College Years: 23
By Corbin, corbinforte@yahoo.com
How life tests the endurance, patience, and sometimes faith of one young 
Woman.

Pre-Story Introduction/Ranting/Venting/Observations...

Many of you may be amazed to find out that I am rather well traveled, not sure why I 
think that. Anyway, my Aunt works for the Sumitomo Corporation and my Uncle (who 
is English) for a Beijing Company, he actually setup their first remote sales office here 
in the U.S. 

So, I've been to England, Japan and Hong Kong and I always take a friend or two 
when I travel (when possible as I hate traveling alone). I also always try and mark off 
some time to 'roll' with anyone and everyone that allows me too. 'Rolling' as in 
'Grappling', it's fascinating to work with other styles and I find that the Chinese 
women are VERY, VERY aggressive...so are the Russian women...but I find they 
(Russian) are quick to loose their composure and fall back on 
'catfighting/underhanded' techniques when things don't go their way. 
"Whoa...WHOA!...slow down, we are just practicing" I try to remind them.

The last girl I grappled with overseas was Luda (short for Ludmilla). I was tall, at least 
my height and damn tough, but had a bad temper. I don't like wringing respect out of 
people, but I gave me a burn across my neck when I grabbed the collar of my Gi and 
dragged it across my throat to choke me. I had just scooted out from under her for 
the umpteenth time when I got pissed off (I was always getting pissed off) and I felt 
the fabric grind against my skin. Now THAT pissed ME off and I scissored my legs 
around her waist nice and hard forcing an uncomfortable groan out of her body as I 
continued to scoot and go for a hold on her left wrist. As my body scooted her arm 
was being forced into an uncomfortable position although I still would not let go, but 
her grip was beginning to loosen nonetheless. Finally, I pushed on her wrist and I lost 
the entire grip, it was now time to teach Comrade Luda a lesson, thus I powered her 
left arm up behind her back...pushing her wrist up between her shoulder-blades until I 
yelped something in Russian, and then screamed. I won't tap, I never taps, you gotta 
break the bitch's limbs or make her scream before I gives up; I made her scream 
'cause I'm nice like that :)
Who's your momma now!
Thank god I didn't bite me, I don't trust those Russian girls.

Grappling, no problem I can take her, but it seems her forte is catfighting (Which I've 
never been in one thank god. Depends on your def of a Catfight too; For me it would 
include scratching, hair pulling, gouging, breast scratching...all that nasty stuff.) 
Anyway, Luda is a freaking wildcat as I proved later that night, taking out four other 
girls in a bar fight that broke out. Let me put it this way, take several nationalities 
(Chinese, Korean, Russian and a smattering of others; mix a little alcohol and you 
have a nice concoction for a potentially volatile situation). Me? I make a straight line 
to an exit door when any shoving or fighting breaks out, no thank you.

Another topic and small rant:

Do I have any regrets? No!

What the hell am I talking about? 

Competing at higher levels...be it fitness/bodybuilding/martial arts, and believe you me 
I've faced an onslaught of pressure over the years to do all of the above. I believe it 
all comes down to priorities; I would rather do other things with my time then travel 
to various competitions and such. I think my mindset at the gym speaks for 
itself...LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! Just because you are also a female/male fitness 
nut does not mean we are automatically buddies and are members of some exclusive 
club. 

NO I don't need you to spot me!

NO I don't need you babbling words of encouragement into my ear so I can do one 
more rep!

NO I don't want to list what my workout routine is on a weekly basis!

NO I don't want to tell you what vitamins I prefer!

NO I don't want to enter a competition!

NO I don't want you to sponsor me!

NO I won't endorse your products! NOR pose in front of a camera while working out 
(Okay, that's a partial lie, I did one exercise spread/advertisement but you'll have to 
find it on your own and that's all the clues I'm going to give away)  NOR will I wear a 
freaking itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny bikini to a photo shoot! 
'Oh you don't like the full back bottoms we are providing? Here, wear a thong...' 
NO, YOU WEAR THE THONG MR. CAMERAMAN...then again...I'll pass...I can live 
without seeing him in one of those.

(OH WOW...I LOVE THIS SONG!! 'Hanging by a moment' by Lifehouse, it just came on 
the radio...sorry...anyway...as I was saying...)

YES I am dating someone! NO I still will NOT consider going out with you, I JUST TOLD 
YOU I AM INVOVLED WITH SOMEONE!

I am going to get a tee shirt printed up with the above so I don't have to repeat 
myself.  Actually, it's not a problem anymore, and that's the way I like it! Oh and then 
you have the male-ego maniacs who can't EVER take a hint and continue to talk to 
me even if I have headphones on, not even looking at them as they talk to me.

I know allot of women who are determined to prove something...you know...kick ass 
and take names, all that junk. Well, more power to ya! Good luck!

Me? I do things at my own pace and am content ruling my little corner of this universe 
:)



23

Sharon slowly dissolved the moment by standing up, I still had a smile on her face, 
god what a relief, I mean really now, the next you know I was going to break out in 
hives or something.

"Well, I'm still worried about you..." Sharon moaned. Oh shit, I'm not out of the woods 
yet...here it comes...or here something comes.

"What for...why?" I remained sitting looking up curiously, unable to fathom what 
Sharon was getting ready to drop on her. Oh I had many suspicions, but playing dumb 
was my first choice.

"Well for starters, look at you!" Sharon waved her right hand in my direction.

"What?" I sneered with angry contempt, "What nit-picky thing are you going to beat 
me up on now?"
I really hated it when Sharon would go on a tangent about how I dressed.

"Fucking look at you...you look like some hippie, granola, mess of a..." 

"Thanks allot Sharon!" I yelled, looking up with a wounded expression on my face, 'I 
knew how to hurt my feelings although I rationalized that it was for my own good.'

"...You think I'm wrong? HUH? Your hair is a mess, do you even use a comb 
anymore?...And what's with the oversized tee shirts and everyday you wear the same 
damn crappy worn out cargo shorts, and those flip flops...holy shit...those nasty things 
are ready to walk away on their own..." Sharon continued her critique, "What is going 
on! Why are you letting your appearance go?"

"Dale doesn't seem mind" I replied with a sneer, but my voice was weak, it cut my 
deeply to have Sharon standing here saying these things, "There's nothing wrong with 
me..."

"Nothing wrong!" Sharon leaned back in faux shock, "Nothing wrong I says?" Sharon's 
eyes darted about the room as if looking for someone else to suddenly appear and 
agree with her assessment.

"What are you talking about?" I shook her head; her heart was beating faster, 
wondering if Sharon knew something that I was totally oblivious to.

"You have no idea? You just walk around...La-de-da-de-da..." Sharon performed a little 
semi circle prance, flipping her hair over her shoulders while looking up in the air in a 
somewhat clueless manner.

"Get to your point already" I sighed, but knew that one more cutting remark would 
push her over the emotional edge. I didn't know how I was holding back the tears as 
it was, my whole body felt rigid, afraid that the slightest movement would cause her 
facade to break down and began clenching my fists tighter.

"My point..." Sharon said, becoming more serious, "...is that I hear all these rumors, 
like stuff going on between you and Nikki..."

"Will you leave that alone already, one time you walk in and she's giving me a 
massage..." I just rolled my eyes.

"I'm not talking about that crap! I'm talking about a reliable source of mine that saw 
you two lip-locked in a parking lot one night, what the fuck is that all about? Good 
god I, please tell me your not..."

"Bullshit" I bolted to my feet, but my heart was pounding frantically, suddenly 
everything took on a whole other meaning to hear that people had seen me and Nikki 
being physical with one another, and suddenly my head was spinning. God my knees 
feel weak, I think I might pass out, my privacy was being invaded...out in the open for 
people to secretly manipulate and gossip, I felt nauseous.

"It's not bullshit, I know you and I see how you're acting...AND...don't you think Dale 
will freak out if he knew you were fooling around with Nikki like that?" Sharon 
continued.

"Oh god" I moaned and placed my palms against the wall as if I was going to be 
frisked by the police. The muscles along my shoulders and back tensing with stress as 
I would alternate bending her left then right knees to hide the shaking in my legs. A 
shaking that is all the more evident due to the muscle definition along my calves and 
thighs.

"...did you also know that Dale is on the verge of hearing that something is going on 
with you and Shelton?" Sharon said in a bit more quiet tone.

"WHAT!" I spun around, but gone was all the anxiety replaced by total hostile fury, 
"Who is saying that? What the fuck! What do you mean on the verge!" I took several 
steps towards Sharon. But the brunette seemed unfazed as she casually placed her 
hands on her hips while tapping her right foot.

"Damn it! Talk to me!" I reached out and grabbed Sharon's bare shoulders, literally 
shaking her back and forth.

"WATCH THE DRESS!" Sharon huffed and slapped at my forearms, pushing herself 
away, "My god, do you know how much this costs?" Sharon quickly surveyed her 
straps and made a few adjustments. "You think everyone out there is just all 
wonderfully supportive of you two? Hell no, allot of guys and girls would LOVE IT if 
you two broke up" Sharon said as I brushed some lint off the front, but quickly looked 
back up "Allot of guys would just love for you to be back in the single scene again" 
Sharon sighed.

"Well that's not going to happen!" I snapped, "Why are you just telling me about this 
now?" I waved her arms frantically, "And Shelton? Oh please...we're just friends!" I 
made a pained, confused expression.

"You two had lunch together last week?" Sharon raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"We were at the same fucking Deli Sharon! At the same time! And we decided to sit 
down and chat...YES I know he likes me but we are just friends...oh my god, I 
mean...What the fuck!" I spun around and paced towards the bed and back towards 
Sharon as her hands roamed all over my head and stomach with nervous energy.

"Now do you see Corbin?" Sharon folded her arms across her chest.

"No I don't see Sharon, fuck them...I don't care, let them talk all they want it wont 
change anything" I sighed and shook my head in disbelief.

"Oh you're so right it won't change a thing..." Sharon, ever the perfectionist, adjusted 
the straps over her shoulders again as I surveyed the hint of cleavage that rose up 
from the front, low swooping curve of her outfit and made another adjustment, 
"...gossip never infiltrates relationships and causes issues."

"Anything else I need to know?" I turned around more resolute now, trying to put on 
her best game face, only this was no game, I felt like her private life was unraveling.

"Oh, yeah, one more thing...this..." Sharon took two steps forward and her left hand 
swooped around, smacking my right shoulder, echoing off the mostly bare walls with a 
loud *POP*.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?" I jerked my shoulder back, my left hand flew out and pushed 
Sharon's right shoulder causing the brunette to retreat two steps. 'It really didn't 
hurt, just the shock of Sharon smacking me on the shoulder was all.'

"That's for fighting!" Sharon said with a disapproving shake of her head.

"What?" My eyebrows pinched together, again in confusion.

"And I told you watch the dress! I swear if you hurt one fiber on this dress I will kick 
your ass for sure," Sharon rolled her shoulders, "...and I'll do it in my high heels too, 
how'd you like that? Get your ass kicked by a chick in high heels?" Sharon raised her 
eyebrows with that taunting cocky look of hers. 

"Fighting Sharon? What fighting? What are you..." I shook my head but acting was 
not my best ability and it showed. 

"On the soccer field and knocking some girl down in a bar, then threatening someone 
in the parking lot..."

"Hey, they started it!" I spat right back defensively, "If you think I'm backing down, 
well never again Sharon..." I jabbed my left finger at the small empty space which 
separated us.

"Well no more!" Sharon stepped in.

"What do you mean no more?" I turned away but gave a quick glance over my 
shoulder like 'Who are you to tell me what to do?', but suddenly felt another shove 
come, this time on the back of my right shoulder. I had to quickly put my left hand 
out to brace myself against the wall or else fall into the nightstand next to my bed.

"Stop it Sharon, I mean it..." getting angry at my friend's confrontational tactics.

"Go ahead tough girl, start with me since you like fighting" Sharon stepped in leaving 
only about an inch between her and I. 
I quickly turned around to step aside but Sharon tracked my movements leaving me 
with little maneuvering until I was literally in a corner of the room, "Where are you 
going? I'm right here" Sharon waved her arms out to the side to keep me from getting 
around her.

"Stop it Sharon" I complained with a nervous smile, not sure if Sharon was being 
serious or what I was trying to do, "Leave me alone, what are you trying to prove?" I 
turned to my left, then right, but each time Sharon stepped in front, pushing and 
bumping her torso against my body threateningly.

"The question is...What are YOU trying to prove?" Sharon quickly replied, "Hit me" 
Sharon suddenly said.

"What! I'm not hitting you!" I almost stuttered and got a bit blushed in the cheeks, 
"Now stop it!"

"Why not?" Sharon placed her hands on her hips.

"That's a stupid question" I rolled her eyes and tried to squeeze between Sharon's left 
arm and the door on my right.

"Not till you tell me why?" Sharon's left hand flew up and shoved me back into the 
corner, which was no easy effort, but fortunately I didn't resist and went with the 
push. Honestly, Sharon knew she was playing a dangerous game, she had never 
cornered me like this and wasn't sure how I was going to react, but probably prayed 
that I didn't snap and pound her into dust. 

"Come'on, you're my friend Sharon, I'm not hitting you" I sighed and even seemed to 
relax a little, but that was nothing to the relief Sharon suddenly showed as it looked 
like I was caving in emotionally instead of exploding physically.

"Your friend? I am?" Sharon cocked her head to the right with a confused look, "Why 
can't you look me in the eyes and say it" Sharon shrugged studying my physical 
appearance, her hair was a mess, totally loose around my cheeks and hid a good 
portion of my face. 

"Damn it, tell me what your thinking, I mean look at you...your ready to explode right 
now...Jesus you're unraveling, what's happening to you?" Sharon pleaded.

"Tell you WHAT?...What do you want to hear?" I snapped, ripping away my right hand 
to reveal a pair of blood shot eyes, "And are you happy now? Huh? Making me cry, 
that's what you wanted isn't it?" I groaned and quickly brushed the tears from my 
cheeks, but they kept coming. "You're never happy until you emotionally beat 
someone down...are you Sharon? That's when your at your happiest and you call me 
your best friend?"

"I am! I'm trying to help, I don't know what else to do!" Sharon replied as her own 
composure started to fall apart.

"You call this helping?" I sighed with a roll of the eyes, "Pushing me into a corner 
while yelling at me?"

"Don't take your frustrations out on other people Corbin, your going to get into 
trouble! If your upset, come looking for me and take it out on me so we can talk 
about it, I want to help you!" Sharon reached up and gently touched my shoulders, 
but I smacked them away.

"This isn't helping" I growled.

"You keep shutting me out, not telling me what's going on or bothering you." Sharon 
kept trying to give me a hug, only to have her efforts repeatedly rebuffed, "You're 
going to get into some real trouble if you start anymore fights...and I know you can 
take care of yourself, I'm talking about this getting out of control and you getting into 
some kind of Academic trouble because of it. You're too damn smart to continue on 
this track..."

"You want to know what's bothering me?" I sighed and finally let Sharon's hands slip 
around her shoulders.

"Of course I do." Sharon whispered.

"You want to know what's really upsetting me? And you can't laugh" I lowered my 
head and sighed into the comfort of her friend's warm neck.

"Please...shhh...just tell me, whatever it is..." Sharon stroked the back of my head 
soothingly.

"I don't have anything to wear to the party next weekend."

"What?" Sharon stopped patting my back and shoulders, not at all expecting that 
response.

Taking a deep breath I then leaned away, "I don't have a dress and I don't 
know...well..." I rolled my eyes as I fought to admit the truth.

"Hey...hey...I understand, don't say another word" Sharon beamed, she loved this, 
she loved shopping and this was her dream moment. She always wanted to peel away 
all the athletic clothes, Target, and GAP crap and do some real dressing up of me.

"This is going to be sooooo GREAT!" Sharon was almost bouncing on her toes as she 
hugged me again and again enthusiastically. But I suddenly began to have an anxiety 
attack as I nervously wondered what Sharon's wheeling-dealing mind might have in 
store for me.
 
Look, all you guys have to do is find a clean pair of underwear, but not us. You have 
NO IDEA the pressures we are under. Besides, I think it was a combination of things 
that just swelled up inside of me. I mean, I felt really pathetic not having the 
confidence to pick something out on my own. But honestly, for the first time I wanted 
to look nice...radiantly beautiful and glamorous, no more dressing down...well, at least 
for this upcoming event.

"You're beautiful" Sharon said and held her breath, "Look at you, your tan, in 
shape...in fucking phenomenal shape..." Sharon leaned back starring down at my arms, 
chest and shoulders, "...you just radiate confidence, you just wait!" 

I nervously glanced away, "Thanks Sharon".

Well isn't this dandy, things are all patched up with Sharon but now Nikki was getting 
pissed at me. You see, I have to admit, I had started to make excuses when it came 
to making time for Nik, things were getting just too confusing. I wouldn't come right 
out and say it, but I knew I had started to see something more develop between us, 
but I wasn't ready to commit myself in that direction. Yes I had some pretty deep 
feelings for her and still do, but I still liked guys, I still wanted to date Dale...I 
dunno...