Marital Struggle
By Counselor
Husband and wife struggle over who controls lovemaking.


I was able to help the young man in this case to make an excellent adaptation
to his situation. Here is the case in his own words.

My wife is very modern. She thinks she can do anything she sets her mind to.
Probably it was that self-confidence that first made me notice her. Of course,
it didn't hurt that she is pretty with soft blonde, shoulder length hair, or
that I am partial to blondes. Her name is Barbara and for me she is always a
turn-on. When we married, I knew it was the greatest thing that ever happened
to me.

She has a competitive streak and was challenging me even before we were
married. She tried to beat me in gin rummy and in tennis. I almost always win
in gin, but she practiced tennis a lot so that now she usually comes out
ahead. One day after we had been married about two years we were playing
around in a sexy way, each trying to kiss the other's ear; finally I held her
so tight that she couldn't move and kissed her ear and blew into it until she
was really hot. Afterwards she said, "You got me that time, but someday I'm
going to win and then I'll hold you and kiss your ear and blow into it. That
will be the ultimate victory." She laughed. I loved her laugh; it was really
more of a giggle than an outright laugh.

I laughed too and said, "That will be the day", but I didn't like that remark.
It was as if she were challenging my manhood.

I knew that she was working out regularly, for she got up early and went to
the exercise center while I was still in bed. She also started taking up a
self defense course in the late afternoons on her way home from work. I tried
to keep myself in shape, too, but I was working very long hours and came home
in the evening just too tired to do anything but read or watch television.

About six months later, after we had been making love, she said, "After I beat
you, I will be on top when we make love." I knew that she had not forgotten
that goal, but then I had a fair amount of self-confidence, too. So I didn't
think too much about it.

Some months later on the Friday before Labor Day she said, "This weekend I am
going to beat you in wrestling, not to hurt you, just gently, just for fun."

I said, "Fun for whom?"

"Fun for both of us."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"How about right now?"

"No, tomorrow's soon enough."

Her cockiness was a little irritating. She was ready for a comeuppance. The
only thing to do was to wait and see what happened.

The next evening she said, "Are you ready to be beaten?"

"No."

"Ready or not here I come!" With that last word she launched herself at me. I
was partly off guard but managed to keep my footing as we struggled. She went
for my advanced leg and nearly threw me, but I broke free and we faced each
other.

"Wait a minute." I said. "I want to take off my shirt." It was just a stall. I
really wanted to get my bearings and figure out what to do. Slowly, very
slowly, I took off my shirt. It was all so preposterous. Here I was wrestling
with a beautiful, very feminine creature. The girl of my dreams was trying to
defeat me. I should be hugging her and folding her into my arms, not trying to
protect myself against her. I said, "This is ridiculous. Let's just make
love."

"Let's, but first I want to beat you."

"Why?"

"Just to see if I can. Just to see what you would do."

She came at me again and there was nothing to do but fight. She was very good
and quick. She went first for a leg and then for my head and then back to a
leg again. All I could do was to defend myself. After escaping several times I
went on the attack, but I got one leg out too far in front. With a speed that
would have done credit to an Olympic wrestler she got hold of my right leg. I
knew enough to bring her to the floor with me so that we were on our knees
facing each other, but she kept hold of my leg, pulling on it. I tried to
escape, but she got her shoulder into me and pulling on my leg flipped me on
my back. Before I could roll, she was on top of me pressing down with all her
weight. Somewhere she had learned a lot about wrestling. She maneuvered her
body across mine so that her weight was across my shoulders. Her arms were
around one shoulder so that I could not get hold of anything to try to turn
her. I thrashed around, but she shifted her weight so as to counter my moves.
Then I tried to bridge, but after a while my neck just wouldn't hold me up any
longer. The bridge collapsed.

"You're pinned."

"No, I'm not." I knew I was, but I quickly lifted my left shoulder so that it
no longer touched the ground. Her full weight shifted to that shoulder so I
let it fall and raised the other. Again her weight shifted, but this time it
was a little more evenly distributed. She had me. I kept my shoulders up for a
while, but finally I couldn't anymore. "I will give you this fall, but not the
whole fight because I didn't know what the rules were."

She got up, smiling and giggling. I could tell from she was excited. "Round
one for me." She flexed her biceps that swelled beneath her soft skin and then
threw her arms around me and kissed me. Then before I could respond in any
way, she backed off and crouched in a wrestling pose.

"Wait. I need to recover." I turned away and took a few deep breaths. It had
all happened so quickly that I was a bit disoriented. I knew that I had to
respond immediately. I thought out what I would do - attack, all out. I
launched my attack as soon as we took our positions. I got my arms around her
and bore her backwards sliding my heel behind her leg so that down she went. I
tried to pin her shoulders, but I neglected to get my body cross wise so that
she was able to wrap her legs around my middle. She hooked my right arm and
pulled so hard and suddenly that I fell to her left side. She tightened her
leg scissors and got hold of my arm and then shifting to my little finger
twisted it painfully. She used the finger as leverage twisting so that my
wrist was forced up between my shoulder blades. She had me simultaneously in a
scissors and a hammerlock. I felt a moment of panic and thrashed around as
hard as I could. She tightened her legs squeezing the breath out of me, but it
was the pain in the shoulder that was the worst. I was afraid that she was
going to dislocate it.

"Ow!"

"Give up?"

"Round two for you."

She got up, flexed her biceps again and said, "Whenever you are ready." I
remained only half way up with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath
and to figure out what to do. We had been fighting for a total of only about
five or six minutes, but I was badly winded. I was also confused and could not
think clearly. I tried to develop a plan but still had none when we both
assumed the ready position.

She closed and I backed away trying to defend myself, but I was ineffectual. I
knew it and worse she knew it. I had to get on the offensive. I tried for a
headlock, but she countered with a leg lift and threw me to the ground falling
on top of me. This time my right arm was free, but she got a wrist lock on the
left. I tried to push her off me and then to roll over, but she blocked my
every effort. I kept struggling, but I was growing weaker and even less
effectual.

As I ran out of steam she loosened her hold and plopped herself on my chest,
her hands locking my wrists to the floor and her knees pinning my shoulders.
She was breathing hard and sweating, but flushed with excitement. She bent
down and kissed me on my mouth. Then he slid around to kiss my ear gave and
blow into it sending chills down to my toes. Then she pulled her head up and
said only half suppressing a giggle, "The ultimate victory! Now, I think I
will make love to you."

For the first time I felt anger flooding through me. The anger gave me
strength to renew the struggle, thrashing, twisting, turning, arching, first
one way and then the other. I dislodged her, but she threw herself across my
body, wrapped an arm around the back of my neck and countered each move,
maintaining her balance so that the pressure of her weight held me beneath
her. I heard her giggling as she felt her ascendancy. The giggling just made
me more angry and determined. I fought on, but it was useless. Despite all my
efforts I remained flat on my back. I could tell she was enjoying herself and
not even trying to pin me.

That gave me an idea. I relaxed momentarily to regroup. She relaxed, too,
rolling on her side so that her back was toward my head. It was a respite that
I needed. I tried to relax further and breathe deeply. Then suddenly I
realized she had loosed my belt and the top of my pants and was unzipping my
fly. Now panic really hit. She might pin me, but she wasn't going to take me
sexually. I could feel the adrenaline rush as I thrashed and almost succeeded
in rolling over, but she shifted her weight back to my upper body forcing me
back.

"Don't fight me. Let me love you." Her voice had a slight edge.

"No!" I shouted. Even in that condition I could tell that there was a
quavering in my voice and hoped that she would not notice. "No," I said again
as calmly and as firmly as I could. I continued to struggle, trying to get her
enough off balance to throw her off me.

"Damn it! Stop fighting me." She rarely swore and the intensity in her voice
made me pause for a moment. I stopped, but she didn't. I felt her hand sliding
into my underpants and thrashed again. But it did me no good. Her hand closed
around my balls. She pulled up and squeezed. That was enough to stop my
struggles. She put her face close to me and said, her voice now low and soft,
"Now don't fight me. Just lie still. Relax and enjoy."

Her lips pressed hard on mine. Then her tongue pushed apart my lips but were
stopped by my teeth. "Let me in," she whispered giving a little squeeze to my
balls. I opened and her tongue entered, exploring, probing. It was as if time
suddenly stopped and I was floating. My breath came faster as we seemed to
melt together. Finally she withdrew and turning my head to the side began
kissing and blowing in my ear. I brought myself back to reality and tried not
to let it get to me, but it was very sexy. I let out a moan.

"That's it. Let yourself go." She turned my head and began blowing in the
other ear. I could feel her hand doing things between my legs. I was getting
quite aroused, but I didn't want it this way. I moaned again, "Ohhh. No. No.
Stop. Wait. We haven't finished wrestling. Please. Wait, just a minute."

"I won't and you can't stop me. So relax and enjoy." Then I felt her kissing
and sucking my nipple. Something unfamiliar seemed to knot in my lower
abdomen.

"Oh. Please. Oh."

"Does that do something for you?"

"I don't know."

She giggled. "Well you don't know much now. Do you?"

She rose up into a kneeling position and then, still holding my balls, pulled
down my pants and underpants and then with one hand took off her own. She
stroked my cock while I lay there helpless. Then she took me inside her. "Be
still. Just lie quiet." I felt her pelvis begin to thrust against me, up and
down, up and down. I looked at the corner of the ceiling and tried to
concentrate on it, on anything, but what was happening to me. I would not let
her have her way, not let her have me like this. But my body was no longer
under my control. It responded to her insistent rhythm, following her will
rather than my own. I grit my teeth. Summoning all my will power, I made a
supreme effort to throw her off, but she held on never interrupting her
rhythmic thrusts.

It was like trying to resist a great current. First my body surrendered
matching her rhythm from below. Then my will gave way. Mind and body were
hers. "Oh! Oh! Oh!!! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh! Honey! Honey! Honey."

My words of surrender were matched by hers, "Yes! Give yourself to me! All the
way!" And then her laugh of triumph. I was now carried away by the current, by
her. She took me and I responded opening myself as never before. Somehow my
surrender liberated me. I responded totally, wantonly, wildly. She raised me
to higher and higher planes; until I thought I might die from the ecstasy.
"Now!!" she commanded and my body responded.

Afterwards I lay on my back with her arms around me hugging me tight. She
kissed my eyes and my nose and my mouth. "I love you so. I loved having you
that way. I loved your resisting me, but, when you gave in, I knew we were
made for each other. It was the most exciting experience of my life, being on
top of you, making you mine. You know you still are mine. You couldn't resist
me even now, could you?"

"I guess not." I knew she was right. My whole world seemed bounded by her.

"How did you feel?"

"Strange, out of control."

"Of course you did. I was in control. Anyway what's wrong with your wife being
in control."

"Nothing."

"Did you like being taken?"

What could I say? "I don't know."

"You loved it. Admit it."

"I really don't know. It was exciting, but different."

"Well, if you don't know, we'll do it again and again until you do know."

"Oh, I don't know about that."

"You won't have anything to say about it. You loved it. I could tell. And I'll
make love to you that way anytime I want and you can't stop me. Besides this
is the year of the woman. You're just lucky you have a wife who likes sex."

It was peaceful being held there in her arms. "Kiss me while I'm still yours."
She did, long and hard with her tongue entering my mouth. Suddenly I wanted to
tell her more about how it was, "I guess I have done a lot of taking. I
thought it was a male thing. Tonight something happened inside me. You could
do anything you wanted with me and I gave my body, my mind, all of me to you.
I've never done that before. I might do it again, but I don't know if I
would."

"Don't worry. You will do because I want you like that again."

With that I puckered my lips inviting her to kiss me again which she did.

She pulled up. "When did you know that it was going to happen that way?"

"Not until it did. I was fighting you until the end. Then all of a sudden I
couldn't control myself."

"Men aren't very perceptive. Do you know when I knew?"

"No."

"When you opened your mouth and I put my tongue in. You never let me do that
before."

"I couldn't do anything else. You were squeezing my balls."

"You could have put up more resistance. Besides you responded. I thought to
myself, 'I'm raping him with my tongue and he loves it.' Then I knew you were
going to be mine and you are."

That was three years ago. We've made lots of love since that time, but I have
never once been on top. It used to bother me and we had some tough fights over
it, but as Barbara said, "You don't have any say about it." She's right I
don't. In fact, I don't want to anymore. Sometimes I pretend I want to be on
top and we have a little tussle that adds some spice, but I would be
disappointed if she didn't win. You see, when she's in control, all my
restraints are off. Then I don't think, I don't worry, I can't do anything but
respond. And every time I am learning to respond a little better and make it
more fun for her.