An Unconsummated Marriage
By Counselor
I help strong woman and man with macho ideas consummate a marriage


Here is an uncommon but not unheard of situation, a marriage unconsummated
for over a year.  Fortunately, I was able to counsel with both the wife and
the husband, both of whom had to work through their ideas about
conventional behavior.


                              The Wedding Night


As seen by Jeffery who saw me first


It all began on my wedding night.  I was looking forward to it, especially
since both my wife, Ellen, and I were still virgins.  We had agreed to no
sex before marriage and stuck by that agreement.  I am ashamed to say that
I had too much to drink during the wedding reception and got a little loud.
 When we got to the hotel, she was trying to keep me quiet ("S-s-s-h," she
would say.), but I was having none of it so that people were staring at us
in the lobby.  I guess I really was drunk.


Finally we got up to our bedroom.  I gave her a hug and started to undress
her, but she pulled away and said, "Stop it.  Don't try to make love in
your condition."


I think then I started to sober up, at least a little.  I said, "Come on,
Honey.  My condition is OK.  It's our wedding night."


I put my arm around her again and tried to pull her to the bed, but she
resisted.  "Stop that.  You'll muss my dress.  Sleep this off and we'll
talk about making love tomorrow."  She went into the bathroom with her
little suitcase and I heard the door lock.  It made me mad that she was
worrying about my mussing her dress on our wedding night.  A bit sullenly I
undressed and put on my wedding night silk pajamas.  After a while she
reemerged wearing not a nightgown as I had imagined but silk pajamas
covered by a robe with a long silken cord circling her waist.


"You look gorgeous.  Ready for our wedding night?"


"Our 'wedding night' isn't going to happen tonight.  Get in that bed and
sleep it off."


"Where are we going to sleep?" I asked.  There were two queen-sized double
beds in the room.


She pointed.  "You sleep in that one and I'll sleep in this one."


"Ellen, for goodness sake, this is our wedding night."


"I know it.  And I know I'm not the one who has drunk too much."  The
covers were turned down on the bed she had designated as mine.  She took
the spread off the one she had designated for herself, turned off the
ceiling light and got into bed.  I did not know what to do but wasn't going
to let her put me off that easily.  I went into the bathroom and got myself
ready for bed.  When I returned, Ellen had turned off her bedside light and
was snuggled into the pillow with her eyes closed.


I turned off my bedside light.  The light from the bathroom softly lit the
hotel room.  The alcohol probably had blunted my inhibitions.  I climbed
perhaps somewhat clumsily into bed with Ellen and put my arms around her.


"Get out of this bed -- Immediately.  I said, 'No!' and I meant 'no'.  Out!
 Now!!"


I don't know what I thought and I wasn't thinking as clearly as I should
have.  I certainly wasn't going to rape my wife, but neither I was going to
let her get away with refusing to let me in bed with her.  I began to hug
her.  "Oh, come off it, Ellen.  You're my wife now."


"I am not your anything.  Let me go!  Get out of my bed -- right now!"  She
sounded almost hysterical.  Then she turned on me and, using both her hands
and feet, pushed me out of bed.  I jumped to my feet, pulled back the
covers and hopped right back this time on top of her.  She proved
impossible to hold, twisting and turning.  I knew that she was a tall
strong girl, but I was beginning to learn how strong.  I thought it was
probably my condition, but my male pride had the better of me and I was
determined to show my superiority.  I exerted all my strength, but she
escaped from under me and all of a sudden she was on top of me before I
could turn over.  Now I was really angry.  I thrashed just as she had and
began to get my knees under me although the soft mattress made that
difficult.  Suddenly, I felt a wrenching on my right wrist and a twisting
on my right arm.  I fought her as hard as I could, but nothing worked.  She
forced my wrist up between my shoulder blades.  She was now really hurting
my right shoulder.  I tried to rise, but the pain was too much.  Every time
I tried to escape she pushed my wrist further up my back.  It was as much
pain as I have ever felt.  Finally I quit fighting and lay quietly except
for waving my lower legs.


"Ellen, what's going on.Let me go.That hurts.Ow, Ellen.What are you trying
to do?"


"I want you out of my bed.  I want you never to touch me again.ever."


"Ellen, that's crazy.  I am a little drunk.  I'm sorry.  Now, get off me."
When nothing happened, I added in as commanding voice as I could muster,
"Get off me! Now!"  Again nothing happened.  I went on, "Ellen, be
reasonable.  You can't hold me like this all night.  Eventually you'll have
to let me go and I'll get even.  You might as well let me go now."  I
turned my head to the left and could see us in a mirror on the wall.  There
was the bed.  I was lying prone in the middle with Ellen astride me her
left hand holding my right wrist between my shoulder blades.  It was a
sobering sight.  Suddenly I felt foolish.  I tried to get up again, but
again the pain stopped me.  I thought that if I went any farther she would
dislocate my shoulder.


Ellen remained quiet.  Then I saw her take off her silken belt with her
right hand.  She leaned forward and, using her right hand and teeth, tied
one end around my wrist.  "Ellen, what are you doing?"  She passed the
other end around the left side of my neck and suddenly reached under my
neck pulling it under my neck and then back.  Too late I tried to use my
left hand to stop her.  Now she could pull on the loose end putting
pressure on the front of my neck and pulling my right wrist higher between
my shoulder blades.  She could strangle me and dislocate my shoulder at the
same time.


I tried to grab the cord with my left hand.  She caught my ring finger in
her right had and bent it back painfully.  I tried to pull away, but, by
twisting and using her leverage, she forced my left had also up between my
shoulder blades.  The pain in both my shoulders was now intense.  I lay
still watching in the mirror as she tied the other end of the cord around
my left wrist.  Both arms were now painfully pulled up high between my
shoulder blades by her silk belt that was tightly looped around my neck.


Ellen climbed off of me and stood by the bed looking down.  I could watch
her in the mirror.  Then she spied me watching her and looked directly at
my face in the mirror.  I lowered my eyes.  When I looked again, she was
brushing back her hair with her hands.  She seemed satisfied, went into the
bathroom and, soon returning climbed into the other bed.


At first I must have been in shock, but then could feel my anger rising.
What was going on?  I couldn't let this happen.  I turned my head so that I
could see her.  She was lying on her side, her face away from me.  I slid
my legs over the side of the bed, sat up and then stood up.  She did not
turn.  I threw myself onto her bed, ending up half on top of her.


"Damn you!!  Get off my bed!  What's the matter with you?"


"I just want to be next to my wife."


"I told you to stay away from me."  As she said that, she grabbed me
painfully by the bound wrists, thus easily controlling me.  She forced me
down on my stomach and sat on top of me.


"Ellen, please.  Just let me stay."


She took hold of a terry-cloth robe that was lying on the bed, took off the
belt and started to tie it around my right ankle.  Seeing what she was
doing, I began kicking my legs.  She caught my foot and bent it back
painfully.  Finally she got my right ankle tied and looped the belt around
the cord that tied my wrists.  Now when she tightened, my leg was pulled up
and I was strangled.  I began to get scared and stopped resisting.  She
tied the free end around my left ankle and by pulling and tugging on my
arms, my neck and my legs got me tied so that both ankles were pulled up
tightly toward my tied wrists.  My back was arched with my feet up near my
rear end and my wrists between my shoulder blades and my neck under
pressure.  She left me there, went to the closet, took my leather belt from
my trousers, wrapped it around my ankles and buckled it.  I was totally
immobilized.


"Ellen, this is too much.  Untie me.Please.I said, 'Please.'"


She patted my head gently then grabbed my hair and turned my face toward
her.  "No.  I'm mad at you and it's all your fault."  With that she turned
out all of the lights.  I could hear her covering herself in the other bed.
 I could hardly move a muscle.  I was very uncomfortable and getting cold.
My mind was now sober and clear as a bell.  As bad as things were, I swore
would never beg or plead with her to have mercy and untie me.  As helpless
as I was, I thought that if I would not give in to her verbally, she would
not have her complete victory.  I lay still and tried to sleep using what
little motion was allowed me to ease some of the discomfort.


As time went by my discomfort grew.  So did my anger.  I had misbehaved.
Maybe I had earned some of what happened to me, but nothing I had done
could conceivably justify lying on this bed on my wedding night tied up in
the most uncomfortable position imaginable.  Ellen had badly wronged me.
She owed me an apology.  As uncomfortable as I was, I would not call out to
her.  I decided that I absolutely would not give her the satisfaction of
begging her to release me.  I had asked her once and that was enough.  I
could not have guessed that that I would soon break that vow.

Then I began to worry.  I remembered that we had ordered breakfast
delivered to the room at 8 A.M. so that we would have time to get to the
airport for our flight to Florida.  She would have to untie me before that,
but what if she didn't wake up in time?


Eventually morning came.  I think I had dozed.  It was light.  I could tell
from Ellen's breathing that she was still asleep.  How dare she sleep after
what she had done?  But what if she did not wake up in time?  What if
someone knocked on the door or even opened it?  I became very anxious and
nervous.  I could not see a clock.  Finally, I was afraid to wait any
longer.  "Ellen.Ellen.It's morning.It's time to wake up.Ellen."  She
stirred, stretched and looked over at me.  Neither of us said a word.  She
got up and went into the bathroom and closed the door.  I heard the water
running.  I became more anxious.  What if someone knocked on the door and
she did not hear it?


After what seemed to be a half-hour, she came out, arranged her clothes and
began putting on a pants suit.  I felt I could wait no longer.  "Ellen,
breakfast is supposed to be here at 8 o'clock."


"I know."


"You better untie me before someone brings the breakfast."


"Why should I?"


"Because it would be embarrassing.  It would be embarrassing for you as
well as for me."


"I wouldn't be embarrassed."


"Ellen be sensible.  It would be a scandal."  She continued to dress.  All
my resolve went out the window.  "Ellen, please, be sensible.  Untie me
now.  Please, Ellen, please."


"I haven't heard an apology."


I totally forgot the promises to myself.  "Ellen, I apologize.  I'm sorry.
Please untie me.  Please."


"What are you apologizing for?"


"Drinking too much.  I did and I am sorry.  I won't do it again?"


"Is that all?"


"Ellen, what do you mean?  What time is it?  I don't know when our
breakfast will come."


"I mean is that all?  Is that all you are going to apologize for?"


"Well, I don't know.  What else?"  When she said nothing and made no move
to untie me, I added, "I apologize for getting in bed with you when you
didn't want me to.  Now, have you got what you want?"


"OK.  You have apologized for being drunk and for getting in my bed.  You
haven't apologized for touching me and hugging me and jumping all over me."


"Ellen, please.  That was only natural.  It was because I love you and
wanted you."


"That's no excuse."


"OK, Ellen.  I apologize for being more forward than you wanted me to be."
When she neither said nor did anything, I added.  "Ellen, I'm sorry for
whatever I did.  I apologize for jumping on you and hugging you.  I
shouldn't have.  Please, forgive me."


"OK.  I'll forgive you.  But don't ever try that again.  Do you understand
me?"


"Yes.  I understand."


She moved behind me and began to untie my hands.  She had just finished
when there was a knock on the door.  She moved to the door.  My heart began
to beat wildly.  My arms were so stiff that I could hardly move.
Nonetheless, I managed to get my hands in front of me and to cover my still
tied legs under the covers.  I rolled on my side hoping that anyone who
came in would just think me still asleep.  I heard a woman come in and set
up the breakfast.  She and Ellen exchanged a few words and then she went
out.  My heart was still thumping in my chest.


I sat up and began uniting my ankles.  Ellen said, "She is from Bosnia
where women are second class citizens.  It would have given her a thrill to
see that I had you tied up.  Too bad I let you go."


I didn't say anything, but my world had collapsed.  My morale was at rock
bottom.  I looked to Ellen as I untied my ankles and began trying to move
the stiffness out of my legs.  Somehow I could see her objectively, almost
clinically.  She was tall, nearly my height, 5 feet 10 inches.  He straight
brown hair was shoulder length.  She had rather wide set hazel eyes and a
handsome good looking face, not enough to turn heads, but plenty for a
second look.  She had smooth skin and a super body that I knew was in great
shape.  Her 145 pounds were well proportioned.  There was more muscle than
I had realized.  He breasts were well shaped and her legs gorgeous.  Her
movements were graceful.  She was one good-looking woman.  I must have been
drunker than I had realized to have behaved the way I did and to have let
her get the better of me the way that she did.


I got dressed and we got a taxi to the airport.  During the trip we said
little to each other.  I said things like, "I'll check out and arrange for
the taxi,"  "I'll watch the bags while you go to the ladies room."  We
arrived at the Florida resort.  I couldn't believe how stiff and sore I was
when I got off the plane.  I could hardly move, but I tried not to let her
know that.  After dinner we walked on the beach.  That helped to work out
some of the soreness in my muscles.  I wondered what she was thinking.  I
know what I was thinking.  I was wondering what would happen at bedtime.
The hotel had a king-sized double bed.  How would we get in bed?  Would we
hug and maybe even make love?  Would she be cold and resist me?  Would we
fight and, if we did, who would win?  All possibilities kept running
through my mind.


Finally, she said, "I think it's time to go back."  I agreed.  We headed
toward the small cabin that was ours.  Ellen shut the bathroom door when
she went in to change.  I left it open when I changed.  Both sides of the
bed were turned down.  Ellen said, "The bed's big.  You sleep on that side
and I'll sleep on this one."  Then she hopped in and turned off the light
on her side of the bed.


"Don't you want me to kiss you goodnight?" I blurted out.


"Not tonight.  You should be tired.  Let's go to sleep."


Well, that is it.  Nothing has changed since that night.  We have been
married for four months and never had any sex.  We don't even hug each
other.  We're nice to each other.  We do things together that are fun, but
nothing more.  I don't know what to do.  Sometimes I want to attack her.  I
know that would be rape and I really wouldn't do that, but I get so
frustrated and angry.  There is no excuse for what she did to me when she
was drunk.  I know what you will probably say, "Just talk it through."
Well, I tried, but she just says something like, "Be patient."  Do you
think I should divorce her?  Can a marriage like mine be annulled?  I don't
even know what that really means.


[I suggested that he do nothing rash, urged patience and offered to talk
with Ellen.]



According to Ellen


I know you heard about our wedding night from Jeff.  Well, he drank too
much at our wedding reception and then tried to paw me and climb into bed
to have sex with me.  Look, I loved Jeff when I married him and I think I
still do, but I have always had a thing about men drinking and pawing
women.  I guess the idea of sex bothered me, too.  I don't like the idea of
a man climbing on top of me, sticking his penis into my vagina and humping
me.  No man has ever done that to me, but it must be so degrading.  I had a
nightmare about it when I was in high school after seeing some pictures.  I
thought that I could get used to sex and that it could be an avenue for
love, but there he was drunk and pawing me and I just couldn't let him do
that to me.


I know I shouldn't have tied him up, but I had to stop him.  I feel bad
about leaving him tied up and what I said, but it really was his fault more
than mine.  He is nice now and hasn't had a single drink since, but the
problem is that he still wants to take me sexually.  He's open about that.
I think we could have worked it out if he had not tried to force me.


[I asked Ellen about previous sexual experiences, wondering of a man had
forced her in the past.]


Well, I guess it is natural that you ask.  I have been thinking about that.
 When I was sixteen, my 20-year-old cousin. Sheila, lived with us for
several months.  She was a lesbian although I didn't know it at the time.
Maybe she liked me because I was tall and strong.  I've always been strong
and athletic.  Anyway one day when we were at home alone, she challenged me
to a wrestling match.  We started out just playing, but then we began
really trying.  I soon had her down.  She said, "You win," and then she lay
back and said, "Now you can kiss me and make up."  She half closed her eyes
and turned her face up to me.  I kissed her on the cheek, but she said, "On
the lips."  When I did, she pushed up against me prolonging our contact.
And then she said, "That's your prize."  I will never forget that.  I was
scared but stirred up.


When I let her up, she went at me again.  I got her down again.  When I let
her up, I turned my face away, but she put her arms around me and kissed me
on my boob.  I was shocked and really scared and got away, but afterwards I
kept thinking about it.


The next time Sheila and I were home alone, she said, "I dare you to
wrestle," and came at me.  She was no match for me, but she squirmed around
a lot so that we had a lot of body contact.  When I got her down, she said,
"Now you can kiss me."  I was excited and I did.  But it wasn't a short
kiss.  I kept kissing her hard.  When I did that, she put my hand on her
boob and held it there and kind of rubbed it around while she looked at me
in a sexy way.  I began to rub her boob on my own.


Well, you can guess what happened next.  Pretty soon we were having a
really hot love affair, or maybe I should say a sex affair.  It is as if
she seduced me into being the aggressor.  She wanted me to be a butch
lesbian and I was.  I would make love to her and she would be weak and moan
and urge me to do more.  I had a sense of power over her that was really a
turn on.  She was always trying to do nice things for me to please me and
to show that I was the boss even though she was older and I liked that.  I
really felt guilty and never told anyone until now.  Any way she went back
to her home in Toledo and I never was tempted by any other woman.  For a
while I thought maybe I was a lesbian, but I knew in my heart I was not.  I
liked boys and still do, but the idea a man using me for sex bothers me.
Is that strange?


[I told her it was not strange for a basically heterosexual person to have
an adolescent affair with a member of one's own sex.  I urged patience.  We
agreed to go on talking.]



                               The Next Months


The next weeks months saw a continuation of the pattern begun during the
honeymoon.  The young couple were polite and kind to each other, but they
slept separately and exchanged neither hugs nor kisses.  They called each
other Jeff and Ellen rather than using terms of endearment.  On evenings
and weekends they went to the gym, often ate out and sometimes saw a flick.
 An outside observer would have seen a tall, good-looking, conventional
seeming young couple; their life together would have seemed predictable,
tranquil and possibly even boring.

Their internal lives were anything but boring.  Ellen continued to feel
remorse at the way she had handled Jeff.  She wondered what the outcome of
their marriage would be and whether Jeff would divorce her. What would her
parents think?  What would his parents think?  Sometimes she thought of
inviting him into her arms and into her bed, but she could not bring
herself to do it.  She worried that she was at fault perhaps because she
too proud, but she was not ready to give herself to any man even this one,
who was her husband. Still, she felt she loved him.  She needed him to
understand her.

Jeff could still hardly believe what had happened to him.  He was certainly
not himself the night of his wedding.  Imagine his own wife, his lovely
wife, tying him up.  And now she would not let him make love to her.  The
whole thing was terrible.  It must have been the alcohol.  Since that night
he had not touched a drop.  He thought about divorce, but what excuse could
he give?  His family would question him and so would his friends.  No he
had to solve his problem.  He had to make love to Ellen and he had to prove
that he was stronger, that he was the man of the family.  The question was
how.  He couldn't just throw her down and make love to her.  That would be
rape.

Finally, two months after our first meeting, Jeff could stand it no longer.
 He came up behind Ellen in the bedroom and put his arms around her,
kissing her on the back of her neck.  "No!  Jeff, let me go!"

"Sh-h-h.  Don't fight me.  Just let me hug you.  Your neck is so sweet."

Ellen began to struggle, but Jeff held her tight.  Suddenly she twisted
free and turned on him.  Then he felt her wrath.  She locked her arms
around him and bore him backward.  She lifted, locked her foot around his
ankle and threw him to the floor.  It was done with sheer strength for
there was no other way.

Jeff was stunned momentarily, but, as he recovered, he tackled her lower
legs trying to bring her down.  He was partially successful, but as she
came down, she locked her arms around his torso from the back, freed her
legs and, completely overpowering his male body, she swung around and
secured a painful full nelson.  Thus, she proved that her body was the
master of his.  Jeff struggled valiantly but ineffectually to free himself.
 Feeling her mastery Ellen cooled.  She had no desire to hurt him or even
to defeat him.  All she wanted was to get away.  Jeff groaned from the pain
and Ellen let him go, climbing to her feet.

Jeff realized she had gotten the better of him, but his anger held in check
for so long bubbled over.  Now was the time.  He rushed at her intending to
grab her and throw her down.  Ellen met him straight on and again her
strength was too great.  She shook him and then took his right arm and,
turning, threw him over her hip.  The fall knocked the wind out of Jeff,
but he slowly got to his feet and renewed his attack.

She countered him and, controlling his body, suddenly shifted around
securing a side headlock.  Jeff struggled with all his might to free
himself but again she was too strong.  She felt his struggles weakening as
he tired.  Then maintaining the headlock, she wrestled him painfully to the
ground.  Jeff continued to fight her every step of the way.  Now she
twisted hard forcing him on to his back.  He tried to pry her hands apart,
but could not.  He fought to get off his back, to pull his head out of her
grip, anything to just to get away.  His breathing was now labored.
Finally, his resistance came to an end.

Ellen loosed him and stood up over him.  Jeff lay at her feet, winded,
exhausted, defeated, unmanned, looking up helplessly at his wife, now his
conqueress.  Ellen realized that the fight had gone out of him.  She pulled
back her hair, turned away and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
Jeff slowly picked himself up.  He looked into the mirror and saw a
disheveled man looking pale and drained.  There was no question that in his
marriage the woman was the stronger.


Their marriage was outwardly no different than it had been, polite,
restrained, routine, but each had changed internally.  Jeff felt emptiness
inside him with intermittent flashes of frustration and anger.  His
illusions were gone.  Ellen was stronger and tougher than he.  He made
himself face the fact that she had totally defeated him, outclassed him
completely.  Sometimes he tried to forget it, but then he forced himself to
return to the picture that was etched in his mind.  He was lying on the
floor looking up at Ellen pulling back her hair, the definition of her
biceps visible.  He had not more options.  Their sex life was zip, nada,
and there was nothing he could do about it.  His efforts had led to his
being twice beaten up.  She had not really hurt him.  Maybe he was lucky,
but he thought that if she ever decided to, she could really knock him
around.  He must be less than a man.  When he got to this point, he stopped
thinking and gave in to his feelings of impotence that always led to anger
occasionally verging on rage.  He felt he would have to get out of the
marriage.  But how?

Ellen was angry with Jeff and with herself.  Why had he come up behind her
and caught her off guard?  If he had just asked her for some warmth, she
was about ready to give it to him.  Why had she reacted with such anger?
She should not have.  She could have resisted him more gently with words
instead of throwing him down.  On well, it had really been his fault.  But
she had learned something about herself.  She had a temper that could get
out of control.  She was confident of her ability to handle him.
Physically he was no match for her.  She liked that, but she was not
handling the emotional side.  She now felt that their marriage would end in
disgraceful divorce.

Jeff became much more observant of women.  He began seizing them up.  Molly
was small, feminine with very thin upper arms, almost frail.  Certainly she
was weaker than he and most other men.  Susan was heavy, fat really with
big hips and thin shoulders.  She would be no match for him either.  He
convinced himself that he could take most of the women in his office.  A
couple were both large and athletic looking.  They might give him a tussle,
but he should be able to hold his own.  He found himself watching his Ellen
and comparing her with other women.  She was tall and athletic looking.
She did have biceps that swelled when she brushed her hair and muscles
around her shoulders, but would not appear as strong as she was to the
average observer.  He could hardly believe she had wiped him out.  His wife
was so feminine; she used lipstick and nail polish.  Sometimes she held her
wrist in a distinctly feminine way.  He would look at himself in the mirror
and then put his hands to his hair the way she did when she fixed hers.  He
would note the swell of his biceps and compare his muscle with hers.  His
biceps stood out certainly as much, probably more than hers.  She had big
bones, but his were larger.  How was it that she had beaten him?  He
remembered roughhousing as a teenager.  He had more than held his own and
once wrestled down one of the toughest boys in the class ahead of him.

Jeff knew that Ellen was amazingly strong, but after another two months had
passed, he sometimes talked himself into the idea that if they really
fought again, he might take her.  After all he was the man and she the
woman.


Their third fight came about as had the first two, not because of thinking
and planning, although there was a lot of that.  It happened because of
pent up anger and guilt.  A man from Ellen's class in high school came up
to their table at a restaurant and greeted her warmly and then the
exchanged kisses.  Jeff turned crimson.  He had not exchanged kisses with
his wife in the nearly ten months that they had been married.

Jeff was silent as they walked home, but as soon as he closed the front
door, he exploded.  "Dammit, Ellen.  I have had enough.  You'll kiss Joe,
but you won't kiss me, your husband.  What kind of a woman are you?  You
kiss a man you hardly ever see and treat your husband like dirt.  I have
not complained, but I have had enough.  You're no wife at all."

Ellen was about ready to cry, when Jeff grabbed her roughly and shook her.
In her shock, she just stood there unresisting.  Then he threw his arms
around her and kissed her roughly full on the lips.  With that Ellen's
anger matched his.  She tore herself loose, slapped him hard in the face,
then literally picked him up and threw him to the floor.  Jeff was not in
bad physical shape, but his resisting her was like trying to stand straight
in a tornado.  She plopped down on his chest, slapped him hard several more
times.  When he tried to get up, she twisted his arm, turned him so that he
was lying face down as she held him with a hammerlock.  As he struggled
helplessly, her free arm snaked around his neck threatening to shut off his
air.

Jeff panicked.  Maybe his wife was going to kill him.  He concentrated only
on making sure he could breathe.  He managed to gasp out, "Ellen, please,
don't, don't."  The fear in his voice got through to Ellen even in her
anger.  She lightened her hold.  Jeff lay still unresisting fearful of what
she might do.  "I'm sorry," he murmured as his breath returned still
fearful.

Ellen rolled him over and again sat on his chest.  "Look me in the eye.
Right now!  Get this through your head.  I don't mind kissing in a friendly
way, but no man is going to force sex on me, not you, not anyone, ever.
You will never kiss me against my will.  Never!  Never!  Do you
understand."

"Yes."

"I thought that I would give our marriage a year, but, if you try and force
me again, it is over.  Understand?"

"Yes."

Ellen got up and left the room without looking at her defeated and
demoralized husband.


                              Counseling Ellen


After giving me her perspective on what I have reported above, she went on,
"I don't know what happens to me.  I just loose it.  I am so disturbed.  I
will never, never, never let him take me by force.  I can't even bear the
thought of him lying on top of me, humping me.  I couldn't just lie there
and let him do it.  Maybe if we could start our marriage over again.  Maybe
if he had never tried to force me, but he has.  He has three times.  I just
don't know what to do.  I think I should get a divorce."  She was becoming
almost hysterical.

"I can't understand why you worry about him "humping you" as you put it."

"Because that is what men do to women."

"Who is stronger?"

"I am."

"Then he can't hump you unless you want him to."

"I know, but he wants sex and sometimes so do I.  He says he's frustrated,
but what about me?  I get frustrated, too."

"You had sex with Sheila.  Did she hump you?"

"Well, no."

"Did you hump her?"

"Well.something like that, I guess, kind of when I was really aroused.
Well.you know.It was two women.Well, I guess a few times I humped her
butt."

"Who was stronger?"

"I was."

"Who was dominant?"

"I was.What are you driving at?"

"You were stronger that Sheila and you humped her.  You are stronger than
Jeff and you are worried that he will hump you.  I don't get it."

"But Jeff is a man."

"And you are so weak and passive that you have to lie on your back and let
him hump you?"

"I am not weak or passive.  I haven't let him hump me and it is ruining my
marriage."

"I thought lack of sex was ruining your marriage.  Time is up.  Think over
what we have been talking about and see if you can find your way."


                               Counseling Jeff


Jeff was even more hysterical than Ellen as he recited the same incidents.
"I don't know what to do.  I know I started it, but, when she gets angry,
it's terrible.  She is so strong.  I really thought that she might kill me.
 I will never try to kiss her again or even put my arm around her.  I guess
it is time to give up on our marriage.  I always thought it would be so
good.  You know we used to get along so well.  That was before we were
married.  She was different from anyone I ever met.  I loved her so."

"Do you still love her?"

"Oh, I guess so, even after all of this, but I am scared of her now.  I am
scared of myself, that I will get angry and do something I shouldn't and
then she will beat me up.  I can't believe how strong she is.  Do you think
any other wives have beat up their husbands."

"Of course.  Most husbands are stronger, but certainly not all.  Would you
still like to make your marriage work?"

"Yeah, I would.  Isn't that strange.  Somehow I feel it is my fault and I
would like to make it right."

"How do you feel about having a wife that can beat you up?"

"I don't like it even if I deserved it, but what really bothers me is that
in our entire marriage we have never had sex.  We have never even really
kissed since we kissed during the ceremony."

"Have you really tried to woo her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you do nice things for her, bring flowers, wash the dishes, cook
dinner, bring her coffee in the morning, compliment her on her clothes and
on how smart she is or even how strong she is, and things like that?"

"No.  I guess not.  Since she tied me up, I have been pretty clamed up."

"Have you tried to seduce her?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Have you told her how beautiful she is and how attractive?  Have you
thought hard about how to get her to come to you instead of you going to
her?"

"Well, I guess not.not as much as I should."


                         Another meeting with Ellen


"I have been thinking over what you said.  What you were saying was that I
could be the butch and he could be the femme.  Is that right?"

"That's one way of putting it.  It seems to me that you have to be in
control if that is what "butch" means."

"You have me right.  Maybe it's because of my time with Sheila, but I want
to be in control.always in control.  I never thought of it just that way,
but you are right.But don't men always want to be in control?  Maybe I am
really a lesbian and don't know it."

"A lesbian is a woman who is sexually attracted to women.  It has nothing
to do with control.  Some lesbians are butch; some are femme.  I don't
really like those words, but we will use them for now."

"How about Jeff?  Isn't he butch.  He certainly acts butch."

"He's in love with a woman who is stronger than he is and who has to be in
control.  Whether you can make him a femme is up to you and to him."


                             What happened next


Ellen was amazed at the change in Jeff.  She always arrived home at 7:00
p.m. on Wednesday nights.  On a particular Wednesday she smelled food as
she opened the front door.  "What's going on?"

"I fixed my beautiful wife's favorite dinner.  I even bought a bottle of
wine to be festive, but I promise to have only one drink and it will be to
toast you, my lovely wife Ellen, on the week before our first anniversary."

Ellen got into the mood.  "For that my husband deserves a kiss."  She threw
her arms around him and kissed him full on the lips for the first time
since the wedding ceremony.  Then she pushed him away.  "I'll change and be
ready in a minute."

Jeff was excited.  Wooing Ellen was working already.  During dinner he was
expansive talking interestingly about his work, drawing out Ellen about
hers, complimenting her on the hair style that she had adopted the month
before.  Ellen was stunned and charmed at the same time.  It was like
courtship all over again.

As the dinner drew to a close, Jeff stood up, raised his glass, and said,
"To my beautiful wife, Ellen, the person I love deeply, the most wonderful
woman in the world."

Ellen answered, "To my husband, who prepared this wonderful dinner, who has
been so good and kind this evening and to a new beginning for the two of us
and a new understanding."  She walked over and again kissed Jeff full on
the mouth.  Again she pushed away and said, "Now its time for the dishes."

"It's time for me to do the dishes.  Relax.  Your day has been longer."


Ellen sat on their sofa thinking about the change that seemed to have come
over them both.  Jeff's behavior was strange, but gratifying and in a way
comforting.  Maybe she could really give it a try.  Maybe she could make
love to him.tonight.  Tonight?  The thought of tonight stimulated her.  She
became excited and noticed herself breathing deeply.  She sat still,
waiting for him.

When Jeff came in the living room, she greeted him with, "Come sit beside
me, here on the sofa."  Jeff sat beside her.  Maybe this was the time.
Ellen put her arm around him and kissed him on the neck, then moved up,
nuzzling his earlobe.  He turned toward her ready to return the kiss.  "No,
wait.  It's my turn to work.  Now you relax and let me do the work."

Jeff complied and Ellen rubbing his hair and neck and face while kissing
him, his eyes, his nose, his ears, his face.  "This is what they call
necking," she said.  "And I like it."  She continued caressing him for a
quarter of an hour.  Every so often he would attempt to return the caress,
but each time she stopped him with words such as, "Please, let me.  It's
been so long."

Finally she kissed him full on the mouth, hard, keeping up the pressure.
Jeff felt her tongue on his lips.  He opened his mouth and her tongue
entered, probing quickly.  He felt as if he were entering a new world of
ecstasy, of wholeness.  He became slightly light-headed.  When he tried to
enter her mouth, she pulled away until his tongue was fully in his mouth
and then clamped her lips on his mouth again with her exploring tongue.

Ellen's excitement was mounting.  Yes, yes, she was doing it.  She was
making love and he was accepting it.  Yes, yes, she was made for this.  She
was also becoming light-headed.  She pulled away, put her hands on his
chest and said softly, seductively, "That was good.  That was us as we
should be, as we are.  We've made a good start.  Let's not get carried
away.  We have had enough for tonight.  Let's be patient and take it one
step at a time."  She kissed him lightly on the forehead.

"But Ellen, don't stop.  It's been so long.  Let's don't loose precious
time."

"We've got the rest of our lives.  Please, enough for tonight.  I don't
want to stop here.  I just want to take it slowly.  Let's don't spoil
anything be being too fast."

"OK, Ellen, I love you."

"I love you, too."


They were both excited.  Jeff was thrilled.  He would go on wooing and
seducing Ellen.  It would be good.  It was funny that she wanted to be
doing things to him instead of him doing things to her, but that was OK if
it got her in the mood.  He thought that his marriage might work out after
all.

Ellen was equally excited.  Jeff had changed.  Kissing him and nuzzling him
had been very exciting.  She had been very stimulated sexually.  All she
needed to bring out her sexuality was to take the lead, to be in control,
to be butch.

Two nights later, Jeff offered to prepare the dinner.  Ellen's response
was, "Wonderful.  You work at dinner and I'll work after dinner."  As Jeff
turned to the stove, Ellen put her arms around him from behind and kissed
the back of his neck.  Her hands cupped his breasts and then her fingers
raked back and forth over his nipples.

Jeff's body stiffened; his breathing became deeper; he gasped, "Maybe we
should skip dinner."

"No, we have the rest of our lives."

Ellen went into the living room.  So far so good.  She had never before
held a man's breasts, but she could and it seemed to work.  She thought of
Sheila.  Sheila no longer held a fascination of her, but doing it to a man
would be exciting.  Now she had to keep her passion under control until
later.


Later came.  Ellen led Jeff to the couch and pulled him to sit beside her.
As before she began to nuzzle his neck.  She opened his shirt and began to
play with his nipples as she blew in his ear.  Jeff , who had never before
thought about his breasts or his nipples, was getting aroused.  He
breathing became labored.  He wanted to get into the game.

He put his arm around her reaching for her breast.  "Keep your hands to
yourself."

"You're not keeping your hands to yourself."

"You did dinner.  Now it's my turn to work."

Jeff touched her breast.  Ellen pulled away.  "Stop that.  Don't spoil
things."  She looked him in the eye.  "Maybe, if you keep that up, I'll tie
your hands behind you."

Jeff turned crimson.  The reminder of her ability to dominate him
physically and tie him up as she had in the past, especially coming at this
time when they were engaged in caresses, caused him embarrassment and
consternation.  He sat quietly, his hands to himself.  Ellen, seeing his
embarrassment, partly regretted her remark, but partly she realized with
satisfaction that he was on the defensive and that the initiative was now
hers.

She fingered his nipples.  "Relax.  It's your turn to relax."  She kissed
him on the lips.  He felt her tongue enter his mouth while she was playing
with his nipples.  He seemed physically and psychically paralyzed.  He let
her have her way.  She played with his face, his ears, his breasts.  He
seemed to be floating.  His thoughts became misty.  He felt her kiss first
one breast and then the other then take one nipple and then the other in
her teeth.  Then she took his left breast into her mouth and began to suck.
 The sensation was strange, troubling, but arousing.  He felt his
intestines knot up.  Now she was sucking his other breast.  He wanted more;
he wanted her to go on and on.

Ellen's excitement mounted as she took his nipple in her teeth.  And then
she began to suck.  Yes, he was writhing under her.  He was aroused.  She
was doing it.  The butch woman was making her man a femme.  She pulled up
and looked at him.  His mouth was open, his face passive and aroused.  "OK.
 We've made some progress tonight.  That's enough for now."

"Ellen, please.  Let's don't stop yet."

"That's enough, lover.  Don't push our luck."  She kissed him on the eyes
and got up.  Jeff just sat on the couch breathing hard.  Ellen noted the
bulge in his pants.  She needed to be in control of that, too.


The next few days were not easy for Jeff.  He gamely kept up his verbal
wooing.  He told Ellen again how beautiful she was and how much he admired
her for her intelligence and talent finally even getting in the word
"strength."

"Do you really admire my strength?"

"Well, I admire everything about you."

Ellen gave him a swat on the buttox and stuck out her tongue.

Jeff was pleased that their love-making was progressing.  His wooing and
verbal seducing seemed to be working, but he wished things would go faster.
 And all was not right.  Ellen was taking the lead.  In fact, she was
treating him as if he were the woman.  It was very strange that she would
go after his breasts and not let him touch hers.  Well, things were better
and he would just play along and see what will happen.


Ellen planned her next move for a Sunday afternoon.  They were standing in
the center of the living room when she said, "I want to give you a kiss."
She pressed herself against him kissing him hard on the lips.  Her hands
grasped his wrists and forced then behind him gradually backing him until
he came against the wall.  Jeff resisted, but only half-heartedly, for he
recognized the futility of opposing her strength.  She pressed her body
against his, pushing against his aroused member.  She held him that way for
over five minutes, moving her body against his, kissing his face and neck.

She then wrestled her barely resisting husband to the ground got her body
across his.  He right hand sought his hardness and began to rub him through
his pants.  He struggled, but her left arm was around his neck and his arms
on the other side of her body.  Being trapped and held helpless by his
alluring wife while she rubbed his penis brought Jeff to a stage of sexual
excitement that he had never before known.  But still this was not what he
wanted.  "Ellen, wait.  Stop!  I might have an accident."

That plaintive note told Ellen all she needed to know.  He was becoming her
femme.  She tightened her grip on his neck and continued to stimulate him.
He groaned and moaned.  His breathing became noisy and so did hers.  Then
she felt his body jerk convulsively and then rhythmically.
"Oh.oh.oh.oh.oh."  Gradually his jerks subsided and his body became limp.
She felt the moisture on his pants.  Ellen was ecstatic.  She had conquered
his penis.  It would never threaten her again.  She was excited and
tremendously aroused.

She sat on his chest and with her hands locked his wrists to the floor
above his head looking down into his face.  There was no resistance but
only a bland accepting expression.  Yes, he was truly her femme, but how
does a femme man satisfy a butch woman.  She would have to find that out.
In the meantime, she had conquered him and taken him sexually.  That was
enough for today.  She stroked his face and kissed him.  Reluctantly she
got to her feet and helped him up.  She gave him another hug and a kiss and
patted his buttox.


Ellen's instincts told her to solidify her gains rather than push forward
too rapidly.  For a week they snuggled and kissed in bed, but she would
allow nothing more.  Then one night when the snuggling and kissing went on
longer than before, Ellen was overcome with desire.  She asked him to turn
away from her and put her arms around him from behind cupping his breasts.
She rolled him prone so that she was now on top of him, rubbing his
nipples, kissing him on the neck and blowing in first one ear and then the
other.

Jeff had not resisted having learned that all went best when Ellen had her
way.  He was getting quite aroused, when he felt Ellen thrust her pelvis
against his buttox and then again and again in rhythmic passion.  He could
hear her labored breathing with each thrust.  "She's trying to fuck me," he
thought.  He struggled to free himself, but her arms became like cables
around him.

Ellen was in a frenzy.  All of her pent-up frustrations and all the waiting
exploded in sexual passion as she repeatedly thrust her pelvis against
Jeff's buttox.  Jeff's sexual excitement was rising as if in response to
hers and as her thrusting caused his penis to rub against the bed.  "Ellen,
please, wait.wait."  She increased the power of her thrusts; her fingers
squeezed painfully on his breasts.

Ellen had to have relief.  She quickly brought one had to her genitalia
stimulating herself as she pounded into her husband.  As she began to
climax, she reached for his genitalia with the other hand rubbing him
through his pajamas.  He climaxed as she continued to thrust into him.
Afterwards she continued to lie on top; both husband and wife were spent
and exhausted.

Ellen wondered at herself.  She could really get carried away.  For days
afterward she was still excited when she thought of herself "humping" him.
It was as easy to do to a man as to a woman.  She should never have worried
so about him "humping" her.

Jeff also wondered about Ellen.  She was really strong.  He was powerless
against her physically and now sexually.  She could just take over his
body.  In his imagination he could still feel her strong arms around him,
her pelvic thrusts, grinding him into the bed, arousing him, bringing him
to a climax.  It was arousing and frightening, exciting and depressing.
What kind of man was he?  What kind of woman was she?

One day when he was home alone ready for a shower, he looked at his naked
body in their full-length mirror.  He noted his broad shoulders, his flat
belly.  He flexed his biceps.  He was a man, a strong man.  He should be
able to control any woman.  He looked at his genitalia.  He was a man, but
what were they good for?  His wife controlled them; his wife had taken over
his manhood.  Jeff was overcome by shame.  He felt tears welling in his
eyes.  His mouth began to tremble.  He rushed into the shower.  That
episode was a turning point for Jeff.  He accepted that Ellen was the
stronger.  He never again challenged her physically.


Ellen knew what she wanted next, she had touched his penis only through his
clothes; she had never touched the real thing.  That would be a challenge.
She waited until he was in his pajamas.  She again overpowered him pushing
him onto his back on the bed.  She held him down while she explored his
body with her hand, sucking on his breasts.  Then, as if jumping into a
cold shower, she opened his fly and took hold of his erect penis.  It was
surprisingly warm.  She felt Jeff's body stiffen.  She felt along its shaft
and around its head.  Every time she moved her fingers, Jeff responded.  It
was wonderful.  She controlled Jeff's penis; Jeff's penis controlled Jeff.
How could she ever have been afraid of it doing anything to her?

Feeling that she had conquered his penis, she explored further.  Yes, there
were his testicles, probably the real source of his maleness.  She felt
them and then took them in her hands.  Now she was in control of them as
well.  She pulled on them and heard him gasp.  His body tried to follow
where her hand led.  "Be gentle," he said with some anxiety in his voice.
Ellen had a sense of triumph.  She had conquered.  His maleness was not
match for her.  It and he were completely in her hands.  Now she would take
him sexually.

She pulled off her pants and rolled on top of him and took his penis
between her thighs.  It was very stimulating.  She forced her legs between
his and pulled his penis high into her crotch.  Yes, that was where it
belonged.  She slid down slightly so that her clitoris was against his
penis.  Now she began to hump him riding his penis, each thrust sending
thrills of ecstasy into her body from her clitoris.

Jeff's sexual passion matcher hers.  He had been passive until this point,
but now, with a terrific wrench of his body, he tried to roll himself on
top, to take her rather that to be taken by her.  His resistance merely
stimulated her to heightened aggressiveness.  She was overcoming him,
dominating, him, taking him sexually.  Ellen, totally in the grip of her
desires, thumped away at him, arousing both of them more and more.

When Jeff felt Ellen cum, he surrendered mentally letting her stimulation
lead to his loss of control to his sexual drives.  He ejaculated in
response to her hardest thrusts.

That night marked established their marital relationship and set it on a
firm foundation.  Ellen was the butch, the strong dominant partner, the
sexual leader.  Jeff was the femme, the more passive, weaker, accepting
partner, the sexual follower.

The actual consummation of the marriage was almost an anticlimax.  Ellen
knew the time had come.  She positioned a passive Jeff on his back in the
middle of the bed, stimulate him to an erection and mounted him.  Slowly
and somewhat painfully (for no male organ had ever entered her vagina) she
lowered herself onto his erection, muttering quietly to him, "Lie still.
Lie still."  The sensation was new and strange.  As she grew more
accustomed, she began to contract her vaginal muscles with a stimulating
effect on the two of them.  Then gingerly at first she began to move.
After what was probably ten minutes Jeff's body began to buck under her as
spasms shook him.  She increased the force of her thrusts as he came inside
her.  She orgasmed as well, but not very strongly.

Their marriage was consummated at last.  In the next few months Ellen
became more proficient at bringing them both to orgasm simultaneously.

Looking back at the time of their fifty anniversary, Ellen wondered how she
could ever have been afraid of being dominated by Jeff or any man.  She
liked occasionally to demonstrate her physical dominance.  Jeff was not
always comfortable in his femme role.  He exercised and used weights to
build up his strength, but lost his enthusiasm for it as he realized he
could never match Ellen.  Still, he would look at himself in the mirror
flexing his biceps so as to compare them with Ellen's.  These occasional
longings for the traditional masculine role did not alter their
relationship, for Ellen could easily arouse him, take him sexually, make
him not just accept her butch role but respond to her physical dominance
with love and with sexual passion.