unsure of what's happening to him,
his heads pounding and his body aches. Then he realises that he's been lying
there for sometime and nothing else has happened, he musters his strength,
looks up and around, but no ones there, she's gone! The bewildered man drags
himself up onto his feet, relived that, whoever she was, she's now gone. He
cautiously looks out of the yard, up and down the street, empty! He breaths a
sigh of relief 'Shit!' The time, he's late, he looks down at the state of his
clothes, he looks a mess. As quick as his aching body allows he makes it back
to his flat.

He gets back and throws himself in the shower to try and freshen up, then
changes as quickly as he could, his phone goes off "where are you?" The
girlfriend and she's not happy, a quick "I'm on my way" a look in the mirror
tells him that he wouldn't be able to hide anything, but he can't tell her the
truth! After all he's a man and having his arse whipped by some smaller older
woman ... ... ... No he would have to think of something else to tell her. He
changed in record time, was out the flat and on his way.

Finally Ralph made it to his girlfriend's parents' house; he took one last
deep breath as he rang the bell. It was a large house, looked as if ... ...
"where have you been?" a very annoyed looking girlfriend answered the door.
The conversation was very blunt "well? "had some problems will tell you later,
lets meet your parents then." She saw the state of his face "what the hell
happened to you?" He still hadn't thought of anything that she would believe,
"tell you later" was all he could come up with, he smiled, it hurt, but at
that moment it was the best he could do. Lisa just gave his that look 'this is
not finished with!' But for now things were going to be alright, he would deal
with 'explanations' later.

They walked through the large house to where a frail looking man was sat at
the kitchen table with his paper "this is Daddy." The man looked up, an empty
expression on his face as if he'd had a tough life, almost a look of despair
he was about to speak when Lisa dragged Ralph away "you two can talk later."
'Strange' Ralph though as he was being lead away by his eager girlfriend
through an array of rooms to somewhere at the rear of the house.

They came to a door "now I want you to meet Mummy!" She opens the door and
lead Ralph inside, there was a table just as they entered on it was a set of
large sunglass, with a leopard print design, next to them a large designer
zebra pattern handbag. Ralph's mouth became suddenly very dry as he looked up
from the table to see the woman stood in front of him ... ... It was her!

That smaller, older woman, the 'mutton dressed up as lamb' that woman that had
kicked his arse was his girlfriends mother! This time he could see all of her
face, and instantly there was the resemblance, mother and daughter! She was
attractive, now he could see her face properly, the older version of Lisa, a
few lines here and there but still a very attractive look. Then Ralph also
noticed the way she was dressed, still with those boots, the leopard skin
tight trousers, but the white top had gone now it was just a matching leopard
skin sports top. She had a fantastic body, strong, he knew that much, firm,
those large breasts looked even better now OOHHHHH!

A sudden push from behind him and Ralph staggered towards the mother, CLICK!
Lisa locked the room behind him "I think he likes you Mummy" Ralph turned to
his girlfriend "what's going on ... ... " WHACK! That boot of the mother's
once more kicked out, a high, athletic kick from the older woman taking Ralph
down easily to the floor "sorry we didn't get a chance to get better
acquainted early on ... " SMACK! " ... ... But you see I had to get home in
time to meet my daughter's new boyfriend" THUD!

Ralph was back to rolling across the floor in agony, but the mothers words
still managed to hit home "most of her old boyfriends didn't last too long ...
But I think your going to be different ... ... " Two sets of hands garbed him
and yanked him back to his feet. Lisa moved back to the door watching and
smiling, the mother was taking in her daughter new boyfriend. "Well he doesn't
look too bad and I already know he doesn't brake that easily, why don't you go
and look after your father. Make sure he's not getting up to anything he
shouldn't, you know how to take care of him!" There was something in her tone
when she said that. "Meantime I'll get to known you boyfriend better." "OK
Mummy, have fun!"

Lisa turned unlocked the door and left, Ralph also turned he saw a chance but
WOOSSSHHH! THUD! There was a sudden swish and his feet where whipped away from
under him THUD! The man fell, like a stone dropping to the floor. He landed on
his back, looking up he saw a flash of leopard skin and THUD! The mother, this
older woman had landed straight on top of him, her legs quickly locked around
his, she grabbed his wrist and pinned the larger man against the floor. For a
smaller and older woman she was incredibly quick, her grip on him was tight
and she was strong. He struggled but she wasn't going to let go, he looked up
into her eyes, like Lisa, her Mother had the most stunning look. Then Ralph
noticed a bead of sweat that ran down her neck, on to her chest and headed in
between her large breasts.

He swallowed hard "you like something?" She broke the silence, then moved her
ample chest so that it hung just over his face, if he'd stuck his tongue out
he would have just been able to taste that leopard skin patterned sports top!
"My daughter tell me you quite good in bed ... ... " One of her legs unwrapped
it's self from his and was now placed gentle against his groin " ... ...
Hmmmmm! I see what she also said about you is true." Ralph couldn't help
himself and she rubber her leg against him. "I might enjoy testing out your
bedroom skills ... ... " Her leg came backwards " ... ... But for now I'm here
to assess you potential to be my daughter's new full time boyfriend, many have
tried but failed ... " WHACK! Her leg shot forward into his groin ARRRHHHH!
"First thing I'm going to test is your ability to provide some form of
entertain ... ... " She released her hold of him, sat up stride him "So lets
play ... ... !" She suddenly smiled "Oh I almost forgot you still haven't
apologised for tripping over my bag ... ... ... Have you!"