Stay Strong and Focused Part 42
By Corbin
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young woman.


Courage

Integrity

Dignity

Self Respect

And respect towards others...

Above all that, try to remain humble.

This is what I try to live by, although one might not come to that conclusion
about me if you have been reading along, but If there is one thing I have
learned, you had better self-inflict that trait of being 'humble' on yourself,
or life has a way of teaching you how to be humble. I would rather teach
myself then have life humiliate me in front of a bunch of people, why just the
other day I was walking to my car and started to believe that the slippery
qualities of ice have no affect on me...and then I was on my ass in front of a
bunch of people in the parking lot. Three guys were there to assist (nice to
be a girl sometimes) even if I was probably stronger then all three combined,
I did enjoy the lavish attention as they competed to be the ONE that helped me
to my feet.

While I may bellyache about the men and women I encounter on a daily basis, I
believe that the forces of good outnumber the bad that most men and women do
try to attain the above aforementioned qualities.

But sadly, it's only the bad apples you hear about in the media, rarely the
achievements of the good or the wholesome. If you watch even a little
television you would probably assume that the world is full of nothing but
underachievers and girls/guys gone wild, yet I believe that is only a small
minority of the population.

When I was still in College (which wasn't that long ago) most of the girls I
knew kept their heads down and focused on studying. Yes we partied and dated,
but me and my friends were not the whore mongers that MTV makes this
generation out to be. We did not drink to get drunk and we did not sleep
around, and not just my friends but A LOT of guys and girls I knew acted with
self respect.

As I may have mentioned, almost right out of College I went to work for
Insurance Company in their Actuarial department. I was very good with
statistics and crunching numbers, believe it or not. It was an insanely boring
job, but it paid very well and the benefits were outstanding. The company
supplied me with my own laptop, which I carried with me everywhere I went. I
got some pleasure of out mocking the guys in my department who complained
about how heavy the laptop bag was when filled with all of their junk. Heavy?
You must be kidding me, what a bunch of wimps! But then again these guys were
poster children for the pale, weak and anemic, so having me around the office
was somewhat of a delight for them.

Take this jewel of a moment, when several guys were discussing how to slide a
large file cabinet several feet down the hallway. So they were putting forth a
great deal of energy in talking about how to move it, could they even move it,
and how heavy was it, all without ever TRYING to move it. I was eavesdropping
on all of this from my office only about a few yards away, but I just had to
go over and see this first hand. By the time I worked my way over it was
obvious they were now ready to give up and call Administrative Services and
have some movers come up to the sixth floor and jack the thing up with one of
those hydraulic hand carts.

Now, nothing gets me more fired up then people who waste time, so I'm now
ignoring their conversation and studying the subject of this massive
discussion. I'm looking at this hulking cabinet, it's made by HON and it's one
of those large, metal, lateral file cabinets that is also designed to be fire
resistant. It's slightly taller then I am, and I stand about 6' tall, and it's
about 8' wide, and I know it's bulging with files. Maybe they're right, the
thing looks damn heavy, but fuck it and I walk over to the left side and start
to adjust my feet, this may not go to well because I had on some nice shoes
that did not have much grip on the soles. Also, did I mention there are no
feet or rollers on this thing?

"Don't bother Corbin." Were going to put a call into...

"How far?" I grunt and began to push. I wasn't going to throw everything I had
into it; I was dressed nice and didn't want to break into a stinky sweat.

"No, no, don't hurt yourself! Let us help!" The guys were calling out, more of
a panic in the sense that they might have to do some physical labor or maybe
because some girl was showing them up? Hmmmmm.......

"How far?" I huffed, getting impatient. And I'll be damned, that thing started
to creak and I really leaned into now. With a sudden jolt, the base skidded a
few inches and I knew I had to keep up the momentum cause one little snag on
the carpet and it would leave a nice little rip.

"It's going to rip the carpet!" One of the adorable geeks yelped.

"It'll be fine." I sighed.

"Okay, okay that's good." I heard one guy say after I had pushed the thing
several feet down the hall. In fact, I noticed that it had gotten pretty darn
quiet as about five of the guys simply stood there looking at me. But it
wasn't until I followed their line of sight that I saw it was my arms they
were looking at as I remained leaning against the side of the cabinet, not
pushing, just bracing my leaning body with my arms. Apparently the effort had
swelled my triceps and forearms up just a little and if there is one thing I
am blessed with, is an incredible muscular definition throughout my entire
body.

"What?" I awkwardly mumbled and just dropped my arms to my side. A few of the
guys realized what they were doing and kind of milled about trying to play off
the moment.

"We have or own moving department in Corbin!" Nick piped up in an attempt at
humor, which did get a round of laughter from everyone. Nick was cool, he was
short, thin and a self admitted weakling, he took that in great stride and had
a great sense of humor about it. He didn't try and act manly, he knew his
limitations and recognized the fact I could probably squash him easily, a part
of me suspected that he would enjoy that a great deal.

The other guys appeared to be going thru various stages of macho self doubt,
how could I just plow this cabinet down the hall, single handedly, while it's
sheer size and presence had intimidated them into inactivity.

"How much can you lift?"

Ahhhhh, crap! I knew that question was coming, that is one of the first
questions guys always ask. I shrugged and walked back to my office, "I don't'
know." They always hate it when I tell them I don't know, "I don't keep track
of that stuff."

So now, I have this legion of followers and fans that follow me back to my
office. I suspected I should have just closed the door and not helped, but I
smoothed out my skirt and sat down behind my desk. I did the polite thing and
chatted with the guys until it became clear I wanted to get back to work. I
admit, I enjoyed my reign of power while working in that office, we used to go
on team outings and the Director even got these slugs out to play volleyball
when the weather got warm. I love volleyball and had to restrain my efforts as
I easily pulverized my opponents. Smashing the ball into some guy's face, who
has little to no athletic ability, can be dangerous. Eventually, I got saddled
with all of the worst players but I could still carry my team to victory every
time, it did mean I would have to exert and sweat my butt off a bit more, but
then again maybe that's what the guys loved to see me do.

I tried to get these goobers to play soccer, but forget that, it required way
too much physical effort and skill.

It's rather hard to describe, the only thing that made this job bearable was
the amount of respect my peers gave me. Based first and foremost on my
physical appearance and abilities, then my skills on the job. I didn't mind
that order of things because like I said, I started to enjoy the insulating
effect this hero worshiping was starting to have. Unfortunately, the moral
took a hit with some of the men when I started to date Robert, and I am sure
most of the guys at my work were wishing ill-fate upon my boyfriend.

Come the month of May in North Caroline, it can get pretty hot, and being so
active, I am usually forced to wear clothes that help keep me cool. Fewer
clothes means more skin, more skin means lot's of attention from guys and some
women, but there were times when I just would sweat it out and where the
lightest long sleeve shirt I could. One particular problem I was starting to
have was with the width of my shoulders, a serious downside to having a body
that responds so well to exercise and weight lifting.

So there you have it, I had a nice little job right out of college, a new
boyfriend, Sharon was dating her new guy Paul, so everything seemed just
picture perfect...right?

Wrong! You have to remember, my life is a story of ultimate tragedy, so
whenever I would have a moments peace and quiet, the 'invader' would creep in
from the dark recesses of my mind....in retaliation I would cover my eyes and
try to banish the thoughts.

'Why!?...Why!?...Why!?...Can't I seem to let this thing go!?' I often pleaded
to myself, fighting for control of my emotions, 'I just want to forget
everything'. Yep, you guessed it, I'm still obsessing over Sharon...maybe I
need some more counseling?

I wish that was my only problem, but no, problems come by the multitude it
seems;

1.) I had a crush on Sharon, which would be fine if I was a guy, but I'm a
girl, a girl with a boyfriend.

2.) Sharon's boyfriend Paul doesn't like me; he feels threatened by my quiet
demeanor and how physically strong I am. Also, the way Sharon puts me on a
pedestal.

3.) Tasha was starting up again, impending confrontation on this one.

4.) I still couldn't make amends with Nikki, because Nikki hated Sharon and I
lived with Sharon. But I so longed to be with Nikki that it tormented me day
and night. But wait a second, I'm also attracted to Sharon, and the two of
them hate each other. Well isn't that just lovely! :)

5.) Problems with my boyfriend Robert began to surface...you'll see, and yes
it has everything to do with working out.

6.) Not long after I joined the gym, the owner Mike starts to harass me to
enter into fitness competitions.

I know stupid silly stuff for sure. It's not like I am sick or anything, and I
know people that are out there having REAL problems to confront and mine are
strictly of a social nature. But take it or leave it, that's my world.

The one thing I was looking forward to doing, was stomping Tasha. That would
be one of the many catalysts which would motivate me into jiu-jitsu
competitions and stomping the shit of other people, a sheer joy in kicking
ass. Thankfully, Tasha was a hard headed idiot that was determined to prove
that if she picked on me enough, I would just cower and run away, even if I
was taller and stronger.

I tried talking sense into the girl...I can think of only one other thing to
do, maybe try beating some sense into her? :)