College Years: 27 By Corbin, corbinforte@yahoo.com "Let bravery be thy choice, but not bravado." Menander (342 BC - 292 BC) Pre-Story Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Observations... Well, it's dead, my computer that is, it finally died the other day. All seemed lost...everything I had ever accumulated on that hunk of junk; pictures, emails, my diary...everything. But then an angel from heaven smiled down on me and I remembered that this guy in our townhouse-complex did computer 'stuff'. So I knocked on his door asking him for help, which he seemed more then eager to please...I also offered to financially reimburse him to which he replied, "Well, let's see what the problem is first." Shameful is how I felt as I sat there watching him drag that hunk of metal out from under my desk and look it over. I could tell he was slightly stunned at the condition, scuff marks from where I've kicked it repeatedly, not to mention the billows of dust and lint that fell out of the case when he finally cracked it open. The comedy show really got started when Sharon came in and sat down to watch, annoyingly filing her fingernails as she fired of smart ass comment after comment. I was doing my best to suppress my panic as he asked if I had any backup of my 'data'. "Well, if we had a backup, we wouldn't need your help, now would we?" Sharon gripped. "SHARON!" I snapped, that was awfully rude of her. She just shrugged and continued to file her fingernails, I know it's that bitchy side of hers coming out. That's when reality started to settle in as I realized years of personal stuff was lost...or so I thought. Fuck I was ready to panic...wait...ready to? I was panicking! Well, he leaves to go and get a spare hard drive from his townhouse downstairs (people actually have spare hard drives lying around?) and somehow...and I don't know how, he got the thing to boot off a CD and was able to run some software that took freaking hours. Long story short, almost all of my stuff was recovered onto that spare drive which he gave to me! For NOTHING! I tried to pay him, but he would have none of it! Damn, what a guy! Of course had he billed me I would have strung him up by his scrawny neck and said "YOU LITTLE PUNK, YOU WILL FIX THIS PC OF MINE AND THEN BEG ME NOT TO KICK YOUR LITTLE ASS AFTERWARDS! AND YOU'll BE GRATEFUL EITHER WAY BECAUSE I GAVE YOU THE PLEASURE OF BEING IN MY PRESENCE!!!" But I wouldn't do that 'cuase I'm nice, just a pussycat *MEOW* ;) He then offered to help copy all the recovered data off the drive onto whatever new computer I decide to buy. You know, I never even gave him the time of day before all this and all of the sudden he was a lifesaver! Spending hours helping me get all my stuff recovered and restored and never asked anything in return...and why did I never pay any attention to this guy? I guess he dresses okay, a bit skinny, a little dorky. But he was nice, courteous, kind, and generous with his time. Not sure if he's dating material but....it does make me think twice. I've never considered going out with someone who is a little shorter and pretty weak, I mean I could probably kick his butt with nothing more then a 'stern' look. Sharon is such a tease, she grabbed the guy by his right arm as he got up to leave, pulling me and him into a group hug while she kissed him on the cheek. Talk about bright red, this guy was blushing harder then I can recall seeing in a long time, it was adorable. But come on now! I know he enjoyed that hug as we thanked him profusely! :) Sometimes I think the mind is far more seductive then the body? Yeah, but I'm looking for both ya' know? We waved goodbye as he trotted down the stairs and after Sharon closed the door she ruined the moment... "I bet he goes back to his room and whacks off to that hug we gave him." She quipped while turning the knob to the deadbolt. "Thanks Sharon! Thanks for ruining a perfectly innocent moment you freak!" I snapped. "What?" Sharon just shrugged and looked at me like *I* was the one with the problem. So, what did I get as a replacement? An Apple PowerBook loaded with all the features! Damn it's so cool I love it!!! The guy at the store even set everything up for me and sat down with me to teach me step-by-step on how to use EVERYTHING! He gave me his Business Card and his personal Cell Phone number written on the back in case I had any questions....hmmm....now why do you suppose he gave me his personal cell number? I dunno?....any guesses?... ~~~~~~~ So here's a little moment I had the other day: Sitting at this old picnic table with the sun beating down on my already warm body which makes me feel wonderful. My brown tee shirt soaked with sweat, it must be at least 90 degrees with 80 % humidity, god I love this weather. You see I had to drag this table outside, why put a picnic table inside? And the view....ohhhmmmmmyyyy...what a view, looking out over these fields while I sit eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So quiet and peaceful. Part of my contentment is knowing that I am outsider, a loner...that's just the way it is with me. But accepting that has brought a lot of peace into my life. Just a moment I wanted to share :) ~~~~~~~ Now it's time for a little confession... If anyone out there has been reading this, then you know I give my gym a lot of grief...actually, I give the people that go there a lot of grief. But, I do like the management, its employees and I am unquestionably at the TOP of the female food chain, heck, I'm damn near close to being at the top period except for a few men that are hardcore body builders. Now, what I am referring to is the 'Total Package': Strength, physique, dexterity, endurance, definition (which probably could fall under physique), and yes...even looks. So what does that say about me? Well, it means that I am guilty of 'sizing' myself up against other people and perhaps being a bit conceded...and arrogant...and a few other words you can throw in the mix, god knows I've been called them all. Well, I walked into the gym this past Saturday afternoon around 5:30 pm. It was a very slow day, just the kind I like, when in one of the aerobic rooms I see this woman, long brown hair pulled into a pony tail and she is performing some Kata/Form (I didn't recognize the Style) she was all alone. But damn, she looked powerful as she executed every strike and kick with confidence and authority. She had on a black pair of pants (lower part of her Gi) but a sports bra on top. She didn't have a belt on so I had no idea what rank she was. I have never seen this girl before and I was freaking impressed...seriously, she had this 'aura' about her, where did she come from? I came so close to walking in and talking to her. Why was that? I normally avoid everyone...but she seemed to exude the opposite of everything that I am...she had tattoos on her right shoulder and one on her back and left forearm...nothing big, but you know how I dislike tattoos. She also appeared very much into the whole stand up Fighting Arts, where I love the grappling/wrestling style, it was like looking at my opposite in every way, except she did have this 'loner' attitude, like me. Also, I was taller then her, she looked to be around 5' 6" or 7". Anyway, I went into the locker room, changed and came out. I purposively walk back around to where she is, thinking I just might say hello, but now she is leaving! Gym bag slung over her shoulder and she looks at me...I simply stare right back at her and she looks away, then looks back at me, this time with a more inquisitive intense stare. Then I looked away so as not to appear obvious. Nothing hostile in that exchange, but we were definitely sizing each other up...and that was it, she left and I went into the weight room to exercise. Will I see her again? Only time will tell. 27 I knew the coming days and weeks were going to have several 'make or break' moments in my relationship with Nikki, starting with today...this very moment. Nikki opened the door, she paused and looked around studying my dorm room, and obviously she noticed the additional clothing and belongings. "Who's stuff is all of this?" Nikki casually pointed, but I think she already knew. "Oh Sharon's, she was over earlier and might stay over the night" I sighed and closed my laptop. "Really!" Nikki looked dumbfounded and appeared not to know what to make of the whole thing. I was waiting for some comment, something to open the door so that we could clear the air...all the tension that was between us, but it didn't happen. Nikki kind of shuffled around, gathering her thoughts and then suddenly looked up at me with those big beautiful dark eyes of hers; "Hey, do you mind trying something with me this afternoon?" "Try...some...thing?" My tone a bit on the suspicious side, not to mention probably sounding a bit retarded as I dragged out the question. "Yeah, I want you to come to my class, I really think you would enjoy it" "That karate class?" I zipped up my light weight jacket. "Jiu-Jitsu" Nikki corrected, "Anyway, I thought maybe you could just try it, don't act surprised we've talked about this before." She shrugged trying to act relaxed about the whole thing, but I think she was trying to get us closer again. "Uhm, well, I'll go and watch maybe..." I just replied with not much enthusiasm as I followed her down to the University Gym. "Corbin, I'm sorry about you and Dale" Nikki looked over at me and wrapped her right arm around my shoulder as we trekked down the sidewalk. I don't know why that almost made me cry, was it being away from Dale? Or the fact that I had missed her touch? Or both? "Thanks Nik" I sighed and for a seconds rested my head on her shoulder, that made her smile even though I couldn't see it, I could just feel that she was smiling. "Well, we're just taking a break right now, just because I think he was getting WAY too involved and serious about things...way too serious, rushing things." I sighed while watching the occasional leaf blow across the concrete sidewalk ahead of us. "Damn Corbin, are you okay? I mean, if you ever need to talk" Nikki said. "Thanks, I'm okay I think, it's Dale I'm worried about he's freaking out a little, afraid I don't want to be with him anymore...ever...and..." I groaned feeling that tension rise up in my back. "And what?" Nikki paused on the steps leading up to the gym, waiting for me to complete my thoughts. "People just won't give us a break," I stuffed my hands into my pockets out of frustration, "I understand that the word is out, about us being broken up, but damn I was getting asked out that very day, right after our big falling out. Not to mention Nik some of my so-called friends are now trying to go out with Dale...that really hurts." Uh-oh, better roll the eyes a few times, I feel a little moisture building up in the corners and I really don't need to start crying right now. "Your about to find out who your friends really are Corbin" Nikki reached up and gripped my left shoulder. I could see it in her eyes and it pained me, she had this glimmer of hope that something could develop between us, but I was panicking and scared as hell. I just couldn't see myself in a relationship with a girl...well it was more then that...so much more...I still had feelings for Dale. "Hey!" Nikki suddenly beamed her smile at me trying to change the subject. "What?" I whispered cautiously, leaning away a few inches. "I love your hair! It's shorter, it looks great!" I felt Nikki reach out and touch a few strands, caressing and touching it admiringly, "Thanks Nik...I have to admit, I've really grown to like it."