Contemporaneous by Corbin Chapter 15 ********** This society is going thru an age crises. I watch in horror at how people line up to get plastic surgery, you just have to look around and see how men and women are desperate to roll back the years. My primary concern isn't with the vanity of it, no my problem is this obsession with erasing history, removing the scars of our past in an attempt to stay young for tomorrow. When I look in the mirror, or wash my body, I see the scars from where I fell off my bike, or from playing soccer, and even a few from a couple of fights. These are a part of who I am and as the years take their toll on my body, that too will become a part of who I am, just as much a reflection on how well I took care of my skin when I was younger. When you watch TV nobody has any wrinkles or lines on their face, everything is grossly pulled tight, covered up and filtered, it looks nasty, and gross. ********** Subconsciously I think I may have some anti-social issues :) I was in Dick's Sporting Goods yesterday, just browsing when I passed a long rack of aluminum baseball bats, I then had this strange desire to pick up one of those bats and beat the crap out of some inanimate object, you know just to vent. Maybe I have some suppressed anger issues? So anyway, there I am holding this bat, admiring it's destructive potential like some dummy, when I get a vibe someone is looking at me, just over my right shoulder. So being the ever discrete person that I am, I jerk my head to the right to see who it might be, expecting some guy or guys to be lurking around. I was awkwardly shocked to see this very attractive brunette picking thru some jogging shorts across the aisle way, I have to say that yes, she was very, very attractive. So I'm fumbling to put the bat away and glance back over at her as she looks up at me and she gives me a lingering smile. So what do I do? I blush like some idiot and smile back, and I'm still fumbling to put that stupid bat back on the rack, now I want to beat myself over the head with it. I wanted to just kind of slink away feeling embarrassed at the fact I was even flirted a little with her, checking her out a little bit as well as we kept exchanging glances and some awkward hellos. 'You look really fit!' She even said to me and that's when I knew I had to get the hell out of there, I was all thumbs and tripping over my own feet. 'Uh gotta go....uhm....see you later!' (See you later? How dopey, No I won't be seeing you later!) So I just head for the exit because I don't normally act like this, maybe I was flattered but so what, I see lots of attractive women and men walking around checking me out. But every once in a very rare moment I make this unspoken connection with someone that leaves me feeling flustered and at a loss for words. That's exactly what was happening back in that store and I needed to put some distance between me and that girl less I fall into temptation. It's happened with guys too, just so you know, and it kind of screws with me to have my body firing off responses to both sexes, but I just go with it and don't worry anymore. :) As I was now hustling my way out of the store I passed a section with all of the exercise equipment, all nicely spread out on display. Amongst the shiny displays I saw something called the 'Ab Recliner', that's right, my eyes could not believe it, the ultimate Ab exercise for the laziest people in our society. An exercise machine, cleverly disguised as a recliner, so you fat assess can sit back, drink your beer, watch TV and work those Abs. PATHETIC! "Geee I don't know why I can't get rid of this giant tractor tire that hangs around my waist?" Hmm, I have an answer, because it takes hard work! And it's EASY putting off HARD work and just doing a bunch of crunches will NOT do it! ********** I got out of College and jumped right into the corporate world, but that was just a means to an end, which was to pay my gym membership. And I won't mention the name of my gym either. I was wearing a lightweight jacket and long sweats during my workout. It helped to keep the cool air, pumped in from the overhead vents, from zapping the moisture off my skin thus cooling down my body and muscles faster then I would like. Today however was a little different as the A/C was partially on the fritz and so off came the jacket and sweat pants. Even with the overhead fans turned on the lack of cooling air meant that the entire gym had become its own sauna, reeking of bodily sweat (Guys here is some advice okay, USE DEODORANT! Take a shower, take two showers! But for the love of God practice some basic hygiene for crying out loud. You know all that junk we women buy; The shaving products, lotions, creams, skin care, hair conditioners. What's the end result? We smell nice, our skin is smooth, clear and soft, you like that don't you? So how about practicing some of that on yourselves!) ********** Nikki and I breached the subject of moving in together, but there was the issue of being friends and lovers so we needed to move forward as any other dating couple would. So that left me with Sharon as a roommate, we've been roommates before, so the ground rules were already set, she would not annoy me with constant talking, which would save me from going crazy and her from getting a severe beating for annoying the crap out of me. Sharon understood me though, she knew I was quiet most of the time and could be a loner, something she didn't take personally. On the other end of the spectrum Sharon was a social terror, always coming and going, planning, inviting co-workers over and having small social events at our townhouse to schmooze with her peers at work. What fucking peers? Her father is the CEO and Chairman, she goes crying to daddy if people give her a hard time. I usually stay at Nikki's anyway, or hide in my room, or go to the bookstore, or gym when Sharon has company over. On the rare occasion she insists that I make an appearance at one of her parties I just grin and deal with it. "Your so mean to me." Sharon would pout, "So anti-social to my friends." And on and on the guilt trip would go, all because I didn't frequent her parties. But enough of all that fun stuff we need to dive right into a totally miserable event that blind sided me like a freight train. Just a few months after graduation, life appears to be getting into a grove (I like that) and then Nikki floors me with something: "I think we should take some time apart, romantically." Nikki said in an almost calm manner at first, I remember this conversation so vividly, it was a Saturday afternoon and she was sitting across from me in a chair, while I sat on her sofa. "What? What the hell!" I blurted out, I had no clue where this was coming from, she normally doesn't keep stuff from me, how long has these been brewing inside of her? What the flipping, dang, freaking hell is she talking about!! "Just hear me out." Nikki pleaded while still trying to remain calm, all the while trying to calm me down now as well. I felt my heart pounding and I think I had this crazed look on my face, so much of my life was tied up with Nikki, so much of what I often thought about as being a future together was now being completely shaken up. After ALL THE SHIT we just went thru in College! I wanted to yell, cry, and have a fit of anger all at the same time. Actually that is normal for me so I should say I wanted to do all of the aforementioned to a very, extreme degree. "Listen, just listen, please." Nikki said and her voice started to tremble as she stood up and walked over to the sofa "I've thought about this long and hard." "Nice of you to discuss it with me!" I snapped sarcastically, Nik quickly sat down to my right, she tried to take my right hand into her lap I but jerked it away, she didn't try again but simply clasped her hands together nervously. I watched how her hands and those delicious lips of hers trembled with emotion. "You and I are getting ready to make the biggest commitment in our lives," Nikki started out. "Already made! A commitment we have already made as far as I understood!" I corrected her with a angry snap, and for the first time I looked across at her I felt true anger, real resentment toward this girl, things I never thought I would feel that towards her. "How can you do this, how can you suggest such a thing! We are already committed!" I wasn't able to resist any longer, I was floored by what she was insinuating. "Your family and my family, our future is becoming so intertwined." She started to cry and that's when I began to cry as well (Oh gheesh the drama we women produce). "So what in the hell are you talking about? What do you mean time apart? I don't want to date around and I am sure as hell not getting involved with another girl or guy, there is no one else!" I stated almost yelling, I pounded my left fist on my left knee with almost every word. I then lowered my aching head while bringing my left elbow to rest on my left knee so I could then cradle my face into my hand. "I don't believe this, this is horrible, my life is ruined." I sobbed. I've been taking drama lessons from Sharon it would seem. I couldn't follow any of what Nikki was talking about, and then she was back tracking somewhat, now she is talking about 'slowing down' and 'still wanting to date' mumbo-jumbo. Look, I am simple person, we are either dating or we are not dating. Nikki, God love her, is as stubborn as a freaking mule, so she was dead set on us not seeing so much of each other, or whatever she wanted to call it. I felt like I needed to regain some control of the situation, of my life, so I stood up and walked around the small ottoman that was in front of the sofa, Nikki's beautiful dark eyes followed me intently, "Then call it what it is, we are officially broken up so you can go figure out whatever the hell it is you need to figure out!" A lot more crying ensues. "It's not like that Corbin! Couples do this sometimes and I don't want us broken up, I just want to make sure we are as clear as possible on this." Nikki's face got a tad red around her neck and cheeks, sure sign she was getting ready to start balling again, or very angry, or both. "I don't want to think anymore, you were the one always telling me we had to let our emotions guide us and there was no rule book to any of this!" I was struggling to keep my voice low, but I knew I was close to shouting. "That's true!" Nikki snapped, "I'm sorry this is lousy timing Corbin but now things are moving so fast!" I watched the tears stream down her cheeks, her full lips quivered and that got to me and so I covered my face with my hands and sobbed a few times, "It's always lousy timing, it's always something." I whimpered and walked toward the kitchen counter to get my keys. It felt like Dale and I breaking up all over again. What the hell! "Corbin wait." My girlfriend, I should say ex- girlfriend...GRRRRRRR!....now was walking up to me trying to hug me, but that was the last thing I wanted. "Nikki come on please I just want to go home and rest." While I awkwardly kept moving out of her gently pawing hands and toward the door, something that was a terrible struggle to achieve as every fiber of my being wanted to embrace my lover as tightly as possible. "Corbin I'm sorry, just let me get thru this, we'll get thru this okay?" Nikki pleaded. "Is there someone else?" I suddenly spun around and asked in a harsh tone. "No!" Nikki snapped and got really angry with me for that question and I could tell it dug deep at her to hear me ask that. She had every right to be angry, I was saying that to be mean, I knew there was no one else. "Okay, sorry. I am just begin a bitch." I said more of a whisper then anything and pulled the door open. I was startled to feel Nikki's hands pull on my shoulder and wrap around the front of me, I jerked and rolled my shoulders to free myself from her but she simply clutched onto me even tighter. In the end I caved because I am weak and I relented to her touch, I love her touch and let my body lean forward against the door as she rested against me. "I'm sorry love." Nikki pressed her face against the back of my head and wept. I didn't respond and didn't know what to say really, I was still in a bit of shock, I felt sick to my stomach and light headed. My right hand came up and tightly gripped her right wrist, I teetered between wanting to pull free from her hug, or just keeping her arm wrapped around me forever. I turned into her and hugged her back, I apologized again for questioning her faithfulness to me and told her I was just lashing out. We ended up back on the sofa holding one another and cuddling. Some beginning to putting the brakes on our romance huh? Such a confusing time. It didn't take a stroke of genius to figure out something was seriously wrong with me when I walked in the door, Sharon was all over the case wanting to know what happened. I think she was secretly thrilled, hoping that I was coming out of my relationship with Nikki, that maybe it was just a onetime thing on my part and I would go back to dating guys. ********** While Nikki and I chilled on the dating I actually met a really nice guy, but do not classify him as a boyfriend or anything like that, he was really good company and so we went out a few times. As friends! I was at the bookstore on one of my great escapes from one of Sharon's parties. I was looking mighty fine to, in my gray sweat pants and pullover sweat shirt, hair pulled back into a ponytail. I was there to escape, not meet anyone, but meet someone I did. He started the conversation as I was standing in an aisle way, fairly focused on finding a book, my eyes roaming back and forth on the shelves, totally oblivious to someone standing next to me, until I saw his hand point to a shelf and say "That's a good one." Why did I respond with more then a simple nod? Because he didn't even look at me, he seemed shy, but he was handsome and my height and looked fit, and okay I am going down my mental checklist to see if passes my quality control standards. :) He did, so I responded, wasn't that nice of me? "Thank you." I said and turned my head towards him, to see if he was going to engage my stare. Sure enough he did and it's amazing what a smile can do to a guy, I saw the transformation instantly, he became putty in my hands! Bwahahaha! He introduced himself, his name was Jason. Nikki and I are always honest with one another, and I told her that I was hanging around with Jason, but NOT dating him, but she still got very upset with me, accusing me of trying to punish or hurt her for this time apart. (Gheesh how did things get to messed up between Nik and I back then?) I tried to make this friendship thing very clear to Jason as well, but I think he just assumed I would 'come around' to dating him. "I can't believe I have to listen to this crap!" She yelled at me into the phone then cursed in Portuguese before hanging up. So you know what I did? I sent her a love letter, telling her I wanted to get back together and how much I missed her touch, loving voice and body. You know what that got me? Nik called me and said she ripped it up! God what a bitch (I would never call her that, nor she me, but I thought it!). So this split ended up being good in some ways because I was convinced that Nikki was my one true love, we don't often get to say that about someone. But once word filtered out (Sharon's slip of the tongue) the requests for dates was unbearable. Yeah I should not bitch, a lot of people would give their left arm for an avalanche of dating proposals. ***** But Nikki was all I ever thought about, I've never had this kind of longing for anyone.....EVER! Well, maybe Dale. Yes definitely Dale. I miss him terribly sometimes. So I went over to her apartment and confronted her about ripping up my letter, she and I had this long argument. The irony is how much we argued while we were broken up. It was like some kind of therapy the way we would vent at one another, never curse or get ugly, more like long drawn out heated discussions. And then one night, it totally hit us like a ton of bricks, we were standing in her bedroom getting ready to have another 'heated discussion'. I'm telling her 'You are the one doing the punishing, I didn't break up with you!' "We are not broken up! Will you stop saying that!" Nikki places her hands on her hips and I can see the anger rising up behind her cool exterior and steps in close to me. "Then what do you call this mess! That you started!" I snap right back and lean in until the tips of our breasts touch. Nikki then, literally grabs me by the shoulders, so I grab her back and the next thing I know her left foot hooks into my knee tripping me back onto her bed. As I begin to fall backward I pull her with me, but she's doing just as much pushing as I am pulling so we basically are falling/rolling together. But hold on a second, because now we are rolling around on top of her bed, semi- wrestling but also locked in a deep kiss! Wow! Make that double **WOW**! It was the most passionate kiss I had ever had, and that says a lot. I laid on top as both her hands came around and squeezed my ass thru my jeans, we spent a good fifteen minutes rolling back and forth and making out on her bed, no talking just kissing. We were now into a full blown grinding, groping and humping one another. Like I said, this was all some kind of weird therapy, but while we were 'broken up' we worked thru a lot of stress and emotions that we both had been bottling up. Actually this whole episode makes sense now, while we were dating back in College and prior to this breakup/whatever, we spent a lot of time trying to avoid conflict so we rarely ever argued or disagreed, but during this cooling off period we didn't resist telling the other what we thought! I mean come on, what were we going to do? Break up! We were already sort of broken up. Maybe that was the rational behind it all. But back to our impromptu make-out session; Nikki bridged her hips and rolled me over onto my back, now she was on top of me, and framed my face in between the palm her hands. Our mouths opened as wide as they would go and our tongues spent several minutes in deep exploration of the others mouth. Nikki trapped my tongue in her mouth and sucked so hard I thought she might pull it out of my throat, we loved to suck on each other's tongues. She shook out her long black hair and it fell all around my face, she smiled and I smiled back. She pushed her crotch against mine and I returned the favor, I was so wet for her. We took a break to stare into each other's eyes, you know, that loving, bedroom-eyes kind of gaze that we wanted to make love to one another right-then-and-there. I was so wet for her and I wanted her naked body against mine. Nik just smiled a little and teasingly bit on my lower lip, tugged on it a little and then let go, she sighed and then her look got serious, more serious then I have ever recalled, Nikki's eyes got dark and intense, it was very unnerving, and then she said "Your all mine. Forever." Then softly bit and tugged on my upper and lower lips again. Simple as that, she didn't need to say anything else and I didn't need to hear anymore. I was already floored and I felt my insides become warm with this odd sensation as Nikki possessively laid down the law! I loved it! I felt so weak and helpless laying there under her. I wanted to cry and whispered "I'll always be yours." With those words she was making it perfectly clear that she did not find my friendship with Jason to be amusing in the slightest. Most importantly that even while things were 'stressful' in our relationship we were committed to one another and that 'I' belonged to her! Nikki sat up and pulled my shirt off and scooted down, unzipping my jeans, she had taken charge again and I was loving every second of it. I loved this girl with all my heart and soul, our eyes remained locked in dead silence as she feverishly clawed away my clothes, then her own. When I tried to reach up to touch those beautiful breasts of hers she intercepted my wrists and pushed them up over my head, shaking her head 'no', and I obeyed her! I didn't move a muscle as I tend to get very submissive where Nikki was concerned. Nikki then proceeded to tease my face and body with her mouth and tongue her touches were so faint and erotic that the core of my body was trembling with desire. I would literally try and push my breasts up to her mouth but se would just quickly pull away. Goosebumps traversed up and down my body, my nipples were standing at full attention as she spent allot of time teasing them, blowing and lightly kissing their tips. She had me hungry for more but she controlled the pace of things to come, by now I was writhing and whimpering under her, on the verge of actually begging her to touch me more. She just smiled a little and would look up, only for her to slow down even more, that she-devil! Oh the irony of all of this, how I have spent so many years being the big prude, conservative and lecturing my friends about abstinence. But here I am begging for this girl to touch me, to do what ever she wanted to me. After that night it was pretty clear to me that Nikki was taking charge of our relationship; Emotionally, physically and sexually. Although when we met in College we were both virgins we definitely had no reservations about unleashing our sexual desires on each other, part of the reason we had to be together. Yes I have my moments were I will exert myself, but for the most part I guess you could say Nikki 'wore the pants' in the relationship, although not sure if that is a good analogy because Nikki rarely ever wears pants. But I guess you clever folks get my point. Nikki began to speak in a very serious manner as she lay propped up on her left elbow, looking down at me, her right hand stroking my left breast softly, "From the first moment I saw you, when you walked into the locker room, I wanted to make love to you. I wanted you to make love to me. I have no defenses around you, no inhibitions, anything you want to do to me I'll let you, anything you want from me I'll give you. I love and respect you more then anyone I have ever met." Our bodies, naked and with a fresh coat of sweat remained tightly intertwined, my left hand gripping her firm butt, her ass is so round and perfect, and she knows it too. Nikki didn't flaunt her body but she wore outfits, skirts and pants, that definitely accented her figure. "All I want is you, your everything to me." I sighed my left hand squeezed her butt some and then moved up to caress her face and hair, I was on the verge of crying, then I was crying as tears streamed out of my eyes. Nikki remained frozen as she looked and listened to what I had to say, her right hand had moved from teasing my erect nipple to stroking my face, she lightly kissed me, pulled back and kept looking into my eyes. She has this look sometimes, a dead serious, unwavering stare that unnerves allot of people, she's been told this, she can whip Sharon in a stare down and Sharon is the queen of the nasty, intense looks. But for whatever reason I never felt that way. Nikki's look always made me feel warm, loved, drawn into her, and made me smile. Nikki then smiled and kissed me again as our tongues began to work in and out of each other's mouth, there's nothing more I could want, I was in total bliss. Strange huh? I bet you folks were expecting me to be the more dominant one? Or maybe not. Just so you fine readers know, Nikki was not playing mind games with me, she had been so strong thru College, so strong for both of us. We all work thru these emotional hurdles in our own way, this was Nikki's way, hell I can't blame her, I pushed her away many times in College when I panicked and needed space. ********** Nikki and I had a lot of suitors by the way it was mostly an annoying distraction. I found a definite distinction amongst all of the men and could easily classify them into separate niches or fetishes; The most extreme were the ones that wanted me to beat them up, well not beat them up with my fists, but wrestle them because I took Jiu-Jitsu, they wanted to 'Roll' with me, but only because it was a 'turn on' to them, and let me retell a true moment as evidence: "She can kick my ass any day she wants." That is an exact quote that I overheard at a party Sharon was hosting one evening. And he was serious! Absolutely admitting that fact adamantly. So it begs the question 'What is it with you guys and wanting girls to kick your asses?' I would be happy to oblige please just form a line right HERE and the ass whippings will begin. But that's not fair, not every guy deserves that, well...then again :) I was even more shocked when I heard Sharon snap right back at him, "You'd enjoy that wouldn't you?" That's Sharon for you, clever and quick thinking. I was even more surprised when the guy responded with some honesty "Hell yeah!". Freaking pervert! ;) Anyway, where was I? Hell if I know, I am going to ramble in this part and there is not a damn thing you can do about it! Most guys want to do the straight up dating thing; dinner, movies, romantic walks, all of that fine stuff that I do really love. I do appreciate compliments from men who focus on my looks and body, and I think a lot of women out there are really missing out on all the attention being strong and fit can bring. (But I refuse to get 'big', a lot of guys push me to get bigger, but I refuse.) I admit I sometimes I pose in front of the mirror, especially after taking a shower when I am soaking wet. I don't feel bad for indulging in those moments because I spend so much time working in the gym and to see the payoff is amazing, it's hard to walk that fine line of getting really buff and strong while keeping something of a very sensual appeal. But let me recall an event that still hangs vividly in the back of my mind and still is a lingering problem. Well I should say 'she' is still a lingering problem, can you believe it? I still have a run in or two with disagreeable people. I mean what the heck I'm such a joy to be around! I'm always trying to mind my own business here....but alas, trouble comes looking for me. Sharon has a lot of friends, I don't even try and keep track of them all, some come and go and I never see them again. On this particular night I was eyeing a spread of food in the kitchen, my eyes dancing over the layout in tune with the growling in my tummy. But I'm a picky eater so I was trying to discretely inspect all the finger sandwiches, I'm sure it was all good, various cheeses laid out and bags of snacks spread out all over the place. I don't drink beer that often, so I opened a chilled bottle of wine and poured myself a glass. I was actually enjoying myself, I was alone in the small kitchen while everyone was scattered throughout the townhouse. (See I told you guys, I liked to be alone.) Have you ever had a moment when you just 'knew' someone was watching you? Of course you have and this is the little story of how I met Tasha, the new pain in my ass. Just as Tiffany was the thorn in my side thru College, now I have Tasha, but she was Sharon's friend so I gave her plenty of maneuvering room, or should say I gave her attitude plenty of room to maneuver. From the moment I turned around I could tell her look spoke volumes as she was sizing me up. But I was buzzing a little from the wine so I wasn't that tuned into this girl's agenda, that is if she had one at the moment. I wondered if Sharon warned her in advance that I could be a little abrasive with first introductions, probably, but just another girl in a long line of black women who 'cop' an attitude with me. Now is that prejudice of me to say that? Maybe but I have tons of experience to back it up so that's what I know! Right from the word 'Go' Tasha had a bold in your face style and attitude. It was as if she went out of her way to meet me tonight, one-on-one, and size me up. You see I suspect Tasha had been getting a big dose of the way Sharon would talk-me- up around her friends, bragging about me as if I was some idol, all very nauseating stuff, but Sharon love's to brag about anything and everything. What she owns, or the people she knows. So by now, I'm sure this girl if fit to be tied, sick of hearing about 'Corbin is so great...so athletic...so strong...blah- blah-blah...' I was not surprised that when we shook hands for the first time I picked on a slight sneer of contempt forming over her lips, probably not, but it does sound dramatic. "You must be Corbin?" was a nice of enough question you would think. Well I thought it was but with that question you have to add in her expression and darting eyes, doing a quick 'sizing up', so suddenly it's all tainted with attitude. But you have to understand sometimes we women have to struggle with the external expectations to make pleasant conversation that conflicts with an internal bitchy competitiveness, one that I could see brewing behind Tasha's expression. My response based on the above analysis went from enthusiastic to down right curt, also I just had my moment of privacy interrupted. So as I quickly tried to chew my food, taking a small sip of wine, I just smiled and nodded 'Yes', that was it. However I have to give this girl her due credit, I will say that she was very attractive. Tasha wears her hair straight with bangs tapering down around her forehead almost invading her cheeks. Her eyes were big, dark and wide, the look was piercing. Her other features were very feminine with high cheekbones and surprisingly pert nose. Her lips were full with little to no makeup on. She was a pretty girl in the face, with slender shoulders, but a very tone, lean figure making her appear very, very fit. And I've rambled enough........finger cramps....ahhhh.......wish they were the only kind I got....hahahah.....Aghem. ********* I love Christmas, mostly because of my religious beliefs, but it's the entire 'Season' thing. I am not into buying gifts and stuff; I think that's a bunch of marketing bullshit created by businesses to increase their bottom line. Okay, so where was I? I have a few guy 'acquaintances'. Notice I did not use the word friend? I am having to rethink that whole guy-friend thing, that's because history has taught me that whenever I try to hang out with some guy 'as a friend' he will always try to make a pass at me, or has hopes and aspirations of things going beyond friendship. I admit that I enjoy the attention of having someone admire my looks, and the years of hard work I had put into this body, it felt like a good and flattering thing to have. ********** "Misfit, I sit...Lit up, wicked..." -No Doubt ********** I'm BACK with more of my insanely boring ramblings and whatever lessons life has taught me. This writing thing is a snap! I don't understand why writers bellyache about all that bull crap 'Writer's Block'. Every New Year, the gym is flooded with new memberships as work-out-wanna-be sign up due to a New Year's resolution, or maybe they were given a gym membership for Christmas or to shake off the winter blues. But no matter what day or time I go, I have to navigate thru crowds of people to get from the entrance, to the locker room and forget about the weight room, also too over crowded. Even if I do have many friends why do I feel like a social outcast in everything I do? Outcast is the one word that seems to best suit me, an outcast, but there is the part of me that likes that while the other part of me hates that because it causes me so much grief. My tendency to isolate myself is what causes too many people to label me as being; stuck up, aloof, (Well I've been over this before so no sense rehashing it). I'll just end by saying this, about 70% of all the new faces at the gym will disappear come spring and summer...it always happens that way...they start out strong but end up fading away. "Ohhhhh boo hoo hoo, why can't I shed the pounds, why can't I stay on my diet, why can't I get my body to look like that girl's (meaning me) ohhhhhhh, Waaa! Waaa!...Boo Hoo Hoo" Cry me a river you wimps, it's called willpower. You focus on your goal and you just do it, you don't have to like it, you just do it and stick with it. But I guess your couch and that super-size- helping of fries has more willpower then you do. ********** When we last left our heroine (that's me), I had just left a potentially volatile situation. 'What situation is that?' you may ask, because most likely you forgot or don't care or whatever! Anyway, the situation is where I have Tasha tied up like a pretzel on the ground, choking as she babbles out her apologies, while my other hand works to valiantly keep the hem of my dress from exposing my privates. That didn't happen, although in the back of my mind I sort of think she deserved a good beat-down during our initial meeting. ********** Courage Integrity Dignity Self Respect And respect towards others... Above all that I try to remain humble. This is what I try to live by, although one might not come to that conclusion about me if you have been reading along, but If there is one thing I have learned, you had better self-inflict that trait of being 'humble' on yourself or life has a way of teaching you how to be humble. I would rather teach myself then have life humiliate me in front of a bunch of people. For example, last winter I was walking to my car and started to believe that the slippery qualities of ice have no affect on me, and then I was on my ass in front of a bunch of people in the parking lot. Three guys were there to assist (nice to be a girl sometimes) even if I was probably stronger then all three combined, I did enjoy the lavish attention as they competed to be the first one that helped me to my feet. While I may bellyache about the men and women I encounter on a daily basis, I believe that the forces of good outnumber the bad, that most men and women do try to attain the above aforementioned qualities. But sadly, it's only the bad apples you hear about in the media, rarely the achievements of the good or the wholesome. If you watch even a little television you would probably assume that the world is full of nothing but underachievers and girls/guys gone wild, yet I believe that is only a small minority of the population. When I was still in College (which wasn't that long ago) most of the girls I knew kept their heads down and focused on studying. Yes we partied and dated, but my friends and I were not the whore mongers that MTV makes this generation out to be. We did not binge drink and we did not sleep around, and not just my friends but a lot of guys and girls I knew acted with self respect. ********** I was a ragging bitch at the gym yesterday (time of the month). I have become fed up with people that 'hang out' and 'sit around' on equipment while socializing. The worse offenders are the ones that prop themselves up on some equipment with no intention of exercising, they are just sitting and waiting for their boyfriend or girlfriend to finish their workout on some adjacent piece of equipment. So I stretch while waiting for this scrawny, blonde, idiot girl to un-mount herself from the sit-up bench I don't know the fucking techno name, so I call it the sit-up bench cause that is what it's for. She is just sitting on it, not doing sit-ups, not doing anything, for like ten damn minutes! So I am on the ground nearby stretching out, facing the wall so guys don't stare at my crotch while I spread my legs out. I'm wearing knee length shorts, but guys pretend they have x-ray vision and stare anyway, or try and get a shot of cleavage or something. Anyway, back to the reason why I am beginning to implode, this dumb-shit is sitting like a statue on this equipment. Well, my imploding has nowhere else to go, so I must vent and stand up and turn towards this stick figure with big fake boobs, all dressed up in her tight pink sweat-pants and pink T-shirt and I say: "Would you mind removing yourself so I can use it to workout." "You can ask nicely." She slowly stands up in a huff. She's about my height, but there's no doubt I can wad her up like a paper cup and stuff her into the waste basket. "If you want to lay around you can park your ass up front where the lounge area is." I snap back. "Whatever! God you're a bitch!" She huffs and walks off. Now I am happy, smiling as I begin doing my sit-ups. Some people carry anger and frustration with them all day long, I usually let stuff go and tune it out, or channel it into my workout. I assume she ran off and blabbed to her boyfriend, cause now she is following some guy around and he's shooting me these hard, tough, chest-thumping looks. I offer up a few smirks in his direction, something I do to bait someone and find out if they are all bark, so what did tough guy do? I'll tell you what he did, nothing! Little punk, he was all bark...oh well, I was in the mood to vent some more too. I was hoping tough-boy was going to say something to me, actually he was probably thinking about asking me out on a date :) God I can have such a swelled head sometimes. Next time, I'll have to tell you kind readers about the click of girl's at my gym that have formed the official anti-Corbin league. As if I don't have enough shit to put up with! (Actually I don't, my life is pretty easy going, but that sounded good as I was typing.) ********** "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery ********** If any of you find that I am repeating myself as I begin one of my rants....tough shit! Most of you slackers are probably couch potatoes anyway and willingly watch re-runs on the TV, so what's the big deal? A re- run of my yapping is better then any TV show! As I have probably indicated previously, I love the 'Heat'. No you goobers, not the Miami Heat basketball team...but the Summer HEAT! It really irritates me when people say things like.... "Gee, it's going to be a hot one today." Oh yeah? Really? A hot one? No shit Sherlock! It's summer time...and it's going to stay hot for the next few months...SO STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW HOT IT IS! Morons! I've given up on TV all together, what little watching I did I can no longer stomach. The fake 24/hr Cable News Channels, feeding us preprocessed bullshit that doesn't matter. Politicians that lie every time they open they're mouths, living off the fat of land from some bill they passed in the middle of the night so they will be taken care of while the rest of us rot on a corrupt social security platform that's regurgitated come every fucking election. Or hold some bullshit hearings on Steroids in baseball when no one gives a damn, all the while people are dying of diseases as Pharmaceutical companies hold back on delivering drugs to the market because it's not the right time financially to release it to the market, and because they make more money off of perpetuating the myth that they're is no cure for the common cold because they reap so much money from selling their crappy over the counter cold treatments. ***WHEW*** I feel better now. Class dismissed. ********** I bitch endlessly about going to any type of social activity. Although, once I get there I normally have a great time. Pretty screwy huh? Anyway, I actually was looking forward to going out to this particular party as it was a much needed distraction, and most important of all, Nikki was meeting me there! So 'duh' of course I was already pumped to go! But let's switch gears to my main concern at this moment, what to wear, I decided on something a bit sexier than my usual attire, opening my closet I pulled down a thin, very skimpy silk dress. Holding it up to my body the dress stopped about mid thigh, pretty short, I neatly laid that on the bed. Reaching for the dresser drawer, I picked out a white silk thong and laid them down next to the dress and lined up a pair of shoes on the floor. It looked almost too good to put on, but I knew it would look much better when it was actually on me. :) The shower was far more relaxing then I could have anticipated, I had to focus a little and shift gears, something I had to force myself to do, 'Must get into social-mode' I am now telling myself while attempting to primp a little, which didn't come so easy for me. Most times Sharon would have to help me with my hair and makeup or it would take me forever to finish up. Finally I was ready and pulled on my white thong, maneuvering my thighs and hips to let the elastic material settle in. Picking up the dress next, I awkwardly slipped the dress down over my head and shoulders. Basically it was easy, letting the thin fabric fall down and over my hips, with some minor adjustments around the breast area. I loved how the pinkish color of that dress helped to accent my tan legs and arms. I have to admit, I felt sexually adventures and daring going without a bra and such small panties, especially in such a snug short dress, but the top of the dress had enough lining that my nipples wouldn't stab any eyes out. But it felt very sensual the way the fabric clung to every curve of my practically naked body, and even felt somewhat vulnerable at such exposure, something I am not at all accustomed to, but love the feeling of! "WOW! Holy Shit!" Sharon's voice startled me from behind. I couldn't help but smile as I carefully applied a little lipstick. "Truly stunning, you are such a beautiful girl Corbin!" Sharon kept shaking her head as she walked up behind me and rubbed my bare shoulders. "Thanks Sharon." "God I hate you!" Sharon smiled and flicked a finger at my skin playfully which almost made me laugh. When we finally arrived at the party the first thing I noticed was how elegant and beautiful the house was, Sharon wasn't joking when she bragged about this place! I mustered my best socializing personality as I made my way thru the crowd, but I am terrible at maintaining a casual conversation. Call it rude/selfish/A.D.D. whatever, I've pissed a few people off while chatting with them while my gaze drifts into space or I'll find swirling the wine in my glass to be more entertaining then the person I am speaking to. Thankfully it wasn't long before Nikki arrived, I almost dropped my glass of wine at the sight of her. You see, there is gorgeous and then there is off-the-chart, drop-dead sexy, gorgeous. (The latter part would be Nik) I literally caught my own breath for a second, and no exaggeration on my part when I say every guy in the room stopped talking and stared. Her form fitting, short black dress, even shorter than mine was putting her dark olive skin well on display, especially those toned bare legs of hers, a pair of legs attached to a butt so sensually perfect that she is inundated with modeling offers (I mean not only for 'that' part of her anatomy, but you get my point assuming I actually have one.) The hostess approached Nik first (The Hostess was hanging out greeting guests anyway so don't think she rushed to the front just for Nikki) then a few more people (rabid ass-kissing guys) swarmed in. Now I could barely even see her, this is getting fucking ridiculous! "Your beautiful." A slightly husky, but feminine, voice came from my right. FUCK OFF! And this offending person received a severe backhanded smack! No, not really. But that was what I was thinking. I turned my head and there stood this very handsome girl with short dark brown hair, fashioned in a very masculine way, slicked straight back, it was very sexy. She was wearing a big collared, white button down shirt, but it was unbuttoned almost all the way down the front showing off the fact she was not wearing a bra and didn't need to, with a pair of black pants, snug at the top and flared at the bottom. At least she wasn't groping me, she didn't need to, her eyes were doing the groping and undressing. Usually it was the guys doing this, so I was intrigued by this woman. "Thank you." I said and took a sizable gulp of my wine, this for some reason made the girl smile a little. "My name is Sandra." and she stepped in closer while extending her hand. "I'm Corbin." I shake her hand, no firm grip from this girl, she gently squeezes, almost massages my palm and keeps holding my hand firmly but gently. And I don't mind so much, our touch is electric. "Are you alone?" Sandra asks. My fingers go slack indicating my end of the handshake is over and she slowly gets the hint, reluctantly letting go. "My girlfriend just arrived." I smiled and glance over making eye contact with Nikki who has managed to untangle herself from a throng of salivating males, "But she is more the just my girlfriend, she's my lover." My heart palpitates as I say this, I still get excited whenever I announce to a total stranger that I was in love with another girl. Sandra's reaction was easy to read, her light brown eyes get this excited expression, her smile turns up a few watts and she looks about ready to speak but is cut short by Nikki's sudden appearance. Now Sandra was speechless. "Hi love." Nikki sighs with a look of relief as we step in to give each other a long, soothing hug, "You look stunning, absolutely radiant." Nikki smiles and looks me up and down as she leans away. "Thank you," I gush like some fool and even turn a shade of red, "You're looking as beautiful and sexy as ever, you have the whole room mesmerized." I gesture out to the people around us. I then politely introduce Sandra, who then admits to Nikki that she was trying to hit on me! Sandra's sudden honesty elicited genuine smiles and laughs from all three of us. "You are one of the most exotic, beautiful women I have ever seen." Sandra says to Nikki who simply smiles a little. "That is such a kind thing for you to say." Nikki replies. "Corbin says you two are lovers." Sandra says boldly but looking a little flustered herself. Now it's Nikki's turn to blush as her cheeks turn bright red, I feel her right hand move to wrap around the back of my waist pulling our hips in tighter. "Yes." Nikki says with a glowing smile. Sandra's fingers of her left hand danced up and down her bare chest in a very alluring manner. It was a subtle, sensual gesture and deftly talked around the sexual vibe she was putting off toward me. Sandra was so smooth in her very forthright manner that Nikki and I didn't seem all that phased or insulted. We are frequently on the receiving end of many, many offers for threesomes, foursomes. If you can think it up it has been offered to us. Nikki gently squeezes my waist as I wrap my left arm around her waist, but we both warmed up to Sandra quickly. So we initiated a social threesome at the party with Sandra, although the elephant in the room was a sexual threesome Sandra was after. Sandra is a great woman. Beautiful, smart and funny. Her honesty was refreshing. We befriended her quickly and things seemed to take off from there. Later, after the party ended, Sandra asked if we wanted to both come back to her place. Ah, there it is, the moment of truth. If there was ever room for a third person in our relationship, and lovemaking, it would be Sandra. But Nikki and I are strictly monogamous. We might flirt with other people, indulge in some suggestive dancing, but at the end of the day and night, there is only the two of us. ********** Nikki and I find a remote corner of the house to talk the privacy was nice, we liked to speak in very close-quarters so as not to draw lingering stairs. Wetting my lips with my tongue I make a sad pouting face. Nikki just sighed and rubbed her bare thigh against mine her left hand stroked my right arm. We simply stared at one another in silence. I leaned in to kiss her on the lips I did so lightly, so our lipstick wouldn't smear. I felt Nik nudge her knee at my inner thighs and I shifted my legs apart to give her better access, I moaned as her leg brushed against the thin panty- lining that covered my crotch. We stayed like that for what seemed like a long time, subtle touches that had both of us panting and wet between our legs. Initially I wasn't even aware that I was slightly grinding my crotch against her bare upper thigh. My back tingled with excitement. Nikki lightly dragged her nails up my thigh, touching the hem of my dress, pausing before pulling it up to revel more of my skin. "I want to rip your underwear off right now." she whispers as her nails dig a little more into the side of my hips. Now my dress is hiked up dangerously high showing off my right butt cheek. I swallow hard and whisper back, "Do it." Nikki smiles a little at my banter and leans in, teasing my lips with hers, "I will, that I can promise you." and she lets the hem of my dress lower. Needless to say I was going back to Nikki's apartment, that is what I wanted and that is what she wanted, and one good pair of panties shredded shortly after we arrived. **********